She left me for her ex twice, is she confused or she maybe loves him much more?

[Anonymous]

he used her 14 years old son who is living with her mum to put pressure on her to leave me and not marry me, last time he made the boy tell her that either she comes back or else he will go and live with her ex (who is not his father) she got a panic and she left telling me that she will sort things out, but 2 days later communication was lost.

[theccanyon]

No. Listen to me: She is lying to you.

First, ask yourself this: is all you know about the story, he "he said/child said" coming from her mouth only? "I can't help it, my ex threatened [this]" or "I have to go because my child just said [that]." Have you ever heard her child say these things with your own ears?

And, when she tries to leave again, know this: Her ex has NO, and I mean NO rights over the child, even if he raised him, clothed him, fed him from birth. If he did not legally adopt him, he cannot make her give him the child. Under the law, that would be kidnapping, false imprisonment, etc., and he would be treated no differently than a stranger who "took" her son or "made" him live with him.

I could have made this point another way but I can actually prove her, without a doubt, a liar by using basic law. If you live in a country that does not observe laws like these (and I am certain that most established eastern/western countries DO), then I am more than happy to give my non-legal reasoning.

My conclusion will be the same, though - she is jerking you around. You deserve better than that.

[Asker]

yes I saw the texts with my own eyes, and I saw her tears at night and I told her she can go whenever she wants, first she did not say yes but later she said she had to go, and also her ex used to send me and call me in order to make me leave her, but I always ignored then later after she left he sent me a message saying (the bird flew away WAIT) I never answer his messages so I actually blocked him, didn't want additional stress.

actually the boy was the one who told her that if she didn't come back he will leave the house, I know her ex has no right over her son for sure, and I understand your point, but on the other hand she didn't say that she is leaving because afraid that her ex takes her son, but she said that she feels that she is a bad mother...

why did she leave her summer clothes here with me? with her original documents for marriage, actually she stayed long time to finish marriage procedures but time was not enough , and why did not even send me a message saying bla b

[theccanyon]

Ah, I didn't say the husband... I asked if you had heard the boy speak these threats. I didn't ask about the ex because he's an adult and can manipulate or say anything - such as play the bad ex for text message evidence. It's a whole new low to manipulate a child and most people don't go that far.

Again - have you heard the child say this via phone or in person?

She is using her son, explicitly, as THE ONLY reason she has to leave, yes? Well, my answer above shows that that is NOT a valid threat. If a male friend came up to her and said "date me or I'll make your kid come live with me," would she do that, too? Obviously not, because that would be kidnapping. Absurd. Hell, even if her ex convinced her son to go WILLINGLY, he's still a minor - a child cannot make that decision!

A call to the cops would have the child back and the ex in prison. So why is she acting like she has no power when she has all of it?

[theccanyon]

Also, she left her belongings AND important paperwork with you? If she truly "had" to live somewhere else, one would at least pack their identifying documents - unless she knew she would be back and still take her in. She is so confident that you won't lose your love while she's gone, without text or call, even.

I was unaware that she was actually married to him. Are you sure he doesn't have legal parental rights over the child? You must be sure, because that is the ONLY scenario in which she may not be deceiving you.

[Asker]

yes I saw and read the messages from her son, and also after all this pressure her mother sent her that she should come as well, I saw all those texts and heard myself.

she was married to him but officially divorced and I saw the papers, but he has no rights over the child that's for sure, the point now is not this because she already left to solve and control this issue, the point now is what's next? why did she vanish? could it be that she choose to have space from me and her ex as well and give all her attention to her child? why didn't she send me a single text? or could she simply go back to her ex to try for the second time? had been 11 days now no contact, should I send anything to check on her or I will just put myself in an unattractive position in her eyes?
my birthday is coming after one week, I am so scared that she will not send a birthday wish, because if this happens then I would never forgive her.

[theccanyon]

I am so sorry this is happening. I said the kid not being his meant her reason for leaving was a lie. Or should I say, an excuse. There is NO reason for her to go over to the ex's house BECAUSE of her child. It's a lie on its face. I would consider the implication of that.

"why did she vanish? could it be that she choose to have space from me and her ex as well and give all her attention to her child?"

Wait - she's not at her ex's house for sure? Isn't that where she said she was going?

To answer your question directly, please text her. You have nothing to lose that couldn't potentially potentially be lost on your birthday, anyway. Give yourself that peace of mind. You deserve it, and you deserve to know where you stand.

[Asker]

she went back at her mothers home not her ex, she lives with her mother, she never said or mentioned anything about going to her ex house, not at all, she went to her mothers, and her son lives with them normally, and that night she was helping him with his homework, and I asked her how are things between her and her son, she said she will need to talk to him several times in later days, next morning we send normal stuff, good morning and kiss and so on, then she vanished, after I finished work, I sent her "hi how was your day" she never read the message until next day evening, which doesn't happen normally, and she never answered back , till today nearly 11 days. and I didn't send anything either

[kaylaS91]

Maybe she does love him more, maybe not. Whatever the case, she's definitely playing games and more than likely just stringing you along as back-up since things aren't working out too well with him for now.

[Asker]

she left her summer clothes and some of her stuff at my place, and we were going through all the marriage documents and she even left some of her original documents with me, but then she vanished, last message on whatsapp was everything ok in the morning, but after work I send her (how was your day) she never answered till now 10 days, and she is seldom on whatsapp , maybe every 2 days, will she show up for closure at least?

[kaylaS91]

You'd think she would but her behaviour is so weird, anything is possible. I'd say for your own good, try not to get any more invested in her until she shows you the feelings&respect are mutual through her actions, not just words.

[Unlucky666]

10 days! I think you may surprise these coming days or just forget about it she moved on already. But I beilive if she really love you she must fight for you and your love but she didn't I junk it's better to move on

[OlderAndWiser]

You will never have a primary role in this sick triangle they have worked out. You need to find another playground.

[Asker]

you think their relation and reunion will last? will it work for them? her ex knows that we were about to get married, can he cope with that?

[OlderAndWiser]

It doesn't matter. You will never have any peace if you are involved with that family.

[annoyymouse]

Dude you need to move on. This girl is obviously not in a place where she can commit to you, so don't wait for it