Is the "busy" excuse still BS if it's finals time in college?

[raabzbaby89]

i mean really, if a guy tells you he's busy with finals in college and that's why you haven't talked to him as much lately, is this a valid excuse? I'm in college myself and I KNOW it gets gruelling around finals time. but they do always say that if a guy wants you he will never be too busy to talk.

note: we are kind of still in the "Get to know each other stage" and we don't go to the same college so we mostly IM

Updates

+1 y

we text and Facebook comment here and there but I do have limited texting and he knows this.

Updates

+1 y

why are you ALL assuming I am badgering him!?! if he doesn't talk to me, I don't talk to him. plus, he is talking to me now, so haha. but I'm glad this question sparked a good discussion.

[Anonymous]

hell yes that is a valid excuse. haha I do that to my boyfriend all the time and not just for finals week but anytime I have a bunch of test. my bfs wonderful because he'll bring me coffee and stuff when I'm studying and send me really sweet text messages but he understands that I'm in school and even thought he's the most important thing in my life right now school is what I need to focus on sometimes. because of this I'm able to have a boyfriend, I'm majoring in engineering with pretty good grades so I have little free time. if yall want this to work, yall need to both understand that there will be times when you need to back off and give your boyfriend time for other things in his life especially if yall rnt that serious because you may go and his gpa stays. and just do sweet stuff like text him saying you hope its going well and stuff like that. trust me that's really helps because it shows you care and aren't mad at him for trying to get good grades. and as for the he'll find time to talk yeah he will but don't make him. I have gone weeks without much sleep because my boyfriend need to talk and stuff which I glad I could help him with but it was for very important things not just to talk. so if you don't mind him loosing sleep and f@ing up his grades then talk to him.

[ArtistBboy]

Good answer :) I like how you mentioned sending reminders that she isn't mad; guys love that stuff. @QA: off that last sentence, make sure not to do it over-board. We don't need love letters.. just a simple reminder that you're thinking about us.

- This works to great extent.

[hnk5217]

Everyone is different in how they deal with stress. Depending on his program and his course load, he could be very overwhelmed.

Most guys I know, when they've got something they are super stressed over, they tend to get a little tunnel vision, and they try to eliminate superfluous distractions (no offense to you). It's very likely that you are a "good" distraction -- that is he likes you and it's be easy for him to want to be with you as opposed to hanging out in the library, and odds are, that's the case. But he's making himself focus on school first, and that's really admirable.

Finals is a stressful time -- but it's a week, maybe two weeks at most. And the fact that he texts and emails is a good sign! He wants you to know he's still out there and thinking about you and that you are important. There's just a temporary shift in priorities, and it should, for no reason, make you feel like you are less important in the grand scheme of things. And luckily, when finals are over, you're both rewarded with the freedom of summer, so there's lots to look forward to, and in my opinion, nothing to get worried or offended over in the meantime. :)

Good luck!

[sarakkkk]

"Busy" might actually mean busy. What's his major? How scholastic is he? How sportaholic is he? How social is he? Some people don't like the internet... real face-to-face is best. I say I'm busy all the time and that's even for my crush.

Please read this if you have time: link

[Confused614]

No that is no excuse. I can't think of to many excuses. I guess if he's dorm caught on fire and he lost his phone and his computer that would work. No one wakes up and studies till they go to sleep. I've gone through finals too. It's not that insane. Somehow people manage a full time job and finals at the same time. I am sure this guy could find a minute to call and say what is up. At least a text or an IM.

[ArtistBboy]

Awesome answer.

[Confused614]

Thank You same to you.

[Brando]

Haha I have the full time job as well as full time school. Guess I shouldve said that in my answer. I hardly study, but I still don't have much time. Good answer

[AlanHB]

Well you guys do have some communication, so he's not ignoring you.

In terms of finals, yes, it's a perfectly acceptable reason to be too busy to catch up with your girlfriend. They're incredibly hard, and take up most hours of each day studying. You don't just cut yourself off from your girlfriend - you stop partying, going to the cinema, pretty much anything fun.

[ArtistBboy]

Best answer +1

[Cool-Relax]

This probably isn't the best time to gauge his interest in you based on whether or not he's busy. If he's making excuses after finals are over, then there's a problem. During finals, people are legitimately busy, guy or girl. It's only a week, don't write him off yet.

[ArtistBboy]

Awesome advice CR. Thank you, that helped me in my own situation.

[johnny_hustle]

yes its a valid excuse, I've seen a lot of my teammates gfs get mad at them because they are spending to much time studying instead of talking to them. and being a student athlete makes it even harder. go to class, the practice, then study and by then we are so exhausted the only thing we want to do is go to sleep. trust me, I just got done with all my finals yesterday.

