"Nice guy" is the most misinterpreted term in today's dating world. The most famous line of today's dating scene is: Nice guys finish last.
The worst thing is we are confusing a real nice guy with a fake nice guy.
A real nice guy: He is genuine, kind, helpful, caring, interesting, charming, loving, understanding, respecting, sweet, loyal, faithful and doesn't befriend you to only have sex. He is nice not because he wants to get into your pants, but because he has been brought up like that. They generally show his likeliness towards the girl from the beginning. If the girl doesn't show the signs of liking him, he doesn't chase her relentlessly but give her space by either limiting his friendship or cutting off to move on, but always wants the best for her. The biggest myth is a nice guy can't be a party lover or good looking. It's bullshit.
A fake nice guy: He PRETENDS to be all the things a real nice guy is, but always keep his feelings under wraps, hoping that the girl would notice his feelings and then they can have a happily ever after. They generally befriend a girl to date her or to get into pants, and on not getting their way, they claim the girl to be a slut or bitch. They relentlessly chase a girl despite her clear indication that he is just a friend to her. The thing that they don't realize is they can't truly imitate someone else. Being what you are matters. Since they are not being themselves, they come off as clingy, needy and not charming at all.
Now, it's also true that some girls go after jerks. It's just because when a woman is young, she is more into popularity, danger and stuff like that. But almost all the times, the relationship ends with a broken hearted girl. Only if the girl was sensible and wise, she wouldn't have fallen for a jerk. But as women grow up, their priorities change and they develop their self-esteem and hence want a guy who would treat them with real respect (not fake ones who want to get into her pants.) But seriously, real nice guys don't need to change themselves for girls who have not developed their mindset just yet. Those who say that they want a 'bad boy' just sound immature, and that's all. They go after them due to the way media portrays them, but once they enter into a relationship, they realize it was all bullshit.
All the women who are genuinely looking for a long term relationship or marriage would prefer some who can charm her and respect her and she can actually see her future with him.
So, to all the real nice guys: we, girls, want you. We want someone who is capable of spending cute nights with us instead of going out with friends and doing drugs. We want someone who would hold us and comfort us instead of ripping the clothes off at every given chance. We want someone who would be loyal to us and we do not someone who is just 'popular'. Seriously, you peeps are amazing, and you won't finish last! :)
Almost all fake nice guys are real nice guys. No actual jerk would fake being a nice guy for long since it doesn't 'work'.
The fake nice guys are actual nice guys who were always told that 'nice' is the main thing women want, that most guys are jerks and that women want a nice guy. But no women want them. So they figure they need to try -harder- They go from just genuine nice into doormat over the top inoffensive nice. They think they -have to- because apparently they're not nice enough. Not only that, but by the standards they have been raised by it IS true that pretty much only 'jerks' get the girl. Note that I think plenty of genuinely nice men get women. But boys are being brought up being told too much that being nice is what matters and also that plenty of direct mature and confident behavior is 'being a jerk'.
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Yeah, that's not really true. Nice guys are sometimes viewed as creepy, clingy, or uncool. Most nice guys I know are kinda desperate, and everyone knows that's unattractive. Nice guys aren't usually very confident, and girls prefer confident guys because they don't need constant approval from their girlfriends.
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I can type a lot about nice guys vs bad guys think but the thing I've realized most about it is that guys want to believe that a girl rejected them for being the "nice" guy but in reality she probably rejects you because she doesn't like you in that way! That's just the truth! People like what they like and sometimes you don't even know if the guy is a so called bad guy or not. Majority of times they come in dressed as the nice guy!
The other thing... oh so often catch guys out going for the bad girl as well who treats them like shit. It's such a double standard that only girls go for guys who are "players" or mean to them... just browse a bit on the site and see how many guys have put up with serious bitchy behavior from girls who obviously don't give them what they deserve but yet they cling onto them as well and want them! So really... before guys make it out to be only a female thing they should ask if they don't sometimes turn obsessed with a girl who doesn't like them back or who is the "bad girl" too. It goes both ways!
