Top 10 Rules to Finding Your Husband

I have recently noticed that tons of women who provide advice on relationships and marriage are single. I don’t quite see how they can help you. I can honestly say that I have been where most of you have been in many of the situations that you all find yourselves in and I am now happily married.

Through this process I have gained knowledge of what it takes to fail and succeed in love. Below are lessons that I hope can help you before you have to learn them the hard way. Of course there are exceptions to the rules but with that comes risks and sometimes more work.

Rule #10 - Find the atmosphere that gives you access to the kind of man you would like to marry.

You cannot find your future husband locked in your house, even if you meet him online. Get out, and get out to places that are conducive to the kind of man you are looking for. If you want a professional, mature man then you should not be in the local club where beers are $1. Instead find a local restaurant where it is common for business men to frequent after work, go to events where you would find professionals, join associations or clubs. You get the gist.

Rule #9 - Re-evaluate your wants versus needs.

Women generally think that this means that you should settle but that is not the case. Re-evaluating wants versus needs means to really figure out what is important as the things that are not important may be presented to you in different ways than you anticipated are acceptable and sometimes better than you imagined.
"You need to be able to decide if having someone funny is more important than having someone that values family."


Does it really matter if he has the body type of a basketball player versus a football player, does it really matter if he drives a car and you like a man that drives an SUV, these are the things that I want people to re-evaluate. They are what I call NOT IMPORTANT. These are things that have nothing to do with a person's character, how they can be a match for you or provide any insight has to if there is a possibility for longevity in a relationship with this person.




Rule #8 – Know your priorities.

You must really know who you are and make some serious decisions about yourself. If you do not then you may end up on a journey alone or going through a war trying to find yourself while in the relationship which creates additional strain and can contribute to a premature break up. What are your priorities and how do they play a part in what you want in a man? You literally need to be able to decide if having someone funny is more important than having someone that values family.

Again, it is not settling. It doesn’t mean that you settle for someone who is not funny for a family man but what if he’s just not a comedian and instead things that he does makes you laugh but not necessarily his jokes. Again these are all traits that come in different forms and you have to be prepared to weigh the choices and be open minded.

Rule #7 - Follow your intuition.

Far too many women neglect to listen to themselves. Whatever it is that your intuition tells you, listen to it. It does not always mean that you walk away but what it does mean is that you do not ignore it. Use your intuition to then ask the tough questions or at minimum keep your eyes open and pay closer attention to that area.

For example, if you are looking for a nonsmoker and happen to find someone that tells you that he smokes but is quitting yet every time you meet he smells of smoke, your intuition tells you that this could be a problem. Many women ignore this because they only see it as an issue of settling for a smoker versus a nonsmoker however, your intuition is usually an internal prompt that there is a deeper issue, which is why it should never be ignored. It may not be as bad that he smokes as it is that he lies.

Rule #6 - No more but's...

You have all been there. You just had your first telephone conversation or your first date and there are things that are blatantly not going to work for you once you have decided what is truly important to you however you make exceptions for various reasons. For example, he's very arrogant BUT he's really cute, he's not a gentleman BUT he’s successful. Stop making the wrong exceptions when you already know that these are deal breakers for you. The more time you spend with Mr. Wrong is less time with Mr. Right.

Rule #5 - What a man believes is a direct reflection of how he lives his life and how he will treat you.
Gogus olculeri


It is extremely important that you pay attention to the core of a man’s beliefs. For example, if he thinks that marriage is just a piece a paper and is only a governmental institution then why does he chose to have a driver’s license. Why not drive a car just because he knows how to and not be concerned about getting a license mandated by the government. My point, which translates to everything else that men do, men will do whatever they have to do when it is something or someone that they really want.

An example of this is a man that tells you that he was too busy to call you. However, this same man on that same “busy” day if randomly called by a radio station and told that he won free tickets to attend a sporting event for his sport of choice would leave work to make his way to pick them up. Men make time for what and who they really want. If you do not feel like he is making you a priority then the truth is that you are not.

Rule #4 - Your relationship with your future husband should be simple.

This rule is unfortunately not as self explanatory as it should be. If you are having an argument on your third date, if you have to get to the point where you feel like you have to bring up the marriage conversation or the where do you see us going conversation, if he has already checked your cell phone before he’s met your parents…things like this are all signs that he is not the one.

