Why is my ex bf being so cruel to me?

My ex and I have known each other for 16 years. dated for 81/2 yrs. He left me a year ago. I went no contact for about the whole year. I was pretty devastated. He then started to get in touch with me.

Fast forward to now. We recently slept together a few times. He has made it clear he still has feelings for me. I've been pretty casual about it because I don't want to pressure him & he's in school full time. Sunday I was at a concert by myself & he texted me asking to help him watch his dog. I told him where I was & he flipped out on me.

He said I'm doing "gay ****" all the time. that all his friends are there for him & I haven't been & that he'll never ask me for help again. I was shocked cause I'm always there. Even after everything that's happened between us."Youre clearly moving on & doing stupid ****. I'll do my thing, you do yours, whatever it is this time" he's ignored me all month. His response was he's busy with work & school & his bands.

Then he says "I'd always be there for you if you asked, you have not been. I told him I'd help him & like an idiot left the concert. he stopped answering his phone & was like "I have **** to do bye my phones dyn" so I said "thanks for making me feel like a one night stand, the nights we spent together actually meant something to me. I'm not moving on I'm in love with you asshole" haven't talked to him since.

Whats his problem? All cause I went to a concert? Any men out there that can tell me why he's so cruel. I feel like a sucker.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • That's some very immature bullshit on a lot of levels...

    I'll cut to the chase: He thinks you're at his beckon call. "Men" like that are more child than adult. I understand you have feelings for him, but you need to understand you deserve better. You went a year with no contact... you should have stayed that way. Get rid of the controlling jerk & upgrade to a better man.

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    • That's the first thing I thought. I'm just supposed to sit at home and have no life until he needs me. I've been reading up on narcissism & he is the absolute definition. It sucks that he can treat me this way after years of knowing each other. Shoukd have stayed no contact.

    • Live & learn.

      Drop the douchebag & go find a better man.

Most Helpful Girl

  • He is controlling, likes to have you at his beck and call and demands that you only think and see him without doing anything for yourself, or enjoying yourself.

    We call that an abusive relationship here.
    You're better off without him and you should move on.
    Why keep that sort of negativity in your life, and fuck knows what lies he's told his friends about you, screw that.
    The sooner you get rid of him, the better it will be for you. He is using the fact that you're not completely over him to hurt you, for some perceived reason that only he can probably see.

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    • Thanks. I'm glad I posted here. It's all I think about. Thinking I'm the bad person..

    • You're not, he's in the wrong, not you. Don't let him make you feel like that.

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What Guys Said 6

  • I'm Going To Give You My Professional Unlicensed Opinion, Move On From This Guy, He Is Stringing You A Long, He Dumped You & Now Expects You To Be There For Him Like Your His Girlfriend, He Is Treating You Like His Girlfriend Without Actually Having The Title. You Seriously Need To Cut All Contact, Dont Allow Him To Treat You Any Kind Of Way & Control Your Life, Move On...

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  • He seems to be an asshole of the highest order. Do yourself a favor and do what he he thinks you're already doing - move on. You deserve better than this crappy treatment he's doling out to you. Its ridiculous, really.

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    • Thank you. Thought I was going crazy.

    • No, you're perfectly fine in the head. Its him who's a crazy, narcissistic, controlling jerk and he's trying to drive you crazy by his actions towards you. Just don't give in.

  • He is possessive even after y'all broke up he wants to control you. You probably shouldn't have slept with him (no judgment) but it would probably be better to sever ties with him. He will probably try to contact you again after he thinks he's made you feel guilty for awhile. This is when you need to tell him that you moved on and have a very full filling life for yourself.

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  • He got what he wanted and left. He shouldn't have made such a big deal over a stupid thing like that. Seriously if you've known each other that long, he should have been more understanding. Concert itself had nothing to do with it if he's known you long enough to know the type of things your into (possibly why it didn't work out before!!). Doesn't seem like someone who cares.

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  • Well you are a sucker. "You fell for the get back in touch then we sleep together but you gotta do what I want when I want" thing that most people fall into when you mess with an ex. Friends with benefits works the worse when it comes to exes. They get what they want (your body) without too much commitment and time allowed but with an ex they tend to act more like a relationship. I don't see why he flipped out, but you knowing this guy for 16 years and dating him for almost 9 should know it doesn't take much to set him off. Your not a fault for anything that happened, I don't know what's wrong with his dog but he is taking out his frustrations on you which is not fair, however is probably something he has always done and used to do in the pass. I know you love him but you should try to move on if he doesn't see that he was being an ass and apologize.

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  • Not cruel, selfish, inconsiderate and insensitive I'd say.

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What Girls Said 2

  • You are a sucker. This is who he is and he will always be this way because you always go back for more. Even your headline screams desperation. Instead of asking why he's mad at you, you should be asking why you like to be repeatedly treated like shit. A therapist should be able to help you with you self worth.

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  • He is narcissist idiot. Move on

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