Lastly... there are nice guys who have the potential of doing lots of heartbreaking things too. I've seen it. In fact, all the guys who ever broke up my heart were "nice" guys because guess what? Even nice people can do bad things sometimes cause NO ONE is perfect especially not in romance. Every single person has flaws and makes errors. It's BS if people think "nice" guys never do anything wrong or don't have the potential to do shitty things. As I say.. I'm talking out of experience. I never dated a cliche bad boy before in my life. All of em were nice guys but just unfortunately did some things that hurt me and that's OK too because I understand that sometimes feelings change. people change and that's normal.I hate the term "nice guy" because it sets itself up for the whole "nice guy this" "not nice guy that" and "friendzone bullshit".
Everyone: be yourself and take no for an answer. Guys chasing girls, girls chasing guys, girls chasing girls, guys chasing guys, everyone chasing freaking anyone.
I dated (in order) a guy who seemed nice but was emotionally distant, we are friends now. A guy who seemed like a "nice guy". He was borderline abusive and cried all the time. And now I am with "The One." We started as friends and everyone around us knew there were sparks, but we just let things develop naturally and found that we had basically everything in common. We live together and are about to get engaged.
I was never looking for "the nice guy" I never wanted "the nice guy". I wanted the honest, strong, clever, funny, respectful guy.
I think we should do away with "nice guy" cause fuck nice; nice is boring. It doesn't mean I want an asshole or a jerk, but if the best thing you can say about a guy is that he is nice? Who cares?
I want the respectful guy. I want the guy who knows me so well, he knows when my body is saying no even if I am not. I want the guy who asks what's going on and is there to help when I need it. I want the guy who also knows how to drag me out of my shell and help me do things I am scared to do alone.
I want the honest guy. I want a guy to not play games and think that I need or deserve or want something based on some bullshit misconceived notion of whatever. I want the guy who will put up with my mild insecurities (and if he does so, they become less and less) and help me get over them. I want the guy who won't make me feel bad for feeling a little jealous every now and then.
I want the best friend guy. Someone I can talk to about anything and everything. I'm lucky. I got him.
Basically, be yourself, it's so much easier, and you come off as way more honest and will attract other honest people.
(guys/girls same difference)Can I ask what am I doing wrong?
I am 34 years old and have never been approached by any woman, and I have never had an honest woman make first contact on a dating site; they are always con artists.
I have had zero positive replies from women on dating sites in 15 years.
I am a 34 years old Christian Virgin man and was told on the last two American dating sites I was on to go hire a prostitute and get some experience in one case.
In another casee, because I have been perpetually unemployed for living in Louisiana, I was told by a woman, "No self respecting woman would ever date an unemployed man (you)."
That was in response to me asking for her "Female expertise" about what to do with my profile. My response to her was that if I made as much money as half the women on the site claimed to make, I'd tell a woman she could stay at home and never have to work again.
I have probably messaged thousands of women over the years and never, ever gotten a positive response.
I tried going to the female dating counselor's site and read what she wrote and I told her, "I already do all that and it never works."
Dating services I've tried:
Christian Mingle
Christian Singles
Plenty of fish
OkCupid
DateHookup
Match
Eharmony
Zoosk
speedate
many, many more.
You talk about nice guys can still party. I question whether you know what a nice guy is, because the guys women always go for do nothing but make dirty sex jokes about women behind their back all day long.
But seriously, what is a person supposed to do when Christian women don't date Christian men, and specifically put "no virgins" or "Sexually experienced men only" in their profile?
How did I get this way?
Rejected one day at a time. Gets really, really, really old.
I don't talk dirty to women unless they start it first, like heavy flirting or something, and I don't treat people badly. At this point I simply don't get it.
I'm 5'9", 185 lbs.
Thanks for any help, but I've probably heard it before.So I'm not nice if I'm not charming enough. Girls have been overlooking me since highschool or forever. Thought I'm gay or something. It's my experience the vast majority of girls aren't interested in you unless you make gross sexual statements about them. Which I never do except to be ironic and stupid channeling Uncle Jimbo from South Park, and wouldn't you know it some dumb girl thinks I'm being SERIOUS with what I'm saying and is attracted to it.
