Why "Move on" Doesn't Always Work

When two people break up, the first thing most people say is "Move on, he/she doesn't deserve you". They fail to see the perspective of the person who has had their heart shattered.

Why "Moving on" Doesn't Work For Everyone

Picture this: You have just been asked out by a guy/girl you like, you guys date and everything seems happy and then suddenly its over. Your heart is broken, you can no longer sleep. To get help you go to your closest friend and what do they say? "Move on! He/she doesn't deserve you!"

Most people think they are helping when they say this and sometimes they actually are but other times it can be annoying. Maybe this person had a very strong emotional relationship and it isn't easy to let it go, or maybe it was their first real relationship.

Whatever the case may be, if they could move on they would have done it long ago instead of being tied up. Thus simply saying "move on" doesn't always work, sometimes it can actually anger some people because they are fustrated trying.

Really want your friend/family member to move on, take them out to hang out!

But if they tell you that they just really can't than leave them alone, maybe loneliness will help them move on or maybe their ex is the right one and it was just a silly mistake.

There are thousands of possibilites! The trick is not to just say "move on" because sometimes you really can't.

Why "he/she doesn't deserve you" doesn't always work

One of the things I heard a lot after my break up was "he doesn't deserve you" which really got on my nerves a lot.

Most people think this will help their friend move on and maybe the guy/girl was actually an ass but it can also backfire.

You dated this person for a reason, because you liked them and wanted to be with them, thus because you thought they deserved you or you deserved them.

It doesn't help that saying this makes it sound like you dated a loser for many months though it is understandable that they are just trying to help.

If you are trying to help a friend in need, please please avoid saying this as it can prove to be more harmful than beneficinary.

Why saying "there are many other girls/guys out there" doesn't always work

People know there are millions of other people out there but at this moment they just lost someone they really care about in a break up. They don't care about the other people in this world, they just want their person back.

They are blinded by the love they had (unless they are obsessed, then it is best to seek medical help) and just want things to revert to the ways they were for the most part.

One of the answers I have heard for this was "I know but there is no one like him/her" and it is true, we are all different in our own quirky ways.

If you really want to help, just be there for them and do what you can without pressuring them. If you pressure them, they will get upset and block you off.

But my main point in writing this is that not everyone can move on, sometimes it takes more than a few words, or maybe you just feel as if this person is someone you truly care about.

It is understandable that some people want their loved ones to move on but sometimes the best thing to do is to let them be them.

Please be polite and respectful of my and other's opinions and I will do the same.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Okay. I completely agree. The just let go/ move on thing is very sickening. I tried this with a gf who was never really together with me. She was big into mind games at the time and very carelessly hurt me. And even worse, when I tried to confront her on it she turned it around on me and I very stupidly went along with it. She did the no contact thing after that, until I sent her a nasty FB message and blocked her, because she still promised we were friends, when really she had no intention of following through at all. Well Everyone told me "move on" "date someone else." and "Go to therapy". Which I all tried, after a year I still woke up almost every night in the middle of the night thinking about her. I tried to date other girls, but couldn't because if I even seen the slightest mind game going on. I would blow up at them and run away. Therapy was fine, but it didn't stop the random feelings for her that would come out of nowhere and send me spiraling again. This went on for 3 years. until I finally decided to confront her. You can read my questions on my ex in my profile to figure out what happened next.

    I found out she wouldn't stop her mind games, so I let her really have it. I criticized and called down her behavior and let her know how bad she really messed me up, not in a way of giving more power to control me, but basically destroyed every little argument she ever had against me. It felt so good to confront her and get it all off of my chest. She did wind up saying she loved me, but she still did it in mind a gamish way. I haven't heard from her since. And really I'm happy. I feel much better. I've changed. She hasn't. Even my good feelings for her are dead and dying, as well as the anger and hurt. It honestly wouldn't bother me if she never got a hold of me again. I'm so happy I'm free of her. So sometimes the best way to move on, is to just deal with the situation, not run from it!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I understand and what j wrote was what I thought so when I was jn that situation. It did irritate me when people made jt sounded so easy move on, one doesn't move on in speed seconds unless the person has never invest a single emotion in the relationship. then it is those simple advices that held truth but they are given at the wrong time thus we didn't appreciate it immediately. Now when I looked back I really agreed with the advices like move on, he doesn't deserve u , they are short and simple but hold the truth. For friends I think they just have to be patience and not think it is so easy to move on, I believe we wld face such issues at least once in our lifetime. When the same thing happen to another, I dont think they can move on immediately.

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Join the discussion

What Guys Said 8

  • Everyone can and should move on. I get that just telling someone to move on won't magically make it happen, but hanging on to a failed relationship is just asking for continued misery.

    You are confusing the "correct" advice for the "easiest" advice.

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  • I am in one sided love with a girl. It's nearly impossible for me to move on. Things you've written in this post are the things that my friends told to me. One my best friend said she doesn't deserve you and I told him that there's no other girl like her in this world, then he replied you will get many girls way better than her in the future. Later I felt very depressed and started thinking maybe I didn't deserve her because of so and so reasons and she will be happy if I didn't enter her life. I don't know if I will able to forget her. They say time can heal any wound but its been 3 years and I have still not forgotten her. Thanks for writing this post... Really Very Helpful...

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  • Sympathizing with someone is where you start, but telling them to move and help them get back out there is exactly what most people need. It's easy to get stuck into a mental ruthless where you beat yourself up for a long time and you need someone to knock some sense into you. You take time to mourn and then "move on". After a mourning period if you've yet to move on you might be stuck there

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  • It is hard to move and true it doesn't always work for everyone. It takes time and won't just happen over night.

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  • Yeah it's true been there.

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  • Sometimes silence is all that's needed.

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  • its always others that say, someone has to move on but i see it differently, currently im still seeing a girl i love to death, but she has problems. Lately it has been very complicated, she was pregnant from me, and she had a miscarriage, currently , just a guy friend is coming over, but at the same time she wants me around, only im barely allowed to touch or kiss her, so something is going on but she get physical with me sometimes. so today im gonna give her a piece of my mind, yes im very angry, and for several days i wanted to take revenge , but today i realized she has more to lose than me, yes we have wonderfull sex and a lot of fun, but im also a great guy and i will point that out to her today. if she can't come up with a proper answer im gone so move on when you feel ready, i dont feel ready quit yet, and i dont want to move on since we shared some pretty special moments, a pregnancy is a whole more than just a one night stand, and it was more than a one night stand. i dont want to move on but im gonna give her an ultimatum, i do notice she wants me around her but im not gonna do it anymore if this is the way she wants it

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  • Why be delusional and waste time and effort on someone who doesn't want you and more than likely never will?

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What Girls Said 2

  • I get your point, but when you think about it, nothing you say to a heartbroken person will truly make a difference. Only time and patience will. Sure, you could probably cheer them up a little, but that only works short-term. And actually, sometimes telling someone to move on is good. A lot of people get stuck in a rut, only thinking of how to get their ex back (and quite obsessively). Knocking some sense into them by getting them to realize that they should move on can potentially work.

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  • Great advice!

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