Are we really surprised to be single these days?

[meye_naim]

I have been able to discuss relationships with a TON of older people. People who are still together along with people on their 3rd....4th....5th marriage. There is only one distinct difference in their stories.......one quit and the other didn't.

We all seem to think that the perfect person for us is out there for us. I think that is a huge load of shit! If you are reading this then I have bad news, you are flawed. There are things you just suck at, period!

I don't mean arts and crafts or fixing things around the house. I mean communication, affection, humility, consideration of other's desires, etc. So then why do we think OUR broken ass shit show is worthy of perfection?

I'm sure we can contribute it to our times and society, but I guess my take on it is that it truly is and always has been easier to quit than it is to fight. To make a relationship work, it means YOU WILL have to work on YOU!

If you can't share your feelings, f***ing learn how! If they want more sex, suck it up! At some point we forgot that a relationship takes work and sacrifice. It also means that there will be things that you will never get the way you want it. The ones that make it don't ever get it all right, it's simply impossible. The ones that make it, are the ones that never quit trying.

[AmandaYVR]

Well, meye, a harsher version of what I wrote/the way I write, but I do agree with you. You haven't elaborated on it much, but sure, I'm with you.
I think the most important takeaway for people is that there is no 'one.' They need to get that out of their heads. Some clearly believe in destiny and things like god putting them together and that's their prerogative, and it may be the reason why some are waiting for that person to magically appear, but if there is no destiny, one has to take action, or just be open to what may come, and give people a chance, get to know them, and try and accept each other, flaws and all. So in that sense, it's all about choices, isn't it?

In Defence of Change: An Antithetical to the Idea "You Should Accept Me As I Am"

[meye_naim]

Well said. You have a much more elegant way of putting it.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Some people aren't single just because they're flawed. We're all flawed as humans, single or married. I'm single because I was Windowed. And because I wasn't sure if I was ready to be in another relationship.
There's people that are single because they say they haven't met the right one. But some people are single but choice.

[NerdInDenial]

What you wrote is not wrong, but it is incomplete. You are similar to the parents of little league who yell at the kid pitcher to throw more strikes. "You need to work on yourself if you want to be in a relationship." Well duh. In order to be complete, you should offer actual tangible solutions, not just "learn to share your feelings." Maybe you have a personal deficiency and you corrected it by doing some action. Sharing that would be more beneficial to people who are desperately clueless on why they are single than be a better person because you suck.

[meye_naim]

Well, you're not wrong. In more than just you're answer, also your tactic. I have a very loving mother who was very direct.
"I love you ad you're a good person with a kind heart, but you're fucking up so get you're shit together."
Some of us need to hear it from this perspective in that way. But that in no way means this approach works for everyone.

[NerdInDenial]

My question in your position would be, "How do I fix it if I'm fucked up and what part of my shit do I need to get together?"

[meye_naim]

The point my mom would make is that I already knew that whatever I was doing was wrong/lazy/avoiding the right thing. If we sit and truly analyze ourselves, we know what we should do, but none of us like doing that. We don't want to admit we are wrong.

[rtlm368]

I always loved that "looking for mt soul mate" Get freaking real. so this means when you can't find that one person among-est how many billion souls on this earth? ok, iternet makes it easier to cast a larger net > what happens when airliner goes down? those people are someones soul mate then there are a lot of single people out there with no soul mate alive. regardless. we humans can adapt and find things that we like in most people. So thank the universal positive energy, that we are not plugged to mate with one person on this earth. Cause verity is the spice of life! Oh, and what if that one person you are assigned to is a total douche? So ether learn to love a douche bag or pretend to love someone else or be lonely the rest of you living days? Ughhhh Soul mate theory sucks balls.

[jenn11161986]

Nope. Because for me, it's harder to stay in a relationship you're not even 100% sure if it will last. It's such a waste to stay in a wrong relationship and invest your time and emotions with it. Being single doesn't also mean you can never be happy. You can find ways to make yourself happy even though you are not in a relationship.

[meye_naim]

I think I know what you are trying to say, but feel like we are on different sides of this one. I agree that bad is bad and that there are people we just could never work with. But no one will ever meet you're 100%. Thinking that someone should means you think you're flawless.

[Dchrls78104]

Good take. I will add that a man must be able to show his feelings in his wife's presence, even if he has to break down and cry like a baby in front of her, without her ridiculing, judging, or thinking less of him. That is part of what being a wife involves, at least a Christian one. Jesus Christ wept more than once in the Bible and neither his heavenly Father nor his disciples thought any less of him for it.

[Eaglehead]

No... why shoud be surprised?
We finally die someday... single or in rel...

[Plitty-Tank]

Most people don't care if they are single or married.

[SecretGardenBlood65]

Good take