Your relationship with your future husband should be simple, effortless, easily communicative, fun and most of all every step should be initiated by the man. If a man feels the way that he should about you he should be deathly afraid to let you slip through the cracks from fear that another man will take his place. For this reason he should be eager to see you, talk to you, care that your head actually made it to the pillow at night and progressively move the relationship along. You should be having fun.

Rule #3 - Never sleep with a man before you marry him.

This rule is the toughest rule to follow but the most important. I'm not preaching anything I haven't done myself. I wasn't always religious and what do you know that out of all of my serious relationships the man I did not have sex with before marriage is now my husband!

Here is my analogy. Let's say a man goes to the grocery store. He's hungry and as soon as he gets there he's offered a free hamburger, most men would accept this and take a bite/eat it. Now that he's full he has absolutely no need to buy anything. The next day since he didn't buy anything the day prior he walks into the same store hoping for another free meal and again he is offered a free hamburger only this time it already has a bite taken out of it...most men though hungry will decline the free already bitten burger and continue into the store, take out his wallet and buy his own bread versus eating a burger already bitten by someone else.



Just in case you didn't get the analogy this is how men see women. They do not want to be with the bitten hamburger, they will not buy something when they can get something for free and the most important lesson is that they will not plan for the future if they are satisfied today. Translation…they do not want a woman that has been with several men, they will not settle down with a woman that gives herself away freely and most important there is no need to plan a future with you when everything they should be working towards in the future they are already getting. How different the world would be if people received rewards before they did the work.

Would you think it made sense to give someone a college degree and then ask them to take the classes, give a store/restaurant your money before you eat, then why give away something so special to you before you make him demonstrate that he is worth it.

Rule #2 - Make sure that you are really looking for a husband.

Let’s be honest. There are tons of women who want to find that perfect man but if he was put right in your lap you would mess it up as quickly as he was presented to you. Some of you were presented the opportunity to meet your future husband but you had a one night stand with him and moved on or you met him at a party where you got too drunk and he was turned off or you are a professional business woman and you were asked out and you treated him like it would be tough to fit him into your busy schedule so he moved on to the another business professional that understands work/life balance.
"When you say that you are looking for a husband, then make sure that you act like it."
It’s a tough lesson to learn but I actually think that it is a leading cause of why so many women who are in the “I am just having fun” or the “my career is everything” epidemic remain single later in life. You may compromise your chance at a perfect match. So when you say that you are looking for a husband then make sure that you act like it.

Rule #1 - Check yourself.

Ask yourself the question “Would I marry someone like me?” This is a tough thing to do but you have to be honest with yourself. If you don’t even like you then why would someone else. Are you a nice person, are you caring, are you understanding, do you know how to compromise, do you know when/how to take a back seat, do you know when/how to take charge, do you know how to cook, etc and I can go on. Yes a lot of those seem old fashioned to some but what women of today do not realize that a lot of the qualities of what is considered the “old-fashioned” woman are qualities that reduce the risk of error in other areas.

For example, a woman that does not know how to cook with a man that does not know how to cook leads to tons of money spent on pre-made foods/meals, this could lead to an enormous dinning out budget which could lead to a strain on finances and soon to follow arguments and fights. If there are things that you don’t like about yourself, work on these things now as they will only be exacerbated when you are in a relationship.

I challenge you to write a profile about yourself. List your best characteristics, your worse characteristics, what you like to do/hobbies and a brief paragraph about yourself. Sometimes it is already obvious that you don’t like what you see but if not then give it a few days and then revisit and read your profile. Would you want to date you?


Next article: Top 10 Rules to Finding Your Wife

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Most Helpful Guy

  • regarding 3. That actually DECREASES the chance of a marriage bing happy.
    It's called sexual compability, and if it does not exist chances are it WILL end up in a divorce.
    We want women that are monogamous, but what do you do if i say i won't marry a woman unless i'm sure we're sexually compatible?

    "What the fuck? That's not how marriage works!"
    Historically it isn't. But i don't give a fuck how it's supposed to work. I'm interrested in one thin only; Being happily wed. To me that means you're not getting a ring before i'm 100% sure we're sexually compatible, and i KNOW for sure we're able to live together (that means having lived as partners for a considerable time).

    I know this sounds like an insult, but something tells me you're 1; deeply religous. 2; missinformed on the subject. 3; does not understand how the 21st century works.

    Sorry, but some points on this list simply isn't compatible with reality (also there's a bit of religous propaganda).

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I like this article! #7 about the intuition is probably the most important one, IMO, and it can and should be applied to all aspects of life, not just one's love life. I'm sure it would be great if #3 could apply to all couples, but I don't know if that's entirely possible. For example, right now I am with a man who is from Serbia originally, and younger generations there seem to have a more liberal, lenient attitude towards sexuality as a whole than we do here in North America...

