How to know you're over them

[tallandsweet]

The first guy I loved treated me miserably and eventually broke all ties with me because being in touch was harming both of us.

Him blocking me was the main reason I made an account here, on G@G. So much has happened since then, but it was only today that I had an epiphany that showed me that I was over him and that relationship as a whole - more than 1.5 years later.

I was driving on the highway and noticed a car that had a licence plate from his area and realised that I didn't feel bad, hurt or emotional over being reminded of his existence. It's taken such a long time, but I'm finally 100% over him.

Even the most insignificant things may remind you of them, and that hurts a lot in the beginning, but it definitely gets better and eventually, those feelings may fade into the nothingness they had formed out of initially.

[InventorofWarp]

This was beautiful.
I still think about loves from times past and it's funny 'cause I even think about the ones I had no intimate or physical relations with that treated me horribly. Actually, tbh, almost all of them treated me great, or at least it kinda looked that way at the time, they just manipulated me emotionally and then abandoned me as soon as the chance reared itself and I became "boring".
Sometimes I wonder why. Like even the ones I was physically intimate weren't great, arguably worse. I genuinely thought Jen was in love with me, she really made me believe she liked me.
So damn naive.
I'm still a virgin so my hope is that when I do finally put my dick in someone she becomes the only one I think about and it all just sinks into the nothingness of the past.

[tallandsweet]

I wish you the best in love & life. Sometimes it takes us a while to find the right person and that's perfectly fine.

[InventorofWarp]

Too long though. Sometimes it feels like my best years of youth were spent alone when all the other guys who cheated on or hurt their partners got to enjoy theirs. And at 24, soon 25 I'm still a virgin. And that's less appealing the older you get.
I always wanted to protect my innocence and give it to someone special but I never really thought I'd be waiting well into my 20s. It's cute and endearing when you're younger but the older you get the more weirded out women are by it, especially if you're fit and attractive, they just wonder what's wrong with you and try to get you in bed.
Having a crush that will never be also doesn't help.

[tallandsweet]

Hmm - I think if you're attractive and in your mid 20s, it may be considered a red flag unless you open up about the reasons; you worked on yourself and your education and simply didn't care much for other people/didn't have time for relationships.
I feel like that may sit better with people than the good old "I haven't found the ONE yet".
I'm only 20 though and don't have much experience with guys.

I guess my advice is don't make a deal out of it and it won't be.

About the whole "best years of youth spent alone thing"; that resonates with me a lot... I had a relationship that didn't go well, he cheated on me and was just a stupid and weird guy. The other relationship I had broke me in multiple ways and after those two ended (the second relationship had supported me as a friend through my first relationship and breakup), I was REALLY alone.
I feel like you grow from that experience though.

At the same time, I'm so happy that I finally have someone to share the bright sides of life with. Life is brighter for me now, I can't explain it otherwise. I'd say get yourself someone to practice having a relationship with, then the whole thing feels less scary. If that relationship grows into a committed long-term relationship, great! But if it doesn't, you don't have to feel bad.

[InventorofWarp]

Well, no. My reasoning is I always wanted to be a husband when I was a boy weird as that sounds and I thought the most romantic thing to give to a girl was my first time. I watched a lot of rom-coms and romances as a boy and that was always the sweetest thing the girls give to the guy so I thought reversing it would be the best thing I could do for some reason in my weird child mind. I mean, as I got older yeah it did just become crippling shyness but I also just can't fathom the idea of being casually intimate with someone. Not in the least because it would terrifying as-is with someone I care about.
I started wearing a purity ring when I was 12 and also got an accompanying promise ring with it for my beloved to that end.
Plus I have a heart and banner tattooed on my chest for the right girl's name to go in.

But, it doesn't come without it's insecurities and awkwardness and other men judging you when you're talking about sex stuff and you have zero frame of reference.

[InventorofWarp]

See? I didn't even get that. At least you have memories of how a few men once loved you in your youth. Sure, it didn't end well but I'm sure there are still some happy feelings elicited when passing by an old reminder of the love once felt.
I kinda missed out on the whole youth romance experience.
Though I guess a positive side to that negative is also avoiding the negative parts of those romances ending.
It's scary to think someone will meet me now and never really get to know who I was as a boy all those years ago when I was so damn smart and precocious and lonely and really only made friends with instruments and books while dreaming of my princess. Or see cute me as a kid and instead just see me as a tattooed grown man. It's scary to not know how to get someone to see that in you. Only rare people feel like they can see that in you.
It's those kinda people you meet who just, you know they understand you 'cause they sorta came from the same place and went through the same things as you. And their eyes are the same colour as your with that same glint and reflection in them.

[silkjames]

In time u find out how strong u really are I understand for some people it's hard getting over another. I thought about all the great times we had like how did we get to this point yes some my felt and yes some her felt we just grew apart... Well we all moved on everyday a new day I feel great and I hope u do too enjoy 🥰and be patient someone special always comes along!!

[Anonymous]

More power to you!💛
Sometimes, we tend to realise the emotional damage and also the need for personal healings only when we are sharing our bitter experience with someone else, either on a platform like this or to someone in person, and right when you pay attention to your own words while speaking or writing them and you notice the patterns and suddenly you start to question and wonder, “ why did I even stick around for so long or shame on me for holding onto something like that for so long?” and in that moment, nothing about him or her bothers you anymore. You feel healed and ready to move ahead. And such platforms are indeed a real help! 💚

[hanony]

Wow bestie we’re living the same life 😳

[Guy13]

Time and Distance is the key in most break-ups... It sounds like you are free !!

[Emerald55346]

It’s hard to let go of someone you had such a deep emotional connection with but it’s important to know everything fades in time. It will always seem weird to share such intimacy with someone for it to just amount to nothing between tho 2 of you, but more of a personal lesson you need time to dig the meaning out from the emotional angst.

[Luopio27]

If this matter is the reason you joined GaG, you are trying to hold on and let go at the same time I guess.


Getting over good and bad relationships can take even a lifetime. Feelings we feel for others is never a choice, unlike our actions.


Maybe you will be the first on earth to discover the answer to the question that millions of people are wondering every now and then.

[Michael49]

I always say you know you are ready to move on when the other person no longer takes up any space in your thoughts. They will always live in your memories but we have unlimited storage there.

[LunarCelestial]

I like this phrase! Nicely said

[Michael49]

Thank you and thanks for the like. Feel free to pass it along and share your opinions freely

[CallmeTheKnight]

There's always a process of healing that we all must trust. For you, have been blessed by the healing.

[strateguy632]

good points here

[msc545]

good to hear you are feeling better 😊😊

[Zygum]

So did you find your ideal partner on G&C forum?

[Borntwofly]

Look your way