My fiance hit me for first time. What should I do?

[destiny2new]

Hi i am from India.. My age is 25. Yesterday when me and him got into fight at first he start yelling at me.. and then he forcefully grab my hand.. we started fight about how important money is.. So i said money is important than anything. so he slap me in public 2 times... when i started to crying he said i should not provoke drama anymore. whenever we got into fight he always bring up my parents.. and verbally insult them.. he also warned me that he will end up my sister marriage.. This was the first time he hit me.. now he is constantly messages me and Calling me (which i blocked) to apologise. yes i do love him.. and that tears me apart.. so please advise me what should i do? should i believe in repair or i should move on?

Updates

+1 y

He is also very controlling.. like i shouldn't use fb and whatsapp.. or shouldn't wear sleeveless... he said sweet things.. and said harsh words too.. also this was supposed to be love marriage.

[Being_a_good_Indian]

Nothing is more important than self respect. Not money, not love, not your designation. If there is one thing that matters most in life in addition to happiness, it is self respect. And frankly if you do not have self respect, there is no way you can be happy in the first place, no matter how much money you make, what position you attain in life or whether you are with someone who claims to love you.

People often confuse communication for talking or making conversation, and this is the root cause of why many of these same people are so unsuccessful in communicating with their partners. Communication in relationships, at its core, is about connecting and using your verbal, written and physical skills to fulfill your partner’s needs.

Most people, use the threat of divorce for the sheer ‘‘shut-up’’ factor. They know that when things aren’’t going their way or that there is a problem looming; they can avoid confrontation and argument by simply saying they want a divorce. This works especially well if the person using the threat realizes that the spouse they are threatening will shrivel at the mere mention of the ‘“D’” word. Suffice it to say, if threatening divorce works’…. and you always back down from your position or from the argument when the word is hailed, you have a part in teaching your partner this behavior. And no, this doesn’’t make it any more right. It actually indicates that there is a major problem in your relationship that has much more to do with respect and compassion than it does the ‘‘issue’’ at hand.

i.pinimg.com/.../...tionship-quotes-hard-times.jpg

i.pinimg.com/.../...-you-no-matter-what-quotes.jpg

[Being_a_good_Indian]

Thanks for selecting my opinion as most helpful opinion.

[Pyrofox]

Just tell him to quit being so clingy. And if he tries to make a fuss, then point out to him you want a man not a child as these temper tantrums are embarrassing. And the way how he treats your parents is flat out deflating your self-esteem. Its getting so bad that its making you question if this whole thing was just a bad idea to start with.

I'm pretty sure if you say it right he will understand he needs to be more humble. I mean life is not something to throw around and waste yelling rather. It should be treasured and honored. Could end it with something like a "I love you but this whole thing is slowly breaking my heart." I'm sure he would understand and if anything maybe go so far as to try to reverse a lot of his controlling side.

(And most importantly if he wants to disscuss this ask to MEET IN PERSON. )

[CheshireCat89]

While I agree that serious relationship conversations are usually best done in person, it is pretty risky to do so with someone who has already been violent, manipulative and , controlling to you. The risk of him acting out and hurting her could be high. As he hit her in public already, meeting in a public place might not be enough.

Hitting a partner is never acceptable unless it is self defense.

[CheshireCat89]

I know there are many cultural differences between India and the US, but his behaviors are some pretty serious red flags. Saying that you made hi, slap you is a manipulation called gas-lighting. He make it seem like you are the problem and takes no responsibility for his behavior.

I know leaving someone you love is extremely hard, but if possible I would end the engagement. People like this say sorry and act so sweet after the fact or when they are apologizing and yet the behavior will almost always happen again, often escalating. Once you are married and/or have kids it will be much harder to leave. When do you draw the line? Is it when he draws blood, breaks a bone, or hurts a future child?

Maybe one day he might make a tolerable partner, but for the near future he really need to be alone and work on his own issues.

Please remember that you deserve to be loved and respected. Don't settle for any less.

[Being_a_good_Indian]

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2720531-who-do-you-think-does-the-breaking-up-more-often-between-men-women

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2698336-is-this-guy-interested-in-me

[Jennifer398]

He will only get worse until you are broken or dead no one has the right to lay hands on you. If he only slapped you in public what will he do when no one is around to see him? He will sweet talk you then he he Will threaten you and your family and evertime you go back to him it makes it thatixh harder to leave the next time. Be brave be strong stand up to him and don't let him break you. You do not need the kind of love his is offering in your life. Good luck I hope everything turns out well for you.

[destiny2new]

thanks Jennifer.

[BikerGirl89]

Do not marry this guy! I am middle eastern and this is the number one reason I don't date my own people. Men are superior. He will not stop this. You will end up dead or with severe mental health issues. You are in a dangerous situation and unfortunately you won't realize it until you are out of it. GET OUT NOW. Don't give me that "I'm in love" bullshit. Get out.

[Blondie80]

Leave him!!! He will NEVER change! He is goint to hurt and beat you continually in your marriage! Be wise and just think: do you want it? And when you have a baby? Do you want your child to be bring up in this drama? He doesn't love you at all, he is goint to rule and controll you!

[ToxicKisses]

My mom always thaught me that if he cheats he will always come back to you at the end of the day, and that you need to learn how to emotionaly cope with that, but when he hits you, then you leave. doesn't matter if it only happened once. It will probably happen again because he's obviously an asshole and can't manage his temper.

