After breakup, is it ok to deactivate all social media in order for your ex to reach out to you?

[Anonymous]

My ex boyfriend dumped me 2 months ago. I kept going on and off social media. For a limited time it worked but then Lately I found out he lied about the excuse he gave me to break it off. We have been in nc for 2 months. Recently, he has been playing too many mind games with me online, he has not changed Netflix password, keeps posting on Snapchat so I can see and when I don't he deletes the Snapchat, he blocks and unblocks me on fb so I can see his fb public updates. I just deactivated all my social media again. I am no where to be found. Do you think he will get curious and reach out to me? Or do I consider its done and move on?

[Fitness-Fanatic]

I wouldn't deactivate ALL of my social media. I'd just block him so we could no longer have contact with each other. I always burn my bridges with people who I don't want in my life anymore

Considering he's unblocked you , he probably will be curious , because he's obviously unblocked you in the hope to speak to you again

[Asker]

I do want him back.. what do I do for him to reach out to me?

[AskAlthea]

What do you want? Do you want to reconcile with him? If yes, just reach out, don't wait for it to happen (plus it seems he's playing games). If not, just unfriend him on all social media accounts and start moving on.

[Asker]

We already unfriended each other 2 months back. Yes I love him and I do wanna reach out. Every time I have tried to reach out something happens and it stops me from doing so.. I don't wanna lose him by reaching out..

[AskAlthea]

Wouldn't you lose him by not contacting him? Because then you'll be in this weird limbo until he decides to no longer play this game and just stops.

Did you refriend each other then?

[Asker]

No We haven't spoken to each other since the breakup which was 2 months ago. He broke up with me in person and told me to respect his decision. So I have been respecting it by not contacting. I don't know what to do...

[AskAlthea]

Hm, I would probably just block him on all social media, so that I don't see his public updates or anything. Personally not a fan of having my emotions being played around with like the way he is doing to you. You probably also need the space to move on.

[Asker]

He won't come back or reach out? Is 2 months of NC a lot of time? I do want him to come back because I didn't really get my closure...

[AskAlthea]

Ahhh. I see. I think it depends, I probably went a year of NC with one ex while with another one we had a week of NC? It depends, one ex needed more time than another.
In which case, it might make him curious, it doesn't hurt to try right, since you need him to come back to get closure.

[Asker]

Wow a year? Well I deactivated all my social media 2 days ago. I plan to stay off my social media for 2 weeks and see if he cares or reaches out if he doesn't then I'll talk to him and see where we are at? When we were together he broke up with me before and for a month we didn't talk and he came back to me after a month.. so I don't know what's taking him so long it's been 2 months.. am I being stupid for waiting for him to reach out to me?

[AskAlthea]

If you can't reach out to him and you need to talk to him for closure in order to move on, then unfortunately you have no option other than to wait. Personally, while I was waiting, I would try to do what I can to move on, but I understand if you need to talk to him for the closure to move on.

Yeah, we didn't talk for a year, he unfriended me on facebook (I didn't notice) and friended me again out of the blue over a year later.

[Asker]

Oh wow guys are so messed up !
Well we were gonna get married and he even came to see my parents and everything his parents were coming from his home country to meet mine.. then he told me his mom thinks she won't be able to come here because her visa got rejected and that's why he said respect it and let's end it. Then after a month I found out his whole family is here he started posting his family pics public on fb then he would block and unblock just so I notice.. do you think he's waiting for me to reach out? Or will he ever reach out? I do want him back.. is 2 months a long time for NC?

[AskAlthea]

Oh wow. Wait what?
His whole family is here but he said his mom's visa got rejected? Is there more to this because currently from what you said it sounds like he used his mom's visa (is it true or a lie? because they're all here a month later) as an excuse to break things off.

[Asker]

Yeah I am not sure if he lied to me or they came here after a month? I really don't know. And while we were together he was in his home country a month before the break up since he was trying to bring his family here.. he met up with one of our mutual friends and she said some crap about me to him and I feel like he changed his mind after that. Before my ex I was seeing this one guy who has some crazy past I never did anything with him I met him probably like 2-3 times. He wasn't a good guy so this mutual friend of ours knew him too. So I am guessing my ex probably asked her about me and since the other guy was a fuckboy I don't know what she told him and my ex probably misunderstood me and broke it off right after..

[Asker]

When his family came here he started playing mind games to get my attention block unblock then post family pics, adding me with fake profiles... so I don't know what to make out of this situation?

