Why Marriage Is Unfavorable Among Feminists

Why Marriage Is Unfavorable Among Feminists

It's no surprise that many feminists frown upon marriage, seeing it as a manifestation of patriarchy and inequality and mining for all the injustices against married women by their husbands and viewing it as an impediment to their professional growth. Although I do not believe that feminism by itself is antagonistic to marriage, I do believe that the people (feminists) are just not compatible with the requirements of a marriage by judgment of their attitudes and behaviors toward marriage.

Marriage requires working together

Marriage requires cooperation. But so does working in a team for a group project. The project is not about you; the project can't just allow you to dictate what goes on in the finished product without consulting the other members of the group. In a group project, you can't boss people around. Disagreements will happen, and hopefully they will resolve with discussion and compromise. You may have a group leader, but if the group leader abuses the team members, then the team members will find a way to disqualify the group leader. Similarly, a marriage is like a partnership. Whereas a group project is merely temporary, a marriage is usually long-term or lifelong. In a marriage, you have to work together with your partner and settle disputes. You have to know how to console each other in times of distress, and you have to know how to assign roles or jobs to different members of the household. If you can't perform the essential functions of a marriage, then perhaps marriage is just not right for you. Many feminists would argue that the roles or jobs that a woman receives in a marriage is "sexist". If a woman chooses to take her husband's name, then that is labeled as "sexist". If a woman chooses to stay at home and nurse the children, then that is labeled as "sexist". If a woman allows her husband to be the person to manage the household finances, then that may still be labeled as "sexist", because the husband has control over the monetary distribution. If a woman accepts the suggestion from her husband that she should dress more modestly, then that may still be labeled as "sexist", because the husband is somehow limiting the woman's sexuality. The list goes on and on and on. All of these things focus on judging whether a particular action is deemed "sexist", as opposed to whether the woman freely chooses to do something, out of personal contentment or obligation/responsibility. Although feminists do emphasize the importance of female choice, their focus on action suggests otherwise.

All of these things focus on judging whether a particular action is deemed 'sexist', as opposed to whether the woman freely chooses to do something, out of personal contentment or obligation/responsibility.

Marriage requires accepting one's place

One characteristic that I find among feminists is that they are very much opposed to the idea of accepting one's place or accepting one's role in the household. Like I said before, marriage is like working in a team. You are given a set of duties, and you have the responsibility to do them. If you can't handle the essential functions of your position or role, then you are not an effective team player. Feminists may argue that the housecleaning and childcare duties are "sexist", because they impede the woman's free will. However, I do not believe they have to be "sexist", if the woman feels a sense of responsibility in supporting her family and freely chooses to perform those roles. Also, nowadays, many married couples have figured out how to divide childrearing and housekeeping responsibilities, so even if the woman is employed full-time outside the home, someone nurses the children and keeps the house.

Meaning of Responsibility and Obligation

Feminists apparently interpret the term "responsibility" as a laundry list of things that a woman needs to do, and "obligation" as the absolute and merciless requirement to do them. Although their interpretation is sadly true in many parts of the world, this interpretation should not absolute and cannot be applied to everything. In other words, you can't eradicate responsibility and obligation. In the teamwork example, I illustrated how a team player has a set of duties that he/she needs to perform. If he/she cannot perform the essential functions, then he/she is just not an effective team player. Applied to marriage, being a marriage partner (wife) means one must accept the responsibilities in marriage, which includes childrearing and housekeeping. These are not light tasks; they are big tasks that demand a lot of time, effort and energy. Although appreciation for being a stay-at-home mother is something nice to have on Mother's Day, it should not be the only incentive to do these tasks. Rather, the desire to care for your significant other and your children at your expense should be the main incentive why a woman wants to enter a marriage. That's where the obligation comes in. Obligation is not about what society imposes on the woman and thus limits her full potential in some way. Obligation is about the woman's own sense of her responsibilities and the woman's desire to meet expectations to fulfill those responsibilities. Whether the vocation of the woman is to become a working professional, a nun, or even a stay-at-home mother, all of them involve responsibilities and obligations, and sometimes these roles are not necessarily determined/defined by the woman herself in an empty vacuum, but rather by what is available around her and what/who needs her and what she can do to help the people she loves. A Christian woman may feel that she is called by God to live in poverty, chastity and obedience, and eventually moves to a convent to fulfill that role that she believes God wants her to do. A poor woman's family may not afford to feed another mouth, so the woman goes out and searches for work. A new mother may want to spend time with the neonate, nursing, and then figures that it may be more convenient to work at home full-time as a homemaker and/or a flexible work-from-home job.

These roles are not necessarily determined or defined by the woman herself in an empty vacuum, but rather by what is available around her and what/who needs her and what she can do to help the people she loves.

As mentioned earlier, I do not believe that feminism (concept) is intrinsically antagonistic to marriage. However, I do believe that the attitudes and behaviors expressed by feminists are just not compatible to the role of marriage partner. Marriage requires one to be collectivistic; marriage requires teamwork and cooperation and commensurate amounts of communication. And that's why I think marriage is unfavorable among feminists.


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What Guys Said 14

  • Feminists have openly declared that one of their goals is the destruction of marriage and the nuclear family. They write books about it. How could you miss that?

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  • I think you've defined marriage through a very myopic lens here. Feminists would likely have issue with marriage in the way that you've outlined here but that is only one way (& fairly dated one at that) to view/approach a marriage.

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  • Feminism may have started out with good intentions , but was hijacked decades ago by the man haters , sadly it is nothing but an anti male hate movement. I have been dubbed a " vile cancer of this earth " by a self identified feminist , simply as I was the nearest male !!

