Let her go or win her back?

i was in a 4 year relationship with this great girl. We were in love almost from the start. It was both our first real relationship. We broke it off cleanly about a month and a half ago and she couldn't say it to my face. It was too hard for her to do that. I have been trying to fight to win her back but no luck. She told me she will always love me but she does have feelings for another guy. She says she doesn't know what will happen in the future with us and all that and anything could happen.

She doesn't want me talking to her because it makes her miss me and makes her upset. I knew from the start she and I probably weren't going to be each others last relationship because we were so young. Do you guys think that she and I just need to date other people and things like that to have that experience in life? it will tell us if our feelings were "real" or "special" because right now we both don't know if that is the case. again its the first time we ever experienced anything like this.

I don't need to hear things like leave the bitch alone or anything or she will have sex with another guy. Because she probably will and I will have sex with other people too if it feels right. I guess I wanna know if this is a normal thing that happens to young couples that experienced love for the first time? She doesn't want a "relationship" with anyone for awhile and doesn't want marriage until she is like 26...she is almost 22 now. So there is time for us to explore and see other people and find our way back right? I never felt so strong about a person in my life, I feel like we were meant for one another. Things are really hard because she isn't here now and I do miss my best friend...please help me


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Hey,

    I think you need to give her space because she clearly wants it at the moment. I know it is hard but she sounds confused as to what she wants. If neither of you have been with other people it can be difficult for you to know how your feelings match up.

    You are both very young but that doesn't mean she isn't necessarily "the one" for you but maybe its the wrong time?

    A close friend of mine split up with her boyfriend at about her age because she wanted to see what else was out there. Three years later they got back together and are stronger than ever - in fact they are getting married in a few months :) I can't promise that will happen for you but it might. Or you might meet someone else you love even more.

    You sound like a very nice man and I am certain you will end up with the love of your life. It seems hard now but try not to dwell - go out with your friends, try new things and meet new people. That way you will grow as an individual.

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What Girls Said 4

  • yes, I too got into a 4 plus year relationship with a guy I got with when I was reallllyy young. my advice is to just date and enjoy getting to know other people. sometimes after a long relationship its hard to get back into the swing of things, but its well worth it. its fun to experience new types of people to figure out what you REALLY want in a relationship. I think we get attached to people we been with for a long time and often stay with them or want them back because its what feels "comfortable" to us and "normal." just date around and spend some time trying to figure out what you realllllyy want and y you want it? its fun to be single for a while, especially if ur young. you learn a lot about yourself that you wouldn't of figured out otherwise. hope that helps a bit

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  • I think you need to act right now like you are totally apart...because really you are. But that means nothing about what will happen in the future...the important part is not ot think about the future. Think about now, and def donn't do anything to jepordize your possible future with her, but also accept that it may never come to be. good luck!

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  • i would move on. Try finding other girls to talk to. If you two are ment to be than don't try and force it give her space that way she has time to actually miss you. If you two don't get back together than maybe that is for the best.

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  • yes I agree..i was there...my boyfriend broke up with me bcause of long distance but he then realize after dating this one chick he truly love me and can't be with another women.. I'm 19 and we dated when we were 15 so there might be a chance we might not be together but it did got our love stonger and apperciate one another...soo give each other space and see if what you and her feel is true

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What Guys Said 3

  • dude...she is a really nice girl right? and your a nice guy right? she didn't want to hurt you but she is done...for a while most likely for good. don't talk to her unless you truly are ready to be friends and not want her back at all. the truth is girls suck at being honest even when htey think they are, they say its not you, they say lets be friends, they say I'm not interested in anyone I just want to be single. They mean the absolute opposite. she is assuming your going to be pathetic |(which is why she's leaving you because you acted that way) and mourn this loss like no other and is trying to let you down easy. be a effin man and do not show her any of this. A relationship is truly over when there is no fight or no complaint there is just the last whimper of I think of you as a friend. confuse her by saying she was right and get a new girl. even if she wants you back make sure she works for it and not the other way around. forget all the bs I need to explore my youth, she's trying to convince herself why she should go. if she found you attractive and appealing as a man she WILL NEVER EVER LEAVE. sorry ladies but this is true they wait until they have you for sure then you aren't interesting. Keep a woman by never forgetting about you first and making sure she f***ing respects you, and she is damn lucky to be with you. never the other way around she will ware down and leave eventually. been there lol

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  • Dig deep. Really, really deep. Now ask yourself, "Do I actually love this girl?" I repeat, DIG DEEP for this one. If you honestly love her, then by God almighty, do everything you can to win her back because you'll regret it and hate yourself later on if you give up without putting up a fight for her.

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    • It is SO nice to hear a guy say this.

    • I read this when you first submitted and I thought and dug and I found out I do really love her. I found out she still loves me but there is a different problem now lol Me and her are each others best friend and we both believe its the foundation to a good relationship but we get so involved w each other we forget about our other friends and its a tough balancing act. So when we feel we neglect our friends we hang w them and by doing so we neglect each other...you have any suggestions for that?

    • You've got to put your relationship with her first. That doesn't mean neglect yours/her friends, but it does mean that your priorities are in slight favor for what you have with this girl. If it's really that tough to balance, then the obvious answer would be to just talk it out with her; simple as that. :)

  • If you feel like you were meant to be together, you should try to win her back..

    Click here for a good place to start: link

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