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What Guys Said 67

  • TheChristian, its more like if a guy in the past jumped into relationships fast, said I loved you, waited for sex, but now he says 'we can sleep around with each other for a while and then I'll see'.

    Which incidentally is exactly what I'd do if single again.

    I think you guys are arguing because you are both seeing how the game works. This article advises women on how to try to play the game to their advantage. Of course a man who wants to play it to his advantage will not put up with it.

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  • Don't agree with the sex part. How are you supposed to know if the two of you are sexually compatible. Using your analogy, what if I buy the food without sampling it, only to find out I hate the taste?

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  • It's unfortunate that so many people are hung up on the sex part of the article. There is a lot of good advice here and most women would really benefit to pay attention to the little things. Rules 9, 7, and especially one I think are sorely overlooked and neglected. Instead some people get to rule 3 and focus on that, as if the article is calling into question their morals or something.

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  • "women who have one night stands then want to know if there is a possibility for a relationship." You're pitting two extremes against each other. There are grey values, things in between.

    If you've been together a long time, love each other and are old enough, waiting until marriage isn't necessary.

    I would want to know the girl and I are sexually compatible. Sex is very important for a relationship. The vast majority of divorce cases have sexual frustration as one of the factors.

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  • A good article, I have some comments though.

    I can see your logic of the sandwich analogy, but you mistake not waiting until marriage with sleeping around.

    If you have met the one, you two are in love, been together for a while, there really is no harm in having safe sex.

    As for the marriage is just an institution and driver's license, your logic is a bit crooked. Nowadays men have a reason to be skeptical of marriage. That doesn't mean they won't get married when they meet the one.

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  • The driver's license to marriage analogy as well as the advice that people don't have sex until marriage makes me shake my head...

    I understand how special marriage is to people, but objectively it's nothing more than a government record. There is nothing "magical" about marriage. People won't get anything out of it if they don't put anything into it.

    Don't treat sex like it's something that "men earn" because it's not, unless the woman isn't a keeper. It's something 2 people share.

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  • I find it funny how people are complaining about the sex part when the reality of the current culture shows that a women with only five partners has less then a thirty percent chance of her marriage lasring longer then five years only five years people need to pull the feminist dogma stick out of,their ass and face facts

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  • I never disagreed with you on that I just said telling women it will help them find a husband is misleading because it won't help it will drive away good men but it will make her feel better aboutherself which is good but I feel it was presented the wrong way

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  • And once again I agree this is great advice for women if,they are virgins and have not had sex if they have been sleeping with guys its to late for most of the, and its OK to say it but the fact that you don't acknowledge she is presenting herself as something.she is no she is tricking the man into a relatiinship and putting a higher price tag on a lesser product your failure to aknowlede it is offensive

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  • Once again I fully understsnd and tho she is not intentionally tricking a guy if she has had sex in the past it is exactly what she is doing unless she discloses this imformation very early. Sorry to burst ypur bubble but a desierable man will not tolarate this

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  • Yea I agree with jay I also belive marriage and all that is a young person thing and most wo,en are not wife material even if they change their ways but I think the article os great advice for a fifteen uear old girl but a girl making a guy wait when others didn't seems to me like it similar to extortion amd that's not cool

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  • And yea if women are having sex with men in the past sooner she treated them better and it makes it worse that she treated them better and they didn't mean anything to her this is like the women who have had threesomes but won't with their husband because she doesn't want to share him when she had no problem giving a guy she didn't care aboit a great time with one of,her friends. Like I said I agree with rule three if she is a virgin if she is not she is setting herself up for failure

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  • And I fully understand what you are saying but for that logic to work out a women has to put less value on a mans nature and therefore sees him as less of a humen then herself which is why its insulting. She wanted to sleep around now she wants to play good girl and ma,e a deserving man jump threw hoops its a ridicoulous mentality

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  • Ok the thing is I don't care what her intetions are I care about facts like he psid less for a better product and most men will see it this way. Its one of those hard facts of life the only thing I care aboyt are the numbers I don't care about how she justifies it

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  • On part of male nature you forgot is that men don't like being ripped off and if a man has to put more energy in the other men he will feel cheated he is essentially paying more for a product others got cheaper an now the product is older less attractive and more used therefore its a rip off I imagine the guy that will be OK with this is also the guy who will marry a single mom

