I don't think my boyfriends sister likes me, what do you think?
Sorry for the long story. I just don't know what to do.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years and are getting really serious. I am a big time family girl. I think that it is important that whomever I marry that their family will like me as well. My boyfriend agrees. Since day one he has wanted me and his sister to become friends. However, I have been feeling mixed vibes from my boyfriends sister. We live hours away but we still communicate over the internet or phone. She visited us a month ago and I felt like we had bonding time. We actually had time to get to know each other. However, off and on for no apparent reason she acts irritated with me like she hates me. She is always hot and cold with me. She has been the same way with my boyfriend. He called her today and she was very snappy with him too. We are both very nice to her. I don't know if it is her personality or if she really just doesn't like me and him being together. She is always hanging out with his ex of 5 years. The one that wanted him back and probably still does. It bothers me that every time I feel like we are becoming friends she does a 180 for no reason and is very moody or ignores me. This girl is a grown woman in her early 20s but sometimes she throws fits when she doesn't get her way. How do you become friends with someone who acts like they like you one minute and hates you the next for no reason. She is the same with his ex. She tells me that she can't stand his ex but the next minute we hear that they are hanging out a lot. I just listen and never respond to her complaints about his ex because I don't believe in trash talk behind someones back. I don't know what to do because she is my boyfriends sister and most likely future sister inlaw. HELP
What's Your Opinion?
Most Helpful Opinion
You're in a relationship with him - not her - that's the most important thing to remember.
Being the 'sister' on the side of your story I might be able to offer some sort of insight. Then again, me, and your boyfriend's sister could be completely different people coming from completely different places.
You're not her friend, you're the girl her brother is dating. She technically doesn't have to have anything to do with you. There's nothing wrong with wanting to get along with her, wanting to be friendly towards her - but you don't need to try and become her friend. My brother dated his last girlfriend for a little over 4 years. I got along with her best out of all my brother's girlfriends actually, maybe because she was around the longest. But whilst we got along, I wouldn't really consider her my friend, and now they've broke up, it's rare I talk to her.
I guess what I'm trying to say is - she may at times be making an effort with you for his sake - but that doesn't mean she's going to appreciate you being around all the times you are around. It doesn't mean she's going to kick off and tell him to break it off with you either.
Sometimes I'd find myself not wanting to be around her when she was visiting, not because I didn't like her per se, or that I couldn't enjoy her company, I just felt like I didn't need that pressured on me. That just because she was with my brother, she didn't need to be my best friend. I had my own friends. So whilst I could get along with her okay - I wouldn't make plans to hang out with her or anything like that.
Just give her space. Don't think to much about building a relationship with her and just let it happen. You're insinuating yourself in a family unit and you become somewhat of an extension of her brother. I'm not saying you can never be friends down the line, but it doesn't mean just because you're with him she needs to instantly love you. If you think about it - you're someone who's been insinuated in her life with no say so from her.
What Guys Said 2
I would be skeptical that his sis is still friends with his ex. I was in a similar situation where my ex's mom was hot and cold with me. She was still friends with his ex. He told me that she's like that because she favors his ex over me. Then he would make excuses saying she's racist, etc. I finally confronted his mom about it because I couldn't take her hot and cold anymore. She said that she didn't want to tell me, because she didn't want to hurt me. That he should tell me himself, but that he's still in a relationship with his so-called "ex." I guess even when it comes to families they are very loyal to their own, and won't tell you something that you need to know. Confront his sis, make her talk!
What Girls Said 2
from my pov I have grown to learn that no matter how much we try to make people like us, it is just not possible. sometimes we have to be the grown ups in relationships... my advice just keep doing you, keep treating her like you want to be treated, stay on your grown woman and do not stoop to her level. a very wse person once told me that its not what people think about us but our own perspective that is skewed. just stop and mirror image!