A Vent About My Heartbreak - If Anyone Can Advice Would Be Great

[Alyssa11]

Last year this time, I had taken back my ex fiancee who had cheated on me. He cheated again and we broke up, and I blocked him and never looked back. For reference: we were LDR (met before obviously) and he was sleeping with her and after I found out, said he will drop everything, live here and marry me but I said no.

I vowed to myself that I'd never check his social media, but I broke it the 2nd time ever today.

The past year has been extremely tough on me, and I even started taking antidepressants. I stopped taking them now and I'm finally feeling a tiny bit better. When I looked at his social media just now, it seems like since our break-up he's been doing fine.

I know social media isn't a reflection of how somebody feels but it really seemed like he was fine. He's still dating the bitch too.

It really hurts because he was the only man I'd ever loved and he's my weakness. It was literally love at first sight, and he proposed to me a month after we met. Looking at his photos now I haven't met anyone like him.

We had a deep connection I've never had before and to see him live his life, without any guilt for what he's done to me really hurts. I know I was the one who broke up with him, but it was a very messy break-up and we both said some hurtful things. How can he just let me go after that?

A year later, and I'm way too good for him, and it still effing hurts. Can anyone please comfort me with any words or advice?

Thank you. (PS I am in tears so any nice words would be amazing).

[na2398]

Friend, I've been following you for a while and it hurts to see a friend in despair. I'd love to say the following things-

1) Please don't ever take anti-depressants. I've taken them a few years ago for a year or two and it's such an addiction. It messed up my life. Might provide temporary relief but you could try yoga, meditation or listen to songs like Weightless by Marconi Union the next time it gets worse.

2) You're a champ. It's alright to sob right now and feel the way you do. There's nothing wrong with being sensitive. I am as well. That's why I could relate and empathise.

3) You gave everything, 100 percent effort but if the other person cheats on you, it's not your fault. You still would reminisce the merry moments, but remember- Your kinda guy would never let you feel the way you do right now. He'd embrace your sensitive nature and take care that he never makes you feel lonely or vulnerable.

4) Not everyone would take your benevolence and care for granted. I'm sure there are lots of genuine souls out there. I know a few here as well. :)

5) How could you possibly embrace those thoughts but not stop where you are? Is there anything that could help you alleviate some of the pain?

[Alyssa11]

Thank you for your kind message! I really appreciate it.

I took a round of antidepressants because things got extremely tough for me. Since then, I made the decision to stop. I wanted to take them to help me bring myself out of that dark place but I know that the rest is going to have to come from me.

You're right, thank you for the reminder.. that's exactly why I didn't take him back. He begged for me back at the time and he would move countries with me for a fresh start. However, deep inside I knew that *my person* wouldn't cheat on me. And would take care of me as a sensitive person...

[na2398]

Mention not. Always here to help anyone. :) :) :)

Ohh no. I understand that you had little choices back then. And those medications are super addictive. I took them for quite a while and had a really tough time quitting them. Please never take them again.

You did the right thing. If he wanted you, he wouldn't have had the thought of seeing someone else. Genuine partners never do that. It's a great time for you to care more about yourself and embrace what comes your way. Trust me, I have never been in a relationship before but I'm sensitive too and feel deeper than a lot of other people. It's a double-edged sword. Take care. :)

[Alyssa11]

We lived in different countries so he thought he could get away with seeing her without me finding out, until we were gonna get married in a couple of months. But I want to marry someone I trust...

Thank you. I hope so.

[na2398]

There's the problem of our generation. Wanting someone else while being committed. And you know what makes me feel like a hopeless romantic? The fact that not many people understand emotions very well. Harsh reality.

Wish the best for my friend. :) I'd be willing to help you in any way I can. :) Stay blessed. :)

[Alyssa11]

Thank you!

[na2398]

You're welcome. :) Trust me, it won't be easy but hang in there. Your emotions are legit. :)

[Alyssa11]

:) :)

[na2398]

Blessing ya from India, friend. :) Tried reading The Nectar of Pain? :) It's such a gem!

[RealMarek]

I know it hurts to have loved and lost, even if the person you loved mistreated you... even if the person couldn’t love as deeply or as truly as you love. The hurt will lessen with time. Try not to worry about whether he is happy and try to avoid figuring out why he did what he did; those lines of thought are dead ends that will only trouble you. I can assure you, from experience, that you are better off alone than you are with him or any other man, no matter how charming he is or how strong the feeling of connection you have with him, who would cheat on you, denigrate you, or abuse you in any way.

