My ex wanted to try again then changed his mind a week later & now doesn't want to stay friends! What do I do?

OK, so my boyfriend left me the first time around because he could not commit to me. We stayed in touch and stayed friends. Then a year later he declares he is in love with me and wants to try again. He then changed his mind a week later. Obviously I was upset and angry but the sad thing is we are now no longer friends as he says he does not want to stay in touch because he says its not fair on me. I admit I was totally cut up after he changed his mind but now a few months later, I miss our friendship. How can I reach out to him? And why has he cut all contact when I did nothing?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Don't do it! I had one like this. He really messed me around and kept coming and going as he pleased. Don't get in contact with him. Give yourself some space and time to realize that there are better men out there. Go on a free dating site just to read other guys' profiles. Whenever you see an interesting one, remember it as proof that there are other guys out there. No guy is out of your league - you are either both interested, or you're not both interested, and that's all that matters. in this case, you're not both interested. You need to find a guy who'll be straight with you. It'll just get worse - either he'll keep confusing you because he doesn't know if he wants to try again, or because you may find you're actually wanting to be friends with him because somewhere in you, you still want to be with him. With exes staying friends, it generally either works or it doesn't. I have two exes and they're polar opposites as far as that's concerned. One is a great friend, the other I've had to call the police on. He's the one that messed me around and didn't know whether he wanted to try again and all sorts. Yours may not be as severe as mine, but the bottom line is, it's not worth it. You don't need the friendship of someone who's going to keep messing you around.

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What Guys Said 11

  • Cast him off. Do not try to contact him or even think about him. Hard, I know as affairs of the heart always are but you must move on, you owe it to yourself.

    You now know he is unreliable and unsure of himself and maybe this is even his way of breaking with you, so make new friends and, for sure, another guy will come along and then another and another and you can select the one you like the best. You deserve this.

    Stand in front of a full length mirror looking smart and well dressed and then turn round three times and look at the new YOU. You are the same person outside but the new you inside.

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  • To be honest I think you need to move on from this one. If it's going to keep going back and forth this could go on for years and its going to hurt you more in the long run. Not all guys can commit and if he's cut you off completely it's probably better off to let it go rather than reinitiate a relationship with an expiration date.

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  • So, let me get this straight. He dumps you twice, and you still want to be friends with him? Let him go. You deserve better.

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  • Don't try to reach out to him, when they don't come around or call, your not on thier mind.

    He just wanted to a reminder and a good story to tell his buddies.

    Sorry, but just let him go.

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  • Probably he is ashamed of himself. With good reason! Clearly he has issues, as we say. I wouldn't invest a lot of time in trying to keep in contact with such a flaky person! GEt involved with other interests or people...

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  • break ups suck, I went out with a girl for 4 years then broke up and stayed friends, now we can't stand each other, after both of us seeing each other get on with our own lives and going out with other people it was too much. I haven't seen her for a couple of years. Sometimes I think I would've just cut all ties straiight away and had fond memoires. It obviously wasn't a perfect relationship and that's why it ended and after a while you'd realize the bad points abot each other. In the story of the little prince there's a nice quote that puts it well'It's not the rose itself that makes it precious, but the time you spent on the rose.' maybe the friendship wouldn't be there, I'd say give yourself some time apart

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  • Guys don't commit to "backup plans"...clearly this is what you are to him... Close that chapter!

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  • forget him and find a new guy...

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  • his jst too much confusd...if he hs any bestfrnd tel him to consult them..

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  • Sounds like he is confused about you and the relationship. COuld be someone else or he is just a flake and you need to move on. If a guy doesn't contact you, make time etc he's not into you.

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  • Either he is mentally upset, or he looking to someone else.

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What Girls Said 20

  • He cut off contact so that he would feel better about himself. He would have to look at you every day wondering if you were hurt, or if you were in love with him, and he doesn't want to feel bad therefore, to spare his feelings, he cuts off contact. I understand that he was probably a good friend and you miss the friendship, but try finding a new friend, or perhaps even another guy to have in your life. I've had a similar situation to this before, and instead of thinking how you can make this friendship end up working, focus your energy on people that deserve your thoughts. It is his mistake in the end for losing a good friend, and if you stop worrying about it, by the time you do, he'll probably realize that friendship is what he needed. Hope that helps a bit.

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    • My thoughts are ....why would you want to be friends with someone that hurts you? I have a lot of friends and they don't make me cry or cut of contact with me. Friends are suppose to me there for you no matter what. I know it's hard to forget about someone who was such an important part of your life for some time. I think you should continue on with life and when you miss him and want to talk to him write it down ...if he was friendship material he would come to you and find you and check on you

  • This guy doesn't deserve your friendship. Become friends with other people who won't abuse your feelings like he did.

