She doesn't want to hurt me and wants to take a step back?

[Anonymous]

i have been seeing/talking to this girl for a few months.

Little background- we have know each other for a while but just recently started talking on this level. she is just got out of a long relationship 4 months before we started talking that ended bad with guy cheating on her after 9 years together. we both live about an hour from each other. and only get to see each other on the weekends. We talked every night before bed and texted threw out the day.

Everything was going great until last week two days after Valentines day. We had a great valentines day and dinner was great the night before. Laid in bed all day Sunday and spooned and just talked. Monday she asked if I would be mad if she went out of state to visit a mutual friend with a guy friend. I said no not at all. Then she texted me on Tuesday and said she doesn't want to hurt me. she said she wants to take a step back and just be friends for now and says she its not right if she can't give me a 100% because she not ready to move forward.

Since we haven't really talked much other then her commenting on my fb. I have given her space and let her do her own thing but am really tore up because I thought she was the perfect girl that I have been looking for.

So I am just looking for advice to how I should play this.

Also is she interested in this other guy she went out of state with who she claims is just a long time friend?

[Irrelevance]

"So I am just looking for advice to how I should play this.

Also is she interested in this other guy she went out of state with who she claims is just a long time friend? "

Game plan is to disappear. If a girl gives you mixed signals you disappear otherwise you're going to get used to waiting when guys these days need to get used to WALKING AWAY. No e-mail, no texts back and don't answer her calls for a good while (longer than 2 weeks, less than 6 months).

Whether she's interested in that guy or not - it doesn't matter. Instead of racking your brains trying to figure out why she disappeared, get back into the dating game by seeing other girls. Time spent thinking about it is simply going to be wasted when you could be meeting a girl who isn't going to mess you around.

[bennynthejets]

Yes to your last question (she is interested in the guy). And keep playing it slow. To me it looks like you were just the first rebound guy and now she is just starting to get over Mr 9 years and play the field a little.

Saying "its not right if she can't give 100% and not ready to move fwd" is just a line to let you down slowly and easily. Basically saying "I'm just not that into you right now". Could change over time...but it sounds like to me she just wants to stay light and frivilous with guys right now.

[ReardenMetal]

Man, this sucks. It sounds like this girl took comfort in you after her bad relationship. You probably took care of her quite a bit and have helped her heal quite a bit. Unfortunately, that's not the guy who GETS the girl...

See, the one who gets her is the one who isn't there at beck and call, who does his own thing and shows strength. I'm learning this through my break-up... when I was independant and difficult to corner, she wanted me. When I was loving and available, I had lost my touch, so to speak.

My advice, don't reply to her texts or calls for a while. Go out and do your thing. If you do reply, make it short and as if you are very busy... tell her to call you later. Let it go. If she has feelings for you, she'll make them known, trust me.

[Asker]

Good looking out fellas... going to do my own thing and focus on me. I guess if its meant to be it will be. can't force anything and wouldn't want to in the first place.

Still looking for the females point of view.