Divorced Couples Living Together: Interesting or Crazy?

I think it's very interesting. I hadn't known that this was possible before. But I found out that when people get divorced and they have kids, the visitation and custody schedules are only for the minimum amount of the times the kids have to see the other parent. There's nothing wrong or illegal about going outside of the schedule, and letting the other parent see the kids as often as they want to. Or even just throwing that all into the air, and just flat out living together! I think this article and it's stories explain it the best. People can be funny as hell:

The article: Is This Nuts? More Couples Living Together After Divorce

My fave parts:

“They split up,” as if revealing that said mutual friend had purchased a new pair of clogs.

“What are you talking about?” I said, too loudly.

“You didn’t know?” Soccer Pal asked, so incredulous that I momentarily wondered if the news had been posted on the township Facebook page: “There was a burglary on Virginia Avenue. Kristen and

Bill split up. Leaf pickup starts on Friday the 3rd.”

I’d just seen them together at Dunkin’ Donuts, all of them, including the four kids. I recalled jolly laughter and the aura of bona fide togetherness-ness. Kristen and Bill were always together. At games. At the pool. At the block party. It wasn’t like Kristen and I were BFFs, but her cell number was programmed into my phone. We texted.

Same couple they were talking about, but now the author is talking to the ex-wife:

“I’m not surprised you didn’t notice,” she said. “We’re separated. Totally. But Bill’s always around. He sleeps over at least three nights a week.”

“He sleeps over?” I repeated.

“On the couch,” she clarified. “But he takes the kids to school, the whole thing. It kind of … I don’t know … it kind of works. It’s better. For the kids. I didn’t want to uproot them. It’s their house. I’m not sure when he’ll officially move out. Or if he’ll officially move out.”

I didn’t want to be meddlesome and ask the obvious question: If you split but you don’t actually split, isn’t that the equivalent of, um, marriage? Instead, I blurted out a far less invasive query: “Are you dating?”

“A little.”

This guy is so cool to his kids:

A couple out in Wayne did the same thing, but bought a small studio apartment nearby where each parent stayed on his or her off-time. Then there was the dad who moved out but came over every morning before the kids woke up to cook them breakfast.

But then there's the crazies:

Each parent takes responsibility for their two daughters a few nights a week and every other weekend. On the dad’s off-weekends, he stays at his girlfriend’s house and the mom’s boyfriend moves in. On the mom’s weekends off, the dad’s girlfriend sleeps over. During the holidays, the four of them would be at the same neighborhood parties together. And back at the neighborhood block party in the summer.

And I agree with this chick:

“I mean,” she went on, “doesn’t it sound … great?”

“Great?”

"Think about it. You get to have sex all you want with whomever you want. You get to have the family fire burning at home. Of course, as soon as Joe started dating, I’d lose my shit. I’d probably kill him, but … ” She trailed off dreamily, then strolled away.


I do really like the idea, although I don't know how I'd handle him dating other women while living with me...but I do like it!! I could have other options for dating too. People can be creative as hell sometimes.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Hmm interesting well if we think about marriage is just a traditional cultural contract practice. It was something practiced by and taught by religious people. I feel like most people now these days just get married for the tax benefits or simply because they were just raised that way. You don't need to be married to have a promising loyal relationship that's a bunch of hooey.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • There was a Huge Article that came out in my own State that More and More Couples who Break up, End up Living together, A lot of times because of the Economy, Get along much Better, than when they Lived together as One at One time.
    It all Depends on the Situation at hand with every Woman and Man, and it also 'Depends' on what Compromise they come to And... Who is Anyone to Point fingers at Anyone's Life and how they Choose to Lead it?
    I know of two cases Myself as I Write this Right now. A friend is living with her Ex, they are Bestie friends, their kids are gone and they get Along... Better than when Married.
    Another Acquaintance of mine is Living with her Ex, and along with Helping one another with Finances, they find it is a Far Healthier Relationship to be their own Straw boss than to Feel... Any kind of Loss.
    Many couples who Split and Decide to Reside under the same roof, later Deciding to Date, May not give Away Anything More than they have to the 'Date,' until they See if is going to be a Match Made in Heaven.
    Good luck and Great Going. xx

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Join the discussion

What Guys Said 10

  • There are a few couples who could make this work but most couples would not last more than a few days and the kids would see mom and dad fighting all the time. When either of them starts dating, it will get worse exponentially. This is not a solution for most people because you cannot simply set aside human nature because it would be a cool thing to do.

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  • I know a couple who have legally separated and live in the same house, it sounds like a nightmare - There are 3 kids maybe 10 to 15 - Tension levels are sky high - At this stage I say couple dislike each other but they are going to end up hating each other - Guy won't back down and agree to separate homes.

