Top 10 Rules to Finding Your Husband

I have recently noticed that tons of women who provide advice on relationships and marriage are single. I don’t quite see how they can help you. I can honestly say that I have been where most of you have been in many of the situations that you all find yourselves in and I am now happily married.

Through this process I have gained knowledge of what it takes to fail and succeed in love. Below are lessons that I hope can help you before you have to learn them the hard way. Of course there are exceptions to the rules but with that comes risks and sometimes more work.

Rule #10 - Find the atmosphere that gives you access to the kind of man you would like to marry.

You cannot find your future husband locked in your house, even if you meet him online. Get out, and get out to places that are conducive to the kind of man you are looking for. If you want a professional, mature man then you should not be in the local club where beers are $1. Instead find a local restaurant where it is common for business men to frequent after work, go to events where you would find professionals, join associations or clubs. You get the gist.

Rule #9 - Re-evaluate your wants versus needs.

Women generally think that this means that you should settle but that is not the case. Re-evaluating wants versus needs means to really figure out what is important as the things that are not important may be presented to you in different ways than you anticipated are acceptable and sometimes better than you imagined.
"You need to be able to decide if having someone funny is more important than having someone that values family."


Does it really matter if he has the body type of a basketball player versus a football player, does it really matter if he drives a car and you like a man that drives an SUV, these are the things that I want people to re-evaluate. They are what I call NOT IMPORTANT. These are things that have nothing to do with a person's character, how they can be a match for you or provide any insight has to if there is a possibility for longevity in a relationship with this person.




Rule #8 – Know your priorities.

You must really know who you are and make some serious decisions about yourself. If you do not then you may end up on a journey alone or going through a war trying to find yourself while in the relationship which creates additional strain and can contribute to a premature break up. What are your priorities and how do they play a part in what you want in a man? You literally need to be able to decide if having someone funny is more important than having someone that values family.

Again, it is not settling. It doesn’t mean that you settle for someone who is not funny for a family man but what if he’s just not a comedian and instead things that he does makes you laugh but not necessarily his jokes. Again these are all traits that come in different forms and you have to be prepared to weigh the choices and be open minded.

Rule #7 - Follow your intuition.

Far too many women neglect to listen to themselves. Whatever it is that your intuition tells you, listen to it. It does not always mean that you walk away but what it does mean is that you do not ignore it. Use your intuition to then ask the tough questions or at minimum keep your eyes open and pay closer attention to that area.

For example, if you are looking for a nonsmoker and happen to find someone that tells you that he smokes but is quitting yet every time you meet he smells of smoke, your intuition tells you that this could be a problem. Many women ignore this because they only see it as an issue of settling for a smoker versus a nonsmoker however, your intuition is usually an internal prompt that there is a deeper issue, which is why it should never be ignored. It may not be as bad that he smokes as it is that he lies.

Rule #6 - No more but's...

You have all been there. You just had your first telephone conversation or your first date and there are things that are blatantly not going to work for you once you have decided what is truly important to you however you make exceptions for various reasons. For example, he's very arrogant BUT he's really cute, he's not a gentleman BUT he’s successful. Stop making the wrong exceptions when you already know that these are deal breakers for you. The more time you spend with Mr. Wrong is less time with Mr. Right.

Rule #5 - What a man believes is a direct reflection of how he lives his life and how he will treat you.
Gogus olculeri


It is extremely important that you pay attention to the core of a man’s beliefs. For example, if he thinks that marriage is just a piece a paper and is only a governmental institution then why does he chose to have a driver’s license. Why not drive a car just because he knows how to and not be concerned about getting a license mandated by the government. My point, which translates to everything else that men do, men will do whatever they have to do when it is something or someone that they really want.

An example of this is a man that tells you that he was too busy to call you. However, this same man on that same “busy” day if randomly called by a radio station and told that he won free tickets to attend a sporting event for his sport of choice would leave work to make his way to pick them up. Men make time for what and who they really want. If you do not feel like he is making you a priority then the truth is that you are not.

