How long do you wait before calling quits after a fight in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

we got into a fight over the most stupidest thing. we have been together for about 4 months now. he's always tired and has no time for me so we ended up arguing. now we both aren't talking he hasn't called or texted me and its been 4 days. neither have i tried to contact him. How long do i wait before conclude its over? we are still friends on social media! will he ever message me?

Updates

+1 y

last fight which was about 2 weeks ago was over the same thing but i contacted him within 3 days and now this time i want to see how much he wants this our relationship so i want him to contact me.

GUYS: what do you think. how long do i wait to hear from him?

[kaylaS91]

If you're considering or unsure if you're together or not after a fight that was not over anything serious, call it quits now. Why don't you contact him, just ask what's up? Let bygones be bygones...
I find it hard to believe you're between 25-29, and still playing games like these that should stay in high school.

[Asker]

lol how am i playing games? he called me thirsty and needy everytime i call him or text him. i dont wanna sound desperate like that. i really do love him but its hurting me too. i wait entire week to talk to him and on Saturday when i said talk to me for a bit when it was on 15 mins and he wanted to sleep he called me thirsty and said i dont respect his wishes. i respect that he has life i let him be when he wants to hang around with friends i never stop him. but i do want some of his time too.

[kaylaS91]

I'm curious as to what you love about him, or why you're even with him if he's your supposed boyfriend, yet calls you thirsty and needy. Granted that you don't text/call him at 10 minute intervals, that's borderline emotionally abusive. Break up with him because he treats you like shit, not because of any fight in particular.

[Asker]

yes and he drove 6-7 hours to come see me on my bday last weekend and spent entire day with me and then when we were making out and all i sensed him take himself back a bit and i asked whats wrong he goes I don't know if i want to commit yet i said why he goes ok ill be honest with you i want you to lose some weight maybe like 20 lbs. i was so shocked i felt so bad i ended up crying on my bday then next day he came by my place and apologized so many times and also gave me a $250 gift card.. I don't know why he would do all that? if he's not attracted to me why is he leading me on like that? then 2 weeks after my bday this fight happened. why is he doing that? now that i backed off i just want to see if he will pursue me by himself otherwise i would go message him. i feel really unwanted by him. what do you think? i really love him he was all so nice in the beginning and he's acting like a jerk to me every now and then.

[kaylaS91]

yeah I'm sorry that's all happening. He'll be a complete douchebag by commenting on your weight, playing hot & cold then try to buy his way out of it. How many times has that sort of thing happened, where he's an ass, then comes to your rescue? Ask yourself if the net effect he has on you is positive or not. If in the grand scheme or things, the pros outweigh the cons.

As for why he's doing that... he probably feels bad for not being interested. If you guys are LDR, I assume he's not getting sex regularly from you so it's probably not because of that.

[Asker]

yeah i am def not grossly fat. i workout 5-6 times a week. i am 160 lbs and 5'4'' and he's a bit on the fit side. i am a bit overweight but not gross like that sort. anyways in the beginning he was so much fun always came forward to pursue me not he just doesn't care anymore. I don't know if its my weight issue or what. i just dont understand anymore why would he drive for so long and give me that gift card and now dont even contact me... what do i do? what do you suggest? i haven't talked to him in these 4 days. do you think he will ever message me or contact me? we are still friends on social media.

[kaylaS91]

I really have no clue why he'd make such a grand gesture of giving you a $250 giftcard, only to give you a complete cop out with the 'not ready to commit'. Must have a lot of money to throw around!

To be fair, with him having said that, you can't say he isn't playing with all his cards on the table. He made his intentions clear. If you do want an actual relationship with him, he's not looking for the same thing. Leave him be.

[phanindra554plus]

You compromised for the last so he have to compromise now? Hmmm... if you are matured and released the problem go and explain him that I m compromising for our relation but why don't you understand that. Then he feel sum and finally relise his mistake. Good luck😊

[Asker]

i cannot say sorry everytime when its his mistake.
he called me needy when i wanted to talk to him i think that was very uncalled for...

[phanindra554plus]

If you think he did the misatje and you are matured so why don't you show his mistake to him and help him to grow up because you are loving him.

[abzence]

Will he message you? No idea.

If you both play the same waiting game then this silence can last a long time.

[Asker]

i contacted him first last fight i want him to contact me because then if i do he will take me for granted

[abzence]

Maybe he's still annoyed with you. I don't know him and can't answer for how long it takes for him to get passed things like this. How long you want to wait is up to you.

[Asker]

dont you think 4 days it quiet a lot of time to even message and say hi?

[abzence]

4 days is not a very long time in my world.
It's sounds like this issue you have is an unresolved one since it came up just 2 weeks ago and now again. Unless you resolve this issue it will probably just pop up over and over again. Perhaps this is what he sees and doesn't have much interest to have this argument again with you, hence stays away.

[Asker]

can you help me out with my situation i will tell you my story.

[abzence]

I'm not sure if I can help.
What you need is to have a talk with this guy and resolve things. Waiting for him to make some move will not prove anything. Just tell him that you are tired of the games and things need to be resolved.

[Asker]

well during the fight he said he's really not ready and we should just be friends. so I don't know. but 2 weeks ago it was my bday he lives in another states so he drove 6-7 hours to come see me then after we celebrated my bday we were making out and all then i asked him where is this going and all he said he wants to wait before he commits to me fully. to which i was very shocked coz i felt like being used by him. i asked him then why did he even come to see me. he said ok ill be honest with you i want you to lose weight maybe like 20 lbs. i was so hurt i ended up crying and left the place then the next day i contacted him saying you're so mean to say something like that he apologized and came by my place then ended up gifting me a $250 gift card and we talked about it. i am not grossly fat or anything i am 160 lbs and 5'4" i workout about 5-6 times a week. i lift weights and all.

[Asker]

then last Friday he hung out with his friends till 3 am. and i resepected his space and how he wants to have fun i did not say anything. then sat he was with family and like everyday he calls me 15 mins before going to bed. he did the same on Saturday so i asked for more time he said ur needy thirsty which i was very hurt by. then he said he's not ready for a relationship and we should be just friends. so now i just want to see if he's really interested in me to actually care and come back to me. do you think he will? or is it done for good? i just dont understand why he would come to see waste his time and my time and give me that gift when he's not even into me?

[abzence]

He's said several times that he wanted to be friends and not ready to commit yet. He also said he wanted you to loose weight. Maybe this is what he needs to wanting to be in a relationship with you. He probably likes you as a person but currently isn't that very psychically attracted to you. This is all I can speculate from what you've said.

It's up to you to decide if you want this type of person in your life or not.

[Asker]

so then what do u think i should do? why would he still be with me when he's not attracted to me why would he lead me on like that and waste time for so long?

[abzence]

I can't tell you what to do, it's up to you.
He's probably with you because he likes your personality and consider you to have potential. If you lost 20lbs, like he said then he would probably be ready to commit because then you would be more attractive to him. Maybe he's got no better options so he sticks around, I can only speculate.

[serious]

You can wait for another week to see what happens and then you can take a call.

[cinderelli]

he has to message you.. i m surprised it has already been 4 days

[phanindra554plus]

Why he has to?

[cinderelli]

i mean if he cares about her.. then he has to.. a fight is not something to break up over.. but he will not if he doesn;t like her or care about her anymore.. why the downvote?

[Asker]

i agree with you @cinderelli because thats what i want to see if he actually cares enough to come back to me...

[cinderelli]

yes.. 4 days is already too much..