You're Good Friends With Your Ex? ...What?

[isjusti]

"This is my best friend, is also my ex"

We are just going for a beer , there is nothing wrong with this!"

"What do you mean you dont like me texting my ex every day , you are so controlling"

If you can not accept my ex as my friend we can not have a relationship"

This is a new thing for me. Some years ago it was sort of unwritten rule in society that once you have a new partner you can leave the ex in the past . Now some people seem to firmly believe that is ok to have it all and that whoever has problem with it must be control freak/mad/needy/terrible person/insecure/jealous...long list of adjectives to show how wrong you are when you have problem with this.

Lets analyze this, what do you mean friends?

I will agree if by friends you mean:

- no enemies

-see each other on the street and be civil and say hello

- good communication when there are kids involved

-you are single and for whatever reason you want to hold on to an ex

But if you want a new relationship anything else will be a no no

An ex is a person that has been in your life as something more than a friend. You shared a bed. You shared feelings. You shared moments. Is wrong to enforce into a new partners life (if you want serious relationship with them) your inability to move on from an ex. Is disrespectful. If you apply common sense and common decency you can see it , that is only possible if you possess those qualities.

Yes is mature not to hate an ex and be in good terms with them. This doesn't make it ok to keep them close to your life when you have a new partner, unless if there are children involved. And in that case will be just because you are a good parent

SO FOR THOSE PEOPLE WHO CAN NOT RESPECT A NEW RELATIONSHIP AND PERSIST TO KEEP THEIR EXES IN THEIR LIVES WITH THEIR NEW PARTNER I HAVE ONE SOLUTION

[Anonymous]

Totally disagree. You're just making excuses for your insecurities.
Two people can really get along together and decide to start dating and then realise that they don't work as a couple and break up and stay friends if they're mature enough. And everyone has shared feelings and emotions with their friends, it's not a reason to not date them.

But if you're too insecure for the relationship I have one solution
cf.girlsaskguys.com/.../...3-a124-05bbacf8a6ae.jpg

[isjusti]

Amazing how much some people get frustrated when others have different views than them. If thats what you want in your life go for it, you dont have to agree with me. As for that door i will go running if i had a partner that valued his relationship with an ex more than ours

[Opinion Owner]

I'm not frustrated I'm simply disagreeing and pointing out that you won't have healthy relationships with that attitude, even if you don't go running the guys will if you're too jealous

[isjusti]

you can not possibly judge the sort of relationships i have just because i dont agree with the friends with an ex nonsense. Just because you are happy with it , doesn't make your relationships healthier than mine, is just different opinions and views in life

[Opinion Owner]

The reason you don't agree with it is because you get jealous, and that's bad for relationships. But sure you can still have healthy enough realionships, especially with someone equally insecure/jealous who finds it normal

[isjusti]

have you though that maybe you are accepting this because you never deeply loved/ be loved by someone? (No intent to insult just a though) Maybe your relationships has been sort term, superficial sort of relationships? For me is not about jealousy is about respect

[Opinion Owner]

But if you weren't jealous he wouldn't need to do that in order to repect you. If an ex is truly just a friend (which yes, in many (most) cases they aren't, but let's assume they are since we're talking about a serious honest relationship) then it's just the same as them being friends with anyone else

[isjusti]

He would do that on his own, i wouldn't have to ask for it. As i would do the same out of respect. Maybe is because we are different generations and we grew with different values, as i mention on the take it used to be unwritten rule. I am taking it that your relationships so far haven't been very deep and emotionally connected ( you didn't answer i am assuming here) , maybe you see it differently in the future.

[Opinion Owner]

I didn't answer because I don't like to form my opinions based on my own feelings, especially since I'm a bit weird but also because I'm young and don't have an awful lot of experience. I do have some experience though, I won't go into a lot of detail but I do have an ex who is my friend, and I do have a girlfriend who I love and loves me deeply. Just if your partner says they're just a friend why can't you just believe them and feel the same as if they are any other friend? Is it because they slept together? They'll have probably slept with plenty people (at least at your age), so I don't see why that makes a huge difference

[isjusti]

i cannot really put it into words better than what i already did. You will have to experience it. I disagree when you say that you dont want to base your opinions on your own feelings, your personal experience makes your opinion valid isnt? I do think (no intent to insult) that if you experience real deep long lasting love and find yourself in a situation friends with an ex maybe you will be able to understand better what i am saying, Nevertheless every opinion is respected, we dont have to agree but i am happy we can talk and see eachothers point of view

[RJGraveyTrain]

Honestly, I am friends with a lot of my exes, and my current boyfriend has no problem with it because he trusts me. I get that it's different for everyone, but I don't believe that an ex is a threat unless your partner isn't capable of being faithful.

