Relationships

Becoming Irresistible: Dating Expert Marni Battista's Opinions

Marni Battista, founder of Dating with Dignity, has professional training in dating and relationship coaching as well as training in the Core Energy Coaching Process from the Institute of Professional Excellence in Coaching (IPEC). A certified Life Coach through the International Coaching Federation, Battista is also a Master Practitioner at administering an Energy Assessment—“The D-Factor”—which helps clients pinpoint exactly why they are or are not "date-able" and what types of messages they unconsciously broadcast to men based on their thoughts, feelings, actions and attitudes.

Marni just published her most recent book, Becoming Irresistible, which uncovers the 3 simple steps you need to take to get high-quality, relationship-ready men to pursue you, adore you, and commit to you for life.

Becoming Irresistible: Dating Expert Marni Battista's Opinions

1. Why is your website called Dating With Dignity?

Marni: Dating with Dignity places great importance on loving oneself first so that others can share and join the love they feel. It teaches women to grow confidence within and be able to gracefully experience the highs and the lows in the journey of love.

2. What are some common mistakes women make when dating?

Marni:

  • Talking about EX’s on the first date
  • Constantly looking at your phone during a date
  • Using words such as “ OMG I never do this” “ I usually don’t do this”
  • Doing ALL the talking
  • Not being Assertive
  • Avoid the “up sell”: Guy asks you for coffee date on Monday, you are busy that day but you say “ how about dinner on Tuesday?” – gives off masculine energy
  • Texting him after a date
  • Not Setting Boundaries
  • Internalizing his actions as fault of oneself
  • Coming on too fast or too strong: jumping into exclusivity too fast
  • Making assumptions: not thinking rationally
  • Skipping plans with girlfriends to hang out with him

3. Do you think there is such a thing as Mr. Right?

Marni: There are two versions of Mr. Right , the original Mr. Right and then there is the Mr. Right NOW. Mr. Right is the one where you will feel attraction not just in the looks department but also on so many different levels. You will be attracted to his motivation to his job, his level of respect and thoughtfulness to you and how much he is willing to invest in you and at what lengths.

We often find ourselves hanging out in the looks department in the land of the perfect 10’s and while attraction is important, it is not everything. Attraction can make us oblivious to the more meaningful things that make a relationship beautiful. Because we spend so much time in that mental state of mind, we often miss other relationships that have the possibility of flourishing. It is like going to one gorgeous destination all the time only to discover one day that while the journey to other places may not be as scenic or smooth, those other destinations are just as pretty and relaxing in their own unique way.


4. How can women spot out players?

Marni:

  • The instant relationship is a red flag
  • Using “escape route” language is a giant red flag – one foot in the door the other foot out. Most guys say something along the lines of “I can’t give you what you need”..” You’re really awesome, I don’t know if I am good enough for you”.
  • He breaks up with you but still wants to see you all the time.
  • His words and actions do not match up. Observe his actions.
  • Displays vampire like behavior: He only texts you past 10 PM and never wants to see you in the daylight
  • Texts you to make plans the same day. Doesn’t make plans ahead of time
  • Always wants to hangout at the apartment/ house

5. If a guy says he’s not ready for a relationship, is it because he’s not that into the woman he’s dating?


Marni: If a guy says he’s not ready for a relationship, it could mean he is actually not ready for a relationship. It can mean a possibility of things.

Firstly, it could be very well that he is not into you. And if he tells you upfront, that is when you thank him for his honesty and say “Next”.

Secondly, he likes spending time with you and enjoys seeing you but is not ready to settle down just yet, he may be what we call Mr. quality casual. Perhaps, he has just come out of a relationship and needs time to reflect and get over his heartbreak. It could also be that he is committed to work and his ambition.

You could just be his get away distraction for the moment. It is helpful to check in with him and see where he is in his life in terms of generally having a relationship/ partnership. If it is unclear why he is not ready for a relationship, the best way to go about it is to invite honesty and ask him.

6. Are men in general afraid of commitment or that is just something women tend to assume?

Marni: Everyone is afraid of committing to something at some point in his or her life. It is only natural to want the best. Whether it is buying a new house or upgrading to a new car, everyone will always second-guess or feel moments of doubt and confusion about whether they made the right choice.

In relationships, commitments are a big deal and often times it is a sign that he or she is taking things seriously and looking at the big picture. Some men are afraid of commitment. They might need a little time to think everything through. Men like to work for things they want and he wants to make sure that you want to be in a relationship with HIM for special reasons and not just anyone else. He might also need some time to figure out if he can be the man that you deserve.