[an0namoose]

It depends on what you mean by talk. Are you talking for a couple hours or 10 minutes? No one I've ever met studies so much that they can't talk on a 10 minute study break, or while they walk to pick up dinner or whatever. On the other hand if you are expecting a good lengthy conversation, then yeah I'd call it reasonable that he's too busy for that.

[mspeach]

yes it is a valid excuse. trust me I am going through the same thing right now with my bf, we have been together for 2 years so it makes things a little easier since we are past 'the get to know you stage' but back off and give him time, everybody studies different...the only concern I have is that since you don't know each other that well yet and you don't get a chance to talk that often may make things difficult at time. but don't take it as an insult...he is still talking to you right? :p

[angeleyes26]

Good Point I was wondering about this same situation so I was texting every other day but then I just backed off and said if he truly is interested in me then he can come to me he's got my number

[WeaponZero]

As a college student myself I don't have much free time, but I WILL NOT let a girl come between myself and my grades no matter how much I like her. I'd sooner give her the boot than fail a test/class because of her.

[ArtistBboy]

While I completely agree with you W.Z. there's a high doubt in my mind that she could cause such a thing. Your a very knowledge-able guy. Even the less cognitively gifted individuals could pull off a 5 minute chat without inflicting their education.

[an0namoose]

I just don't think that a quick call to say, "Hey I'm alive. You alive too?" is going to be that little bit that pushes you from one grade to another. If it is, there was plenty of stuff you could have done 3 months before the final to make up that little difference. As always, people that use studying as an all consuming excuse should pace their studying. Too busy to spare 5-10 minutes for a phone call. That's just stupid. Hour long calls during finals however... well yeah that's stupid too.

[Brando]

hell yeah its a valid excuse. do you want him to get bad grades and make his GPA slip? just wait it out til finals are over, he needs to focus on school for right now. he'll be there when they are over

[ArtistBboy]

i don't tolerate anyone saying they are too busy unless it comes to an emergency.

It takes less than five seconds for me to text someone; or under a minute to make a call. One minute away from his study time, wouldn't kill him.

~ ArtistBBoy

[Spikes105466]

I agree. Everyone knows you don't study for the whole day... You take breaks, procrastinate (Facebook), eat, take a sh*t, a lot of activities that can involve a simple "Whats up" conversation.

[nikkijoe616]

I agree.. I am actually going through the same thing with my boyfriend right now and I feel the same way. it does take less then 5 seconds to text someone and if there girlfriend/boyfriend is important to them they will take that 5 seconds

[ArtistBboy]

Exactly; unfortunately it seems that people who "don't" communicate have a strong opportunity: Mystery. When it comes to initially starting to court someone, or "gain their interest", then your best bet is to simply act unavailable... It's absolutely retarded and hypocritical.

I'm a humanist; it's okay to call if you are interested. If you aren't you probably won't call, which is my clue to stop wasting my time and start treating you like a friend.

[Cool-Relax]

I don't know how to sugarcoat this for you, so I'll be blunt. Your approach is rather all-or-nothing, and it seems a bit selfish and disrespectful to me. When I have a lot going on, I feel guilty about communicating less, having a guy take it personally would only make me feel worse. It's more important to be understanding and encouraging in that situation instead of causing more stress. That's just off-putting.

[ArtistBboy]

I can understand and relate to what you're saying CR; but my frustration comes to the fact that I have an extremely busy life, yet I still have the ability/desire to send an acknowledgement of their existance. I appreciate the feedback you're giving me, I'll try to work on it over time, but I kinda like having that about me; I notice that my circle of friends are more meaningful to me than just the passer-by that wants me to fill space and time.

[Cool-Relax]

There's some saying about how your true friends are the people who you can go without seeing everyday and still feel like you've been together forever. I guess it's just a matter of perception. I don't ignore my friends by any means, but we all have a lot going on, so we don't always talk. Nothing ever changes between us though because we still make an effort to communicate with each other, even if it's not daily. If none of us cared, we wouldn't bother at all.

[Confused614]

You can not possible be that busy to call someone it's just not possible. I am sure Obama calls his wife multiple times a day yet is extremely busy he finds the time to make that call. If somehow I got so busy I couldn't call a girl I was interested in because I was study. On walk from my books to the fridge for a snack. Just so she knows she is on my mind. text each other back a forth a few times and that's it. If you really need that much time to study maybe you need a less difficult school.

[Confused614]

Wow I'm falling asleep I meant to put in text in that walk to the fridge.

[Cool-Relax]

Was that directed at me?

I don't think there's anything wrong with taking a minute to call or text someone, it's being demanding about it that I have a problem with. Personally, I've had a really bad finals week, and it's nowhere near over (not because my school is too difficult; my harddrive crashed and I have to completely re-do a huge project by Friday). The last thing I need is someone telling me that I'm neglecting them.