As for depression, I have always found exercise helps, as does noticing beauty around you. Get outdoors and notice beauty in nature, and do things like bringing flowers into your home. When you feel hurt or depressed just remember that the pain is temporary and will pass.

You seem like a sweet young woman. Treat yourself well—you deserve it. When you are ready, find a man who will treat you well. You are young, seem to have no problem attracting men, and have time to find someone with whom you can share true love, who will be loyal to you, and will treat you wonderfully.

[Alyssa11]

Thank you so much. This is perfect.

[RealMarek]

You’re welcome. I’m glad if it helped. Hang in there and stay strong.

[Alyssa11]

:) :)

[Guy13]

I hope you are doing better these days...

[Keyboardkat]

Alyssa, I know exactly how you feel. The loss of a love feels exactly like a death in the family. That person is "dead" to you, and you must go through a period of grieving and mourning for the loss before you can begin to heal and recover and move on. And this process cannot be rushed. Emotions are like energy. Energy cannot be destroyed. You can try to bury the emotions and throw yourself into frantic activities, but if you do that, the day will come when it will bite you and you will suddenly burst into tears unexpectedly, because its just THERE!
Let me post some ideas that may help you. First, remember that love is a choice. We talk about love as though it "just happens" to someone. Well, attraction may just happen. But love is a choice that says, "I choose you today, and I will continue to choose you even years from now, when neither of us is so attractive anymore."
Secondly, it is a principle of psychology that the kind of person we choose for ourselves as a significant other is often a reflection of how we view ourselves. A person who has poor self-esteem, for example, who thinks of him or herself as a lowlife, will choose someone whom they see as a lowlife, even if all their friends tell them, "You could do so much better." Remember also that men's brains and women's brains are hard-wired differently. We guys are programmed - programmed since we lived in caves - to find the sights and sounds of women attractive, exciting, and erotic! Women, on the other hand, need to take it slower, to really get to know the person, to feel comfortable and to trust him. That doesn't mean that all guys act like animals in heat (although unfortunately some do, those who were brought up wrong by their fathers, usually). When we fall in love with someone, we are vulnerable, and we have to be able to really trust that person before we expose our vulnerability by confessing our feelings to them. And unfortunately, sometimes the other person turns out not to be worthy of that trust.
And for better or worse, we learn from seeing our parents interact with each other, we learn how to relate to the opposite sex when we're older. And sometimes what we learn there isn't so good.
One thing that you really should not do. DON'T DATE ANYONE, perhaps for even a year, or as long as it takes for you to heal. Why? Because you are hurting now, and you are really not emotionally available to someone else. And there is a tendency to latch onto another attractive person and use them as a band-aid, and when you're feeling better, you will "tear off" the band-aid. Meanwhile, that person may have really developed feelings of love and attachment for you, which you are unable to return. That is not a fair thing to do to someone. I was guilty of that myself many years ago, and I to this day feel so awful about hurting her that I have often wished I could find her just so I could apologize and ask forgiveness. But after so many years, I don't think that would turn out well.
So don't date now. Take up a musical instrument, learn a language, take a trip, take a course in something that interests you, work on your abs, join a club, whatever, but don't date until you are over him enough to be available to someone new. You will know when that happens. When you can hear his name without feeling a stab in the heart, when you can see him, or his picture, with out feeling a punch in the gut, when you can hear a particular song without breaking into tears, then you'll know.
They say that time heals. And even though you don't believe it now, it does heal. It's not that you will forget him or this experience, but it will become simply "a chapter" in your life that you've been through. Few of us go through life without being banged around sometimes. It is the beginning of something called wisdom, which doesn't come cheap.
I've been there. I know how it hurts. I know what you're going through. Trust me, it will get better.

[Alyssa11]

Thank you so much!!

[Teeetree]

“And there is a tendency to latch onto another attractive person and use them as a band-aid, and when you're feeling better, you will "tear off" the band-aid. Meanwhile, that person may have really developed feelings of love and attachment for you, which you are unable to return. That is not a fair thing to do to someone. I was guilty of that myself many years ago, and I to this day feel so awful about hurting her that I have often wished I could find her just so I could apologize and ask forgiveness. But after so many years, I don't think that would turn out well.”

I think I’m currently in this situation with a guy. I have deep feelings and connections with him, but a future with him is uncertain. How do you suggest I end this without hurting him too much?

