He says he doesn't love me... does he mean it?

My ex boyfriend and I were together for 2yrs and 8 months and we broke up about 2 to 3 weeks ago. We were always together I am away at a University and he is back home 3 hrs away so we would always visit or at least try. This semester I have been super busy with school, work, and my organization that I didn't have a lot of free time and was always tired. Lately every time he called he said he wanted to talk about everything which was annoying because all he would do is fight not talk at all so I just would say not right now. I didn't want to be more stressed it seemed like the usual so I just let it go thinking I would just fix it when we were both calm. Things just got worse and when I called to fix things Monday he said I was too late that I pushed him too far I was shocked, too far? What did I do I never cheated on him or done anything seriously harmful. He says he was hurt and I didn't want to fix anything but he didn't do anything to make this fighting feel any different I... Show More

Most Helpful Girl

  • I was about to go to sleep but your question caught my eye (and my heart).

    First of all, I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. To hear him say that... well... I bet that there are hardly any words that can match the feeling. You have been together for a long time (especially for young people) and you have probably been through a lot together. For him to break up with you is like a stab in the heart and then for him to say "I don't love you" is like twisting the knife.

    You cannot control what this person does or says. And, of course, you'd only want him to stay with you out of his volition and you'd only want him to say "I love you" if there were truth behind those words. I feel like he did NOT have to say "I don't love you"; espcially seeing as how he said quite the opposite right before that! In my opinion it was a ploy to try and keep you at bay. In his head he was probably going "what would be an excuse that she can't argue with?". He then came up with that; which (I think you believe) is a lie, but it definately "did the trick" in terms of hurting you and keeping you away from him. If he wanted to end it (which he seems to have wanted to do) he did NOT need to dangle his love for you in front of your face. That is an abuse of power.

    You definately deserve some kind of explanation. You deserve to know why he really wanted to end it.

    My experience in this horrible situation has been that if you keep on pestering the man to explain himself you will STROKE HIS EGO and he will just continue to reiterate what he said "I don't love you". Leave him alone for awhile. Resolve, in your head, what you want to do. If I were you I would resolve to hear him out and then break up with him based on how badly the words "I don't love you" hurt (that is a HUGE breach of trust if it's not true).

    If nothing works out with him you are still going to come out of this amazing and fabulous! I wish you all the best. Remember: think of yourself first. You are the ONLY ONE who has to deal with your broken heart, sleepless nights, crying spouts, lonely walks. He simply ignited that bomb. Take care of yourself, girl.