Perhaps I am just odd but the prospect of my boyfriend being good friends with an ex doesn't bother me because I only date men I trust 100%,

[isjusti]

i can not understand this at all but is your life your choice. Maybe you see things differently in the future i dont know. Lets assume your mum texting her ex partner regularly and goes out with him few times a month saying to your dad that he has to accept this. Would that seem ok to you?

[RJGraveyTrain]

Well my parents are divorced and on good terms so this is completely normal to me, yes. My mother is with my step father and regularly keeps up with my dad because they remained friends and are both in happy relationships. I see nothing wrong with that.

[isjusti]

ok, well we have different points of view , nothing wrong with that :) Thanks for the reply

[Deconstruction]

You sound like an extremely jealous, possessive and an immature person. You need to realize that there's a lot of nuance to how people are like and how deep their relationships are, but you seem to be the type of a person I would never get involved with.

The thing is, I am friends with most of my exes, because I was friends with them before attempting a relationship with them. When it didn't work out, even if somebody got hurt through the break up, we'd still be friends. Because I will only date somebody if I think I can be friends with them to begin with, and I consider them to be valuable people to me, if I didn't, I wouldn't date them.

If the romantic aspect of our relationship does not work out for whatever reasons (some sort of incompatibility, different directions), we can still keep on being friends without sharing a romantic version of love or smashing our genitals. That's how adults should handle things if they want to be honest to themselves and to those they've been involved with.

Now, if I somehow ended up in a relationship with a person like YOU, I most certainly would not want to have you as a friend. You seem overly jealous, immature, irrational, self-righteous and possessive. I just don't want people like that around me, and I had ditched one such ex for those reasons. I presumed she'd been better than that and kind of got tricked into a relationship with her, but by the time I figured out who she really is, I broke up and never wanted to be friends because I considered her to be a lousy person.

And this brings me to the final point: WHY are you starting relationships? Do you start them because you genuinely love somebody as a person and want to have them around, or just because you're shallowly attracted to them? Because if it's the latter and you have a clear distinction between your friends and potential partners, it's just natural to feel the way you do, and you can't think in any other way. If, however, you analyze the person on whole before accepting them into your intimacy, things will turn out like in my case - most break ups will still end up in nice friendships.

My best female friend is one of my exes, she is married and I have a girlfriend I'm pretty much ready to marry, and there's just no romance between us. Because if there was, we would never have broken up. I don't think of her in a sexual way despite her being beautiful and attractive because I know we are just not compatible in a romantic sense.

[isjusti]

and we all have to agree with you because?

[Deconstruction]

It's also funny how you presume that it's about moving on from your ex, when you do not understand the issue at hand at all. It really isn't. I've pretty much moved on from my ex the day we've established we are no longer together. That's it, the relationship's gone. Someday I will find somebody else. I can still be friends with people without any ulterior motives, a concept that may not occur to you because you are not a person who would do that, so you're projecting your opinions and feelings onto other people.

It's also funny how you seem to imagine you know what loving another human being is all about, in platonic or romantic sense. Two lovers can remain friends if they were friends to begin with, and understand this, as adults. People need each other. I still need and want to be around the person that is my ex lover. But I will not sleep with her or think of her in a romantic way, or literally do anything to put either one's relationships into question.

Is it hard to understand?

[Deconstruction]

Of course, you do not have to agree with me, you just need to grow out of your puberty. And yes, I am condescending towards people who preach, but can't even act their own age.

[isjusti]

angry baby gets upset because other people have different opinions.

[Deconstruction]

Yes, that's exactly what's the case with you. They are all opinions, but they are not all equally valid. You talked in absolute sense, preached what you believed to be true. I offered a different viewpoint, from my own experience, that is true under the circumstances that I have defined, but is not going to be true for your own circumstances if you are the type of a person I presume you to be (which you are confirming both with the yourTake and replies to other people).