[Alyssa11]

You can’t guarantee you won’t hurt someone if they’re emotionally attached to you. The best thing you can do is be honest.

[Keyboardkat]

@Teeetree , you mean you think this guy was hurt too recently, and isn't over her, and therefore he can't really commit to you? That's the sort of thing I described. Maybe you could tell him, "I think you're a really great guy, but for whatever reason I don't think you're ready. Call me if and when that changes. But don't expect me to wait around forever."
That isn't unreasonable on your part. And it may force him to seriously think about where he's going with his life. If he's really still grieving, that can't be rushed and it must be gone through. However, if he's been grieving for ten years (!), then he needs to see a therapist to figure out why he's still "stuck." And that shouldn't be your problem!

[Crazybeeguy]

Honestly, what he has on his social network is a facade. The profile is designed to attract the attention of women, to be a "player." My friend is the same way his profile makes it look like he goes out partying every weekend. The dude is broke, from spending all his money on name brand clothes and expensive living. You know him well enough, also the best way to put it. P. M. A

P. M. A the brain is a phenomenal organ, I understand the "darkeness" you speak of my father raised me to be resiliant. When he died in 2013, I was ok. My little brother was depressed for awhile. I try to make the "dark" and shitty world better. By participating in small things here and there. I have help with educated at risk youth in Indonesia by identifying fake news that promotes extremism. The only difference, it has evolved in America with cancel culture. It's a fight to try and make this world better, I've lost tons of money with dead bees. Agriculture poisoning to bad weather in Northern California. Did I cry about it no, I decided to make more money and try harder. Necessity is the mother of all invention. Strength is not from what excercises you do, it's mental. You have to think to yourself I am going to master this, I am going to accomplish that. You will always have toxic people in your life, you just have to learn to say "fuck off." I had someone I help straighten their life out, she was going from one bad relationship to another. I had to pull her out of the spiral she was in. She got into trouble with the law.
She would be in jail if I didn't help. She went from $13 per hour to $23. Then she got into this really dark place, about how pretty much all guys were Evil. Even me, thankfully her sister understands me, but I had to stop talking to her. She turned on me and I realized she wasn't my true friend. Oh, well. But you know what? Fuck it, you can't take your fortune into the afterlife but you sure can push to make this world a little more brighter before you leave. There is no other better feeling then when your soul, is fed that positive energy. There is no drug when you go to another country and say "hey, I know you're hurting" I am not wealthy but let's make a difference. Material does not feed the soul, neither do meds. I do hope you find your peace, don't let someone like that bring you down. That P. O. S doesn't deserve someone like you. Sorry I had to be vulgar, but not sorry.

[Alyssa11]

I mean when we dated we were very close. And I knew he was a very sensitive person, more than the average guy. I’m pretty sure his social media isn’t reflective of how he’s feeling but I can’t help it, it hurts.

You’re totally right. Which is why I’ve been pulling myself out of the darkness (well fighting to do it), since the break up. Some days are tougher than others, you know? Thank you though. That’s inspiring.

[Crazybeeguy]

Yeah, even though my relationships didn't end in a terrible car crash; even though the breakups were amicable it still takes a part of you. Like a piece of you went missing, there is no right answer. Time does make it easier, but a new partner will be the best.
I would recommend to take some time to get closure before you get another boyfriend. You don't want your past relationships to define your next one. A mix of feeling down and a shitty ex will be hard. You can pull yourself out of it, take the time to have a good cry and cry it out. When done close that chapter of your life learn from your experiences. You'll find a guy who will adore you, you will have to go through a few duds before you find your one. Thats part of the dating and relationship experience. You won't appreciate him unless you know what shitty guys are like. The very fact that you didn't go back to him when he cheated, just proves how strong you really are. That female friend I mentioned earlier, she kept going back to the same duds, kept getting hurt. It's a start, you might have to find yourself before the next guy. Keep your chin up the stars are beautiful.

[Alyssa11]

Thank you!! For sure, regardless of how much he was willing to drop to be with me I would've never taken him back the second time. Fool me once, shame on you. But fool me twice, shame on me.

