Why do I feel so unlucky for not having a girlfriend?

[JustinX]

in my circle of friends it seems the i'm the only one single... but some of my friends is single from break up shortly he already have a gf... i socialize, nice, also i'm a shy guy, and looked serious most of the time, chick radar, quite intelligent... some said i'm intimidating because of my seriousness, but i do try to be funny sometimes. i feel like i'm the unluckiest person in the world for not having a gf. that is why i avoid my friends when they want to hang out cuz i know i'm the only one who is different all the time. forever alone i guess. i dont really believe in destiny. but i dont understand what is missing in me which my friends have? can you help me guys. sorry for the long message

[MrScTi]

You feel unlucky because in many ways you are unlucky. Your personality hurts your chances with girls because girls in most societies have a predetermined role as the ones being chased and courted, while guys have to not only pursue, but establish value and confidence in order to win her approval. Being shy and introverted cripples this equation, in that you are less likely to pursue and you might not come off as confident and complete.

Even if you had good value, like say a well-paying job and decent looks, you will still struggle with women. Pursuing and having confidence are THAT important. A girl will say yes to another guy that pursues her before ever approaching you and exploring what you have to offer under that shell. She assumes the role of the majority and therefore doesn't have to deviate. Same with the guy who approaches her. That's just the way the majority of relationships form. Outliers like shy guys and unapproachable girls will obviously suffer in their natural roles.

This is not a matter of effort. For many guys, appealing to girls is effortless. Sure, there may be some nervous moments in breaking the ice, but for the most part it wasn't simply effort that forged love. It was a natural meeting of minds and mutual desire. Right now, what's hurting you is your insecurity. You are insecure because you don't have a girlfriend. Insecurity is anti-confidence, and it inhibits your ability to pursue girls. If there is anything you need, it's confidence.

So where do you get that confidence? From you strengths. As cliché as it seems, you are dwelling too much on your weaknesses and consequently minimizing your strengths. You are good at something and somehow forgot because you allowed your weaknesses to make you feel inferior, or unlucky as you put it.

Getting girls is your weakness, so don't bother with it. Ironically, if you stop caring about that and do what you enjoy, you'll feel confident in yourself. That's what girls find attractive.

[JustinX]

I guess you are right. I decided not to think much about it but there are times that these things are stinging my mindand I'm going crazy. I guess I'm fated to be single forever then. I'll never be attractive in girls eyes. I hate for being so introvert and unconfident.

[MrScTi]

You're not doomed to be single forever. You are just less likely to find someone compared to other guys based solely on your personality. That's the reality of it. But by no means are you doomed to be single forever. You just need to work with what you were given.

I recommend changing your environment and meeting new people. Go to school and discover new fields of study. Keep shuffling the deck when you get an inferior hand. Don't settle with losing cards. This might sound crazy to a lot of people, but you have every right to reject situations that make you miserable. You become a product of your environment and your peers, and when you hang out with friends that make you feel inferior, remove yourself from that environment. Labeling them as friends does not mean they are good for you.

Study and practice meditation, at the very least. Your mind must be clear in order to see what matters.

[JustinX]

i know its crazy but i do get trouble sleeping and nightmares about this... i'm always at home playing video games when i'm not at work. before i was confident when i realize that no one is attracted to me and my confidence drastically goes down as the time goes by

[MrScTi]

Video games are not the solution. Being productive is. When you're productive, you feel good about yourself. Right now you're self-medicating by abusing video games. You could be using drugs or drinking alcohol. It's all an addiction, because you won't face reality. You're hiding from it.

This environment is not good for you, even though it feels good at the moment. Video games will ruin your life if you don't stop, and learn to find pleasure outside your front door. You have to go out and find your place in society. You belong, you just don't know where yet.

[JustinX]

but i'm really happy when i play video games

[MrScTi]

People are really happy when they snort cocaine as well. It's poison for the mind when used the way you're using it. To bury your sorrows. Trust me, you need to find an alternative that will make you a better person.

[JustinX]

dont compare video game to drugs

[MrScTi]

https://m.psychologytoday.com/basics/addiction

I didn't write the book, though I could have.

