Hi everyone,
Welcome to my new "blog"! This is my first myTake post out of hundreds to come on this website. I'm quite experienced with relationships so I thought why not help people out there who need some advice. I plan on taking some questions from you guys and answering them to try and help. I will post quite frequently so do not hesitate to message me with your situation, I will answer them here as best as I can. Make sure to follow me if you enjoy and give me some feedback/opinions.
So I thought why the hell not start this so called "blog" with probably one of the biggest problems out there today. Your exes. It could be ex girlfriend, ex boyfriend, ex husband, ex wife or even ex friend. So many people out there want their exes back and they fall into a huge emotional rollercoaster ride but most fail each time. It's not because it's impossible, it's because you're doing it wrong.
So how do you get your ex back? Well let's look at some of the reasons it happened, and how to handle the breakup properly.
Step 1: Understanding Emotions:
When two people go into a breakup, there are two emotions being let out. One from the dumpee, and the other from the dumper. Yes, the dumper has feelings too. It's not like they are the most evil human being on this planet for dumping you. "How could she/he?!" you may ask. And the reason? It's most likely you. So the dumper has a feeling of guilt. They feel like complete crap after dumping someone because they feel like they let you down. For a short period of time, they will feel sad, upset, and overall unhappiness but that feeling will be gone much faster than the dumpee. The dumpee will feel rejected. They will feel be shocked and curious to why. But that will soon transition into the anger state, where they will most likely blame it on the dumper and hate them and/or they will transition into the desperate "What can I do to get you back?/Please give me another chance" state. Their feeling of unhappiness will last much longer than the dumpee because they are the ones who got slapped in the face. You get it? So the next time your particular other says "it's not you, it's me" or "let's be friends", it's only to ease the situation as much as possible. They want you to believe it's true and they want themselves to believe that dumping you isn't a big deal. Unless you cheated on them, that'll be a whole different story.
Step 2: Excuses and how to respond:
Now that you know how both parties feel during the talk of death, you should handle the situation a bit better. Don't lash out at your ex or start hating on them. It's pointless. It'll only repel them away from you even more. Instead, you should keep your cool, understand your emotions and their emotions, and respond calmly. Listen to them. Every sentence will be a puzzle piece that you will have to solve afterwards. One of biggest mistake guys make is they hear the sayings "it's not you, it's me", "I'm not ready for a relationship, I've got too much in my life right now" blah blah blah and they actually believe it. I will say this right now, it's all complete BS. "it's not you, it's me" actually equals, "it's not me, it's you" and "I'm not looking for a relationship right now" actually equals, "I'm not looking for a relationship with you". Notice that really at the end of the day, the reason she dumps you is because it's most likely your fault. You did something wrong and you lost her attraction towards you. The only way to get her back is to gain her attraction again and miss you. So how do you respond to these excuses? Simply say something like "Alright, well if you change your mind give me a call". And you walk away. She's probably expecting you to go on your knees and beg her back, but instead you turn into an alpha male with a big set of balls/pride and you walk away. Remember, begging and pleading will only repel her. I know you'll be full of emotions and steaming up, but do your best and walk away. No questions, no begging, no pleading. Don't act like a little child crying toward his mother. Be a man.
Step 3: No Contact
So you managed to get to here without screwing it up. Walking away from her doesn't mean go home and blow her phone up. Do the complete opposite. Stop contacting her. She's expecting the typical guy to text/call her 24/7 with the same routine of begging, pleading, and apologies. Again, that will only repel her even more. You'll look like a little child, a BETA. Do you think girls date little children? One thing you must not do however is to delete her number or delete her off social media. Because step 4 requires you to use these. Eventually the No Contact period will end and you WILL communicate with her. This is for those who want their ex-gf back, the ones who got dumped of course. But how long do you stay no contact? I suggest 30-60 days. It really depends on if you are ready to communicate with her and know that you will not fall back down to Beta and it also depends on what you've been doing in this time period. But it's your choice. Too long is bad, too short is bad. 30-60 is a reasonable time period in my opinion. Remember, no contact equals no texting, no calling, no letters, no emails, no social media (don't even like her photos or anything) ! Dissapear completely from her. She will wonder. If it hurts to see her face or name on social media, it means you aren't ready to break NC and it also means you have to embrace that feeling you get when this happens. Control your emotions. Time will be your best friend to get your mind straight and heal.
