8 Reasons Why You May Find It Hard To Move On

[Cccgala]

Whether it may concern a break-up, a graduation, or maybe willingly forgetting something/someone for your betterment, moving on is definitely hard to manage especially when recently involved in a separation.

Here are eight reasons why you may find it hard to move on. Be informed that all may not apply to you at the same time, given the different circumstances you have with others.

1. You had established a connection that will not be easily forgotten.

This only applies when you have spent time with the love interest(s)— partner, pets, friends, and/or peers.

This all boils down to empathy link. You have helped each other in times of trouble and in times of dealing with most, if not all, challenges.

You have cried over him/her/them

You shared laughter with him/her/them.

You fought with him/her/them.

You had learned to compromise for him/her/them.

You served as a role model to him/her/them.

There would be no easy way to accept their lack of presence in your life as well as the unavailability of a swift way to adapt without him/her/them.

A genuine bond with your love interests will always be treasured and remembered in your mind and heart.

2. You still yearn for the presence.

It is not easy to convince yourself that the person(s) you used to get along with is no longer by your side anymore.

Ever had a support system with them? It turns out that it would not exist anymore.

Your meetups and dates? No, it would not be the same without experiencing them again with the comfort of him/her/them.

You still love the idea of them spending their time for you.

You still look forward to your conversations, hoping that everything will be ultimately restored.

You are still conditioned to the former fact that they will always be right beside you.

3. The memories are still with you.

Recalling even the most intricate details of your relationship sometimes hurts— the day when and how you and him/her/them met, the things you used to like, the conversations you used to keep going, and many more. :(

This is most explained by the transference effect/phenomenon, as explained by a source back in Year 2000:

Transference is the phenomenon whereby we unconsciously transfer feelings and attitudes from a person or situation in the past on to a person or situation in the present, (Hughes, 2000).

For instance:

You see a nearby beach.

All of a sudden, you remember how you and your friend used to go there to perform different activities— tanning under the sun, playing beach volleyball, being childish by making sand castles, swimming under the sun, and enjoying a tropical vibe.

4. You think that the past outweighs the present in terms of worth.

Here are questions and statements you might be telling yourself (or you might have told yourself) which shows a preference with the past than the present:

"It was better before, right?"

"I wish I could turn back time to the good, old days."

5. One experience has ended. You see an open door yet you refuse entering it.

Well, it ended. Will you just stop there?

Certainly not.

6. You have realized that nothing is permanent.

Any relationship can sever even in the most outlandish ways.

7. You do not choose to accept yet.

Yes, I know. It is hard to just accept for the sake of half-hearted acknowledgment.

Everyone who chooses to cry over spilled milk is eminently stuck with what had happened in the past.

Not accepting the truth (about separation) will cause you to sulk all day if that is what you choose to do. It will also hamper your overall mental health as a person if you do not restrain yourself right away.

Acceptance is futuristic; you only accept a depressing separation if you are ready to pace your track once again without your former delusions bugging you anymore.

8. You are still in love.

Hey!

If a breakup or a separation does not make your heart ache, then you are either (1) tolerant of separations (which is rare and highly unlikely) or (2) you didn't love him/her/them back at all!

Being lovestruck so hard may serve as an onset to react in a hostile way over a separation. This is why most people vent their frustrations in various ways: crying, throwing away or treasuring presents of sentimentality for the owner which is oftentimes the recipient of the presents (whichever applies to the situation).

[capturemyheartnow]

It is hard to move on but you have to do it to find your own happiness. Accept it as your challenge. Just think that your previous relationship was not in your best interest , hence it ended for a good reason. Try to move on in a different direction , where you will find a new source of happiness. Life does not stop with just one problem. We are far more stronger and we can overcome any such odds. So we have to make efforts to move in the direction of our new dreams and achieve it. That can keep us happy for the rest of our lives.

[miamigirl1970]

Very well thought out. Meant the world to me as I currently struggle to "let go" of someone who meant the world to me for many many years, who just didn't find it necessary to continue the relationship. As women we tend to request closure, and as men, they tend to fall into an emotionless state and not want to discuss. So, I have to rely on myself and the ability to find the closure I need on my own! Thanks again

[Venusss]

There are millions of fishes in the sea! I'll prepare a net and you get the bait yeah?

