I slept with my ex who has a girlfriend and feel horrible, what do I do?

I was with this ex for almost 4 years, on and off toward the last couple of years because of us drifting apart. I wanted someone new because we were stuck in a vicious rut and after a while we stopped talking all together.

Now recently, I started dreaming about him and friends kept telling me they see him around with his girlfriend. At first I ignored my feelings but it became persistent. I realized that even though I'd had other bf's since him, I wasn't over him and hadn't found love even close to his so I wanted him back and was completely selfish.

I went to his house last night and let him convince me that what we were doing was right. I knew going in how terrible I'd feel yet I did it anyway. I feel horrible for the girlfriend and I hate myself now. I feel like I ruined their relationship and I don't deserve to be loved the way I once was or to have a healthy relationship for myself. I can't sleep because of the guilt and fear I've brought upon myself.

What should I do? Should I talk to my ex anymore? My feelings for him are legit, but I honestly don't know if I want to be with him right now. Does someone like me even deserve love? If so, how do I find redemption? Please be honest, I just want to be a good person, I just don't know why I've been so evil :(

Updates:
I told him how I felt but it turned out that he just wanted his cake and eat it too. I told his girlfriend about what happened between us and she doesn't believe me so now I just seem like a drama starved insecure person. Only sucks that I still love him

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Most Helpful Guy

  • still having feelings for your ex=not wrong, it happens (all in how you handle these feelings though)

    having sex with a guy who is with another=wrong on both of your parts, he's cheating and you didn't handle your feelings for him correctly

    all together that's two rights for you and one wrong for you. though I would say it was still wrong of you to do this, I understand where ur coming from. what you should do. avoid ur ex as much as possible. its the only way to get over him..the only way you can get back with him is if he she breaks up with him.

    hope this helps

    good luck

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    • Thanks, I don't know how or why but I feel like I should fix this when there's really nothing I can do except avoid making the same mistake. I just feel like a horrible person though, like how could I possibly deserve anyone after something like this? Ugh, I can't stop thinking about this all.

    • Ur human, we make mistakes. just gotta know how to learn from them

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 10

  • Ask yourself a question, would you have been in such a rush to go round to his house if he was single?, rather than with another girlfriend. You said you still weren't over him, but you maybe felt even more threatened as he was spending more time with his other girlfriend, and you maybe had thoughts of them being together and got a bit jealous. I wouldn't blame yourself totally, your ex should have known better, seeing as he was the one with another girlfriend, and hence should be mature enough to handle relationships if he is mature enough to have sex, or he obviously doesn't care about either of you. What's done is done, you feel guilty which you should, but I think that's enough. I wouldn't speak to your ex, I would move on, be happy. Everyone has regrets, so don't be totally hard on yourself, you're not evil, just made a mistake like everyone else in the world. Good luck and take care.

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  • Hi,

    Ahh what a pickle your in but it can be resolved, you didn't really do wrong he did, he's in the relationship not you, think to yourself if he can do this to his current girlfriend what things do you think he could do to you? You were with him a long time but that should not allow you both to sleep with each other whilst one of you are in a relationship because someone will or could get hurt.

    My advice is to never allow it to happen again, just forget about, he won't tell hisgf and neither will you, let this be a lesson to you, don't feel guilty let him do the brewing, get on with your life meet someone new.

    I hope what I said helped you.

    x

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    • Thank you. I am having a hard time forgiving myself. One of the only reasons I saw him is just based on the fact of feeling the love we once shared. I've still yet to find anyone to even come close to what we had but it is no excuse to do what I did. How do I not feel guilty for this? She's actually a good person, and I'm just not.

  • sleeping with him won't get him back alone. but if he's cheating on his ex she's not fulfilling him. or he just doesn't give a crap about either of you. so make him feel like a big man and hell come back go on a date.

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    • I'm pretty sure she treats him right to be honest, he even said so. but it's our history together and the love we share that I think will get us back together. to be honest, I feel like I need to convince him to get back together with me somehow and I don't know what that may entail. not to be cocky but I am more physically attractive than her but I don't wanna be with him just based on that. everything aside, I just want him back and for us to be happy together. ugh I need help :/

    • He cannot rationalize why he isn't fulfilled, especially if he tries and knows that she is awesome, why would he hurt the person he loves repeatedly. just appreciate his manliness, and don't need him want him. go on a date and see if he can flirt with u. make sure it is not just sex but he likes spending time with you.

  • Let him go. Simple.

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  • "Even an Angel can end up falling . Don't You cry because you're crawling. Start again, it's a beautiful morning for satellites"



    September

    I will leave You with these words, take care.

