I Am Still A Child

I'm 18.

Big number. The biggest.

Fuck.

I'm turning 19 in a couple months.

Jeez.

Why? Time? No, time could not have done this.

Then what?

I'll tell you.

I am a child. I am a child who can drink, smoke and drive.

I am a child who is treated like an adult, but still whinges like a toddler. (If a toddler knew how to swear)

I am a child.

I am a teen. In one year i will be 20.

Still a child.


In four years I will be 23.


Still a child.

My mother is forty this year. She thinks she's old.

she's ten years an adult.


My grandmother is not even sixty yet.

I am a child with a mother who is still a new adult.


She thinks she's old.

The mother of my mother is not yet old.
She isn't even sixty.

My grandfather is 63. He is not old.

Thirty three years an adult my grandfather is.

But not old.


No.


Never old.

If she had not met the earth two years ago, my nan would be old.


104 years old.

A letter from the queen.

Four times.

A photocopy. The same letter each time.


This year would have been the sixth letter.

But it wasn't to be.

She died. Was murdered. A heart attack. Needless. Pointless.

Bad news caused it.

A careless tongue.

Blasphemy against an old woman's son.


No matter how true the words.

My father is not yet fifty.


My brother 22.

Not old.

None of them old.

I'm 18.

A big number. The biggest.

Fuck.

But still a child.

.

.

.

Always a child.


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BaileyisDarcy is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
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What Guys Said 2

  • 3mo

    Lovely take - You covered a lot of emotions - Sorry about your Nan.

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  • 3mo

    Should probably start growing up then.

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What Girls Said 2

  • 3mo

    Sorry for your loss, lovely writing.

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  • 3mo

    Beautiful :)

    And made me feel better about being "almost old" haha

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