If he sees that you are all about being in the moment and gracefully acting with patience, he will have an easier time thinking about the possibility of a relationship without there being any pressure.

7. What do you think of online dating?

Marni: Back in the old days... the women would drop a handkerchief and the guy would say “ excuse me miss, you dropped this” and the next thing you know they are locking eyes and exchanging names.Fast forward to 2015 and you see apps like Tinder, Match.com, Ok cupid and the list goes on.

Online dating has really made itself a pretty big home in today’s society and completely changed the way we date today. A lot of the younger generation meets through dating websites, disclosing more information than ever. Sure, it’s easy to meet people with the swipe of a finger and get whisked away to fantasy land except when you actually meet them and make a bumpy landing to reality, it now it feels like a responsibility to “break up” with them.

What Marni calls pseudo intimacy which is the build up of information designed into one big fantasy of what you want them to be, but turns out to be something completely different. Marni’s advice on online dating is: Honesty is the best policy. If you do not feel any attraction or it is not going anywhere, end it immediately. You just met them and you do not owe them any favors.

Another way to handle online dating is to set up a meet up with the person right away. This way you can keep texting to a minimum and a good rule of thumb ( no pun intended) if the message is bigger than your thumb, you are doing it wrong!

8. How can a woman make a man fall hard for her?

Marni:

  • Communicate clearly about your wants, needs, expectations, and boundaries: Good guys love boundaries! This builds a foundation of trust and enables the man to grow a deeper level of respect for you. It also acts as a blueprint so he knows how to make you happy.
  • Make him want you by loving yourself first. Embrace your inner feminine energy.
  • Develop a core belief that there is an abundance of quality men.
  • Use mystery to attract men: Show interest but maintain boundaries
  • Keep doing the things you would be doing if you weren’t dating.
  • Create an exciting life for yourself first. Go out and have fun, show him how awesome and exciting your life is, he will automatically want to be a part of it.
  • Make him feel like a man, show him that you appreciate it and need him. Even if it is asking him to open a tough glass jar or picking something off the higher shelf.
  • Encourage him to try new things and show support when he needs it.

9. What makes love last in a relationship?

Marni: Love is not something that once you fall in love you will always be in love. A relationship is like a flower, the more you invest and take care of it the more it grows beautiful. Often times men and women will work hard to get the person of their dreams and as soon as they have gotten them they stop doing the things they did in the beginning.

A man falls in love with women who are independent, but still want a man in their life. They have friends and are constantly looking to expand their social life. Men are fascinated and interested by their hobbies, dreams, and desires. They want to be with someone who has different sides to them. For example, they can be adventurous but know how to relax at home on a Friday night. Being spontaneous and booking a weekend getaway keeps the unpredictability and mysteriousness.

A honeymoon doesn’t have to be a phase! They can be serious but display their sense of humor and silliness every once in a while. Spicing things up in all areas is another factor that helps keep the passion alive. Men love women who make them feel wanted and appreciated.

Respect is key in a relationship. When both parties are respectful that means they respect each other enough to overcome any obstacles they encounter. Showing appreciation and thoughtfulness even years into a relationship helps to keep the love going.

When two people help each other to grow independently and become the best that they can be together, love will always last.

Becoming Irresistible: Dating Expert Marni Battista's Opinions

10. You’re launching a new book: “Becoming Irresistible”. What is it about and when will it be available?

Marni: The book actually launched on October 11th. I am thrilled about it – it’s been 5 years in the making.

In the book, I reveal 3 key musts that help women transform the unconscious dating behaviors that cause frustration, struggle and heart-ache in finding a quality partner. The book takes a unique approach and is filled with powerful, specific tools for helping women attract a fulfilling, loving relationship into their lives with a kick ass guy.

It’s really meant for any single woman who is looking for a quality partner/relationship and has struggled in the following ways:

  • Attract the same wrong guy with a different face
  • Struggle with the masculine/feminine energy challenge
  • Are successful in all areas of their lives - except this one - and feel powerless when it comes to dating
  • Feel like dating is “hard” and have a treasure trove of legitimate reasons why it is hard. As a result, they are stuck
  • They are “too” busy - and it’s an excuse. Whether it’s work, kids, taking care of aging parents or any other reason, they have put off dating for far too long
  • Feel like they just “aren’t good” at dating/relationships
  • Are terrified of getting hurt again, and it’s showing up in their results.

You can get a free PDF version of the book Becoming Irresistible until October 21st!

Becoming Irresistible: Dating Expert Marni Battista's Opinions
Becoming Irresistible: Dating Expert Marni Battista's Opinions
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