I've yet to meet ONE girl who would take me for real and so much as kiss me. And met more than 10 who say shit like "you're a nice guy, a lot of girls really want someone like you". But no one really wants me. They all so far want the jerk who invites them to come over and make out then kicks them outta the house after they fucked. Or the ADHD drunk with no attachments or inhibitions. I've known both those guys well.
It's still a myth to me. Girls and people in general act nice or inviting to me and everything. But very few people want to do things with people outside their regular life. I don't force myself into other people's lives for selfish reasons. My jerks friends do all the time though. The most action I've had since high school is some girl I barely know invited me to an ecstasy orgy over the holidays, to which I politely declined.
The fake nice guys sound less like me, but still sound like people genuinely trying who just have their hopes crushed over and over. Not like they're all secretly nice. But some may just be misinterpreted and frustrated from past experience. The jerks, the guys who don't care, genuinely lie and say the most convenient thing while their actions say "I don't care". I feel sorry for some dude (or girl) who's actions follow through and tries to be "nice" only to be tossed aside when they have their own feelings that can be hurt or ignored. Not everyone has amazing communication skills but many still try. While some people have amazing charismatic communication but are total sociopathic takers who don't care about anything.
Anyway I've all but given up. If someone invokes my notice, like they stand out for whatever reason I'll turn that into a compliment, like might have come naturally before. Like if someone looks like they're trying to dress up for something or just whatever. The regular things. That doesn't really seem like flirting or show my interest as much.
Whether or not I'm a nice guy isn't something I could tell you for sure. But so far I'm finishing last.Allright. While I agree there are some dysfunctional self proclaimed "nice guys" who are really just insincere different kind of assholes, there are still genuinly nice guys and they tend to have hard time finding someone.
So I'll share something here to present my point. I am not gonna proclaim myself as a nice guy since that's a little bit cheesy. But I have been characterized as "kind, loyal, smart amd witty" by most of my close friends. Yet I have very time finding someone, both for casual sex or long term relationship. The thing is that most girls don't go for assholes as myth claims, but they go for that superficial flash and charisma that assholes often have. Most will reject guy just becouse he tends to be a little nervous or shy and rarely take a moment to find out what he's about.
"They generally show his likeliness towards the girl from the beginning. If the girl doesn't show the signs of liking him, he doesn't chase her relentlessly but give her space by either limiting his friendship or cutting off to move on" - That's jsut it. "Signs and crap". I have been accused of that few times. The thing is that most guys do not get frickinn signs. Like this girl I have been on one date with and liked texted me few times that she's swamped and doesn't have a time to meet me in 10 days so I believed her and texted her after that and it took few texts until she finally texted me that she's not interested in seeing me again. Why didn't just say that outright and instead insulted my intelligence and demenead herself with idiotic excuses? I can handle rejection, it's part of life. But what I can't handle is insincerity.
"But as women grow up, their priorities change and they develop their self-esteem and hence want a guy who would treat them with real respect"
That's downright insulting. Basically you are saying "While I am young I am going to injoy myself with attractive bad boys and when I am older I am gonna find myself some nice, reliable smuck...I disagree with your descriptions. the "nice" guy (in your scenario) is the one with game. the one who knows how to manipulate emotions to get what he wants. the "fake" nice guy is the one with no game who thinks he can get into a relationship by being honest and straightforward, but also respectful. It doesn't work that way. He comes of as "clingy", because he's emotionally reliant and afraid of loss and rejection (this is the reason he's not forthright about his emotions or interests. he's been taught to over value relationships and dread rejection, and that his instinctual attractions are wrong to have and that he should be ashamed). this is due to lack of experience or being less physically or behaviorally attractive. The more casual and "charming" guy knows he doesn't need you, because he can always find someone else, So he doesn't have the inhibitions or the fears of the clingy guy, and without the fear of loss or rejection, has practiced his game until he's good at it. He's not naturally charming, he's practiced. He knows how to use emotional and behavioral manipulation to his advantage. The clingy guy hasn't had this opportunity, and has insecurity and worth issues (not just due to relationship scarcity. society in general values the deceptive and manipulative individual and writes off the more honest and naive, and therefore socially clumsy individual as a worthless sucker). neither guy is really nice or not nice, just differently experienced. one is more advantaged. one is seen as inferior (and usually a creep for having sexual desires, which is completely idiotic because any guy who wants to be in a serious relationship with you is going to expect that there will be sex at some point. intimacy is one of the most important aspects of any mature relationship, and even guys without any interest in that sort of relationship will still probably have some form of attraction due to gender instinct. behaving as if this is anything but natural is cruel)
"So, to all the real nice guys: we, girls, want you": but ze nice guys do not want you anymore. Are we nice guys supposedly having to leave in solitude for 15 years until some broad start to "know" whats really good for her and starts noticing whats good about us?
