my ex is stuck on how I used to be in the past. I was immature and didn't take a lot of things into consideration. I took her for granted a lot of the time...anyways after we split I've changed dramatically...i mean its good tho I like this change and who I am...i learned that I really do love her and that I want to be with her forever..I'm only 22 but I have that feeling that I know id be happy with her...i talked to her last night on the phone and she does good talking to me until she thinks of how I used to be and why I couldn't be the guy I am now - that wed be perfect if I was the way I am now when we dated (almost 2 months ago). she says she doesn't think we can ever truly be OK because of our past and that she cares about me like no one else but part of her still hates me...how can I get her to live for the future and not in the past and know that I will never hurt her again, emotionally that is. I want to show her I can be that guy she's always wanted...i know its hard to think we'd be OK because of our fights and stuff in the past but I've learned to deal with things so differently and I tell her I've matured a lot and she says she doesn't want to hear it because she gets upset I couldn't do that when we were dating...losing my best friend and girlfriend at the same time really changed me...its happened to me before(breaking up) but this is different, I have a completely different outlook on life because of it and I want to make her happy!...
do I still have a chance to convince her that things can be different and that we can live for the future?
how do I get her to stop remembering or keep thinking back to the past, she remembers the good times but also the bad...and yes I do too, but I try to stay positive and say "it was the past, yes it happened but its brought us to where we are today and we can be happy again"
can I get advice from both guys and girls on this here - anyone with a similar situation where it worked? - girls how can I help her move on and be with me in the future w/o hating me for the past?
also- I was going to ask her to breakfast this weekend but am thinking I shouldn't because she asked me not to text her as much because her mind goes crazy thinking about us and me and how we could have been and all that jazz..when we hang out in person we are so RIGHT together...she even said last time we hung out (2 and a half weeks ago) "this feels so right with you"...how do I get my foot in the door and get her to hang out with me in person...i wanted to start out with breakfast, something short and easy, then take it from there...any advice on how and when I should be doing this?
Most Helpful Girl
I am not sure exactly what transpired before but it must have been prolific and ongoing for awhile. While I commend you for identifying what you needed to change for yourself and putting forward the effort, she needs time. The best way to lure her back is to take things slowly and be CONSISTENT in your actions. What I mean is, when you communicate or get together with her, you have to show her the matured and improved you. The more she is exposed to this, she will become more assured and trust that you have changed. Actions speak volumes.
I think that she still cares very deeply for you and I think based on what she said you have a chance. You need to step slowly with her, don't overwhelm her and understand that again this till take time. It's not easy for everyone to erase or forget wrong past doings. If you love her and want to be with her again this is a sacrifice that you will need to make.
I'd recommend that you invite her out to breakfast and keep it simple. Take things slowly and see what happens.
Best of luck.1
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