He says he doesn't love me... does he mean it?

My ex boyfriend and I were together for 2yrs and 8 months and we broke up about 2 to 3 weeks ago. We were always together I am away at a University and he is back home 3 hrs away so we would always visit or at least try. This semester I have been super busy with school, work, and my organization that I didn't have a lot of free time and was always tired. Lately every time he called he said he wanted to talk about everything which was annoying because all he would do is fight not talk at all so I just would say not right now. I didn't want to be more stressed it seemed like the usual so I just let it go thinking I would just fix it when we were both calm. Things just got worse and when I called to fix things Monday he said I was too late that I pushed him too far I was shocked, too far? What did I do I never cheated on him or done anything seriously harmful. He says he was hurt and I didn't want to fix anything but he didn't do anything to make this fighting feel any different I thought it was just a small fight. Since that day I had been trying so hard to apologize begging for him back. He continued to say he loved me and missed me and I went home to see him at the end of the week to work things out and he would not budge. He kept saying I love you but I can't I don't want to be hurt by you anymore. I know he isn't cheating on me there is no possible way believe me. I left his house and went home the next day I gave him some time and called him at night and asked to go to dinner. He said no then I kept asking questions and finally he said he didn't love me and didn't want to be with me although he insisted the day before and pretty much the whole week. I don't know what to do I am so confused with this situation. Is he playing a game with me, will he come back. Does he really mean he doesn't love me? He knows I drive back to school on Sunday and didn't bother to call or text to say goodbye. Is he really done or just that angry, I know I should have given him more of my time but I had a lot of hw due and didn't need more stress. I talked to his mom and she says that she keeps telling him he is making a mistake and that they are hoping that he changes his mind. I have done so much for him as he has done for me and I just feel like I deserve a chance.

Can anyone please give me advice this is driving me crazy I haven't talked to him for the past 2 days and he has not tried to make contact yet...


Most Helpful Girl

  • I was about to go to sleep but your question caught my eye (and my heart).

    First of all, I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. To hear him say that... well... I bet that there are hardly any words that can match the feeling. You have been together for a long time (especially for young people) and you have probably been through a lot together. For him to break up with you is like a stab in the heart and then for him to say "I don't love you" is like twisting the knife.

    You cannot control what this person does or says. And, of course, you'd only want him to stay with you out of his volition and you'd only want him to say "I love you" if there were truth behind those words. I feel like he did NOT have to say "I don't love you"; espcially seeing as how he said quite the opposite right before that! In my opinion it was a ploy to try and keep you at bay. In his head he was probably going "what would be an excuse that she can't argue with?". He then came up with that; which (I think you believe) is a lie, but it definately "did the trick" in terms of hurting you and keeping you away from him. If he wanted to end it (which he seems to have wanted to do) he did NOT need to dangle his love for you in front of your face. That is an abuse of power.

    You definately deserve some kind of explanation. You deserve to know why he really wanted to end it.

    My experience in this horrible situation has been that if you keep on pestering the man to explain himself you will STROKE HIS EGO and he will just continue to reiterate what he said "I don't love you". Leave him alone for awhile. Resolve, in your head, what you want to do. If I were you I would resolve to hear him out and then break up with him based on how badly the words "I don't love you" hurt (that is a HUGE breach of trust if it's not true).

    If nothing works out with him you are still going to come out of this amazing and fabulous! I wish you all the best. Remember: think of yourself first. You are the ONLY ONE who has to deal with your broken heart, sleepless nights, crying spouts, lonely walks. He simply ignited that bomb. Take care of yourself, girl.


What Guys Said 3

  • Too long. TMI.

    He means it. Don't be clingy.


  • I think he interpreted your being busy and tired as your having lost interest in him or putting him at a low priority.

    I am sure he has a mom who is either a home maker or has a job which allowed her to be home and dote over the kids and the dad a lot. So, to him it is natural to expect the woman to spend a lot of time with him and be always there and give him top priority.

    If this is the case, you need to learn to involve him with your life more by telling him about what you are doing and how it is going to make yours and his life together better.

  • just move the f*** on. there's nothing else you can do =]


What Girls Said 7

  • He doesn't love you anymore.

    You're going to have to move on because I'm pretty sure he has. I don't think he's going to change and you're probably just wasting your time. You've gotta put your best foot foward and move on with your life. You'll meet other guys, and one of them is going to be 'the guy'. So look foward and don't look back, he's not worth it.


  • Believe what someone tells you. Leave him and just move on.

  • just give him space...its what you have been craving. I would let him know in a hand written and mailed letter saying that you still lvoe him and are ready to put more time and effort into him soo, but that you are ready to work on youself right now. Tell him you want to be with him, and you hope to make things wonderful again down the road. Yeah...so just let him know you need the space he wasn't giving you, you are ready to give it soon but not yet, and you still love him and hope to be together and happy again soon. And then, you have to break the ties, let him be and accept that you may never see him again.

  • wheher he means it or not, thing is he doesn't want you again. you tried your best. he was selfish to think about himself only and not the trouble you were going through with school.you tried to talk to him, he didn't want to listen. his fault, not yours.

    leave him alone. love takes two people. if he wants out then stop being a desperate 'i-must-have-everything' woman and leave him in peace. if he really wants you, he'll come back.

  • ok define love. Someone once told me, if you found out the next day someone had died who was previously in your life, and you think you would cry. You love that person. Are you "in love" with that person romantically, maybe not. He might love you, but not want to be with you.

    I think my ex would be upset if I died, but he doesn't want to be with me.

    I pretty much think it's a terrible way to deal with a problem, but this is what our culture seems to do and except. It just sucks.

  • Move on, he doesn't love you anymore. Maybe if you leave him alone, he'll change his mind or maybe not. But either way, don't wait up upon him.