So yes, if people are immature, staying out of contact with their exes is the best choice for them. It's the best choice for you. But really, don't preach it on people who know better. Don't blame people for being capable of keeping up friendships despite you being unable to understand them.

When you come off as arrogant and preach without any real backing and talk about it in a very broad and general sense, don't expect it not to bite you once somebody scrutinizes the nonsense you wrote.

[isjusti]

seriously what exactly is your problem? Why you getting so defensive? You are not going to convince me to follow your opinions no matter how much right you think you are. You maybe are right in your experience and what you want from your life , thats doesn't make any other opinion invalid. Calling me jealous, possessive , immature is your problem again, i dont take offence from little boys who try to be big men over the internet. I listen to every opinion and i reply politely why dont you try the same? As i see it you projecting things from your life in here

[Deconstruction]

You wrote a bigoted post, and then complain that somebody's attacking you? Very cute. However, I am not really defensive as much as I am actually arguing my point. You should try that too sometime. You know, argue why you still think your point is correct. Your take is full of cute memes and stupid quotes, but there's no real argument to be made as to why you are correct, and what you are arguing for is a sort of a huge generalization that requires people to be mindlessly immature and incapable of dealing with each other.

You cannot understand nuance, nor do you understand how you get across. You also fail to understand that, just as much as you have the right to share your prejudiced opinion, so does everyone else.

Oh right, you do not even understand that you're full of prejudice in your take, because you do not understand what you are saying, because you do not analyze your own words with enough caution. You are very arrogant and your problem is that I'm calling you out on it.

[isjusti]

If you check the comments i make dialog with the people who are able. You come across as a toxic person, who projects his own problems to others. There is no point into discussing anything wih a person like you. You are just angry and take it out on others.

[isjusti]

When you start your comment with personal insults and anger you are like a child throwing toys, so dont expect to be taken seriously. If you bother to check the comments you will see. I am not interested to convince anyone, i have no need for strangers over the internet to accept and aprove my opinions. You are the odd here, you have made this personal and wrote posts all over with toxicity.

[Deconstruction]

I don't think you quite understand the irony of what you're writing. Because you're doing the exact same thing you accuse me of.

[isjusti]

No i did not. I posted an opinion which you for some reason took way too personally. I told you opinion respected but not accepted and you just gone very toxic about it. Calling me names , making assumption about me etc I did not do that. With people like this i can not have a conversation they can argye with themselves. Just a note, i still think you did not see the point of the take which is the impact on a new partner and not the friendship itself. If you werent so toxic i d talk about it and see different points of view like i did with others

[frozenhorizon]

I totally agree with you, I could not have said it better.

[Tanuron]

I dont see what the relation between simply being friends with your ex compared to not letting go of the past is, completely different things. In my general experience the people who are not able to stay friends with their ex's are either not mature enough, are warmakers rather than peacemakers, took poor time to establish a friendship before hand. Or of course one of the parties may simply be insane in a way, cause it dosent work if just one of them is maure for example.

Im friends with my ex for example, wouldn't call us "close friends" not sure if would even call anyone a "close friend" though really, but regardless. I have no feelings for her naturally and I wouldn't wanna get back together with her even if she was the last girl on the planet. I dont think she is a bad person though, she's just not what I want in any shape or form and im not just the type to go back either. Ex for a reason, and I move forward with my life, not backwards. Im in a serious relationship for example and have been for 3 years now. And yeah, dosent affect the relationship in any sense. I think its pretty disrespectful honestly though to try and dictate who your partner is supposed to be friends or not friends with. You can voice your opinions and feelings about whatever naturally, but respect goes both ways. Like in my case for example, if my partner started to even insinuate their is more between me an my ex, she would 1. Know me very poorly. 2. Not listen to me. 3,. Not understand me. And if was to demand that I stop talking to her completely. I would just be sad, not cause of the loss of my ex, but that my supposed partner care, see and know me so little that her own fears is all she see. Now that however might be a good reason to point her to the door.