Rule #4 - Your relationship with your future husband should be simple.

This rule is unfortunately not as self explanatory as it should be. If you are having an argument on your third date, if you have to get to the point where you feel like you have to bring up the marriage conversation or the where do you see us going conversation, if he has already checked your cell phone before he’s met your parents…things like this are all signs that he is not the one.

Your relationship with your future husband should be simple, effortless, easily communicative, fun and most of all every step should be initiated by the man. If a man feels the way that he should about you he should be deathly afraid to let you slip through the cracks from fear that another man will take his place. For this reason he should be eager to see you, talk to you, care that your head actually made it to the pillow at night and progressively move the relationship along. You should be having fun.

Rule #3 - Never sleep with a man before you marry him.

This rule is the toughest rule to follow but the most important. I'm not preaching anything I haven't done myself. I wasn't always religious and what do you know that out of all of my serious relationships the man I did not have sex with before marriage is now my husband!

Here is my analogy. Let's say a man goes to the grocery store. He's hungry and as soon as he gets there he's offered a free hamburger, most men would accept this and take a bite/eat it. Now that he's full he has absolutely no need to buy anything. The next day since he didn't buy anything the day prior he walks into the same store hoping for another free meal and again he is offered a free hamburger only this time it already has a bite taken out of it...most men though hungry will decline the free already bitten burger and continue into the store, take out his wallet and buy his own bread versus eating a burger already bitten by someone else.



Just in case you didn't get the analogy this is how men see women. They do not want to be with the bitten hamburger, they will not buy something when they can get something for free and the most important lesson is that they will not plan for the future if they are satisfied today. Translation…they do not want a woman that has been with several men, they will not settle down with a woman that gives herself away freely and most important there is no need to plan a future with you when everything they should be working towards in the future they are already getting. How different the world would be if people received rewards before they did the work.

Would you think it made sense to give someone a college degree and then ask them to take the classes, give a store/restaurant your money before you eat, then why give away something so special to you before you make him demonstrate that he is worth it.

Rule #2 - Make sure that you are really looking for a husband.

Let’s be honest. There are tons of women who want to find that perfect man but if he was put right in your lap you would mess it up as quickly as he was presented to you. Some of you were presented the opportunity to meet your future husband but you had a one night stand with him and moved on or you met him at a party where you got too drunk and he was turned off or you are a professional business woman and you were asked out and you treated him like it would be tough to fit him into your busy schedule so he moved on to the another business professional that understands work/life balance.
"When you say that you are looking for a husband, then make sure that you act like it."
It’s a tough lesson to learn but I actually think that it is a leading cause of why so many women who are in the “I am just having fun” or the “my career is everything” epidemic remain single later in life. You may compromise your chance at a perfect match. So when you say that you are looking for a husband then make sure that you act like it.

Rule #1 - Check yourself.

Ask yourself the question “Would I marry someone like me?” This is a tough thing to do but you have to be honest with yourself. If you don’t even like you then why would someone else. Are you a nice person, are you caring, are you understanding, do you know how to compromise, do you know when/how to take a back seat, do you know when/how to take charge, do you know how to cook, etc and I can go on. Yes a lot of those seem old fashioned to some but what women of today do not realize that a lot of the qualities of what is considered the “old-fashioned” woman are qualities that reduce the risk of error in other areas.

For example, a woman that does not know how to cook with a man that does not know how to cook leads to tons of money spent on pre-made foods/meals, this could lead to an enormous dinning out budget which could lead to a strain on finances and soon to follow arguments and fights. If there are things that you don’t like about yourself, work on these things now as they will only be exacerbated when you are in a relationship.

I challenge you to write a profile about yourself. List your best characteristics, your worse characteristics, what you like to do/hobbies and a brief paragraph about yourself. Sometimes it is already obvious that you don’t like what you see but if not then give it a few days and then revisit and read your profile. Would you want to date you?