Step 4: Be successful and make her jealous
Women will fall in love with a man who is successful. Not a failed and depressed human being. So during no contact it's important to get your ass out there into the world and be successful. Not necessarily job-wise but just in general. With other women, make new friends, learn a new instrument, get a make over, have fun! That's how you be successful. Find a female friend or meet someone new and go on a date with them. Go out with your best buds or your family and have some fun. Do stuff you love or find a new hobby. Get a new haricut, get new clothes. Spend every single day like you're on vacation. In fact, why not go on vacation? Explore the world. It's worth it and it will help you forget a little on the break up and her. But you must also show it to the world. A great way to get her "jealous" or wonder in general is get a girl and take a picture with her. Find an attractive girl on the street. PAY HER to take a selfie if you must. And post it on social media not really with the intention of your friends to see, but for your ex to see. She will wonder who that girl is, what you've been up to, and notice the fun/changes you've had. Most importantly, she will wonder "how is he not affected by this"? She will THINK about you, and that is the most important. Do this during no contact but don't just stop suddenly when time comes to re establish communication.
Step 5: The End of No Contact
It's not necessarily you who ends up ending no contact. She might be the one to contact you. If that's the case, you are set my friend. Go straight to the point. No "Oh I missed you so much, I still love you" and all that time wasting none sense. If she texts or calls you something whether saying a "hey" or "I miss you", the answer from you should be the same. It should be something like "Hey (insert name), it's been a while I've been busy. How have you been?" and she should reply. After that you simply say "Great, well we should definetly get together, I would love to see you. How about (insert date time/place)?". And there you go. If she says yes, step 5. If she says no, go all the way back to step 1 and say "Alright, well if you change your mind, give me a call". And walk away. See how easy yet effective this is? That is how an alpha male does it. There's no point in begging and pleading. It's unnatractive and a waste of time.
What if she doesn't contact you? Well you will have to be the one to contact her. But what should you say? Say hey and cut to the chase with a date? Good guess. The answer is actually not that. In this situation if you do that out of the blue, it will sound weird and just creepy. Remember she dumped you because she doesn't like you anymore. She won't change her feelings over night and you can't just ask her on a date. It will make you seem weak because you haven't moved on yet. You MUST make her come to you and confront in a way. Because she dumped you. Got it? So what you should do is ask her a question that will again, to make her wonder. Find a specific place the two of you went during your relationship and ask her a question on that. For example, "Hey (insert name), it's (insert your name), do you remember the directions of that really nice and romantic restaurant we went to? I completely forgot and I'm meeting someone there. Thanks !" Do I need to explain in detail with this? Probably not. Just notice the words "really nice and romantic" and "I'm meeting someone there". Jealousy, curiosity, interest.
What if she never ends up "confronting"?
If that was the case and you applied all of the above perfectly, it really means that the relationship between you two was just not meant to be. There's a limit to this method. You can't apply it forever. You can't keep texting her asking for something that you two did before. She will get the message that it's purposely trying to get her back. The odds are low that this will happen. If the two of you had a long and positive relationship even if there was a fight that lead to the break up, it can still work. Remember a loss of attraction can be saved. It can be saved by being attractive. There's no secret to that. And by being attractive, it requires you to be successful and alpha male. Confident, proud, and likeable man. If you can do all of the steps above, you are almost certain to get this girl crawling back to you. It takes time, effort while not giving a shit at the same time, and walking away. Remember as well, be straight out and cut to the chase if she contacts you. Nothing will really happen if she never contacts you. Even a simple "hey" will do it. If you never hear from her, you will probably never get her back. She HAS to initiate some form of contact. The only contact you are allowed is step 5. And to be honest, you can only do that once or twice max. So play your cards right.
And there you have it. That's the best and most effective way to get her back. It's not the typical Hollywood style you thought it would be. Be calm, cool, and collected. Go into no contact for 30-60 days. Go out and be successful, be active on social media, find new women. If you hear from her, go straight to the date. If it's a no, restart the whole process. If you don't hear from her, apply step 5. If nothing else works, it's time for you to move on. It's one girl. Do you want to waste your whole life on one girl? There are so many girls out there for you, waiting for you to pick her up. We all go through break ups and losses. It's almost a part of life. Experience it, embrace it, understand it, and take it as a lesson learnt. I wish you all luck. Stay in there.
So I hope you enjoyed, please do not hesitate to message me for particular advice and give me feedback/opinions/questions in the comment sections. I will gladly help and learn for the next post. Thank you!
KS
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