[spoonman2014]

Oh my god, that is what i'm dealing with right now, I date this girl for about 6 months. It's super complicated then we broke up and basically I called her out on a big flaw she made that started the whole relationship then she wanted to be friends but she didn't want to apologize so then after I dragged it out of her like 5 minutes after that conversation it was like nothing bad ever happened. I even stayed at her house that night while her man was working outta town. We didn't do anything.
They broke up recently and I had to tell her, "i'm not mad that were friends but its too surreal. You don't go from hating someone to being bff's with them over night. I could see being civil with each other in public or a gradual build up to what things are now but this is too surreal" also she wants to meet my mom and have me live with her so... And she's been acting girlfriendy on top of it but then back pedals when it is brought up. On top of all that i'm the only ex she has not completely cut out of her life. All her other exes besides me were either a total toolbag or died in some tragic drug/suicide related matter.

I think she is nervous to meet my mom, because we have somewhat different lives and parents so that is probably it

[Rloco]

So I'm assuming there are exceptions. For example in my situation I met someone online we tried dating for like maybe a month. We broke things off mutually and now we are best friends. She is like my sister now and now the thought that we even considered dating is weird and even kinda gross. She also turned out to be a lesbian which made a lot of sense based on how she talked about previous relationships. If someone I started dating told me I had to stop talking to her I don't know what I'd do. She is important to me and even though I've only known her a year she is like family. So in my situation what you say?

[isjusti]

That depends what your new relationship feels about it. As i see it , if someone wants a serious relationship has to give and take and if you compromising your new relationship for an old one then is your choice of course but as every choice we make it can have consequences. Generally talking sure they maybe are exemptions, in every case is the current partners issue how much they can accept

[Anonymous]

That's full of crap.

I have been in love with exes, and I know there's nothing between us now. But we're still friends.

That's what happens when two mature adults break up because they realise that they are better off as friends, and not in a couple together.

That's something that rational people can realise about each other.

But the qualities that made you love them in the first place, are still there. Which is why you can be friends. It's just that the things they did which drove you mental? Well they're someone elses problem now.

This take is a very immature take, by someone who has never had a sensible breakup.

[isjusti]

I can see you didn't read properly the point i am making and that you hiding your opinion behind a blue anon. I bet you do not have a solid loving relationship either but nevertheless every opinion is respected

[Opinion Owner]

Please! I read your pile of trash, and its condescending meme pictures. Your point was clear. And it was CHILDISH.

[isjusti]

ok dear, find some balls and get the anon away and then we can have a conversation. Until then you are just some easily irritable guy on the internet who shouts insults

[Deconstruction]

Appeal to insults, isn't it?

Well, you so sound like a 12 year old and not like a 35 year old. Your attitude is extremely immature, for the reasons this opinion's owner had stated. I am friends with most of my exes, because we broke up in a civil and non destructive manner.

Once you realize that a romantic relationship won't work out, but you still like each other as people, that's just all it is. If you're an adult you should understand this. But if you're a 35 year old woman stuck with the mindset of a jealous teen, there's no hope for you to understand how this works.

[isjusti]

@Deconstruction there you are again more insults. Ask yourself why you are so angry over this, probably something related to your life here , hit a nerve

[Deconstruction]

Those are insults? You just choose to feel offended. Funny, I thought they were just statements. See, have a 12 year old cousin, and she has better understanding of relationships than you do (according to what you wrote in this ridiculous my take).

And yes, it hit a nerve. I am allergic to stupidity, and in particular, I don't go hard on people who can't know better, but your prejudice and arrogance are shameful for a person over 30 years of age. You should know better :)

And yes, as I already said, it's related to my life. I am friends with most of my exes, and my best friend is my ex too. You are essentially saying that I do not have healthy relationships with those women, and you're completely incorrect. The only ones I've ceased to be friends with are those who would not agree to friendship because of leftover romantic feelings or because we'd got in a fight prior to break up. I have personal data to back up my claims that being friends with somebody who used to be a lover is ok.

[vonasaurus]

i've only stayed friends with one ex~ we were good friends for 2 years before we dated, and we were never serious, so we just transitioned back to being friends. i feel weird even calling him an ex, due to the negative connotation, since we parted on good terms~ if he comes up in conversation, he's just "my friend alex (not his real name)".

he's still in my life, though we don't hang out as often (like, maybe once a year) and i never see him alone; my boyfriend has met him as well, and all he had to say was, "doesn't seem your type".

his office is close to where i used to work, so i'd sometimes run into him while out for lunch or grabbing a snack at the convenience store; we'd chat for a few minutes, then part ways. but i see no sense in throwing away a perfectly-good friendship (since that's all we really were, in the first place).