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  • It seems like it could work out given the right people, but my own situation is an example of how it can backfire. I'm the reason my parents haven't officially split and can't wait to get out of this house. They're both home a lot due to my dad being borderline unemployed (medical leave because his boss fucked him up mentally) and my mom working from home. Everything in my house is tense, they're either fighting, not talking, or talking shit about each other to me. If they had split before or better yet never got together in the first place both them and myself would be much better off. Divorce is never easy, but holding off on the separation process can cause a lot of harm in certain circumstances where the two parents are toxic when together.

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    • You aren't the reason! Divorcing can cause huge financial stress for people, which is probably why so many of these couples are still together or even your parents are. It's got nothing to do with the kids really.

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    • No... he was just taking his anger out on you. It sounds to me like your mom had to quit since... well, daycare can be really expensive. and there can just be so many financial issues... your dad probably didn't have a choice for leaving at all. And neither did she. That can happen to lots of people, they literally can't leave each other because of finances, the divorce issues, and just $ issues.

      I'm sorry he's so cruel towards you, but he said that because he knows that people our age don't usually know anything about finances and all of that. Which can be really true, so he knows you can't say anything back to him and he wins auto...

    • Here... I found this awhile ago! It may or may not help. But the BA gives great examples, if people staying together w/o the kids because of $! answers.yahoo.com/.../index

      And that's the simple version. There's not much drama in either scenario. I've looked @ divorce forums and things can be so much more dramatic...

  • It's fucked up in my opinion !

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  • HAHAHAHAHAHA I have an ex who had two kids with two different dads and the more recent one literally slept on the couch. I never had any doubts about her possibly going back to him for many reasons and I can understand why she let him stay but still IT'S CRAZY

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  • who sleeps on a couch 3 nights a week? this dude deserves a bed.

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  • I think its okay if the realtionship ended for a good reason not because of lying or cheating.

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  • No this is bound to implode
    Awful idea

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  • retarded. It will only end up hurting the both of them in the end.

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  • I DON'T KNOW

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What Girls Said 7

  • This is one dysfunctional couple! If you can live together, you could have stayed married. If you can have sex together, you could have stayed married. Only dysfunctional people thinks like this! They have so much baggage, after a while the children will become so confused, and you want to know why your kids as they get older don't want a marriage let alone have your grand kids.

    Obviously the marriage isn't all that bad as they make it if they can still remain in the same environment let alone the same household! Its an excuse. This is not a mature couple. That is a red flag for me, and I would rather stay away.

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  • From my view, It is good to be separate with legal reason, but so many times couples are separate due to some misunderstanding. Divorced couples may stay a long time with a good relationship If they understand each other. For this type of couples “Pleasureplayz” helping so many times for sexual life. For this reason, the relationship becomes stronger.

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  • I like that idea too :)
    At least it won't affect kids lives in a bad way.

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  • I would never judge a couple for trying this. Because it sounds so ideal but it also sounds somewhat like a "have your cake and eat it too".

    When a marriage ends, it almost feels like a death in your family. It is a really tough adjustment and a grieving process. Not just for you, but your children. The most difficult part of that adjustment is learning to live apart and learning to tolerate loneliness. As hard as it is, it is necessary. For the whole family.

    As much as this might sound like an offbeat or unconventional way for divorced families to live, I think it may be more of a refusal to accept the inevitable future-a divorce. Again, I'm not judging but I think it could turn into an unhealthy situation.

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  • I have a friend who has divorced parents who live woth each other. They're from different countries, but she has told me that if something happens, they'd probably go back to their own separate countries. She's also told me that they argue a lot and they're barely home.

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  • ıts crazy

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  • My parents broke up temporarily once, and honestly I didn't even know til years later because my dad was still always around. Like he'd come home at 6am to cook us kids breakfast and drop us to school, then he'd come home after work, put us to bed, then go back to his own place til the morning again. It was nice of him and I'll always be grateful to both my parents for allowing that to happen and not being like these bitter couples who let their relationship affect the kids.

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    • I think that is so cool! yeah, lots of people like to get revenge on each other but things don't have to be that way.

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    • I think some parents are able to do it for the kids because they can compartmentalize and just focus on that one thing and then get out and live their separate lives each day, but for a lot, those kids ARE the reason you have to keep seeing the kids with them present in some capacity. If you don't have sole custody until at least the kids are 18, you will forever have to go to an exes house, or see the ex at Christmas, or see the ex with his or her new person in their lives as you pick up the kids. It can be hurtful, make you incredibly bitter, angry, jealous all of that, especially when one or both moves on because then it becomes who gets to parent 'our kids.' I've seen some really bad burns by single ex couples, so I can't imagine the ones with kids and how terrible it can get because they play each other against the kids in this never ending war... so yeah, definitely better sometimes for those with kids to end it and move on.

    • @BeeNee If you read the mytake you'll see different examples. I really think people fight mainly because of money wars. if there isn't a war, then why not get along.

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