Next article: Top 10 Rules to Finding Your Wife

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What Guys Said 68

  • TheChristian, its more like if a guy in the past jumped into relationships fast, said I loved you, waited for sex, but now he says 'we can sleep around with each other for a while and then I'll see'.

    Which incidentally is exactly what I'd do if single again.

    I think you guys are arguing because you are both seeing how the game works. This article advises women on how to try to play the game to their advantage. Of course a man who wants to play it to his advantage will not put up with it.

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  • regarding 3. That actually DECREASES the chance of a marriage bing happy.
    It's called sexual compability, and if it does not exist chances are it WILL end up in a divorce.
    We want women that are monogamous, but what do you do if i say i won't marry a woman unless i'm sure we're sexually compatible?

    "What the fuck? That's not how marriage works!"
    Historically it isn't. But i don't give a fuck how it's supposed to work. I'm interrested in one thin only; Being happily wed. To me that means you're not getting a ring before i'm 100% sure we're sexually compatible, and i KNOW for sure we're able to live together (that means having lived as partners for a considerable time).

    I know this sounds like an insult, but something tells me you're 1; deeply religous. 2; missinformed on the subject. 3; does not understand how the 21st century works.

    Sorry, but some points on this list simply isn't compatible with reality (also there's a bit of religous propaganda).

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  • Also, a man's world doesn't resolve around a woman. He shouldn't have to kiss up to her because of a fear that she will leave him. A woman who is like this is not fit to be in a relationship

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  • I disagree with rule #3. A man should not initiate every step. That isn't right. A guy shouldn't do absolutely everything in the relationship. Guys also need to feel wanted. Guys need to know that their girls are eager to see THEM. No guy likes a lazy woman who thinks the man should do everything. No sensible man will date a woman who makes him do everything

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  • i think the title of this article is wrong. I think it should be "how to stilll be single at the age of 40"

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  • Be yourself! I think that this is the most important thing to find your future husband. Believe me, sooner or later if someone is pretending "something" that will come out on the surface. And there is one more important thing; there is a very big chance that in your future will Match your friends

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  • I find it funny how people are complaining about the sex part when the reality of the current culture shows that a women with only five partners has less then a thirty percent chance of her marriage lasring longer then five years only five years people need to pull the feminist dogma stick out of,their ass and face facts

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  • I'm not against the waiting (provided it is not too long), I'm against the waiting until marriage. With true love, it doesn't matter when you do it for the first time. For me, it's a pleasure to make love to my girlfriend because for me she is the most beautiful lady in the world. I didn't fall in love with her because of her body (although I'm not complaining at all lol), she stole my heart with her amazing smile.

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  • What takes priority is love. My favorite part of the relationship isn't sex, but the kiss. Giving love is the biggest way to show respect and passion to the one you love. Without passion, what are we? Unattractive zombies going through the motions. The physical part is not the be all and end all of a relationship, but part of something bigger and more meaningful. Watch the movies "Don Juan de Marco" and "Casanova" to see what I mean. Both can be found on Youtube.

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  • My point is you can't have a marriage without love. I only pointed out the "sex rule" because this is an integral part of a relationship. How do you know the other person is compatible with you unless you know everything about them? Most importantly, marriage isn't needed for love. I'm faithful because I am in love, especially to someone who lives in a different country. However, I agree with you about self-value. And yes, I know the reason why the site exists. PS. Thanks for your kind words.

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  • The rules are there are no rules because every person is different. I've found one thing that trumps marriage, it's called LOVE. I call "sex" with my girlfriend making love because I want to have a deeper connection with her and to love her more. Making mistakes is a part of life, and so is learning. Therefore, your analogy of the hamburger lacks foundation, and, as a result, lacks veracity.

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  • Typical Religious Dogma.

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  • Very good article. I wish all women could read this. Because I wish women would look for the so called "nice guy" instead of the "hot shot"

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  • Good article. Unfortunately, it will go as a lost cause in GAGville.