[isjusti]

To be honest i wouldn't consider that a friendship that would interfere in a relationship. I think some people misunderstood what i meant as friendship. A friend to me is someone who i will have frequent contact, see often, text often etc. Keeping this sort of friendship , interferes with a new relationship as i see it. What you describe is not what i would decribe as close friendship. Thanks for reply

[Phoenix98]

Yeah I'm serious I've remained good friends with all my exes, mostly because I was friends with them beforehand and I valued them and the friendships so why toss them aside? we never had any problems or anything. just because a relationship with them didn't workout doesn't mean I will toss away a perfectly good friend and friendship.

Now I'm not going to say it's a good idea all the time but it is possible.

[isjusti]

I do not understand this , is possible that it happens because the quality and nature of relationships has changed and in my view deteriorated in modern society. I know that is happening but i personally will not accept it or enforce it on a relationship. Of course as i wrote depends what you mean by saying friends. If i can ask, lets assume that your dad goes out couple times a week with his ex girlfriend and asks from your mum to accept it what your opinion is to this? I am using parents as example (assuming they are not divorced) because is an example of long lasting relationship

[Phoenix98]

Well you may not understand it because you, yourself have never experienced it, or bothered trying to, and it would be fine there wouldn't be any romantic connection between them but a couple times a week is a lot lol.

[isjusti]

I am trying to make a point with the example. Now think the same example applied in your life , you been friends with that ex and want to go out couple times a week or texting all day, how your new girlfriend would feel about it. I tried to explain on the take the different situations. And yes i never experienced it because the men in my life never compromised their new relationships for the sake of a friendship with an ex. As i said some years ago this was unwritten rule, Nevertheless if you are happy with this way and your girlfriend doesn't mind it then seems fine for you. Still not for me though. Thank you for the reply

[Phoenix98]

Well I don't go out several times a week with my exes and I don't text them all day, and my girlfriends were honestly fine with my friendships with my exes, I made sure they were just in case.

[dudeman]

I've experienced it on both ends. remaining friends with exs while in a serious relationship is disrespectful no way around that.

[Phoenix98]

@dudeman Never been a problem for me so *shrugs*

[AmazingAmanda123]

I feel REALLY sorry for your boyfriend! With your definition of what a "friend" is, that's just how you should act towards everybody. Strangers included. I'm starting to wonder if you are of the double standard mindset where you can hang out with random guys, exes included, and if whomever you're dating even glances at another girl, you're going to shoot them both. You have some serious growing up to do before you get into a relationship.

[isjusti]

wow personal insults, is you that need to grow up princess and realize that people are allowed to have different views that you

[isjusti]

yours*

[AmazingAmanda123]

Your views are that clearly that you own your boyfriend and it's mandatory for him to cut all female friends out of his life pretty much. I'm glad I don't share those views, because if I did, I would be a horrible person.

[isjusti]

and insulting people you dont know because you think you know it all it doesn't make you a horrible person? Lol whatever happened to basic manners

[AmazingAmanda123]

I will admit that I did come off a bit strong. However, by your logic, you are a horrible person too as you decided to be a hypocrite and insult me.

[isjusti]

I didn't insult anyone, you are the one who does this on that post. Anyway, no need to carry on

[AmazingAmanda123]

You're right. Because I can't and won't argue with a child.

[isjusti]

ok princess , anyone who read this can see who is the child

[AmazingAmanda123]

Yes, you. Good day.

[Deconstruction]

Oh look, zero arguments, just the "insult" card. @AmazingAmanda123, this myTake owner is insulting everyone who has fruitful relationships with various people in their lives, doesn't even realize it, and then uses "yoo r insooltin me" as the only one "counterargument" if you say anything even remotely impolite to her.

Completely forgetting her original post is full of prejudice and can be offensive itself.

[AmazingAmanda123]

@Deconstruction So, you'd be willing to date her and be treated like property? That's your call.

