My ex said some really hurtful things to me. How do I stop thinking about them, even when I already know they aren't true?

To add some background, my ex and I shared a best friend. A few days ago, my ex texted me some really hurtful things because, apparently, our mutual best friend (who lives far away and is visiting our home city for a week) had been telling him things I said. Most of them were quite hurtful, but I never said them (at least, not the way our friend told them to him). For example, our friend told him I called him a bad singer (which is a big deal to him because he sings in an a cappella group on his college campus) which I never did. She twisted my words from "sometimes he sings off key and I think it's adorable" to me calling him a bad singer. There were others as well, and all of them were either entirely made up or dramatized to make what I said into an actual insult when that was NEVER my intention. I know what I said isn't particularly NICE, but I never EVER meant it in an insulting way. I honestly never thought it was even remotely insulting until he brought it up.

Two nights ago, he texted me some AWFUL things, and also cursed me out (many "F-you's"). The phrase that keeps playing through my head is "The idea of you makes me feel sick. Have fun thinking you aren't the world's shittiest person somehow since that's all you are and ever will be. So, goodnight and f**k you". I know he said these things to hurt me and by letting them hurt me he's "winning", so to speak, but I can't stop them from running through my head over and over.

Anyways, how do I stop obsessing over these messages? I deleted them so I can't read them but they're all still running through my head over and over. I just want to stop thinking about them so I can move on with my life... :(


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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • in my opinion, its about control. Ignore ypur ex and work on being the best you possible. You'll meet the next right person and you'll forget all the hurt.

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  • Learn to forget learn to let these type of things go he's telling you these hurtful things because you hurt him. And that is fine people need to learn to move on and don't listen to every critic

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What Girls Said 2

  • Remind yourself that your “friend” has played on his insecurities and they’ve won over what he actually knows of you. That has more to do with him, and how he see’s himself in his chosen talents then second hand information on what you’ve said. Those feelings of self doubt and unhappiness were already there and he wants you to feel them too.
    You don’t deserve that, if you can say with 100% honesty that you never said anything unkindly then own that positively and let sad people be sad people

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  • Initially I was going to say to message him back and get your anger off your chest, bc that was such a dick move. But honestly, let it go love. He didn’t have even the courtesy to ask your side of things, and instead threw accusations at you. That’s going to eat him up eventually, bc he’s going to keep going over it in his head and want answers. When that time comes, please ignore and don’t give him any. Hell, block him and that shitty best friend so they have no means to contact you. Your silence and not being able to reach you will do so much more to him than any words can. And he no longer deserves a word from you.

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