Is it okay to dump a guy for being poor? Or is that shallow?

They say that what is important is material security. They say it is important for financial security for children and attractiveness. So, what are thoughts on dumping a guy for being poor, or not having a car, or losing a job?

Is a poor man worthy of love or destined to be a bachelor until material wealth?

Lastly, if someone dumps you for being poor, is it legit to get back with that person when you've become successful and they want you back?


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2010

Most Helpful Girl

  • It's shallow and mean. Relationships are about sticking by your partner through the tough times and encourage and help them to do well in their life. A relationship is about loving and growing together. Not about finding whose the wealthiest. If women are that bothered about money then they should go earn their own.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Laugh going to read the women's comments here. So funny. Well going to bust a nut on these women saying fanacial security has little merit in finding a partner.

    Exhibit a.
    John works at Wal-Mart for 3 months has a girl friend everything is fine 4 years latter he's still at Wal-Mart doing the same shit with little to know drive to do better. His girlfriend wants kids and wonders how will they get by with one low wage income and financial security? She waits and waits for John and he still lingers doing nothing. So she dumps him. Plain and simple. Sorry ladies this is exactly what happens. Unless you are a complete useless woman who has no moral of self preservation then may you not procreate.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 19

  • I think I'll be going against the grain here...
    but financial security is important to me and I've worked my ass off to obtain that fairly young.
    To start dating a man who didn't have a job, wasn't financially independent or willing to put in the effort to get there - it just wouldn't work. I'd become resentful and would have to make choices like paying for us both to have the lifestyle I enjoy (holidays, weekends away, nice dinners etc), do those things without him or just not do it at all.
    Like other things need a certain level of compatibility (sexually, sharing the same values, in some cases religion) I think that having a similar approach to finances is also important.

    In saying this, my husband had a shitty dead end job when we met. He was paid pittance for huge hours and had 3 hours travel time a day. And it made us both unhappy the disparity between us financially, so he changed that. I pushed him hard, but he met every step and challenge - not just to do better for me but to accomplish things for himself and obtain a level of success he didn't believe he could have.

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    • Nowhere does it say lack of effort. It simply says poor or lost job. I find it strange that people keep implying that not having a job means lack of effort. Thats not mentioned at all.

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    • You claim that my response indicated that it "struck a nerve" as if I am over-reacting in my response. I was simply making the observation that you came across as judgmental in assuming that a) someone losing their job exects the support of their spouse rather than views themself as independently responsible and b) making the assumption that someone is lazy.

      But I see that this is probably not my fault by explaining the situation too generically. This particular situation deals with a full time graduate student who was working 2 part time job to support himself. Then was dumped after the girlfriends father died and she got money from his estate. Then she just up and disappeared claiming that if he couldn't take care of her financially at middle age she would leave. She stated she couldn't afford to wait for said boyfriend to be in a better circumstance.

    • It IS my fault* for not explaining clearer.

  • Let me tell u a story.. i got married at 19 to a guy who was 27. He had money we had a new house new cars new clothes vacations jewelry etc. Also he had multiple affairs gave me an std while pregnant oh and he threw me out of a moving car once.. pulled my chunks of my hair out slapped me and just so much more.. i met the wonderful man who became my husband and love of my life only a few short months after one of the above mentioned incidents i took the baby and moved to my moms.
    Now everything told me i shoulndt have fell for a man so hard and so fast even before i was legally divorced (by the way mr wonderful made sure i got nothing in divorce)... But i still say i traded up.. the man i fell in love didn't have a dime made no where near as much money and didn't have tbe proverbial pot to piss in. We he did have was a kind of love respect honor and decency i had only heard of on story books. That was 13 years ago... i couldnt be happier... we still dont have much but love respect and great mind blowing sex.. trade some house and material things for that any day.

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  • I think that depends on the situation. No person wants to be in a relationship where they are forced (or feel obligated) to take care of someone else's financial burdens. But in some cases it is considered acceptable to take on someone, financially, because you're getting married or have been together for a long time.

    Personally I don't mind being in a relationship with someone who is poor providing they at least make an attempt to take care of themselves, or they contribute something to the household. For example: if I work, they cook and clean. However, I would expect them to find work at some point, or a better job. If they're unable to get a better job and there's a massive financial strain then it might be best to go separate ways.

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  • Are you looking for long term commitment? Are you employed yourself? Is he trying, or is he just reluctant to work?
    If you're thinking long term, it's perfectly acceptable to want financial security for your children.
    Provided you are working yourself. It's not fair to want to be a stay at home mum and need a man to work for you. Not to say anything against stay at home mums, as I do believe they work harder than a lot of actual employees.
    If he's just bugging around then it shows immaturity. If he's genuinely trying to better himself then it's not fair on him and the right thing to do would be to help him. My husband couldn't read or write when I met him. He spent a lot of time in Lebanon when he was younger, even though he was born here. He screwed around in school and such. We set a time every second night and we started from preschool work. He can read perfectly fine now. He had a tough time finding work, too, and staying committed to it. When we moved out together he pretty much had to get up at 5am every morning. He makes excellent money now, and he just bought me a new car a few months ago.
    Not about the money, of course: but I'm trying to show you that if you're down for the grind, you can have both financial security and true love. But You need to judge his character. There's nothing wrong with wanting more, so follow your instincts.

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  • My boyfriend is poor.

    I never left him.

    But I did leave everything for him ♥, ... I didn't have much to begin with.

    To me money never mattered. Never will. All I want is him and his time with me. Even we come on the streets, I wouldn't leave his side.

    Nor would any other guy or woman's money stray me from him. Because the most precious thing to me is being with him, and no money or diamond or gold or silk can recreate that life experience.