[JustinX]

i admit i'm addicted to games before but since i'm working now playing games is not my priority

[MrScTi]

You have a choice to make. Use your free time playing video games or use your free time living your life and improving yourself every day. Video games are not a necessity. There is life beyond these virtual universes where your actions actually lead to meaningful outcomes. Video games are a black hole of meaning and significance.

[JustinX]

okay at least i'm happy with it

[MrScTi]

Well, you made the choice. Live with the consequences.

[JustinX]

okay

[JustinX]

@MrScTi i've read your message a couple of times... but there are points i dont really understand or i', just mentally challenged

[MrScTi]

1. You are unlucky because your personality is incompatible with societal norms.
2. The main factors are your lack of approach and lack of confidence.
3. Trying hard to be somebody that you're not is the wrong approach.
4. The best approach is the be the best person you can be by utilizing your strengths. (video games are not a strength)
5. Stop caring about trying to get girls. They will come when you are ready.
6. If you focus on your strengths and be the best you can be, you will gain confidence to either approach or be approached. Girls will find you attractive.

[JustinX]

"approaching girls will gain a person confidence but how can person approach girls if he's not yet confident" whats with this logic? so what if i dont care about trying to get girls and possible get a girl for example at age 40 i'm pretty much left behind my friends are already married and have kids by that then... my weakness is a lot compared to my strengths... in my strengths i'm so average about it... nothing special

[MrScTi]

1. I never said that approaching girls gives you confidence.
2. You're only going to be single and 40 if you keep hiding away playing video games. When I say stop caring, I mean that you should not worry about finding girls because you are not ready. You have personal problems to solve.
3. If you don't think you're special, then make yourself special. Stop playing video games and study something meaningful.

[JustinX]

aside that my friends are lucky with girls they were also earning much better than i do. so when they invite me to hang out with them i refuse or make up stories that i'm not available.

[JustinX]

i know you never said the approaching girls to get confidence part... but i've seen someone give it as an advice

[JustinX]

actually i really want to learn japanese, korean, french and german language... and to improve my drawing skills but this video game consumes my interest to learn new things... hmm i gradually playing games less than it used to be until i can learn to withdraw into play games

[MrScTi]

Learning a foreign language opens new opportunities. There is always demand for someone who can serve as a bridge of communication between cultures. Learn what foreign languages are the most desired and explore career opportunities based on that. I know that Mandarin is a very useful language considering you know English. Bridging the relationship between China and the US is huge. You'll be BIG TIME if you take it seriously as a career.

[JustinX]

i know English but i'm so fluent about it... since English is my weakest subject when i was still studying... up until now i still commit so many grammatical errors. yeah but i had a mandarin class way back when i was in college, i barely getting high grades and most of the students have a hard time pronouncing the words... fortunately my professor was understanding that he gave a bit higher than the passing grade. hmm thanks for your inputs but still have things i dont understand

[d3f3cted]

dont worry im in the same boat but the weird thing is i never had a problem getting girls until now. it makes me feel like there is a big sign somewhere saying dont date this guy. because i went from dates galore to never being single and always wanted to not being able to even get a fat ugly chick

[JustinX]

you must be a lucky guy

[d3f3cted]

was a lucky guy. now im wearing a sign on me saying dont date me. dont look at me. either that or im invisable. can't work out whats going on. so i just blame it on the fact that perhaps im out of style the latest trends or my looks have changed. maybe i haven't been looking after myself and have realised.

[JustinX]

okay at least you dated girls way back

[d3f3cted]

suppose

[JustinX]

i dont want to stay single when i reach my late 20s and early 30s

[Darkfairie17]

Feeling unlucky is normal. Love is hard to find, true love is anyway. Many of us think we find it, only for that person to walk out of our lives for one reason or another. Or we may find ourselves falling out of love with them for whatever reason.

I don't think there's something your friends have that you don't. I think they were just able to find people whow want to date them.

Maybe try to be a little less intimidating and more approachable. That could be the real issue here. Approachable people are usually more well liked. Not saying you have to completely change, but just find out how to be more approachable.