:)

[ohshee]

Ok so first here's a paper towel wipe your tears blow your nose not on my shirt damn it just wipe the tears first with the paper towel that way you can see what you were doing okay so anyway I want a big fat hug, okay so you still want all jamming out when you look at him remember one thing one thing in this world you are the only person in this world you can make yourself feel unhappy with in. You are the only person in this world yourself feel happy I mean super happy you were the only person that could do that because both of those come from the inside of you you get to choose which one you want to be whenever you want a to be that feeling with inside you.
Just like when you masturbate you are the only person in this world who can make you have that feeling nobody else can just like my new car you're the only person in the world that can make you that happy inside. Okay so since we got that out of the way every we are going to think of something in our his only we can do that only weekend cuz it's our headlights are burning and whether is good or if it's bad it's just a moment one moment In Time that happens and then that moment will go away and it would become another moment and you go moment-by-moment by the moment and you can put anything you want to in your mind anyting now that feeling that you were having about him and your crying your eyes are filled with tears it fills with tears because he cheated on you deer filled with tears because you wanted it to last forever they are filled with tears because he did it again and they are filled with tears because you know down deep in your subconscious it will never work but you have to understand are those tears are happy tears because you feel something and it wasn't your fault that it all got fucked off it was his fault just like yours you got back together again it's going to be his phone he tried to prove that to you the first time then the second time but you wouldn't listen now you want to do it a third time yeah that was to happen those chairs will be angry chairs what are you going to do there because you're the only one can make that choice. the person inside of you. So if you make that choice for the third time then what do you have enough pain already if he really wanted you back and if she really was serious and wanted to make it work with you he would have been getting ahold of you he would be sending you letters in the mailbox each and every day not taking no for an answer he would be doing everything for you to prove himself he would have a fat flower on your car windshield he would send you flowers at work he would be trying to say he was sorry by proving himself he hasn't proved anything to you except for get another girlfriend I know for a fact if you were my old girlfriend and I fucked up somehow somewhere and I wanted you I wouldn't stop trying to get you until the day I died

[Alyssa11]

Ah thank you!!

[ohshee]

Well so you do know that you can get any guy that you want don't you you're beautiful person within you have confidence smart intelligent you are hot and sexy LOL you have a beautiful heart you have compassion and desire and I think that you would just be one of the hottest sexiest lovers ever so insane all that you do know that you can go out and pick the man that you really want I hope you do know that if you don't read this 10 times and then you might know it

[Alyssa11]

Thank you!!!

[IDontBelieveIt]

You couldn't have stayed with him, you had to move on. When I'm on a downer the following is a song that lifts the spirits. It's called Reach by S Club 7 the video is slow to get going!