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  • @the christiam it would be bad advice to tell women to wait for sex till marriage if they have already been having sex, this will back fire with most men and most would feel insulted and like he meams less to you and you desire him less as well I have left many women for things similar to this and no mamy men who have as well

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  • W enforcement the next logical thing will be social programs. It seems somewhere atound ninteet sixty feminost convinced women to have free love and just forgot about the fact that women have nabies and men do not. Women are the gate keepers and a man should prove homself wortjy to obtain access to a womens womb sadly about forty percent of children are now born to single moms

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  • Happy apple sex isn't something people shate at least fore yhe last few thousand years it hasnt, do you know why religions made it a sin to have sex out of wedlock, no I didn't think so but I will tell you. It was necause of all the dead bastard babies dead in the trash sn in the street yhat yhe mothers couldn't care for on their own we don't see it today because of abortion and welfare systems but this is going to change in yhe coming future seeing they already cut spending in education and law

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  • The hamburger analogy shows an almost-hilariously outdated and sexist view of female sexuality. Men no longer view a woman who has had previous partners to be "used goods". This isn't the dark ages. Most men today want a woman who has at least some sexual experience because it's part of maturing as a person (and experienced women are better in bed). You clearly have issues with the male gender if you think that men only want sex and need to be "tested" for their commitment via abstinence.

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  • People need to have sex before they get married so that they can find out if they are sexually compatible prior to making a lifelong commitment to each other. You really think that simply talking about sex is an adequate replacement for actually experiencing it? Give me a break. Some people just don't click in the bedroom for various reasons and you need to find that out BEFORE marriage. Otherwise you're potentially setting yourself up for unhappiness, infidelity, and/or divorce.

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What Girls Said 178

  • Yes I still think that deep down, men are all the same! A nature versus nurture thing, I guess. That part of your article got me thinking about how someone from a different culture would interpret what you said, if you know what I mean. I really enjoyed this article and hope you write some more!

    Sure, I will tell you that story in a message, just hang tight :)

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    • deep down we are indeed the same. We don't want to admit it, but we're animals... driven by instinct. It's instincts telling you obesity is repulsing whereas muscularity is hot.
      So deep down men are the same, and women are the same. not because the personalities are identical, but because the instincts and primal desires are. The only differences are the means and ways to satisfy them. For example; some guys can satisfy their need for sex with random one night stands, while others need it to be out of true love. But they both want sex.
      Same can be done for girls.
      So we are all the same

  • be months or even a few years before they have sex. We have known each other for a few years now (I will save the story of how we met each other for another time but it proves that love conquers all, really) so I know that he has loved me for a long time. I always think of making love to my boyfriend as something really special because a) it doesn't happen on a nightly basis (haha!) and b) because I know he loves and respects me.

    About the analogy: I guess I just interpreted it the wrong way!

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  • I get what you're saying. The way my relationship is at the moment works for me and I don't feel bad about it. It also gets me thinking about cultural differences between American or Canadian men and a man like my boyfriend, for example. He is Serbian, like I said, and a Serb man who loves and is loyal to the woman in his life will generally show that through sex or some form of it. He will have little respect for a woman who gives it up within the first few months of a relationship. So it may..

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  • ... her, or will love her less or have less respect for her than he did before. I know that my Boyfriend loves me just as much, maybe more, than he did before we had sex. In fact I think it created a stronger, more stable bond between us, and I still love him very much and hope that he stays in my life forever. I'm wondering if that was what you were implying when you made that analogy.

    I know you're getting some grief for point #3, but it's the only bone I have to pick with the article.

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  • The general attitude there is if you're dating and in it for the long-term, then you're having sex. My boyfriend was raised with this thought process, basically. Like you, he is Christian (Orthodox) but really doesn't follow the traditional Christian ideas (as is the case with most young people from the Balkan/Mediterranean cultures). I understand the analogy you used in to make your point, but I feel that it implies that if a woman has sex with a man out of wedlock, then he will no longer love

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  • My reason for taking issue with your analogy isn't because I think you're literally saying a woman is like a hamburger, but you're suggesting that when a woman has sex with someone, part of her taken and is now missing. It suggests that when a woman has sex, she is no longer a whole person. She is lacking, and she is less valuable than someone who has not had sex.

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  • Suggesting that a man won't want to marry a woman with sexual experience makes it seem like whether or not a woman has had sex matters more to a man when marrying her than who she is as a person, whether or not they are compatible with each other. If a man wants to marry a woman, it's generally because he loves her and wants to spend his life with her, not because she's a virgin and he'll get to be the only person to ever have sex with her.