[JustinX]

yeah i became serious looking cuz i have a lot thoughts in mind... or i worry for so many things

[Darkfairie17]

It's best not to worry, because that will impact how others see you (they will sense your worry and desperation). You are 22, still young enough to find someone :) Maybe instead of trying to get a gf, just start by meeting new people. Join some activities and clubs. Try to work on being more outgoing and talking to people. I used to be really introverted, but I eventually worked it out. Though I'm still shy at times, I have an easier time talking to people.

[WaterNymph611]

You're a guy, and I've noticed guys tend to "single shame" themselves meaning make fun of each other for not having a girlfriend and say their crushes are "way out of your leauge!" But being single is nothing to be ashamed of. I think you just haven't found the right one yet ;)

[JustinX]

Yeah my friends are making fun of me because i'm the only one virgin in the group

[silvernblackattk]

If they say that to you they aren't your real friends

[itsme_goodsamaritan]

Finding the right girl is definitely destiny, but feeling bad for having bad luck is foolish. Luck is just chance. You can do nothing about it. Nada. Zilch.

[JustinX]

i guess so... i should give up finding the right then

[itsme_goodsamaritan]

Well, if u believe in God, prayer helps :)

[JustinX]

praying make me sound desperate

[itsme_goodsamaritan]

There's no shame in praying to God. We are dependent on Him for everything anyway! Prayer builds self confidence and helps us face reality better.

[JustinX]

but i dont want to just rely everything to God. i'm not a religious person

[itsme_goodsamaritan]

Okay, then u can try reasoning out the situation, weigh ur chances with girls, and modify ur current approach in ur interaction with girls as well as the kind of girls u r mixing with.

[JustinX]

that is hard... most of the time i dont have chances with girls... since i'm not so engaged with girls i can't really see what wrong in my approach

[itsme_goodsamaritan]

Well, sustaining a good relationship is pure hard work, just as any other activity. Feelings are what we have inside. Even if we love someone, it is of no use to them unless we reach out to them or help them in some way, basically demonstrate ur love. So, if you are serious about girls, only then its advisable to proceed. If not, you won't be successful anyway. And please don't listen to some people who seem to think "getting" girls is so easy. They are delusional.

[JustinX]

personal i dont believe that girls are easy to get... if it does then boys flattering girls but not seriously... i believe that girls need to be pursued. but most of the time i'm at one sided love only

[itsme_goodsamaritan]

My best wishes are with u :) They say, its darkest just before dawn... so maybe that special person is just around the corner...

[JustinX]

hmmm i dunno... i want to give up

[JustinX]

easier to say when you are not in the situation

[itsme_goodsamaritan]

No Asker. I have been through a similar situation, when I had given up hope of finding true love, and then did exactly what I am advising you. I prayed to God, and He strengthened me to the extent that I was prepared to deal with life totally alone, but then He knew what I wanted, so didn't disappoint me. He sent me the man of my dreams, who is now in my life. So, I am speaking from experience. If you don't want to believe my words, it's okay. But you seem to be a very negative person. You didn't get the sincerity with which I tried to help you out. I am disappointed. Nevermind, I wish you the very best in life.

[JustinX]

thanks for the help any way and spending your time for sharing your thoughts and opinions... prayer doesn't work with me.. i'm sorry i made you disappointed

[itsme_goodsamaritan]

Thanks for your reply :) But don't worry, whether you believe in prayer or not, God will always take care of your interests. He knows what each one of us needs.:)

[JustinX]

i do pray but this love life thing sounds like ridiculous to me... okay thanks for your opinion

[itsme_goodsamaritan]

If love life is not so important to you, then its even better! You are right, there are definitely better things in life than just getting hooked up.

[JustinX]

Well I aiming to be rich... so at least I'll get a bit attractive in girls's eye

[itsme_goodsamaritan]

Go for it!! Best of luck :D

[Negrodamus]

Don't worry too much about it. Focus on building your career and cultivating your interests. Girls are ultimately attracted to success. If you work on yourself and become good at what you do, you can attract women that way. Play the long game.

[JustinX]

that is what i'm doing now... i decided to focus on my career

[Hajar_Whitestone]

Life isn't girlfriend or boyfriend life is more then that you are not unlucky but your time still didn't come yet be patient and wait you will someday find someone who really deserve you.

