My boyfriend wears diapers as a security, how can I help him get over them?
he wore them because he felt lonely when he was young, and his mother didn't take care of him. thus they are his security now and he is attached to them, when I ask him to give them up for me he says I am tearing them from him. I don't know what to do
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Most Helpful Opinion
Not sure when this was posted so. You first need to realize he will never give them up, he will just hide it from you. Second the emotional attachment he get from them is something that he needs in his life even though he may not be able to fully explain it. Third and this is important what he wants is for you to become the more dominate person in the relationship. Telling him what to do and praising him when he does it and scolding him when he doesn't just like you would with a young child. Forth, he is looking for someone to accept him for who he is and love him with all their heart no matter what he wears. If you give him 4 hours on the weekend to indulge in his fantasy/fetish you will win him over completely and earn his unconditional love which is something that he probably finds extremely hard to give.
You might notice he gets close to you and then pulls away for no apparent reason at all. That is because he is afraid that if he gives everything to you and something happens he will be alone again. YES I understand all people feel this way, but in someone who has this fantasy/fetish that feeling is almost overbearing. It is a feeling that was instilled into his brain at a young age and resides deep in his subconscious.
The last thing that I am going to say is that if you truly love him for the person that he is, then you should allow him to some time to be able to indulge in his fantasy/fetish on a regular but not overbearing (for you) basis.
P.S. I used the terms fantasy and fetish side by side because what you might consider a fetish, he considers a fantasy. Something he desperately wants but doesn't know how to make it a reality with someone he loves.
What Guys Said 1
What Girls Said 4
OMG! My situation is exactly the same. My boyfriend just broke this news to me today, and I had absolutely no idea! I won't leave him, because he is amazing, and I love him. However, I am 100% uncomfortable with his fetish. He also told me it was because his mom didn't raise him, and he feels attached to them. I need to figure out a way to make him stop because this is entirely too much for me. Needless to say I won't allow him to wear them around me!
Maybe you can help him by taking him to a phsycologist, because they really know the best thing to do. The answer to solving a problem is not attacking the problem itself but the root of the problem. If you want a phsycologist to be your last option, the first thing I would try is replacing his "comfort" with some other comfort, like, maybe a baby blanket or maybe a rattle or something else baby like. Or maybe you can treat him like a baby until he feels comfortable again and gives up his insecurities. It's not that he doesn't love you, it's just that he is insecure and feels the need to somehow fix his past, and for some reason this is his way of reliving the past. The best thing you can do is take him to a therapist so he can get over his feelings of sadness from the past. Hope this helps!