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  • that can be frustrating..im trying to get back with my ex boyfriend too. I guess just distract yourself for a while with things you're interested in. but he wants his space right now to get over you and doesn't intend to be friends. he sounds like he's all the way or nothing.

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  • Hey, I don't personally believe that it's in your best interest to reach out to him when all he's been doing is closing all the doors. It's not a pride thing, you just have to remember that a heart is breakable and if you repeatedly damage it, it could lose it's ability to be carefree and trusting, and this could affect future relationships.

    I think that you should really give him the cold shoulder, you've been messed around, there should be some sort of payment for the time he wasted first and the second time round.

    You will find someone else, you just need to be open to it, this isn't the best there is out there.

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  • move on with your life and forget about him...if he can't make time for you then you shouldn't be wasting your time on him as cruel as it might sound

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  • That sounds like a problem with him. As in it's really not you it's him. He sounds like a guy who doesn't know what he wants. As long as you are OK with being just friends then contact him but if you still have feelings I'd say hold off for a while.

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  • Forget him, I know it's hard to do girl. My ex has dumped me twice and has spent the last weekend tell me he wants to get back together and still loves me. But they're not worth it. The guys that are will stick around and will never let you go.

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  • Well this sorta happened to me but in reverse I dumped the guy, stayed friends declared I was in love with him and quite talking to him. It sounds SUPER mean but He was just the umbrella that go me the the storm. I would talk to him about stuff and he would comfort me. I then found someone else another nice boy and quite talking to him because even though I said I loved him I didn't mean it...well maybe at the time I did but only because he was always there for me. I realized my back in forth thing was just hurting and confusing him and cut off all contact. To this day I care about him...I just don't want to be with him...That may have happend to you, who knows hope it at least helps. YOu may miss the friendship but don't reach out to him. if he misses you hell let you know.

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  • Friendship can't be forced or bargained. It's either there or it's not. It takes two to build a friendship. He says he doesn't want to stay in touch, so believe him. Don't invest into someone who is not willing to invest in you. It just doesn't make sense. He sounds like he is emotionally unavailable.

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  • Hang out with your friends, keep your mind off of him. The best way to reach out to him, is to not reach at all. As much sense as that does not make.. he'll see you are independent, then will come crawling back before you know it. If not, at least you spent your time productively with friends.. and have that starting line to moving on.

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  • He doesn't really want you, he can't stand that you let him get away with everything. I bet if you would grow a back bone, and put your foot down and never gave in to his BS, you would have him eating out of the palm of your hand. Stop being a option idiot, and move on.

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  • There is something he is going through and thought you might be the answer, but realized quickly you aren't. There is a reason he finds it difficult to talk to you now. Maybe he finds it hard to move on when you are still in touch. Give him some time and don't let him dictate what's to happen between you two next.

    PLEASE could you read my questions and leave an answer? It may help you. It's a little long bt it's interesting. Thank you so much, just click on my profile :) :) :)

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  • Don't be the fly that continues to get caught in the trap when you're set free. If he let you go, go. Don't cling to something that isn't clinging back. That makes you unbearable and even if you tell him that all you miss is the friendship, I guarantee you he'll blow it up to something bigger. He's not important.

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  • Honestly, I think your better off. I know that it must hurt to have your emotions throw around like that. You need to ask yourself though, do you really want someone like that even as a friend?

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  • i know its hard to forget about "love" ( or whatever you call that because love is about commitment) , but you need to get the hell away from his ass. all he will do is continue to make you sad. its hard but leave it alone. for good. because if he comes back, the same thing is going to happen. go find yourself a good man Hun. someone who deserves you.

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  • Don't be friends with him, an apocalypse did not happen so there are lots of other people to be friends with.

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  • He's probably scared that if he gets close to you again then he may fall for you again. I think he just doesn't want to break your heart.

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  • just ignore him and avoid all contact with him. its better for the both of you, he started saying that he likes you again so he can get some, trust me from experience when I say stay away because your gunna get played and hurt.

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  • Because guys are assholes and they will do that. Move on and show him you have moved on. Hopefully, you will find someone that you deserve and then he can feel like sh*t for a change!

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  • Or you can just not be friends with him. Why be friends with someone who is selfish...? There are plenty of people out there waiting for your friendship. I've been where you are. It's hard at first but you gotta put yourself out there and hold your head up high. Don't settle for less or change yourself to fit someone else. Sometimes, things are better left at that. Just think of it as he's doing it for your own good. He doesn't want to drag you down with his own indecisiveness. It's a good thing. You should celebrate that he didn't keep stringing you along based on his daily mood.

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