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  • Don't agree with the sex part. How are you supposed to know if the two of you are sexually compatible. Using your analogy, what if I buy the food without sampling it, only to find out I hate the taste?

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  • It's unfortunate that so many people are hung up on the sex part of the article. There is a lot of good advice here and most women would really benefit to pay attention to the little things. Rules 9, 7, and especially one I think are sorely overlooked and neglected. Instead some people get to rule 3 and focus on that, as if the article is calling into question their morals or something.

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  • "women who have one night stands then want to know if there is a possibility for a relationship." You're pitting two extremes against each other. There are grey values, things in between.

    If you've been together a long time, love each other and are old enough, waiting until marriage isn't necessary.

    I would want to know the girl and I are sexually compatible. Sex is very important for a relationship. The vast majority of divorce cases have sexual frustration as one of the factors.

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  • The hamburger analogy shows an almost-hilariously outdated and sexist view of female sexuality. Men no longer view a woman who has had previous partners to be "used goods". This isn't the dark ages. Most men today want a woman who has at least some sexual experience because it's part of maturing as a person (and experienced women are better in bed). You clearly have issues with the male gender if you think that men only want sex and need to be "tested" for their commitment via abstinence.

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  • People need to have sex before they get married so that they can find out if they are sexually compatible prior to making a lifelong commitment to each other. You really think that simply talking about sex is an adequate replacement for actually experiencing it? Give me a break. Some people just don't click in the bedroom for various reasons and you need to find that out BEFORE marriage. Otherwise you're potentially setting yourself up for unhappiness, infidelity, and/or divorce.

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  • A good article, I have some comments though.

    I can see your logic of the sandwich analogy, but you mistake not waiting until marriage with sleeping around.

    If you have met the one, you two are in love, been together for a while, there really is no harm in having safe sex.

    As for the marriage is just an institution and driver's license, your logic is a bit crooked. Nowadays men have a reason to be skeptical of marriage. That doesn't mean they won't get married when they meet the one.

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What Girls Said 179

  • Yes I still think that deep down, men are all the same! A nature versus nurture thing, I guess. That part of your article got me thinking about how someone from a different culture would interpret what you said, if you know what I mean. I really enjoyed this article and hope you write some more!

    Sure, I will tell you that story in a message, just hang tight :)

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    • deep down we are indeed the same. We don't want to admit it, but we're animals... driven by instinct. It's instincts telling you obesity is repulsing whereas muscularity is hot.
      So deep down men are the same, and women are the same. not because the personalities are identical, but because the instincts and primal desires are. The only differences are the means and ways to satisfy them. For example; some guys can satisfy their need for sex with random one night stands, while others need it to be out of true love. But they both want sex.
      Same can be done for girls.
      So we are all the same

  • be months or even a few years before they have sex. We have known each other for a few years now (I will save the story of how we met each other for another time but it proves that love conquers all, really) so I know that he has loved me for a long time. I always think of making love to my boyfriend as something really special because a) it doesn't happen on a nightly basis (haha!) and b) because I know he loves and respects me.

    About the analogy: I guess I just interpreted it the wrong way!

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  • I get what you're saying. The way my relationship is at the moment works for me and I don't feel bad about it. It also gets me thinking about cultural differences between American or Canadian men and a man like my boyfriend, for example. He is Serbian, like I said, and a Serb man who loves and is loyal to the woman in his life will generally show that through sex or some form of it. He will have little respect for a woman who gives it up within the first few months of a relationship. So it may..

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  • ... her, or will love her less or have less respect for her than he did before. I know that my Boyfriend loves me just as much, maybe more, than he did before we had sex. In fact I think it created a stronger, more stable bond between us, and I still love him very much and hope that he stays in my life forever. I'm wondering if that was what you were implying when you made that analogy.

    I know you're getting some grief for point #3, but it's the only bone I have to pick with the article.