https://www.youtube.com/embed/50kP4S0peAs

When the world, leaves you feeling blue
You can count on me, I will be there for you
When it seems, all you hopes and dreams
Are a million miles away, I will re-assure you
We've got to all stick together
Good friends, there for each other
Never ever forget that
I've got you and you've got me, so
Reach for the stars
Climb every mountain higher
Reach for the stars
Follow your heart's desire
Reach for the stars
And when that rainbow's shining over you
That's when your dreams will all come true
There's a place waiting just for you (waiting just for you)
Is a special place where your dreams all come true
Fly away (fly away) swim the ocean blue (swim the ocean blue)
Drive that open road, leave the past behind you
Don't stop gotta keep moving
Your hopes, gotta keep building
Never ever forget that
I've got you and you've got me, so
Reach for the stars
Climb every mountain higher
Reach for the stars
Follow your heart's desire
Reach for the stars
And when that rainbow's shining over you
That's when your dreams will all come true
Don't believe in all that you've been told
The sky's the limit you can reach your goal
No-one knows just what the future holds
There ain't nothing you can't be
There's a whole world at your feet
I said reach
Climb every mountain (reach)
Reach for the moon (reach)
Follow that rainbow
And your dreams will all come true
Reach for the stars
Climb every mountain higher
Reach for the stars
Follow your heart's desire
Reach for the stars
And when that rainbow's shining over you
That's when your dreams will all come true
Reach for the stars
Climb every mountain higher
Reach for the stars
Follow your heart's desire
Reach for the stars
And when that rainbow's shining over you (shining, shining)
That's when your dreams will all come true
Reach for the stars
Climb every mountain higher
Reach for the stars
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Cathy Dennis / Andrew ToddHope this helps I will try to come up with other things, keep your head up, focus on positive things, it will get better. Another I use I dream of that I met a lady she helped turn my life around for that I use Kim Wilde - You cameSomeone I know is staring at meAnd when I look into her eyesI see a girl that I used to beI hardly recogniseCos in the space of a yearI've watched the old me disappearAll of the things I once held preciousJust don't mean anything anymoreCos suddenlyYou came, and changed the way I feelNo one could love you moreBecause you came and turned my life aroundNo one could take your placeI've never felt good with permanent thingsNow I don't want anything to changeYou can't imagine the joy you bringMy life won't be the sameAnd I'll be there when you callI'll pick you up if you should fallCos I have never felt such inspirationNobody else ever gave me more becauseYou came, and changed the way I feelNo one could love you moreBecause you came and turned my life aroundNo one could take your placeYou cameAnd Hold on I know there's pain (I know there's pain) Why do you lock yourself up in these chains? (These chains) No one can change your life except for youDon't ever let anyone step all over youJust open your heart and your mind (Mmm) Is it really fair to feel, this way inside? (Woah) Some day somebody's gonna make you want to turn around and say goodbyeUntil then, baby, are you going to let 'em hold you down and make you cry? Don't you know? Don't you know, things can changeThings'll go your wayIf you Hold On for one more dayCan you Hold On for one more day? Things'll go your wayHold On for one more dayYou could sustain (You could sustain) Hm, or are you comfortable with the pain? You've got no one to blame for your unhappiness (No, baby) You got yourself into your own mess (Ooh) Lettin' your worries pass you by (Lettin' your worries pass you by) Baby, don't you think it's worth your timeTo change your mind? (No, no) Some day somebody's gonna make you want to turn around and say goodbyeUntil then, baby, are you going to let 'em hold you down and make you cry? Don't you know? Don't you know, things can changeThings'll go your wayIf you Hold On for one more dayCan you Hold On for one more day? Things'll go your way (Oh, things'll go your way) Hold On for one more dayI know that there is pain, but youHold On for one more day, and yaBreak free from the chainsYeah I know that there is pain, but youHold On for one more day, and yaBreak free, break from the chainsSome day somebody's gonna make you want to turn around and say goodbye (and say goodbye) Until then, baby, are you going to let 'em hold you down and make you cry? Don't you know? Don't you know, things can change (Know) Things'll go your wayIf you Hold On for one more day, yeahIf you Hold OnDon't you know, things could changeThings could go your wayIf you Hold On for one more dayCan you Hold OnCan you Hold OnMmm, can you Hold On, babyWon't you tell me nowHold On for one more day, 'causeIt's gonna go your wayDon't you know, things could changeThings could go your wayIf you Hold On for one more day, yeahCan't you change it this timeMake up your mindHold On, Hold OnBaby Hold OnSource: MusixmatchHope not bad taste in music, sorry if it doesn't help, great if you enjoyed, brighten your days as you go forwardTake Care

[IDontBelieveIt]

Post didn't include links to Kim Wilde- you came and Wilson Philips Hold on, and text is a bit joined up and looks a mess

[Alyssa11]

No problem :)

[Lliam]

I lived with a particular girlfriend for over a year when I was 37 and she was 31. I loved her with my heart and soul and she loved me. We wound up splitting for reasons that are complicated. It had nothing to do with cheating or anything horrible. I would never again trust someone who cheated on me.

For the longest time, I felt like my guts had been kicked out. At times I felt shaky and almost nauseous. Almost a year later, after I had begun to get my life back together, she called a couple of times to repair our relationship and get back together.

As much as I loved her and needed her like an alcoholic needs booze, I resisted because I had the feeling that we could never make it as life partners. I could have been wrong. But I was afraid that if we got back together I wouldn't survive breaking up again.

The bottom line is, I had begun to move on with my life. I wound finding my future wife a couple years later. We've been happily married for almost 25 years.

That girlfriend reconnected with me again on Facebook 20 years after our breakup. We even spoke on the phone a few times. We were still good friends. It was wonderful to hear her voice and to know that she was in the world, happy and pursuing her dreams. About five years later, I read that she had passed away from a sudden medical problem. She was only 56 years old. It left a hole in my heart that will never heal. I am grateful for the time we had together. I will always love her and will never forget her. But we were not destined to grow old together.

In your case, I would recommend breaking ties with that ex. Consciously move on with your life. He was just a moment in time.

[Alyssa11]

Thank you for sharing. I appreciate it.

