There may be a time in your life when you realize that you are falling for someone. This person may seem completely normal on the outside, but they are fighting a battle on the inside, and this battle takes place in their mind. The person that you have falling for has depression. What are you supposed to do now?
You love this person, and you want to try your hardest to help them. Well, this fight won't be easy, and it may even take it's toll on you as well. That's one of the few things you have to remember when dealing with this sort of thing.
As a person who suffers with depression, I can give you a few pointers on what to do when dealing with us. Remember that bot every sufferer is the same, and may respond to things differently, so keep that in mind. Here are a few basic things that you need to know when you find out your significant has fallen to the hands of this horrible disorder.
It’s not your fault.
When they become distant or want to be left alone, it’s easy to take that personally. You feel like you’re the reason for this. You’re not. It existed far before they even had met you. Countless times I would have episodes of hitting rock bottom, and my boyfriend would ask, “Is it my fault?” I felt horrible that he would feel like it was his actions causing me grief, when it wasn’t him at all.
It’s not about you at all. One action is not enough to trigger depression. It is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. Please do not feel like it’s you. I promise you it isn’t.
It will be difficult at times.
Nobody said that it was ever easy, and when dating someone suffering from depression, you have to be fully committed to this person. Sometimes, when they are suffering from a depressive episode, they can bring you down as well. Sometimes we will want space and will push you away. Sometimes we will want comfort when it gets really bad, and a hug or an “I’m here” can do wonders.
It’s a long, winding road when dealing with a person suffering from this, and you may feel like giving up, but that person will thank you in the end. If you really love this person, you should try your very best to make it easier for them to cope. Don’t give up on them.
There are no quick fixes.
Struggling with depression, I realized that even the good things that have happened to me did not make it go away for good, and that sad feeling in the pit of my stomach would always come back to haunt me eventually.
Depression is a disease that can affect someone’s entire way of life, and there’s no magical solution that can automatically make it disappear. Sure, there are ways to cope- therapy, medication, etc. but you have to remember that no matter what you do, it will not just magically disappear.
Do your research.
If you're dating someone who is depressed, it helps to educate yourself on depression. Read self-help books to learn how to deal with it. You should also consider seeing a therapist yourself. It will give you someone to talk to when things get hard, and that way you can get professional advice from someone who knows what they're talking about.
Just try to be there for them.
Like I already mentioned, there is no quick solution for depression. Remember that you are not their therapist, you are his or her girlfriend or boyfriend. You may not know what the right thing to say will be or how to make them feel better, and that’s okay. Sometimes we need to be reminded that you are here for us. Give them a hug, a kiss, or just lay in bed with them and cuddle. Even a simple text saying “I’m here for you” is viable effort.
Remember that you can’t fix it on your own.
This is so important. It's so easy to fall into this way of thinking, that you can take away this person's depression. When we're dating someone, we want to save them and be the one who makes everything better. You have to remember that you can't do this alone, and that it will take a long time of hard work before they are better.
You matter too.
This is by far the most important thing to remember. When loving someone who is depressed, you can find yourself putting all of your time and energy into that person, thus forgetting that you have value too. You may find yourself skipping things that you have to get done in order to make your loved one happy. I remember my boyfriend doing this, and it would make me feel horrible. He didn't have to stop doing the things he loved for me.
And when you find yourself doing this, you will go insane. Please remember that your happiness matters just as much as your S.O.'s, and that you are important too. Your S.O. probably does not want you to feel like that either.
Hopefully this helps. If you, or someone you love is suffering with depression, please seek help, and stay strong. <3
#Depression #Dating #ThingsToRemember
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