keep enjoying your jerk guys , cause that is pretty much all you ever gonna get. we nice guys mooved on. And if we really need to get a girl i rather get a younger one who didn't rode the jerks cock caroussel. Im not Marrying either. I dont see the point of marrying a broad so i can have sex companionship and whatever else she can offer while she gave it all up before to some jerks before me free of charge/marriage contract. And many more ex nice guys like me will continue to be nice guys in everything else but for women. You have to stop to feed us lies cause we dont care or believe it anymore. Women want three things jerks and good looking guys , and once they get older and " get wiser" , they will pick some idiot like me that has the cash and the house. nice guys never got picked before for who they where and they won't be picked for who they are either now. Only jerks and good looking guys can really experience being "loved" by who they are. all the nice guys + not good looking guys will be loved for how much security= money status stuff they own. You can accuse me of beeing a fake nice guys if you want. i was once a real nice guy and now im neither one of them when it comes to relationships. tons of guy are and will become like me. they have seen the truth and saw through the lies. I just wished stuff like this would stop beeing published. Nice Guys DO finish last. and honestly if any nice guys has some self respect and self love left he will end up alone for the sake of his pride, and wallet.I don't like your post. I was number one and got nowhere with women. In fact most guys get taught to be genuinely nice (like number 1) but when they start not getting anywhere, they lose themselves and try change and lie and distort themselves and become number 2 because number 1 didn't work. Number 2 doesn't work either, so a nice guy grows to be a mess (like me). Nice guys fail in life, bottom line. Try this one, you said women like the more bad boys when they younger and its a phase? Well... those guys got experience with girls anyway so now you have a douche who knows how to attract women vs a nice guy who doesn't know women and can't attract them. Those guys had all the fun and grow into positivity while the nice guy got overlooked and got angry and bitter. Positivity attracts. Confidence attracts. Not "nice". And I think its utter bullshit that a guy must just accept that a woman will accept him when she is out that phase. Fuck that, my advice to young men is to be fun, whether that means fuck n discard, break hearts and be a douche (or not) and only at 30 or so settle. Then women have this other problem. Once a nice guy realizes his confidence and power, he may even cheat in marriages or long terms because he can and needs to reclaim that power he believed he never had... and guess what, he has every right to do so. That's why these super pick up artists are born in their 30's. Even Hugh Hefner dumped his girl at 28 and look what he did! Older women always ask what happened to the nice guys? The answer: Nice guys finally realized that nice guy doesn't work and rightfully changed.
Great observations complicatedgirl! I couldn't agree with you more. Following reading your commentary I read through a good number of reader responses. What I saw was a pretty good spectrum of what is out there in the dating world which is what I would put into two groups, although I realize that as human beings are much more complicated than this. The first group are the wounded and the cynical. Embittered guys who are resentful that being 'nice' is repellant to the girls they desire and so they become predators and narcissists which brings flocks of girls to their bed. This is followed by women who have a list of expectations for guys who are honest, faithful, etc. and exhort men to just 'be themselves.' The second group, which there are few members, more or less agree with your view, as do I, that this is more of a matter of development and maturity. I had the great opportunity to discuss this subject with my mom who is a physician and my aunt who is a therapist and a professor of clinical psychology. They agree with you! Some of their gems were: "The need to establish an attractive (or confident) identity paired with one's sexual needs is difficult in our society that puts so much value into physical beauty and wealth. The physically young or developmentally immature get snagged into this web for quite awhile... if not their entire lives. It makes it impossible for them to ever discover who they really are so that, as your readers suggest, 'be themselves.' Those who are lucky enough to get through this maze or contest of sexual need and personal validation... can see what enormous illusion (or bullshit) it all is! The more one is invested in developing one's intellect, physical grace, and abilities that engross as well as find satisfying (i. e., my mom's a classical pianist; my aunt's a 6th degree black belt) the less one invests their entire world and self-esteem on the approval of a man... or his bed." Same thing applies in reverse for men!