[Lliam]

I'm glad, Alyssa. I hope you feel better. Give it time. 💙

[Alyssa11]

Thank you 🤍

[belle_kai]

I promise you, the reason why you feel this way is because you haven't had another relationship since but you will find him and you won't miss your ex. He will be better and a good man won't lie and cheat. Remember that. You are better than that. Covid hasn't helped as it would have been much easier to get out and do things and get your mind off it. But don't fret, don't be hard on yourself. It's also important to feel the feelings, deal with them and process and you will move on. Honestly, when I broke up with my ex he was my first love. I would put on a smile everyday at work and around clients but I would go home and just cry
No one knew, and I was seeing a therapist. I used to just cry to her and talk about it, for the first month I would speak to her sometimes up to 3 times a week. Now I can see a picture of him and I don't miss him. I can hear a song that used to remind me of him, our relationship and that time and I can listen to it and not feel sad. I made conscious decisions to look after myself, solo travel focus on my wellbeing and do things for myself. I never wanted to depend on a man for anything including loving myself. I'm still working on it, but I've come far. You can start small but you can do this. It will get better! Set little goals for yourself and have a plan. A plan & goals will get you there but we have to start with ourselves first.

[Alyssa11]

Thank you. I really needed to hear that ❤️

[belle_kai]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0j6kxvDuFMk

Short but sweet

[Alyssa11]

❤️❤️❤️

[Jesibel]

You the truth yourself, when you started, "you're too good for him"! But I'll add in your to good to be treated like that. I understand he's the first person you ever fell in love with, but you got to open your eyes and see him and his actions for what they are. Him and his feelings weren't genuine and he's clearly a inconsiderate heartless man and he's obviously not worth the energy and time you gave to him and not worth the heartache your feeling now. Instead of letting what he did and/or how he hurt you effect you in a negative sense try to turn it in to a positive. Replace the hurt and frustration you feel towards him and say thank you. Thank you for showing you his true colors early enough to where you could walk away instead of later down the line when you were married and have to go threw the a messy divorce and thank him for being a crappy boyfriend/financee cuz doing so gave you the room to look for the right man who will love you and treat you right and whom does deserve you and your heart. I promise you one day you will find that person. It may take a few wrong ones along the way to do so but consider them knowledge, growth, and life experience. At the end of the day no matter how you look at it it's his lose. You willingly gave your heart fully to someone and that person couldn't nor would he ever have been able to handle that precious gift with the love and care it deserved in return. So turn that frown upside down and know the right one is out but you'll never find that person wasting time and energy on that jerk. Your better then that. You deserve then that.

[Alyssa11]

Thank you girl!!

[JustinTimberlegs]

I'm so sorry, I can't imagine being cheated on twice by the same person. It must feel horrible. I was cheated on by my first and only love and 4 years later I'm still broken over it so I imagine your pain must be so much greater having been engaged and happen twice.

I'm not in a place to really give advice about relationships but just remember it was never your fault or because you weren't good enough, it's because he had a void inside him that no one could fill, no matter who.

Love yourself. I'm glad you're starting to feel a little better! Do something nice for yourself every day :) you deserve it.

And yeah, stay away from social media if you can. Wishing you all the best!

[Alyssa11]

Thank you! I appreciate your kind message :)

[exitseven]

Nobody ever posts on social media that their lives suck. I used to have relatives that used to send a letter with their Christmas card telling about their latest vacation or how their kid is going to law school. Nobody ever tells you that they had to put a new transmission in their car because they can't afford to buy a new one.
You were smart to walk away from this guy. He cheated- TWICE on you. That is a pattern and something you don't want to deal with. Concentrate on that. Think about how hurt his latest girlfriend will be when he cheats on her.
I do not know you at all but you will find somebody better, you just have to stop with the social media and meet people in person.

[Alyssa11]

She knew I was engaged to him while she was dating him, and it’s so weird that she’s still with him until this day. It goes to show how low some people can be... and I guess that’s what he can get. That’s what he deserves.

Thank you.

[exitseven]

you are welcome.

[SunnyFlorida]

@alyssa11 My condolences for your lost love. However, it is over and you need to move on. Your ex-fiancé was able to move on because he had someone to fill the missing void that you left. To move on, you need to find someone new. I'm not saying you should hop into bed with the next man you meet, but you should make an active effort to find a replacement - long term man.

Start exercising; getting into shape, so make men drool when they see you. ;-) The exercise will reduce your need for anti-depressants. Studies show exercise is better at fighting depression than meds.

When you meet someone new, each person deserves a fresh start. Don't let emotional baggage from your past relationship to affect the next relationship. Best wishes.