[ArtistBboy]

Agreed again CR. I wasn't talking about the clingy behavior of "omg you can't call me?! wtf we're through!".. I'm talking about the more positive aspect where he calls, finds out about your computer, and offers to come help; where you probably deny for whatever reason, but yet you still know and see that he is interested and cares.

But that sucks about the computer, did you get everything settled?

[Cool-Relax]

Yeah, I had a ton of problems with my project this week, but I finally finished it and ended up with an A+. Then I spent the rest of the day on Friday with the guy I've been seeing, so any lack of contact during the week was made up for :P

[ArtistBboy]

Haha very nice. I give you props on doing well on your project; mine kinda flopped but I still pulled out an A. I have my actual finals on next thursday. Lol rubbing it in. Nice. Is he patient with your school work?

[Cool-Relax]

He's more than patient. If I call him when I have a lot of work to do, he's the one to tell me that I shouldn't be on the phone. Last week, he called or texted before my exams to wish me luck. He's very supportive. And very sweet :P

[ArtistBboy]

Thank you, I'll keep that in mind for further improving my personality. Sounds like you both have a lucky match ;)

[Blackkid]

i mean really, if a guy tells you he's busy with finals in college and that's why you haven't talked to him as much lately, is this a valid excuse?: Yes. Period.

[trifena]

I just let a guy go for that very reason. You don't have to continue this. You can let him go today. That wasn't working for me, nor did it make me happy. I'm the kind of chic that needs communication.

[obscene]

Yes it's valid

Um yeah some people actually CARE about their GPA's

You can wait a couple weeks! It's OK!

And I suppose after you actually get to talk to him you'll ditch him because of his low grades.

You can't have it both ways!

[mspeach]

don't fret over it :) you will push him away if you pressure him to talk to you. and if it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out.

[Standingpretty]

I really think it is a valid excuse I mean, you shopuldn't even worry about it if you are still in the "getting to know each other" stage anyways. Why does it seem like an excuse?

[rockmom]

it may not come down to taking a few mins to talk. it may have to do with his frame of mind, it he's stressing over a test or if he wants to stay focused. be patient =)

[bachrocks18]

It is. I use it. School is way more important than ur boyfriend or girlfriend of the moment. Like when a guy tells me he is busy with school I believe him because generally I have an idea of his course load. Although a guy will text me randomly just because he is thinking about me. I think that is sweet. But if he doesn't text you friendly gestures of like a coffee run just to test the waters to see if he really is busy with school can help ease ur mind.

[ArtistBboy]

I like the idea about "testing the waters" but school isn't more important than anything. If you can juggle the heavy work load and work with it, it reinforces your back-bone to handle stress. That ability to "regulate" what things happen in your life will make you successful. Focusing on one thing while ignoring the others makes you adolescent.

How do you think elder couples manage to balance kids, school, and work? Do they ignore their kids and work just to fulfill an education?

[bachrocks18]

I stand by what I said. Older couples usually have accomplished their individual goals and children are a shared responsibility. If you feel like ur guy is lying when he says I am busy with school you don't want to accuse them because that will make you look and feel terrible. Coffee for a long night of studying is a nice way to show the guy that you respect his studying or make him confess that he used it as an excuse.

[ArtistBboy]

Great reply, thank you bachrocks :D I completely agree.

[Anonymous]

i used this excuse plenty of times just to not talk to a girl! valid it may be in some cases but I'm not studying my life away ya kno...its was just an excuse I used to get away from her from time to time

[savvyg11]

It's definitely a valid excuse. I would just wait it out and see what happens after finals. It's a good sign that he still keeps contact with you.

[Anonymous]

You're a weirdo.. hahaha.. HE IS IN COLLEGE DOING HIS FINALS.. Back the f*** off or he'll think ur a freak..

[ArtistBboy]

As much as I smirked with the way you wrote this; I completely agree.

It seems that every time someone becomes obsessive for attention, they are shut out completely.

[Opinion Owner]

Definitely.. How do people not get this? We've all seen it happen? Stop overlooking the fact or making excuses for hounding this guy? Get your own life.. and when he's ready, if he wants he will find you.. rather than you texting and calling him while he's doing a big part of his life.. if you can't understand that.. GET HELP!

[Anonymous]

Yeah I'm the same, I have exams coming up and I've hardly spoken to any of my friends in over a week now. He obviously wants to do well.

[pearl_girl09]

umm I dnt think its a lame excuse cause I've used it a lot this week...sometimes I was studying and sometimes I just didn't feel like being bothered cause I was stressing over finals!

[Anonymous]

Why don't you study together? Even if it's not for the same class