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  • who cares about feminists?

    let the cause some trouble and die off.

    let the rest of us be happy in traditional FUNCTIONAL relationships under truth that women are built differently and that though they aren't held to the higher standards of men, share the same rights as us... and often are much more privileged.

    without women appreciating and respecting men for this baggage bestowed upon us, women aren't worth our time.

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  • I know a few feminists that dropped feminism when they started to get into their mid thirties as the constant feminist reteric is hard for any future husband to listen to.

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  • There's a lot of words in the dictionary that are synonymous with feminism. Paranoid, insecure, persecution and complex, spiteful, jealous. Those spring to mind

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  • Feminists should have absolutely NO say in marriage.

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  • It's not that marriage is unfavorable among feminists. The problem is nobody wants to marry them.

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  • The hidden agenda of the feminist movement is to destroy the family unit and divide men and women. That's why it gets so much funding from the government. Feminism, in the late 1960's, was funded by the Rockefeller family, and Nick Rockefeller even admitted that the real agenda was to break up families and to get women into the workforce so the government could get more taxes. Look up "The Rockefellers and feminism" and you can research it for yourself.

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    • Everything is about money.. It's really sad actually.

    • Good to see another awake person , no surprise that the Rockefeller's are intermarried into & are very close allies of the Rothschild's. This is why the extreme man haters have lead feminism for decades now , plus the Rothschild Cartel control the media too , hence all the media anti male campaigns , to influence women to look down on & fear men

  • haha.. even if all women become hardcore MRAs it won't work

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  • Well I think it actually is within feminism itself that it is against it as you really can't work in partnership with a man if you see him as an enemy which is what feminism believes. Other then that I very much agree with your take, I would only add that one, biology does affect this, clearly a man isn't going to be able to nurse a newborn child ergo she will most likely be the one to stay home with the child and in fact is more biologicly driven to do so just as he is more biologicly driven to be the bread winner. Two Its much the same way with men (as I am sure you know) since if you look, men are the bread winners in most families and thus make the most money yet in the US 80% of domestic spending is done by women, clearly he is not working for himself (in fact studies have shown men who are single actually work less and make less then those with families, for women its the reverse) Its 70% globally. I just felt I should mention that since so many feminist think that working is a "privledge" as if he is out enjoying himself and then spending all of the fruits of his nonlabor which is clearly not the case.(I am not sure where this idea came from but feminist seem to believe it whole heartedly). So like I said before, good take.

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  • Girl, you are on point 👌🏻 👍🏼

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  • Feminists are always telling us how feminism is about equality of genders and then men can be feminists too. If this was true feminism represents problems for both men and women. This mytake is purely female centric, yet claims to represent feminists, and adds to a growing list of why i believe feminism does not represent equality and only serves to better women. If I made a mytake listing reasons why men disagree with marriage, and listed reasons why many men do, could I give it the same tittle as this mytake?

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  • shame they can't see what a blessing such a life is,.

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What Girls Said 13

  • I'm a feminist (ok, that's not completely true, I'm a humanist) and I'm actually open to the idea of marriage and relationships.

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  • I know that myself and most other feminists I've spoken to definitely don't feel that way. :P

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  • LMFAO 😂😂😂

    Anti-feminists are so funny.

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  • One time I was talking to these feminists in some group of theirs or whatever. I told them I agree women should be equal but that I don't agree with everything they say because I want to get married and be a traditional housewife as I enjoy that role and want to take care of my home and family in that way, and they basically told me that part of feminism is having that choice not being forced on me, so like as a strong woman I should be able to say yea i wanna go to work or no I wanna stay home with the kids and nobody should be allowed to knock me for those choices.

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  • I am a feminist and I would love to get married to a decent caring guy one day.

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  • I'm a feminist and a proud sponsor of marriage.

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  • Im dating a guy right now. he asked me out first. because I didn't feel like I should be the one to do that because its not feminine. I believe we genders have our roles. Men over women because they are physically stronger, and thats how its supposed to be. by feminism that sexist but by God thats natural and how things are supposed to be. it makes sense to me.

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  • From your very first point it's clear that you don't actually understand feminism at all. Feminism is in no way opposed to women "choosing" to do anything, it's opposed to society forcing certain traditions upon women. Feminists are completely supportive if women choose traditionally feminine roles, it's just that they don't agree with society pushing those roles as the "right" way to do things.

    Maybe do your research before writing a take on a subject you clearly don't understand next time? And seriously, let feminists speak for themselves. Don't create takes telling people what a group of people does and doesn't believe- that's why we have such bullshit misconceptions about feminism in the first place.

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    • My experience with self-identifying feminists suggest otherwise. Feminists don't stand for what they believe in.

    • I like to think they actually support equal rights, but really they don't.

    • Where does your experience come from, exactly? How many people in real life do you know who are feminists? What specific feminists can you point out who believe this stuff?

      And as I said, it's still entirely idiotic to try to speak on behalf of a community you are not part of. If you aren't a feminist, don't write a damn take on how feminists view marriage. Stuff like that is probably exactly why you think of feminism as you do, and it's complete bullshit.

  • Thanks for the laugh.

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  • Look at all this bullshit.

    encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images

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  • Doing housework isn't sexist. However the assumption that I should do it by virtue of my genitalia is.

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  • I would like to get married one day but I'm scared I might get cheated on. Or what if he even has a kid with the new woman? I'm not a feminist but there are so many horror stories from marriages that I can see why people would want to avoid it altogether.

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    • There are good marriages and bad marriages. And there is a lot of gray area in the judgment of a quality marriage.

  • Agreed

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