[AmazingAmanda123]

Please disregard that last comment, that was meant for someone else 😂😂😂

[Deconstruction]

Haha, I was really weirded out because I had no idea where I'd said anything to warrant that kind of a response :D

[NearlyNapping]

I will be friends with exes or anyone else. I've remained friends with all my exes. If someone can't deal with that, that's their problem. If they are that insecure about this, they are probably insecure about other things. That kind of insecurity is a major deal breaker.

I totally don't understand why some people make such a big deal about being friends with exes. They don't even seem to have a valid argument against it, other than they don't like it.

[isjusti]

do you have valid reason to compromise a relationship , at least when is serious, for the sake of stay friends with an ex? By friends i mean frequent contact etc

[NearlyNapping]

It's the other way around. I don't need to justify who I'm friends with. She needs to give a valid reason why I shouldn't be friends with someone.

[isjusti]

well relationships are give and take isnt? But everyone has different views

[NearlyNapping]

Relationships are give and take, but my friends are not negotiable unless she provides a darn good reason for it. Otherwise, I won't tell her who to be friends with and she won't tell me.

[isjusti]

ok as i said different people have different views, if it works for you why not

[HentaiMaster23]

What's wrong with being friends with you're ex, I'm really good friends with all of my exes, if you aren't dating someone you're friends with you're doing it wrong, and if the relationship ends, it shouldn't end badly, unless you cheated on him/her/them (them being the Singular one, not the plural one) then it should be fine, and yeah it's not hard to be bet friends with your ex , cuz the person you're dating should be your best friend, or else it would never work

[isjusti]

thanks for the life lesson

[HentaiMaster23]

You're Welcome? I'm not sure if you're being sarcastic or not

[HentaiMaster23]

But yeah my ex is one of my closest friends I wouldn't say best friends, anymore, cuz things are slightly different and thignss have changed in my life, so yeah, and due to the way the relationship ended it wasn't terrible like cheating, but it was still not the best so she definitely trusts me less, and I feel horrible about it

[isjusti]

i am not against friendship with an ex but not if that compromises a new relationship as i mentioned on the take.

[HentaiMaster23]

What's wrong with them being close in your life, I hang out with her all the time, I mean I don't see how you can not be close with someone who you dated, got to know really well, and stuff like that that's just not how humans work

[isjusti]

good luck finding a woman to be with you in serious relationship if you persist to be close to your exes, we have different views on what is respectful and what is not it seems

[HentaiMaster23]

Everyone I dated was completely fine with it

[isjusti]

what would you think if your mum for example was going out with her ex couple times a week because they are friends? Leaving your dad alone at home

[HentaiMaster23]

Well My Mom's dead so it would be kinda weird, but I wouldn't care, there married, and both are Christians, so it's not like she's gonna cheat

[isjusti]

sorry to hear about you mom :( ok fair enough, i can't see it this way but if it works for you, why not

[Fearless_banana]

I agree fcking Lol @ these people trying to rationalize their friendships with their exes.

[isjusti]

indeed :)

[93stepsawayfromhome]

I have to disagree. An ex can be a friend, especially if the relationship ended because you drifted apart or the love just faded away. If you had a rough breakup, it's a bit weird to stay friends, but I don't agree with this "an ex is an ex and cannot be a friend" mentality, tbh.

[ThisDudeHere]

I am certain I would be able to remain friends with an ex but I would not text them every single day. I don't text anyone every single day, except for the girl I like. Texting an ex all the time is a Chinese communist flag.

[Barrabus_the_Free]

Ex's are ex's for a reason.

If I was seeing a chick that was that friendly with her ex, I'd walk.

[isjusti]

yes i agree

[Katerina_Belle]

"As a boyfriend/girlfriend you shouldn't be talking to anybody that used to like you, likes you, or you used to like... that's the first rule"

It's what I will always stand by.

[pirofaz]

Welll, my best friend is someone i liked and fell hard into her, and that is how our interaction began, she didn't felt the same, but she was friendly, somwe stayed friends.

She hae been very valuable, she had guided me a lot in regard to dating, so in a way, any future girlfriend should be grateful of her presence in my life rather than jealousy.

[Katerina_Belle]

@pirofaz And what if your friend said one day she likes you too? Would you not feel even an inkling of what you felt before for her again?