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  • The general attitude there is if you're dating and in it for the long-term, then you're having sex. My boyfriend was raised with this thought process, basically. Like you, he is Christian (Orthodox) but really doesn't follow the traditional Christian ideas (as is the case with most young people from the Balkan/Mediterranean cultures). I understand the analogy you used in to make your point, but I feel that it implies that if a woman has sex with a man out of wedlock, then he will no longer love

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  • I like this article! #7 about the intuition is probably the most important one, IMO, and it can and should be applied to all aspects of life, not just one's love life. I'm sure it would be great if #3 could apply to all couples, but I don't know if that's entirely possible. For example, right now I am with a man who is from Serbia originally, and younger generations there seem to have a more liberal, lenient attitude towards sexuality as a whole than we do here in North America...

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  • "Why not drive a car just because he knows how to and not be concerned about getting a license mandated by the government." I wish this was a reality because I can drive, but I can't for the life of me no matter how much I study, I can't pass the written test. I've lost a lot of money trying every year. But I fail every time. I don't know if it's because I can't concentrate or I feel rushed when taking the test.

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  • I loved it! Awesome job!

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  • You should seriously stop writing articles, because you clearly have no idea what you're talking about.

    Just stop. And stop imposing your personal life as an example for how to do things "correctly". Your conceitedness is staggering.

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  • dating. If you wait till marriage like what we are doing, you will be able to decipher quicker who is in it for the relationship and important goals that are important to you, vs the one that will say anything and everything just to get some. Less emotional hurt for you AND you didn't even have to take any form of birth control or get anxiously tested for stds/stis.

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  • Disclose yourself to him from time to time. Go out, go to the meuseums, go to the movies, have fun (but outside fun and not just bedroom fun if you know what I mean). See if you spot any major or minor red flags that says, opps, no wait, this guy might not be a good guy. I think I'll look else where and start distancing myself swiftly. You don't even need an explanation if you really don't want to give one! It's

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  • Matrix124 - If they aren't willing to wait till marriage, then that means that they weren't for you and they just wanted sex. Good riddance to him then! If you find a guy that has mutual and genuine interest in you, then that's good. Do NOT go anywhere private with him, just public. Get to know him and his mannerisms.

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  • As someone who is abstinent, I find it hard to find a man who is willing to wait for marriage. Do you have any tips on finding a man who is willing to wait?

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  • @RedSmartie...thanks for reading and commenting. I'm glad it helped and I'm glad you told me it helped. This site can be very discouraging with some peoples comments but if I help one I feel better. Thanks again. Wish you the best.

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  • Thanks -- this article helped me a lot.

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  • @girlsareconfusing...thanks for reading and for leaving a comment. I am married. None of my friends are single and none of the women or men who have come to me for advice are single, including people on this site who have reached out to me privately and since found someone but I appreciate your thoughts and comments. Wish you the best

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  • @Almajolie...lol I'm not sure if you're against it or advertising it lol. I am definitely against extramarital relationships. I see the appeal for young women and to be honest I am not quite surprised. We are in a time where instant gratification is praised. The appeal for a quick buck is a long time story and equally part of the demise of our culture and our future.

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  • @musicbrain5...Links are too long to post. I will send to your inbox. Talk to you soon.

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  • @musicbrain5...that is a very good point about other cultures. I am not certain that the same epidemic that I see in America is happening oversees but nevertheless still rules that will not harm anything. Thank you very much for reading and your comments. You gave me some considerations for my writing. I have written other articles. Most of which have sparked some kind of objection lol. I would be honored if you read and gave me your insight. I will post links in next message to follow:

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  • @musicbrain5...I am very happy for you. Feel free to friend me, if you like, so I can hear the story of how you met. I love love stories lol. I am very certain that you get what I am saying but what you explained about your boyfriend respect level of women that do certain things. Most men think that way. Women's roles may have changed so most women think that means those rules for men have changed also and that's not. So I just want women to understand that. Men still want the same basic things.

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