[JustinX]

lifes too short

[Hajar_Whitestone]

Yes but enjoy it as it is @Asker

[JustinX]

yeah easier said than done... i dont want to get old being single

[Hajar_Whitestone]

am 26 years old never have a real BF, guys use me for there benefits and after they leave me so who got a worse situation here but still am alive.. @Asker

[JustinX]

i'm still worse... you did nothing bad

[Hajar_Whitestone]

@Asker why worse? No you aren't at last you still have your heart in your hands

[JustinX]

we all have hearts

[Hajar_Whitestone]

@Asker I mean your heart still young and no did destroy it.

[JustinX]

young and inexperienced

[Hajar_Whitestone]

@Asker better then young and have many problems don't worry you will find a girl

[JustinX]

i don't know what to say

[FurtileSpermRelease]

It all lies in the attitude. Girls just don't like serious that much. It's just much easier to relax and enjoy time when there's no pressure. Seriousness is like a pressure buildup like soda and relaxedness is like water. Be like water.

[JustinX]

yeah but i'm silent and shy when i have the first few encounters... but later on i may become so talkative

[FurtileSpermRelease]

I'm just not gonna tell you again. I know it's hard but it us what you should be working towards. Just be more relaxed and easy going.

[JustinX]

yeah next time when i encounter a girl... i try to be more nice sometimes... my friends girlfriend's initial reaction that i'm so intimidating a few months before.. they told me via facebook... that they won't dare to joke with me. i was then like ohhh i'm just silent i'm not gonna bite you or something

[FurtileSpermRelease]

Another useful tip for you is to keep talking no matter what, and if you say weird things or intintimidating things just say sorry or you're Jk. Girls will find you attractive, you just can't give up and be shy when you know you need to stay in the play. It's you, not them.

[JustinX]

i feel i'm trying hard if i'm starting to get talkative... i dont want to give that impression of course i just dont want to be a bad impression specially for the first meeting or a few

[FurtileSpermRelease]

Just keep doing what you been doing.

[JustinX]

i dont want to commit the same mistakes again

[Red_Dragon]

My tit fondling bro. XD What's up man?

https://i.imgur.com/Ka2HpYe.gif

Hmmm. I don't know bro.

[CommieKiller]

How is this relevant?

[Red_Dragon]

@CommieKiller It's not. Just a inside joke between me and him.

[JustinX]

I wish that was my hand

[Red_Dragon]

Hahahahahaha. Bro I really hope you find a girl. For some reason given how you are I think where you live is making the biggest difference.

[JustinX]

I'm not getting any younger dude

[Red_Dragon]

Ehhh you still got time. As long as you're alive you still got time.

[JustinX]

what if i die tomorrow? i'm gonna die a virgin i can't let this happen to me

[Red_Dragon]

If you want to lose your virginity really badly you can always get a prostitute. I don't think you want that though do you? Yeah you can die tomorrow or you can live 100 years.

[JustinX]

i dont think i'm still alive for the next 100 years

[Red_Dragon]

Point is you might have plenty of time.

[JustinX]

i can't be sure about that... lifes too short man

[Red_Dragon]

That's why you have to keep trying to find one.

[JustinX]

i'm tired finding someone

[Red_Dragon]

I thought you said you wanted to?

[JustinX]

i give up

[Red_Dragon]

Well hey bro I guess it's your choice. I say keep trying though.

[Belgie]

Because you still think getting a girl friend is a matter of LUCK and not EFFORT.

What is lacking in you, is the effort.

[JustinX]

How can I give an effort where girls don't find me attractive in the first place

[Belgie]

That's a whole other question which ultimately boils down to the fact that you have a warped inaccurate view of the world, which you're happy to maintain because if you accepted it was wrong, you'd have to realise the fault is yours, and changeable, but you're too lazy to do anything about it.

[JustinX]

i dont have inaccurate view of the world. how can you say such things you dont even experience yet

[Bluemax]

What are you doing to try to find a girlfriend, JustinX? How are you making yourself and your life attractive to women?

[JustinX]

because i still dont have a girlfriend in my age... i dont feel so normal anymore... i try to be neat as possible, i dress good with my very best, style my hair, etc. i don't know what to add.

[Bluemax]

And have you noticed the many attractive women who are your age who haven't had boyfriends? I have. It might be more normal than you think.