[Alyssa11]

Thank you :)

[backblueblack22]

“ It really hurts because he was the only man I'd ever loved and he's my weakness.”

Why is that the cheating scumbags are always the ones who have this kind of pull on women? Is it because they are more likely to act semi interested and seemingly less “clingy” then the decent guys. Is it the excitement and challenge of “trying to tame a bad boy”.

I got a feeling the writing was on the wall earlier with this guy but you failed to see it. Women usually have very strong intuition and can pick out flaws and insecurities in men easily. However when a guy has certain angle on them they suddenly throw all caution to the wind. They get dumber than guys in those scenarios.

Anyway what I said above is pretty harsh and I’m really sorry this happened to you. The only girl I considered marrying years ago cheated on me a week or two before she broke up with me. I never got it confirmed but I’m about 95 percent sure it happened based on how she treated me after the split.

[Alyssa11]

Hey I’m sorry you had to go through that!!

Just to clarify - this guy I was with was textbook perfect. He treated me so well and always listened to me. He was by the far the most gentle sweet guy I had ever met. So what I’m saying is cheaters come in all shapes and sizes.

He introduced himself to my family and even introduced his family to mine. When I pulled away after he made a weird sexual comment about me when we first met, he messaged me straight away about his intentions and he stuck by them because we then did get engaged.

It was just my luck and I genuinely believe it was because he just wasn’t my person. He knew he wasn’t relationship material but tried to play the part with me (and failed) because I made him want to commit. I just deserve much better than someone trying to play the part. I deserve a man who knows who he wants to be before he even meets me.

[backblueblack22]

Yeah maybe I was a bit judgmental. I’ve just seen too many women fall for stereotypical assholes (all the way to engagement and marriage).

From I’m gathering this guy wanted to change but is just incapable of it. What’s even worse is when you are taken as a man all of the sudden other women just come out of the woodworks for you. Of course you should never indulge that but unfortunately some guys just can’t help themselves. Not making any excuse for him being a POS though.

I was on the rocks with the ex i was talking about so I knew the break up was coming at the time. But I never cheated on her despite having several opportunities to. I think she on the otherhand used her “feelings” to justify her bullshit. I think she hooked up with a guy at her new job and then used that as the “final push” to break up with me. I wasn’t suspicious at the time but after how she acted later (we still had to communicate for other purposes) makes me think this was the likely scenario. She had to look at me as lower than pond scum to justify her bullshit.

There is no justification for cheating. If you want to fuck someone else then just break up with your partner FIRST then bang whoever you want.

[Alyssa11]

Totally. This just goes to show that some people are capable of cheating regardless of circumstances and some will never do it. Like you, I had plenty of opportunities too but I would have never ever taken it or risked losing him.

[backblueblack22]

@alyssa11 I still wish I would of asked her if that happened. I may never know.

Seriously if she would of banged this other guys an hour after breaking up with me than I wouldn’t care.

[DaveToo]

Dear Jesus, make me 53 years younger. There is a beautiful lady that is hurting. When you DO make me younger, could you please put me in the United Kindom near her? I've always wanted to live in Scotland, (hint, hint).

I understand that she might have had something to do with her heartbreak, but she doesn't deserve this pain she's having to deal with.

If you can't do all that for me, then can you do one thing for her. Give her peace with herself so that she can move on with her life. She's far too young to be hung up on some worthless male that obviously CAN live without her.

You know; Jesus, when Stephanie died I almost couldn't live without her. You blessed us with two wonder wonderful children and have since blessed us with two wonderful grandchildren.

This is what this beautiful girl can look forward to. Dump the pain, embrace herself as worthy of more.

[Alyssa11]

This is amazing. Thank you!

[DaveToo]

If I could do more to soothe your aching heart, I would.

[Alyssa11]

I really appreciate it

[Alejandro3000]

Some can move on easily and forget who they loved. Some just can't. I'm quite like you in that I've not been able to move on from my first true love, it's human. Tho I look at the person now and they are so used and abused always needing to repair themselves that I'd not want to ever go back. I was right to leave them, they were bad. They didn't cheat on me but they cheated on others and got slapped about punched etc, damaged face. You know you can do better now, but at the time that person was really good for you and wasn't such a mess. Chin up

[Alyssa11]

Thank you.

[TonyMetal___86]

Your hurt because you couldn't believe that he's an animal without feelings, he didn't even regret it or did anything to at least show that he's wrong and hurt a sweet lady...