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  • I would never marry a man without knowing if we're sexually compatible, and talking about sex, having similar interests and views about sex, etc. do not tell you enough to know if you're sexually compatible with someone, in my opinion and experience.

    Comparing a woman with sexual experience to a "hamburger with a bite taken out of it" is disgusting point of view to hold and is dehumanizing. Further, many men have no problem with a sexually experienced partner, and many even prefer it.

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  • So women don't believe or understand rule #4. They truly do believe if the relationship isn't wrought with drama and stress that its either boring or not right. I have an easy marriage, fun and chill, and I feel if more people (guys especially) knew they could have easy, good marriage, they'd be more inclined to doing it.

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  • "Why not drive a car just because he knows how to and not be concerned about getting a license mandated by the government." I wish this was a reality because I can drive, but I can't for the life of me no matter how much I study, I can't pass the written test. I've lost a lot of money trying every year. But I fail every time. I don't know if it's because I can't concentrate or I feel rushed when taking the test.

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  • Oh, and you obviously are lying about being an athlete, since you're openly implying that you think everyone attractive and fit is shallow and care about looks alone. That being on top of that you obviously know nothing about fitness in the first place. And, for allegedly being a tower of good example, you're telling me that I'm not fit for marriage because I'm attractive and have standards was itself quite shallow, and completely void of any maturity, correctness, or good morals.

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  • Really? So, you're saying that if I'm not willing to be raped (have sex with someone of inferior stock who repulses me), I'm not ready for marriage? Either you're an idiot, or that attack was based off of personally deciding you don't like me despite I did nothing to offend you. Either way, you're insane.

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  • I'm still giving you a five despite you don't grasp that not all athletic people are the same, since that's not what the subject was, and was just a little error on the side.

    Rule #1 caused me to realize that I need to get my fitness back more than I thought, because my ideal man might prefer it. I already planned on this, but this will be added motivation.

    It's difficult, because I don't have much I ca do besides swim in summer. But, I plan on getting a yoga mat soon to help fix this.

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  • "Does it really matter if he has the body type of a basketball player versus a football player..."

    "They are what I call NOT IMPORTANT. These are things that have nothing to do with a person's character, how they can be a match for you or provide any insight has to if there is a possibility for longevity in a relationship with this person."

    WRONG! The type of body he has built up says a LOT about his character and hobbies.

    You're not athletic, so you don't understand.

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  • So, are you saying that it's fine for a woman to engage in sex before marriage.. but she shouldn't have sex with the man she's going to marry until after they're married?

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  • @musicbrain5...thanks for reading. I really liked and appreciated your comments. They are quite valid points. Honestly I don't expect that everyone will live the same way. The true point of #3 is so people think about how sex EARLY in a relationship can affect the perception of the one you are with. Despite my religion I speak openly and honestly about things so I will tell you that one of my best friends was in a 5yr relationship before she got married. She became religious in year 4 and decided

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  • away.You shouldn't change/give in out of fear of losing someone and that is the biggets lesson that is not being translated to our young women of today. All of the men I have ever dated were good men, we just were not meant for each other and I wouldn't have seen that as clearly with sex involved and that has been confirmed by most the women who come to me.Run your agenda that works for you and instead of women operating on fear and desperation we need to be OK if a man who is not our match walks

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  • @AshBrown...thank you very much for reading and your comment.I definitely knew there'd be some push on the sex rule however I must admit I didn't know it would be as bad as it is.Honestly it disheartens me more than I started out.Its like people would die before they even fathom to give up sex for the sake of longevity in a relationship lol. It speaks to the divorce rate actually.People would rather have shorter marriages and have sex now than wait on sex now and have a long marriage.Thanks again

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  • conversation she teaches you things you didn't know then you know that way also. Make those convos fun cause they should be and they will tell you all you need to know. I know men don't want to agree because point blank you want sex but I will be doing a article for men next be honestly men are the ones that end up in a bad position based off of looks and sex. If men are so fearful of commiting because they don't want to end up with the wrong woman, this is why, you look at the wrong things.Thanks

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  • who tell me upfront that they don't want to get married because they want their freedom or because their upbringing pushed them towards a different lifestyle but when I hear reasoning about what happened to celebrities and people who spit out stats about divorce and marriage its my job to dig further because I know that's not it because like I said there are greater risks in things you do daily that don't stop you from doing those things. I see your points and appreciate your opinion and thank you

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