[AskAlthea]

At least in the US, if a visa was rejected, to reapply and then get an appointment within that short of a time period is nothing short of a miracle. It can happen, but it is extremely difficult and quite rare.
In your shoes, I would be quite upset at him, if he broke up over a misunderstanding, for believing someone else over me, for making a decision to break up without talking to me about the problem first. I also feel like he probably lied about the visa, it is extremely rare to be here a month after it is rejected. That said, you were engaged, so I think it's worth reaching out (if you can) and talking about this. Why he broke up with you, and what's that thing that happened with his family.

[Asker]

We weren't engaged.. he only wanted to make families meet first. The visa he applied for them is for visit only.. it's usually easier to get. But the part that bothers me is that they got rejected twice in a month and mom gave up hope of coming here all of sudden they show up after a month. I'm pretty pissed too I bet he thinks I lied to him about being a virgin or something. I didn't I was always loyal to him. He always tested me.. i honestly don't know what to do. People have said he broke up he should come back since his family is here he should be the one reaching out to you not the other way around.. I have no clue I'm so lost and it hurts I have been so stressed I am breaking out I didn't get my periods I don't eat well I can't focus and I can't sleep :( I'm miserable.

[AskAlthea]

Ah, that makes more sense, because I was going to say he's a freaking miracle worker if he could get a visa so quickly after it was rejected.
Hm, I dislike hearing that he always tested you, it isn't something someone who trusts would do, it sounds like he didn't trust you. Trust is a vital part to a healthy relationship. Personally, as much as I like the individual, if I didn't trust them, I would break up with them because you need trust in a relationship.

[Asker]

I have never done anything to hurt him. I was always loyal to him. Even when he went back to his country I feel like he sent a guy to me to test me and I did bring this up to him and he denied.. I'm not sure if that was his friend or what. But anyway, what do you suggest? Play this guessing game and Wait for him till the end of time to reach out to me? Or just ask him and see what's going on?

[AskAlthea]

If you can, I would ask him. This is clearly hurting you and you are in emotional pain, waiting on him only prolongs your pain. If you can reach out to him, I think you should. Clear things up and then move on from there. Either you find out for sure that it's completely over and you get closure, or you guys manage to resolve your problems.

[Asker]

It's so hard for me to reach out. Honestly I don't know if I am ready yet. I have stayed up all night crying for him.. I don't know how to even approach him. Our mutual friends aren't helping either.. I don't know what to do.. I have this strange fear of reaching out and completely messing everything up..

[AskAlthea]

Why are they not helping? Do they support him? Do they not want to get involved (which is fair)?
If it is too hard, wait until you're ready, healing will come with time and is unfortunately something that can't be rushed.

[Asker]

Yeah they don't wanna get involved I guess.. I have not begged my ex but everyday I'm dying and going crazy with pain. So I guess he don't even know how much I am hurting.

[OlderAndWiser]

You say that you broke up but you are asking whether you should move on. Does that mean that the "break up" 2 months ago was not really a break up but just a maneuver in the game you are playing with him?

[Asker]

I am not playing any game with him. He met me in person and dumped me. I took him at the face value. Then I took him off social media and started living my life. Of course I am guilty of stalking he was playing mind games kept blocking unblocking me, adding me through fake profiles. So I am wondering do u think if I deactivate all my social media accounts will that get him
To stop
Playing these mind games and actually reach out directly to me. I cannot message him because when he dumped me
He told me to respect his decision which I still am. It's been 2 months of NC.

[OlderAndWiser]

Why ITF is he suppose to reach out to you after you break up? What does "breaking up" mean?

[Asker]

Then what's with these mind games? He broke up with me! If he gave me closure told me to move on I respected that he didn't have to play mind games and lure me into it again..

[OlderAndWiser]

You don't always get closure and you don't need him to tell you to move forward with your life. That is your responsibility. Why are you waiting around? Hoping that he'll come back to you? How long do you think that would last. . . if it ever happened at all?

[Asker]

So do I reach out to him and find out if he wants me or not? Maybe that will clear my misconception about him that he wants me or not?

[OlderAndWiser]

No, you should assume that it is over. Whether he wants you or not, it would not work, so you should be putting this past relationship into perspective, reviewing the lessons that you can learn from the experience, and then moving forward. . . all without him involved in your life in any way.

[Anonymous]

See this: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a35497-exes-they-are-ancient-history-why-even-care-or-bother

[Anonymous]

Yes, it's okay to do what you want