I acted desperate and needy after the split - but is there still hope

Question

i did all the wrong things, begging, crying, pleading. it was due to what had happened, 3 years together (house/pet etc) and he left to go back to his parents (he is 35, I'm 31!) found out there's someone else on the scene, which he had been texting behind my back. he's since been on dates with her but claims nothing is really happening. I'm broken, suspect its a lie. it's so out of character. this is obviously very watered down version of events, but is it possible that if I give him space he might realise all that he's lost? is he seeing if the grass is greener? we were very much in love, but since finding out about this girl he told me he'd fallen out of love. in a matter of weeks! I think he  this girls is currently going through a breakup also - can't be a good start to things?!

quijada89 · Accepted Answer

have you ever heard the saying what goes around comes around? you know what I'm going through the same thing but with me its been 3 weeks without contact and ya it hurts because I fell in love but slowly I'm learning to get past it. it takes time and it takes effort but in order for someone to love you you have to love yourself. he's trying to contact you now because he has seen his mistake and he wants to slowly ease his way back in even if it means starting off talking as friends. but let me tell you one thing the tables are turning now for you because he is the one now looking for you but if you plan on doing something to get back at him think twice because you have to remember to be the bigger person so whatever happens doesn't come and nip you in the butt. karma goes around and they always regret their mistake sooner or later especially if you treated them so well and gave them lots of love. doesn't matter how big your mistake was...they will regret losing someone who truly loved them! you just have to be positive set yourself up for something you want in life. if it is him you want then be positive that he will come back or this will work it and if its not him then focus on something or someone else. remember also you attract what you feel and want! think positive and only positive and you will see positive will come back to you!  LAW OF ATTRACTION!  Also so you never forget who you are and what your worth, spend time finding yourself again because I think your like me. the type of person that dedicates everything to that one person and forgets about the world. that is what sets us up for failure. find and focus on yourself and only yourself because remember you were a person without this guy once already. live your life and have fun. that's the best revenge you can give a person because they want you to be miserable without them but when they see your not they will be miserable. not that I'm saying that's what you should want but at least that is what they deserve for not cherishing people who are now a days hard to find. I hope everything turns out well and you and I know it will you just have to be positive and be patient because time heals all! better will come! best wishes

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

He without a doubt will regret this!

The best thing you can do right now is, no contact, thought it may be difficult its the best for you right now. For someone who is 35 years old, you think he would want some stability in his life! I am sure you want to get married one day and have children and since your 31, you have no time to be waiting on him. If I had to guess I would say he doesn't want to get married right now, or at all. After three years of dating at your age I'm sure the topic has been brought up. Its understandable that the love you have for him is not there as much, and it will be quite difficult for it to return. That trust will never be there, if in fact you two ever do get back together. He really should be ashamed/embarassed with himself. Moving back home at 35?

Overall, its NEVER going to work with this girl, and she must be a clueless idiot if she thinks he's not going to do the same thing to her. After things go sour with her, or he gets sick of her, you will be hearing from him, confessing his love, and telling you how much he screwed up. Its really your decision on if you want to accept him back or not, but his actions will forever have a strain on any relationship you have with him from this point forward.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Just an fyi, you did not do all the wrong things. Grieving the loss of someone you love is a difficult process and you acted normally. You will continue to go back and forth hating him and then wanting him back. But, if you cut all ties to him, eventually you will get past it.

I went through a bad breakup a year ago. He went away on his summer surf trip in love with me and came back and brokeup. It was obvious we were having problems and now I have the calm to see that but then I was crying, despondent, feeling like I wanted to die (I found out he had a summer fling with a girl too AND was e-mailing her stupid sexual e-mails the whole time he was telling me how bad he felt). After a few months I was fine and a few more months and I did not even think too much about him. Maybe you will get lucky and he will do something really ridiculous like my ex did at about 6 months after the breakup, and then you will get to realize that you have no interest in ever seeing him or hearing from him.

Hang in there!

That-Guy · Accepted Answer

This was a post on another forum about regrets but your questions reminds me of this guy who wrote:

"I totally regret F-ing up a great relationship at 28.

I was a fool, thought that playing the field was the way to go, never realizing that I totally screwed (figuratively and literally), probably the best girl I'm ever to meet. She treated me like a king, and I cheated on her. I am now about to turn 39, have had several relationships since her and am getting married shortly, but still think of her occasionally. Is that even normal? I completely and utterly love the girl I'm with now, but this other girl...I can't even describe the feeling. Magical.

I have run into her a few times over the years at the pub, chatting and laughing with her friends, looking just as good now as she did then. I approached her once, and as she saw me the smile just faded from her face, so I said a quick hello, how are you, and that was it. I felt like ass.

I hope that just one of you youngsters out there in the Internetland takes my story to heart."

So, yes he may realize it one day like this guy did.

jimmajam · Accepted Answer

I understand how you feel. There's nothing wrong with still loving and hoping things will work out with someone who left you. Love doesn't die that easily and it doesn't for him either no matter how hard he tries to block it out.

Whether there is still hope is hard to say. However, giving him his space is probably the best approach right now. You've already tried begging, pleading, asking him to come back and received the same result - no. Now it's time to try and just let him go.

If he loves you he'll come back and if you still feel the same way, great! If he doesn't come back do you really want to be with someone who will cheat and change their "love" that quickly? What is he going to do in another 3 years.

I hope for the best for the best, but it's mostly out of your hands now. He left you for someone else and he has to mend things with you. You can't do it alone.

Roshell2009 · Answer

I am happy to hear you say, you're better of without him. You gave him your best and he did not receive it. I'm proud of you for your positive attitude. We have all made the mistakes you made in this relationship. We become so emotional and forget that love like everything else in life is a choice. We present our love to our Men and they can either accept or say "no thank you".

You deserve a Man who will cherish and respect you and no one else. Right now focus on YOU, date yourself, do something you have always wanted to do, join a book club, take a yoga class, just stay busy living your life and the Man will find you on your way somewhere.

I know you are hurting, but keep living, it will soon be a distant memory. If he comes back, you will have to ask yourself if he is worthy of your love.

Good Luck

nikita · Answer

I can only imagine how hard it must be for you, since I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and even the thought of him leaving me for another girl kills me. He has his reasons for leaving, although they're not the most resonable ones, but just think about it this way - if he's not happy where he is, and he dosen't want to stay, why waste your energy on making it work? you need 2 people in a relationship, and if he dosen't want to work it out, then there's nothing you can do. The best thing you can do to get back at him is be happy - show him you're better off without him. It will take time, but you can do it. Hope this helped

u04ajf3 · Answer

Hi, sorry to hear what's happened and I hope your coping. I went through a similar thing. My girlfriend of 2 years left me, phoned me up and dumped me, and a week later was sleeping with`some guy.

Its been nearly 3 `months now and I wouldn't say I'm over it. How long ago was your break up? How long has it taken you to get through this?

I feel pathetic that I still think about it after 3 months. Is that normal?

LINAMERLIN · Answer

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u04ajf3 · Answer

Hey, he is trying to worm his way back in. You did the right thing, now you hold the power and will force him to show his hand. You may not want to now, that's up to you.

What sort of timescale did this all happen in? How long after the break up was he with this other girl? How long after the break up did you contact/beg him? How long has it been since the break up?

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cjwright79 · Answer

Just stop being so self-centered. This may take five years but it'll happen.

cjwright79 · Answer

Amen sister :)

I acted desperate and needy after the split - but is there still hope

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