When I say what are you doing to try to find a girlfriend, I'm not just referring to your appearance. I'm trying to ascertain what sort of activities you have tried to put yourself out there. So what have you done in that regard?

[JustinX]

most attractive women in my age already have boyfriends and all the girls i've a crush on always have a boyfriend. i'm not engaged to a certain activities... i'm an introvert

[Bluemax]

Most, but not all, have boyfriends. The point I was trying to make is that many attractive people your age don't have SOs, this doesn't make you weird.

Being an introvert doesn't mean that you can't get out there and engage in activities. Many of my friends are introverts, yet they put themselves out there and they got results. What sort of things do you enjoy doing?

[JustinX]

i'm a gamer and art dude... a bit sporty

[JustinX]

@Bluemax

[JustinX]

@Bluemax no reply dude? i answered your question

[Bluemax]

I'm sorry. Try and get into things where you can be around groups of people. Gaming generally isn't one of them, but art can be. Consider taking classes or joining a club at a studio of some kind.

But number one, I think you've got to try to chuck the bile and bitterness. I know it comes from frustration, so some bitterness is understandable. However, you've got to try to get rid of it, or at least not act on it. I think that's a big roadblock, asker.

[JustinX]

yeah i started not to think much about it for not having a gf... i just dont really dont care if they dont like me... there's nothing much i could offer and i can't do anything about it

[Bluemax]

" there's nothing much i could offer and i can't do anything about it"
I believe you can do something about that. By making your life an adventure, by making yourself charismatic, by making yourself interesting, and by making yourself physically attractive, you then will have much to offer a girlfriend.

[JustinX]

few people are charismatic, i'm neat, i style my hair, try to improve my appearance still i'm not attractive... i dont know? being an interesting person depends on the person i'm with if we come up with the same interest then she will then say i'm an interesting person, otherwise not

[justaregularguyy]

Trust me man, you're not alone. I feel the same way. It just might not be meant to be yet. I question myself constantly. All we can do is wait if out but being desperate won't make things better. Sorry dude, it sucks :/

[JustinX]

Yeah I guess I guess I belonged to the unluckiest guys on earth

[JustinX]

@justaregularguyy i wish i could live with another entity

[Balcazaurus]

Have you ever tried having a staring contest with yourself?

Notice the reflection won't blink until you do.

Your greatest opponent is yourself.

[JustinX]

why would i do that?

[Balcazaurus]

It's a metaphor, damn it! I'm trying to help you.

[JustinX]

i know my opponent is myself... i'm going crazy

[Balcazaurus]

We all are, kemosabe. We all are.

[Klaatu51]

dude consinder yourself lucky... i'm single never have a gf, and i enjoy my freedom

[JustinX]

I'm single since birth dude

[Klaatu51]

me 2 and i love that

[JustinX]

Not me

[aficionado]

Dude, consider yourself lucky for not having a girlfriend!

[JustinX]

I've been single for ages

[Phoenix98]

Everyone feels that way every once in a while its completely normal.

[JustinX]

its not once in a while it is like most of the time

[Phoenix98]

Still its normal to feel that way.

[JustinX]

its getting my head most of the time... that i'm a worthless piece of shit for not having a gf

[Phoenix98]

Nah your not there are lots of men who did have girlfriends who were amazing people or at least did amazing things.

[JustinX]

but i never had one since birth

[Phoenix98]

Its normal a lot of people more then you would think don't even date until their late teens and even early 20s.

[demonology]

because it eases tension to blame your lack of success on a lack of luck

[moviedude714]

it's a natural normal feeling

[JustinX]

hmmm but i feel not normal

[d3f3cted]

have u seen a doctor to see if you have anxiety or depression. you should be happy without a girl. if your not happy with yourself how can you expect a girl or someone else to be

[JustinX]

it is not normal for my age to be single without having a single gf in the past... i feel i'm cursed to be single whenever a girl i have linked to it always screwed up

[Princessofpersia]

Suck it up and live life. Ur girl will come along

[JustinX]

easy to say when you are not in the situation

[Princessofpersia]

I've never had a bf ever

[JustinX]

no worries you are a girl anyway