I see this shit a million times on this site. I've seen good girls go after guys who do drugs, use them for sex and three ways, and do other bad things, and they chose those guys over genuinely nice guys.
I've also seen bad girls who drink, smoke, and do a lot of stupid things without trying to better themselves choose nice guys. I've seen good girls with good guys, and bad girls with bad guys. I think this whole "nice guy" thing is just the observations of the biased average single male high school student. I think people are gonna like who they like based off their nature, nurture, and all that shit about pharamones in Men's Health magazines.
I used to be the "nice guy", recently some chick called me an asshole, sorta playfully.
I take it all with a grain of salt. my point is these posts are helpful in showing guys how not to feel so entitled to a relationship or a woman's love. But it's also annoying saying every girl likes nice guys, when just like men, they date both. I also think there are levels to how bad you are and I
Am Micheal Jackson Bad. Sham-on!I can vouch for this. I've only gotten compliments for doing nice things or being respectful. It's generally been PUA books/sites that say I'm not "alpha enough", which generally translates to "aggressive enough".
Keep in mind, guys, you have control here. If it pisses you off that a girl likes aggressive guys, it is much more wise to simply not consider her as a worthy dating prospect, rather than actually becoming more aggressive. Think about this: Would you want to date a girl knowing those were her standards?
And being chill also goes a long way. I think that's part of the issue. If you are with someone to is really nervous, it makes you nervous too. Most of the time, this social anxiety eases up with exposure.
And then there are "cold approaches". I'm not sure what the actual statistics are, but relationships rarely start from seeing some girl at a bar and throwing some pickup line. A lot of times relationships form with people you've known for a while, or people you met when you weren't explicitly looking for a girlfriend.
I think if guys raise their standards towards personality traits and place less emphasis on appearance, it goes a long way towards not shortchanging themselves.I think one important distinction to make here is the point made about "keeping your feelings under wraps and hoping she notices" as being part of the "Bad 'Nice Guy' Profile." That's bullshit. There are a ton of reasons a guy might keep his feelings under wraps that have nothing to do with trying to deceive a girl or get into her pants. I kept my feelings secret because I'd been hurt by rejection before and I didn't want to risk the friendship I was thoroughly enjoying on the gamble that she might feel the same way I did. I lacked self-confidence. I'm an introvert. I worried that if I told her I was in love with her, I'd freak her out with how deeply in love with her I was, or I would make her feel awkward around me and lose our friendship.
In the end, it was the wrong decision, and I would advise any other guy not to keep those feelings bottled up. I would give anything to go back and tell her exactly how I felt about her, as soon as I realized I'd fallen in love with her. Our friendship would have survived it even if she still wasn't attracted to me (it did survive, we're still friends), because we genuinely cared about each other and enjoyed each others' company. But I believe that my lack of self-confidence was unattractive to her, and that by waiting too long I missed my window of opportunity.
"Fake" Nice Guys are divided from real ones in one major regard: they think that the girl *owes* them romantic and/or sexual attention. They think that they deserve to be their boyfriend because they demonstrate kindness and thoughtfulness toward them. And when they don't get it, they show their true colors. Real nice guys are nice because they know you should treat people with respect and kindness, like the article said.
In the end, don't worry about the girls who want to be with bad boys. Be yourself, and don't pretend to be someone you're not.Back in middle school, I had a crush on this girl. But I was too shy to say anything to her. But I sad hi to her when I say her and just kept watching her all through the school year.
I had summer gym and by some miracle she was in it too. But about halfway through it she walked up to me and said, 'look I don't like being stalked, can you stop?' she said. Even with my heart shattering I nodded and apologized. Then two friends of hers walked up to me and said that she was joking and told me to hug her.