Things change and people change, the hurt and happiness is only temporary, it tells you, you're alive too! The best way to prove it to them, whether the relationship was good or bad; is that you're happy and you've moved on to chase other things in life. They would want to know you're happy and well.

Love yourself because no one will do it for you.

your relationship is just a plus.

And don't forget, you have one less problem without him/her. Learn to rely on yourself, prove yourself to... yourself!

[Cccgala]

Insightful. Thank you! :)

[ObscuredBeyond]

9. There was a terrible injustice committed against you, either by the other or by a meddling third party. You fear that any effort to try again will simply be an invitation for history to repeat. You also can't let go of the past until you see evidence that, in some abstract way or another, justice has been served to those who wronged you.

10. Attempts to move on have been met with extreme 3rd-party hostility, crushing your hopes that escape from the past is even possible.

[Cccgala]

I agree. 😞
Good supplements!

[ManOnFire]

A rare Take with some actual value in it. Well done. 4 and 5 have been my strongest experiences. Sometimes it just is hard to move on. Sometimes hearing people tell you to "Let it go" or "Move on" is just not the answer. Somewhere you gotta find it for yourself.

[bloodmountain1990]

Yep, especially when there's emotions involved. Even if we feel that we dodged a bullet, it can be hard to get over someone if we really click with them and had a lot in common. Emotions aren't just able to be changed by flicking a light switch. If it were that easy, we'd do it right away.

[ManOnFire]

@bloodmountain1990 Wow, really liked the way you put that last part.

[bloodmountain1990]

Yeah I don't think people understand that until it happens to them.

[lumos]

Nicely written. I see questions very often on here written by people who ask how to move on from someone, and then they write entire paragraphs on why they *can't* move on. They're stuck. They, on some level, refuse to move on because they truly believe it's *impossible* for some reason. They literally think that they CAN'T. This defeatist attitude is very toxic and is only preventing them even more from moving on. This take should be a wake up call for those people.

[FatherJack]

I consider my detached nature to be a blessing , I never fall hard for any woman. As a FT working single dad , this will certainly never be an issue for me , even dating is permanently out of the question. Men also do not have the support networks & ultra close friendships that most women will typically have , we are on our own in life.

[Anonymous]

Is difficult especially when you go to a place where you and the one you like or love of felt attractged to spent time togehter in taht particular place so each time you go to that place, you star to remind something about when you were with that person on taht place so is difficult/

[Anonymous]

Lots of great points.

I think it can be really rough when you date someone on the rebound who clearly hasn't moved on from their ex.

It sucks even more when you have a connection with that person only for it to end out of the blue. Ultimately it can have you end up in their shoes in the sense that you're starting over and you're not over the person who used you.

[Anonymous]

I just got through a breakup. I still remember the day we met, what we said, how he looked at me.
I still remember everything about him.
And we both want to be together but we can't. Not until years from now.
It hurts but I have to move on

[Cccgala]

You have to :(
I'm sorry for what had happened to you. I hope you're coping up with life.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah I am. It was hard at first, but I have friends that have helped me. Plus I worked things out with my best friend.
And driving is the absolute best

[TheUncertain]

I've done some of these but I isolate myself from everything. I no longer want to be involved with the drama of relationships and I spectate everything. For some reason I make sure that when my ex looks me up, it's almost as though I've disappeared... I don't want them to know who I am anymore and what I get up to... they don't get to see what I do anymore.

[Saoirse_Nua]

Lots of good points there - Plenty to think about and to consider

[Cccgala]

Thank you! :D

[justagirl5]

This is so true, especially the connection part. I had a really deep connection with my guy and I miss him like hell... I also know I'm still in love

[Anonymous]

no wonder i haven't move on i do almost all of these things lol

[castratedwhiteguy]

You've never felt pain and confusion until you've been widowed...

[cinderelli]

this is so true :( :( :(

[Adigelunar]

u r right