    :-) ♥

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  • If guy is poor because he is lazy and unambitious or spends all of his money on weed, alcohol and other sh*t, has debt then I don't find it shallow to break up with a guy like this.
    But if guy is poor because he has lost his job (not his fault), or has low-paid job because can't find another one, then yes because it means he is poor for a while because ambitious guy will find a way how to stop being poor, or example would have two jobs at the same time, would be self-employed for bonus money etc...

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  • It depends. At the end of the day it's your choice to dump someone for any reason. For me, I don't care if a guy doesn't make much money, however I expect everyone in that position to be trying to make more of their life. Not because I want their money, but I don't want to potentially end up with a total dependent, not to mention having no ambitions and no desire to do better is... not attractive. It's less about money and more about what it says about you as a person.

    I don't expect him to make six figures, I just expect him to be stable enough to stand on his own two feet. My man became unemployed while we were together and I never left because he never just became a lazy bum who did nothing about it. He also doesn't have a car - no big deal, we're working on that together.

    At the end of the day if you're working for something better it's fine.

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  • Depends on how long the couple has been together.
    Car depends on how good public transit is. I dated a guy who didn't have a car because they don't let people with seizures drive.

    As far as getting back together, it's up to the person if they're okay with it.

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  • I don't really mind financial status as long as it is a hard working guy that could support me if loose my job. If he is going te depend financially on me (indefinitely) is totally a deal breaker; but if he is a hard working guy and looses his job, I would support him as long as he is trying to find another one.

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  • Who are these "they" who say all that?
    If someone dumps you and states the reason is lack of monetary wealth, consider yourself blessed and move on to a better mate.

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  • That's super shallow. My boyfriend is a poor college student, and I will not dumb him because he's poor

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  • It's not being shallow, if that's part of your criteria. If you have money and ambition and want to better your life, your life goals aren't necessarily going to be aligned with someone that has lesser means.

    That's my personal take on it but I expect that many people will see it as being shallow. Personally for me, it's high on my list of criteria when dating someone as I want someone to be able to afford the same things as I can, and I want to know that their life goals are aligned to mine.

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  • Sounds shallow, especially that last bit

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  • Very shallow. Financial security is not one person's responsibility in relationships. And getting back together with someone who dumped you for being poor would be a pretty stupid decision.

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  • It's not shallow. I recently went through this. There's a difference if the guy is lazy and doesn't want to work. I dated someone like this. I didn't know these qualities about him when I met him. But later, cane to find out that he still got financially supported by his mom and he was in his late 20s. It would've been different if he lost his job and was looking for a new one. Or he's a hard worker but doesn't make that much. Those are completely understandable. But if you're lazy, then no.

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    • What if he put himself through full time graduate school with 2 minumum wage jobs? Working full time and graduate school full time. And lets say you are a middle aged woman who doesn't want kids or marriage but wants to travel but your boyfriend doesn't have the means to?

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    • Thanks for your input. Yeah my ex traveled without me and I had no issues with it other than being jealous she could leave. I am very impressed with your work ethic. Someone like you is who guys should be looking for!

    • No problem. And thank you!

  • Really shallow 😔

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  • Super shallow

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  • You can dump any for any reason that you want no matter how ridiculous the reason is.

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  • How poor are we talking here? Is he even trying to get another job or better his situation?

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    • Less say he works 2 minumum wage jobs while in graduate school. But has very little money with full time work and full time graduate school. Does that make him just a black guy playing the race card for being poor and struggling?

    • Not at all because he's doing something positive with his time. I mean in my relationship, I'm the breadwinner. My boyfriend has been unemployed for more than a year now and does odd jobs to make ends meet. But he's trying new ventures and trying to get back on his meet. It would only be a deal breaker if this person was a lazy bum who did nothing all day and lived off others you know?

    • Yes. I see what you are saying. But what if he is complaining about racism in the job market and things like that. Shouldn't you black the black guy for always playing the race card when he can't get a job in the same situation? Can't you say, grow the fuck up life isn't perfect? Or does that black dude have a legit grievance when he is still trying his best on $12,000 for the year?

What Guys Said 9

  • I find most women don't care about material wealth, but they do care about lack of ambition. So, they can and do date poor guys but don't typically stick around if he stays that way out of lack of ambition.

    For instance, say a woman dates a man who is an aspiring artist. He works hard and a few years later, he's still poor but what money he has is made selling his art. I'd say most women would stay with a man like that.

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  • I'd say it's "okay" if you are not in the same financial boat as them. If you're poor and you dump someone else for being too poor, that's just golddigger mentality.

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  • to your second question Don't get back with someone so vain and they're literal scum for dumping you (if you're literally living on the streets I understand but so long as you're working hard and aiming for those things no they shouldn't dump you for that

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    • You ladies are a wonderful. I truly appreciate everyone's thoughts.

  • Very shallow, unless he's lazy and able-bodied and you are not.

    All relationships aside, being poor is hurtful to ones self. Partner or no partner, you've got to be financially secure anyway. If you can't take care of yourself (man or woman), how are you supposed to take care of both you and your partner?

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  • Unless they're a stay-at-home parent (and people these days are taking that a little too far, continuing it when their children are 10+), financial security shouldn't be the responsibility of ONE person in the relationship. Even still, I know several stay-at-home mothers who have jobs that allow them to work from home. But in closing, I don't think it's appropriate to break up with somebody for being poor on its own, unless they're poor because they throw all their money at alcohol and drugs.

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  • Who is "they" who say all of these things?

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  • Nothing wrong with that.

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  • She can dump you or refuse to date you if you're poor, she does what she wants with her relationships. If you are young it is not your fault, but the older you are the more responsible you are for your own financial stability.

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  • fair enough

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