I wanted to punch them since I knew they were just lying to me and trying to make me look dumb, but I walked away. When I got home that day, I locked myself in my room and cried. And to this day I don't even think of even attempting to try and start a relationship with a girl.
I never told my parents about this but I let it slip out around my brother one time. He was surprisingly Symantec to me about it but I think he's forgotten about it.
I want to have a relationship with someone, I really do. But my confidence was destroyed that day, I'm told I'm a nice guy by everyone but it still never helped me get any of it back.I think the term "nice guy" has a negative connotation
i like saying i am a kind man =), or a gentleman lover ;)
This is a great take =)
but i have one problem, that these articles always mention... The nice guys finish last because they pick up the girl at the end, after she is emotionally unstable, highly insecure, and on the decline of physical attractiveness. The jerks get first dibbs, and she gets used, the nice guys get the leftovers.
You yourself said it " But as women grow up, their priorities change and they develop their self-esteem and hence want a guy who would treat them with real respect (not fake ones who want to get into her pants.) But seriously, real nice guys don't need to change themselves for girls who have not developed their mindset just yet. Those who say that they want a 'bad boy' just sound immature, and that's all. They go after them due to the way media portrays them, but once they enter into a relationship, they realize it was all bullshit."
You are right there is nothing wrong about being a real nice guy, but there is something wrong with the girls in this society who chase after the jerks, nice guys shouldn't have to change, dumb girls should... and before they are too old a womans physical attractiveness usually peaks at around 21 years of age...
so isn't this limiting a womans opportunity to find nice men early on?
just a thoughtFrom a man's perspective ~ True nice guys are rare on the single scene because they are a valued partner. However, after awhile the nice guy's giving personality is often seen as a weakness by self centered women.
My ex-fiancé always thought that I owed her for whatever the reason. The more I did for her the less she did for herself. I essentially enabled her to live a life of zero accountability.
The breaking point came when she viewed all men the same & left me for an unemployed high school drop out because he was available to spend time with her whilst I was working overtime to pay for her wants. After a few months she was begging me to take her back. I wish her all the best in life... Just as long as I am not in her life.
While those perusing my commentary may think this is just one person they could not be more wrong than to leap to this conclusion. I have seen it first hand where nice guys are taken advantage of by women over & over again. In a relationship one person gives & the other takes. Emotional balance just isn't achieved & the giver ends up becoming hurt by the taker. The taker develops a since of entitlement & neither individual are in a healthy relationship.
Nice guys do finish last because the not so nice take advantage of them because their caring & selflessness are seen as a weakness to be exploited.I like to differentiate by using the terms "nice guys" vs. "good guy." I think people use the term "nice guy" to specifically refer to the fake guys, or to refer to themselves by their actions whilst ignoring their own motives.
I think the difference is rooted in love vs. desire. Love is an action and a desire to do what's best for someone. Love means caring about someone, not simply desiring someone. You can love a person without desiring them and you can desire them without loving them.
A "nice guy" is one who desires to be with a girl and is doing what he thinks will best get him to that point as he cannot fathom the attractiveness of the "badboy" type to women.
A "good guy" is one who loves people. He treats a woman well because he respects her rather than assuming he has respected her BY treating her well. A good guy is someone who loves the girl regardless of her love or desire for him and who is willing to forego any desire he has for her for the sake of her happiness.
I think a good example of the difference between a good guy and a nice guy would be their response to the girl they like getting in a relationship with a bad boyfriend. (And I mean like a genuinely bad relationship).
A nice guy recognizes that it's a bad relationship and hopes tells her that she should leave it or acts especially nice in hopes that she will agree that the nice guy is a better option and fall for him instead.
