Still not over it after 6 months - advice?

tallandsweet

Half a year after the breakup, I’m not even close to being over him and that disappoints me.

I used to be a lot faster when it came to getting over guys, but I guess I just never felt this way before. I genuinely feel like I loved him and that scares me.

Cute cat to help ignore my feelings a little longer [not my cat]
Cute cat to help ignore my feelings a little longer [not my cat]

I just put a sweater of mine over my pillow (I always sleep like that because I like it better) and started crying. That’s because he had told me he’d give me one of his sweaters to wear to bed. Knowing that he spent 90% of his time at home wearing clothes like that, it just meant so much to me at the time. It hit me that nothing has changed. I still want that sweater.

I know that I’ll never get one of his sweaters, even if we’re friends at some point, it won‘t happen and I’m genuinely sad about that.

It’s such a small gesture but it means a lot to me personally. He’s my height, wears my size and would’ve probably introduced me to my first cigarette, first festival, maybe drugs. Eventually, we’d have gotten intimate with one another. I know that he’s a horrible person because I heard someone say „[...] darf nicht so sein, dass man nur ein Stück Fleisch ist für Männer“ („[...] can’t be that you‘re (a Woman) only a piece of meat to men“) and that made my cry as well.
He told me that I’m just a piece of meat after I showed him self harm scars in an area that I was reluctant to show at first. It wasn’t a sexual picture and he knew that - yet he insulted me, making me feel even worse about it. I can’t believe that I loved this guy, and I’d love to get over him, it’s just so damn hard.

How do you personally get over your exes? How long does it take you?

Still not over it after 6 months - advice?
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Most Helpful Girl

  • kaylaS91
    It can take a long time for many, myself included. Often the ‘almost relationships’ are the hardest to get over as those are easiest to fall prey to the ‘what if’ thought patterns because, well.. nothing happened to disprove all the idealistic thinking.

    It has taken me anywhere from basically overnight to 2+ years with exes. The one that took me the longest to get over was the one in which the least happened, so it was the best ‘opportunity’ for me to think that things would’ve worked out better if xyz. Then most of the blame fell on me (in my imagination, of course) making me depressed and finding it hard to get over.

    I found that venting to friends, writing in my journal regularly, plus distracting myself with healthier outlets (I. e. hitting the gym almost everyday) helped a lot. Plus not rushing anything as everyone grieves differently.
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Guy

  • MannMitAntworten
    You will have a mourning period. Yours may last up to a year. As for the cutting, I have an idea where since it is a common area... you aren’t a piece of meat. You were merely being vulnerable and he abused your moment of openness. Not every man will so don’t be afraid to be so again should another fellow come your way you feel open too.

    Time. It just takes time. Obviously he left a bigger mark upon you and you need to time. You will eventually move forward. You will be okay too.
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

321
  • Is it possible that what scares you the most is that you thought he was such a good guy and you were horribly wrong? An experience like this can make you lose confidence in your judgment, and then you start thinking I'll never date again, l'll always be alone, etc. and it all becomes very gloomy and dramatic (Stürm und Drang, I believe) and it feels like your life is over before it even started.

    Is that what is happening with you?
    • tallandsweet

      You're right to some extent, Sturm und Drang is about emotion and not _ratio_ .
      I don't know if he was a good guy, still pondering about that.

  • Aakash_Hangargi
    That's actually a sweet gesture and not a small one, what did you expect from the guy of that life style valuing a woman I don't think so but yes they can also be loving and caring but not considerate same as anyone else.
    The thing about people is that you never get over them you just learn to be with their memories as such the pillow and sweater of yours everybody in our lives comes to add a meaning and to fill the void but it's also true nothing is permanent so accept adapt and acknowledge for things are as it is someone new will eventually come as the love does happen more than once.

    By age and getting emotional advancement it becomes tougher and tougher to let go of something you care but you cannot bargain as you don't have control on others life.
    Actually i am happy for you it happened you are free from the misery far worse than this to be bestowed on you in the future if you had been in that relationship
    This too shall pass and the winds will blow again the rain will end and there will be sunshine again...
  • RydiaMagnifique
    My ex girlfriend and I split up back in 2016, and I'm still not over it. 4 years of being lonely with nobody to hold and nobody whose shoulder I could cry on, and then I met my fiance in December. I am slowly getting over her now. I still love her but I finally feel at peace to let her go.
  • wingattebaby16
    getting over an ex you truly cared about, is very hard.

    it takes time, then one day, another Mr Right comes along, and Life is wonderful again.

    Give it time.

    Talk to gfs.. it helps to vent, and scream... PM if you need to vent.. i listen well.
  • sensible27
    Sure dude, sounds like a surface level thing. Relationships are about value exchange did he bring enough value to you/your life? Enough to chase him? (Seems) More of a desperate thought than an actual curiosity if they have lost a genuinely good partner. Find someone better, it's a faze. Dating is sort of like investing if it doesn't exactly work out it's your fault. Probably another answer to get me blocked but it is what it is.
    • You are right at certain level, but sometimes you incest wrong thinking that it has the potential of something greater value ofcourse there is risk of market value but you still go with your best yet risk decision it could end up both ways but you would still feel the sorrow of loss or happiness of winning
      Emotions play trickery on mind because when it's with person you are influenced your emotional counter part works more than the Rational one.