[Crazyb33]

Wtf girl u need to stay far away from him just cause he's not physically abusive all the time he sounds like he is mentally abusive he talks to u like your a piece of shit he insults u and publicly humilates u and then tells u not to start anything cause he didn't want everyone there to stick up for u if u stood up for your cause then it would have shown u you are not the piece of crap he makes u out to be

[EdenParadise]

If he is constantly trying to say sorry, I would forgive him. People do weird and scary things when they get mad and it usually takes a lot to forgive that behaviour. If you love him and are willing to stay by him through all his faults, go for it, but, if you yourself are scared of this behaviour, leave for your own safety.

[Anonymous]

Leave him you will a miserable life. Tell your parents he abuses you if that's you worry about if your parents don't care then kill your parents and your fiancé and live happily ever after in the Jail...
Yes... that's how horrible is living with an abusive person which ill chose jail better then marry him
(Killing was symbolically expressing how I feel DON'T DO THIS AT HOME KIDS)

[destiny2new]

thanks.. i really need that.

[vittle1999]

Imagine how much worse it's going to get if u get married. Think about it before u take Ur next step. The hitting will not stop for sure as that's his provoked reaction.

[vittle1999]

He is basically in full control of u n feels he owns u. If u revolt, u get out in Ur place. Is this the kind of " love" marriage u want to be a part of?

[Decentguy]

it also depends on why were you both fighting
but you should end this with him

[destiny2new]

we were fighting because i came up with subject on how money is important.. and he is kind of broke right now.. he is always insecure about me leaving him.. so he said that it's always money that you want... and you are going to leave me because i don't have enough money.. Then he hit me like 2 times.

[Decentguy]

your boyfriend was right, but he shouldn't hit you.
if you always more care about money in a relationship, then your fiance is right. but still he shouldn't hit you

[CheshireCat89]

My ex had serious self esteem issues around money as I made more than him. He was convinced that his limited income would make him less in my eye and that I deserved better/wanted to be with someone rich. I would tell him the truth that his income wasn't even a factor in my attraction, but his own insecurities made him paranoid, jealous, and cruel.
Eventually his fear of me leaving him became a reality as his issues poisoned our relationship and he unconsciously pushed me away.

Letting your insecurities cloud your vision is not a good excuse for treating loved ones badly, violence or not.

[Decentguy]

@CheshireCat89 i understand, and i agree with you.
but you know, maybe he said all those things all the time, just to hear from you that, "Its not a problem, and to make him realize that you love him not his money. and he matters the most" but as you said, you did told him lots of time, so it was his fault.

by the way her case is totally opposite of that. she's the one who more cares about money. If she didn't more cared about money, and then her boyfriend did all that, then it was totally understandable.

[destiny2new]

yes i cared about secure financial future.. but i was not going to leave him for that.. But discussing that with him made him angry and uncontrollable.. mostly when he get angry he ponch his fist to things, break things. this time " thing" was me..

[Decentguy]

well then its totally ok that why you cared about money.
your fiance has anger management issues

you know, i might be wrong here, but i have anger management issues too, and i fight a lot with my paretns, and hurt them a lot, but in the end, i cry in bed too, when i realize what i did to them, and i honestly love them more than i get angry on them or hurt them. so there might be a possibility, that he loves you a lot too, and he just needs some mental health help

[reptocarl]

There is no repair. You dump him and never look back

[HungLikeAHorsefly]

Here's what needs to happen to your bitchy little fiance

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUylUsG-PKA

[Eliva]

You should avoid a man who applies physical violence, even if you love him.

[Carte411]

First of all you need to hit that punk back I don't care if you plant your foot straight between that dude's legs.. Second get rid of him cause that's a sign of domination that was just a test to see what was gonna happen the next time it's gonna be worse so get out while the gettens good Hun you don't need that!

[example123]

Someone who hits you won't suddenly stop. Search yourself a men which doesn't hit you or deal with being hit your whole life

[martyfellow]

He will get more this way if you are married.. and with time, he will likely get worse even as a mere boyfriend!

So, the door is open!

[azzntittiz]

Yes it will get worse, get married and he will kill you your dog and the kids.

[Invisiblequeen]

You need to leave him now!! I have a few friends in this type of relationship and no matter how much better it gets he will still hit you.. run now

[Insanyx12]

I've been getting hit my whole life trust me get out now or its only gonna get worse later
I know you love him but that's unacceptable

[CoffeePossum]

Delete him from your life

[andicarus]

that is unacceptable, get another man, he doesn't deserve you

[Anonymous]

Do you have kids?

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry, didn't read that correct. I thought you said husband.
Because if you would have kids it will be a difficult process to leave him.
I guess you should talk to your parents.

Because I don't think he'll apologize so easily after marriage.

[Opinion Owner]

I understand that you love him and this was supposed to be an arranged marriage but I think it will be better if you leave now. It will be easier to leave now when you don't have any obligation to him. Just that you're engaged. If you're afraid "Society kya kahegi, log kya bolege". I'll ask you to think about how your children will feel about it if he continues to disrespect you after marriage.

If he is threatening to break your sister's marriage, insulting your parents verbally, fighting about money,
not letting you use whatsapp, controlling the way you dress. If he's doing these things now, can you imagine what he will do after?

I think you need to be strong now or you'll regret it for the rest of your life.

[Opinion Owner]

*this was supposed to be a Love Marriage

[destiny2new]

thanks..

[Opinion Owner]

No problem.

As a child who has seen her father treating her mother this way, the way your fiancé is treating you it's not a nice things to go through.

That's why I ask you to think about the kids. Even if you can take it, don't put your children through it.

[Deanrocks]

Leave him