Your also hurt cause you gave him all your love and was sincere and honest to him and you never got the same in return...

Be happy cause god saved you from him, cry a little instead of crying your whole life!

A cheater should never be forgiven, what else can the other girl give him that you can't?

He will be hurt someday and will be treated the same way he treated you...

You shouldn't feel sorry for him, feel sorry for yourself cause he didn't deserve you in the 1sr place...

Search for someone who make your heart happy and a person who is loyal to you and would never cheat on you because he can never hurt you ans considers you a part of him...

Good luck and keep smiling 🙂

[Alyssa11]

Thank you! :)

[TonyMetal___86]

Your welcome 😌

[DeltaCharlieEcho]

You don't need antidepressants, you're not depressed, you're sad. Get off that shit, go to the gym, get toned, eat right, get slim, and find a new guy. Don't settle for anyone, don't look for a super high level man that can get any woman in bed, find a good guy that will care about you and make efforts to make sure that you're taken care of, and in a good place.

You, all women, need to stop going after the guys that can screw anyone. Do better, be better, make better choices, and date better men. Stop listening to your female friends, especially the single ones; stop spending so much time with bad boys or at bars. Find the guy at the coffee shop that's always there, that's always being polite and social with the staff. Go after the guy you've been actively choosing not to go after.

You'll only get bad advice from women, if you want good advice, listen to me or other men giving you similar suggestions.

[Alyssa11]

This is awesome, thank you! I'm going to screenshot this and read it every time I feel bad.

[Dragonpurple]

It gets better with time, it took me 4 years after my ex cheated on me until I found someone better, you'll find Mr. Right some day and you'll look back and think, wow I never would of met him had I stayed with that jerk. It isn't easy though, just have a little faith.

[Alyssa11]

Thank you! Glad things worked out for you :)

[Dogecoin]

You know whats the only thing staying in your way, its the antidepressant and mental illness mentality.. i don't know for how long you have been in the uk but if you remember how life in the middle east dealt with personal issues they never believed in mental illness and you know what that mentality worked instead of trying to fight depression why not just stop believing in it!


Your a girl, you have a lot of guys chasing you, so the problem isn't self esteem.. its your mentality you have to change it..


This weastern mentality that everything that isn't normal its an illness its wrong

That's why the suicide rate in the western world is high..

Anyways, you're a chick act like one

[Dogecoin]

You're thinking of him not because you still like him, its because your ego is playing with your head..

[Alyssa11]

I don't think mental illness isn't a thing, and if anything I feel bad for people in the Middle East. A lot of people suffer from mental health issues and most of the time it's so taboo. If they were alright, why would there be so many people going into terrorism? I am Iraqi so I'm going to refer to Saddam Hussein - do you really think this man didn't have any mental health issues? To massacre his way in ruling Iraq, and then violently kill his own people by cutting their arms and legs etc and doing absolutely horrific things...

As a person who's been mentally ill before and suffered from depression and anxiety it is 100% a thing and I have no shame in admitting that I had a problem. As long as I said to myself that I am CHOOSING to live and CHOOSING to get through this. The antidepressants REALLY helped me and I finally started feeling like myself when I haven't in a really long while. Seeking help is the best thing anyone can do for themselves, as they fight to heal from their mental health illness.

I'm not going to lie, but after I cried my eyes out yesterday I finally got up, got dressed, brushed my hair and looked at the mirror. I realised that you're right - I am a 23-year-old chick and gratefully, I am pretty and I have a nice body. I have a clean heart too. It's 100% his loss.

[Jamie05rhs]

He CHEATED on you, honey! That means he's a BAD PERSON. You don't want to be with a bad person, do you? Then stop letting your brain trick you into still liking him. You need to FORGET about him.

Don't worry; he'll get his karma eventually. Either in this life or the next.

[Alyssa11]

Thank you

[Jamie05rhs]

You're welcome.

[Likethesky]

He was never to be yours. Anyone here can call him whatever they want but he's living his life and you're still sad about the break up ( in other words, stuck on him). Some people come in our lives but are never to stay.

I've always noticed this in people. Oneday remember your ex and cry about it and then enter rage mode because the ex isn't affected by it, when the rage dries out, come back to normal. It's okay to rage once in a while. Maybe punch a pillow or shout saying he's this, that and stoopid. I mean just vent out the inner rage. But don't do it on people lol.. it's actually his loss that he lost you

Just be patient. Someone good may take time but will come in your life one day.