Don't get me wrong, I understand what you mean, but I wouldn't feel comfortable knowing my guy is meeting up, talking to a girl with who there's been feelings involved - call me insecure if you must - though if it was and always has been platonic then I wouldn't mind.

[pirofaz]

the thing is, i dont get in relationships with people who i like less than my friend... long time ago i decided that i won't go for the consolation price or the second best... if i find myself thinking " this girl is nice but i would prefer to have something with my friend"... then the girl is not the right one

so, if im in a relationship with someone is because that someone passed the comparison test... in with case, if my friend confessed feelings for me, i would never change my girlfriend for my friend... neither would i cheat.

also im pretty sure she is not into me

finally, the thing is that lots of cheating doesn't occur with the friend you know, but with the person he/ she didn't tell you about

[Katerina_Belle]

@pirofaz No, I'm not talking about cheating here.

So you used to like your friend,
she doesn't have feelings for you like that,
and you have a girlfriend now (I'm not saying you like your girlfriend any less - it's not about that here)

Say few months down the line your friend (the one you used to like) says she has feelings for you.

I'm not saying you'd cheat or do anything for that matter. But think from a gf's point of view... I highly doubt she would be happy with you spending time with someone that has feelings for you (and you used to like) - even if she trusts you?

And what if the roles were reversed? What if a guy she used to like, likes her now, would you be okay with them spending time together - without wondering if her previous feelings may come back?

And ofc I understand that everyone is different with how they feel about things, but myself personally wouldn't feel so comfortable if my boyfriend was chilling with a girl he's had feelings for before or she had feelings for him.

[pirofaz]

i wouldn't be 100% comfortable either, but i would not forbid her from having that friend... i would of course voice my concern, express how i feel, but more for the purpouse of communication and mantaining her informed so she can make better decisions.

its something we would have to handle as a couple... but so are many things, for example, im currently working on another country, if i had a country in my country of origin, neither of us would be totally comfortable, the two of us would be wondering what the other is doing, we would have to handle it in the healthiest way for us... depending on the couple, some might have to quit the job to return to being with its parner, while others might be able to handle it.

no couple is the same as you mentioned, so every couple will have to figh its own problems, every relationship will have its own demons, just like every person has its demons

[Katerina_Belle]

@pirofaz Yeah I agree every person and relationship is different and these things need to discussed and boundaries need to be put in place for the 3rd person.

[singlebee]

This should get a MHO ;-)

[Katerina_Belle]

@singlebee Thankss ;)

[singlebee]

Lol welcome :-)

[phil2]

I had a friend who was dating a guy that said he was best friends with his ex. They broke up a year later and he is still single but so is she.

[Anonymous]

I dated most of my friends before becoming friend.. and my beast friend I dated for 3 years and thay are my Ex now but were still close were more like family now.

[singlebee]

Awesome! Take!!!
I never will be with a girl who had her ex in her life...

She can only have me..

[lolaluva09]

I agree.

[dudeman]

yeah I've remained good friends with exs but we have talked about it if either of us get into a serious relationship the friendship must end.

[dudeman]

out of respect for the new people in out lives its a must. i would expect the same from a women I've actually dumped women for this in the past. they think im controlling and i just tell them im not a little bitch who will be disrespected.

[LoloWaye]

I don't believe in being friends with exes. I think it's an excuse not to let go of people.

[Deconstruction]

Why would you need an excuse to not let go of people who you're perfectly fine with, except for being unable to have a fruitful romantic relationship?

[LoloWaye]

@Deconstruction Relationships come and go. Once they end I truly believe there's no reason to hold on to the person. Maybe I'm jaded from things I've seen and experienced but I just can't be comfortable with someone who still talks to their ex regularly.

[Deconstruction]

I don't think most people actually understand relationships in any sensible way. Two sensible adults can terminate the romantic portion of their relationship while still being interested in each other in other ways, or at least that's been the case for me. I never hated any of my exes, we just grew apart. There was no melodrama, we'd mutually break up.

But then again I was also always looking out for persons who are as sensible as I am, who would understand this. I most certainly would not keep being friends with somebody who I could not be friends prior to the romantic relationship, nor would I ever end up in such a scenario.