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  • What you hate being done to you, is what you are causing to ur x's gf!

    I agree with jefferson, ur x dosnt give a crap about his current gf, but that dosnt mean that he cares about u!

    talk to him! and most of all, apologize to her!

    Regards,

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  • Only God can judge you. And he will, on judgement day.

    Good luck

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  • you need to cut all ties with him. its really that simple

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  • Its hard to get over an ex, its tempting to relive the good memories of the relationship you had and the feelings you still hold for him, its safe, comfortable, and familiar. You can't be friends with an ex, you end up friends with benefits or just having sex, hard for either of you to move on and experience relationships, and on top of that you have feelings of guilt.

    If you don't want to be with him now but want to have sex with him, great if he is ok with it and if you are ok with it. If his girlfriend finds out she won't like it. And it will be hard for you to find a new relationship if you are strung up on him...

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  • Well you can feel guilty but he was the one who said he wanted that.Its up to yall to solve it by talking to him and let him know that you want him back and if he does to tell him to break you with the girl.

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What Girls Said 11

  • You are allowing him to disrespect you, you are showing him that you have no boundaries! Honestly, he would respect you more, if you had shown up, and seeing that the sexual tension was building up, let him know that you love yourself too much to let it go any further, then called it a night. It would have kept him up, and he would have been impressed. Please do not do it again. Men do not associate meaningful relationships with easy sex.

    My ex broke up with me after four years too, and he keeps on trying to make me be his friend with benefits. I am sticking to my guns, not going to let myself take the fall for someone who does not value me. There are guys out there who value and respect women, it's up to you to work on this issue, and to present yourself to the world as a self-respecting lady.

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    • Thank you. I think the hardest thing for me right now is realizing all of this and getting up the strength to move on. I'm in a whirlwind of emotions and feeling super lonely but I know that he's just not the one for me.

    • I know! You lose this guy, who really really knows you, and it's hard to stop thinking about him... The best thing you could do right now is make a new friend, or get in touch with an old one (whichever's easier). It's not normal for a person to be by themselves all the time, and after such a long relationship, it's almost like starting from scratch if you want to reestablish your social life. Hang out somewhere exciting with your buds, have fun. It will be hard first, but it really works!

  • First of all, you shouldn't have done that. Second, if you love him, and he loves you, then he'll break up with the girl and you two can start over. Don't just jump back in the bed with him, and don't sleep with him again while he has a girlfriend. That's just wrong.

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  • he was just using you as fwb. say good bye. I hate douche bags who do this sort of sh*t.

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  • You should feel pretty bad, BUT you know what you did is wrong and that's what growing up and learning is all about. You need to stop communication with him; and have respect for his relationship. To be good person is treating people the way you want to be treated.

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  • well what goes around cums around. Karma is a bitch. Dudes will always try to make you feel lik it's ok to f*** but as a woman we gotta be able to see through their sneaky ways. If he did it to her he will do it to you. The way you catch him is the way you will lose him

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  • I think you should not beat yourself up about it because what's done is done and nothing can change that if its bothering you that much I think you should wait a little while to talk to your ex till your good and ready. just because you made one mistake doesn't mean your a bad person people make mistakes and in this case your not the only person who did something wrong so be easy on yourself.

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  • if you have really strong feeling talk to him. let him know how you feel

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  • Sleep again.

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  • u stop being an enormous slut

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  • YOu made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. Just remember this feeling and learn from it. Now you know what not to do. You can change, people aren't static. its not like once you do wrong things you are forever damned and deserve unhappiness. that's not true okay.

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    • Okay, thanks this puts things into a better perspective for me. I realize I'm coming down really hard on myself because I know its wrong and I'm letting the guilt get the best of me. I just hope I can forgive myself and move on, especially because all I really wanted was to be loved. I just went about it the WRONG way.

  • What you did was dead WRONG! It's fine still having feelings for your ex but he has another girlfriend now. You had no right to do what you did. You need to tell him that you are done and tell his girlfriend what happened. After this cut off all communication.

    I am sorry for being hard on you but you needed it. You will find another guy. Learn from your mistakes and don't make them again.

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    • I agree with you being wrong and see where you're coming from but I disagree with telling her. that would hurt her and that's the last thing I want. I feel like I've already done enough damage and hopefully he doesn't cheat on her again with anyone else but it wouldn't make anything better, only worse.

    • I know but it's her right to know. she doesn't need to be wasting her time with him. you don't have to tell her that you slept with him.

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