    • sensible27

      And that's where they duck up don't they?

    • sensible27

      **D*ck/"f*ck

    • Show All
  • blutwolfe
    lol takes me forever and copious substances, sometimes you gotta find someone new to really move on, that's pretty bad he insulted you over self harm scars, like I hear that story more common than you think tho, at least you dodged a bullet that didn't care
  • RoastedCharms
    Continue taking life day by day, to work for a better tomorrow!

    Push yourself to learn something new or improve the person you are. You know you're a great person, so why not be better?

    Why stand still when you can keep moving forwards?
  • You should not try running from it.
    Accept what has happened is for good.
    Try remembering and doing things which u did before u were in a relationship.
    U can never fix a person's character.
    Whenever u feel sad try remembering the harsh thing that he said to u.
  • situationalwaffle
    You have to convince yourself that they weren't the right person for you, the right person is the one you want to stay with who also wants to stay with you.
  • divyanshu321
    If you really want to get over him, think what he didn't do for you, what he was bad at, and always remember if you still care about him knowing that he has gone, he doesn't deserve you, you deserve someone who can love you like you are loving your x, he is not worthy of your single thought
  • etexbearkat
    Just give yourself more time. That's all you can do. Some relationship breakups are harder to move on from than others. If you need counseling, go to counseling.
  • dmvgirl16
    Well I think that it can take time to get over an ex and it is normal to cry or want that ex back but am happy u and ur ex are friends but feel that ur ex was a jerk for saying that about ur scars because I think ur ex does not understand that us women deal with a lot of events that can be sad and no ur not a piece of meat u are a beautiful women and u should just give it time to move on from ur ex for me it took me time to move on from my ex but feel that I know that u can move on frok ur ex but give it time
  • Shamalien
    this is a distraction and an excuse so that you can continue to ignore your REAL problems, which are very VERY real.

    Time to face your demons
  • akanetuk
    If you can't break up, then try to make up. If make up does not work be open to a replacement.
  • nonratracereality
    Putting it bluntly here goes first you must love yourself unconditionally then know reality. No games no delays no unanswered questions. Example let's say your ex you met at an art showing and after a description of the portrait both if you took off as if you left the gate. But here's the clincher more than half the population is real just going through the motions. With that end game is standards or levels floors etc. If they are lower than yours then you'll feel fine they won't. Or they'll be higher than yours and you'll like it but they won't. We are not perfect but damn close as we grow that's happens but if you dont not even by a hair then it's the same shit different day or like now yoy lost track if what day it is. Nothing to look forward to but yourselves did it right they hate you do it wrong and your criticized.
  • dudeinohio
    Lotta time ranges... immediately to 2 years. The main thing is changing your lifestyle where the other person isn't allowed for. That and time will get you over it.
  • TallAnon
    Sounds like you deserve better, let's try to focus on that 😊
  • nodnol32
    Its tough. I was in love too when i was 18. I dated this girl. We went to school together. We got along, we officially became a thing. We went on dates. We gave each other gifts, we would rarely ever be seen apart in school. She was my good morning and good night. I could picture getting married to her. Except, one day, she comes up to me and something was different about her vibe she broke up with me. I decided to think about us and give her space. Then when i thought about talking to her about getting back, she's already got a new boyfriend. It was tough. Everything reminded me of her. I would have sleepless nights and cry myself to bed. Long story short: luckily i moved to a different city and that helped. But it took me about 5 years to officially come to terms with it. I dated a girl after her, but after a few dates I told her I'm sorry I can't do this im not in the right state of mind (i was still in love with my ex and missing her).
    • nodnol32

      My bad, I just realised I missed out on the advice bit. Try and keep yourself busy. Go out with your mates, be in their company most of the time, have some adventures. Focus on the future. I know its easier said than done but it takes time.

  • jimmy2
    It takes time.7 years for me when my wife passed. You are probably much less but time will help
  • Wizzbang
    You sound very young, so it'll take a while but you'll get over it. Just start dating other people
  • Rob17792
    I asked the woman I love when we first met if she could knit me a sweater. she still hasn't :(
    • Rob17792

      as far as the cutting I still have scars on my forearm. you will to and scars on your heart as well since the heart never fully heals and you never really forget.

    • Rob17792

      and you never really get over it either no matter how hard you try. the pain and hurt still remain. it may dull down substantially over time years even but it'll always be there even in the smallest amounts and so will the hurt as well. and you never really forget or let go of the pain and hurt that person caused you.

    • Rob17792

      and you try to distance yourself emotionally later on so you don't get hurt again by the same person or different people.

  • mndmatt30
    I don't know it was hard for me. I need to find new love
  • BustyNeedles
    Time and exercise
  • Coylord
    Been 4 months, I'm... Miserable At Best.
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