A good guy recognizes that it's a bad relationship and warns her that it won't end well in hopes of saving her heartache and in order to keep her safe. In this situation, while he may hope perhaps she'll consider him as an alternative, he'll be happy if she is safe regardless of what she does if/when the relationship ends.In my experience, the difference is age. teenage girls and even women in their 20's want to be with a popular guy. A guy who is biologically desirable. ie in high school, plays sports and is "hot" nice hair, dresses well, and is popular. When they get older they want the guy who is the dangerous type, who is muscular and slick and drives a cool car, etc. But here's a hint for all of you girls out there. These guys are assholes. A guy that feels the need to drive a sports car, and has an inflated ego, works out all the time to build his muscles. These kinds of guys are 1. not going to treat you like a real person, they see you as another status symbol "the hot girl they got" 2. I can guarantee these guys are terrible in bed. because they don't have any real feelings for you and aren't concerned with your pleasure. "If" you happen to orgasm when your with them it won't be because they were trying to please you. these guys are compensating for coming up short down there.
Now I can't say that all nice guys will end up being well endowed but they will definitely put the effort into pleasing you, orally, etc. trust me the guy that compliments you and is "sweet" is really someone you should be with. You'll have a much better relationship with him. And who knows you might get lucky and he'll be well endowed too :)I am an introverted guy who suffered bullying at school for a very long time. Got chronic depression and I have 5 types of anxiety disorder. I also have anger issues, specially when it comes to my relationship with my dad. I have felt rejected my whole life and I must say I dont take rejection well. It feels like going through everything I've been trying to overcome for years again. It all comes back to me in a second. I am really dilligent. I try to help because I think that helping others is the day to day sign that people care about something or someone. Gathering this with my abandonment issue I come out needy and clingy to most women. Of course, thats not attractive at all. But according to you Im supposed to be a dickhead because Im clingy and I dont take rejection very well? Like Im some schemer? I've had enough of bullies making up stuff about me on school. I dont need norwant to call anyone a bitch. You obviously have some background but what you're doing here is label people you dont know.
I agree with you a lot on this.
Although, I do have girls that are friends that I did want to have sex with and so did they with me but they have boyfriends and also we didn't want to destroy the relationship.
As long as both of you are 100% ok with the situation then that's 100% OK! :)
The Friend Zone is ok as long as you both talk it through and respectful of each others feelings.
In my book, its called "Safe Zone"
Also the safe zone, he is (like you said) "The genuine nice guy. He isn't trying to act like the girls or the gay male girlfriend.
He is just accepting the platonic instead of the romantic.
And if the guy is successful with tons of other women who want him then it doesn't matter whether or not the guy is agreed in the "Friend Zone" which is actually , "Safe Zone"
"Safe Zone' Guys give that woman space and don't breathe down their neck getting into their personal business 24/7.
Just a genuine good guy who can stand up for himself when somebody crosses the line and is nice when he needs to be nice.That's funny that this is even coming from a girl. As a guy, let me tell you something that I've learned. Nice guys, DO finish last. I hate to even say it myself because for so long I wanted to prove that phrase wrong. I USED to fit the description of a nice guy, now I don't even care anymore. I had many friends that were girls who would always come to me if their boyfriends were mistreating them, and I was ALWAYS there to help, only to see them spit on my face to go out with another douche bag. There's a reason why I'm still a virgin, not because I'm TOO nice, but because NO girls ever want the nice guy, they ALWAYS go for the bad boys. Nice guys are stepped on left and right, and girls are always complaining why they can never find a nice genuine guy. I've not only seen this with my own eyes, I've LIVED IT. If I ever had a girlfriend, she'd be my everything. I'd treat her like a queen (not so much that's it's obsessively weird) but I'd treat her like a lady, because that's how she deserves to be treated. I wouldn't (I don't even do it now) demand for sex and our relationship would be an open sort of friendship. We'd go crazy together, laugh, share memories, you get the point. Now, it doesn't even seem like girls want that. Here's what I see. The girl goes out with this tool, gets hurt, and then the nice guy steps in. The girl does acknowledge the nice guy, I'll give her that, but ONLY if it benefits her, meaning if he isn't any help for her getting another boyfriend, he's basically useless. Then the girl goes out with another tool, thinking she can change him, only to get hurt again. And then the WHOLE cycle starts all over again. Well you know what? I'm sick and tired of being treated like shit. In my eyes, the more AGGRESIVE men seem to get what they want. Is that what I have to become to get a girl? I can go on and on about this, but truth is, NICE GUYS FINISH LAST, and guess what, it's NOT OUR FAULT. Open your eyes girls and start treating the REAL men right.
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