Girl's Behavior 
Guy's Behavior 
Flirting 
Dating 
Relationships 
Fashion & Beauty 
Health & Fitness 
Marriage & Weddings 
Shopping & Gifts 
Technology & Internet 
Break Up & Divorce 
Education & Career 
Entertainment & Arts 
Family & Friends 
Food & Beverage 
Hobbies & Leisure 
Other 
Religion & Spirituality 
Society & Politics 
Sports 
Travel 
Trending & News 
You are driving yourself crazy. Haven't you heard of , abscence makes the heart grow fonder? If he doesn't want you. Move on. You keep allowing him to treat you like a booty call, then demand a relationship. It doesn't work that way. Just because he pays For your meals doesn't mean he loves you.
Its just wishful thinking
And I dont think asking us for help would be really good because most will encourage you to not get back with him, and thats clearly just not what you want to hear
True,
How is it just wishful thinking and not my gut though
I don't know how can you tell the difference?
The reason for what?
Um we fought a lot I guess really we didn't but he thinks we did then we don't talk because he only wants a casual relationship and I want more so he thought he could just lie to me about having no feelings for me even though I know he does but I guess It's whatever
Classic
Unfortunately, I can't say that I wasn't expecting this answer.
You are looking for the wrong thing in the wrong place.
You are looking for a relationship in a place where sex is all that matters.
You are looking for care, affection, support, understanding, loyalty, trust, faithfulness and emotions in a place where they just don't sea in anything but sex.
But then again, you don't want to hear it, so doesn't matter of people are genuinely looking out for you.
No I agree but he genuinely did care for me and treat me like he did when we were together even when we weren't together anymore
I'm serious he never stopped treating me the same as when we were together.
Yeah well he's stubborn. I know he has feelings for me but I don't know why he won't admit them
Yeah no your right.
What really confused me is he would still take me out on dates and guy that's using you won't do that. He even told me one time that if he didn't have to work he would go with me to this wedding.
What last lady, I was his first real girlfriend
Say? He's actions says it all
No he never said that we just kind of fell into a casual relationship but he never said those words.
No I don't think he was just being nice to get sex because like I said he treated me the same as when we were in a relationship, like it never felt like he treated me any differently
We'll yes he did he was okay with that and that's what it came down to being but he never really asked for that, we just kind of fell into that.
In all reality for all we both admitted is we were both hanging out but by him taking me on dates and treating me the same it kinda turned into a casual thing I say
No I get it
No but that's my problem.
Does it not matter he has feelings for me?
You said that it all came down to him not wanting a serious relationship and you want in one.
Thats why you broke up.
He tried to be nice for a while but, then you aren't talking at all.
Do you seriously believe the this would be the chronological order of events if he had feelings for you like you have for him?
With all due respect, there isn't much to this.
I think, I have tried my best to bring you in pace with reality of the situation and attempted to try and keep you from getting hurt,
But at the end of the day, you'll do what you want and all this conversation will mean nothing.
I sincerely hope that you make the right decision.
No he was nice for years, not likely and we aren't talking because of me
Thank you you too
@dragonfly6515
Im aware of the arrangement and thats precisely why I said that, because the pink anon is
- looking for the wrong thing in the wrong place.
- looking for a relationship in a place where sex is all that matters.
- looking for care, affection, support, understanding, loyalty, trust, faithfulness and emotions in a place where they just don't sell in anything but sex.
As much I would want to feel good hoping that her feelings get reciprocated, it just doesn't happen in majority of cases.
Oh okay it's okay
It's okay and I just thank you for commenting
Why don't you think that this is the end?
Why did you break up?
How long ago did you break up?
What are the signs that make you think that it isn't over?
Because we always end up talking again and he definitely has feelings for me
By his actions even though he won't admit he does but whatever
Me usually, sometimes him and we text
How do you get it?
Were not talking because he was okay with a casual relationship ( even though he never called it that) and I wanted more, I just couldn't do it anymore ( even though I really miss him now)
No because that's why I got here lol
Yes but this always happens where I try to ignore him because I'm sick of not being with him, we hangout or continue what we always did and then I get sick of it again because he doesn't want a relationship and I do
You have to show him that you're the girl for him. You may have to wait until he's ready for a relationship with you.
And at the minute you have no relationship, because you're not together.
Be natural and let nature take its cause. You giving ultimatums is not going to help you.
Have fun and let him fall for you
Yes I agree but I am always natural around him, we always been natural and comfortable around each other but I can't keep getting hurt thinking and hoping when there isn't a relationship and might not be. I thought I would wait for him especially if I love him I definitely will but he also can't admit he has any feelings for me so I might be waiting for nothing essentially
I believe it maybe was but then I'm second guessing myself by thinking that if it was true we would of never broke up in the first place or by him not fighting for me when I walked out or at least trying to get me back
Right?
What do you mean?
I mean, it sounds like every time you get back together, after a certain point, you try to pin him down into a relationship, maybe he's not ready for that and by you keeeping going on about a relationship he gets annoyed and breaks up with you again.
It sounds like he has feelings for you, but you're coming on too strong by trying to force him into something that he's not ready for yet, but this doesn't mean that you're not the one. Give him time and in the meantime enjoy yourselves and have fun.
We'll I think I have been very patient with him, I mean we have spent months being in like a unofficial relationship or friends with benefits type thing before I've asked to get back together, he says no we stop talking for a couple weeks then miss each other so much then start all over and it's a countinous cycle so a month ago I tried to tell him that I can't go on being nothing because I love him and all I got from him is he doesn't have feelings for me. I know that he basically lied to me. I don't know why?
I have thought about talking to him again because he was also my best friend and I miss him like crazy 😢 but I don't want us to fall back into our continuous cycle that seems like it goes nowhere
You really think he doesn't have feelings for me?
After he kept treating me the same way long after we broke up as he was treating me when we were together
We would go out and he never let me pay when we weren't even together anymore
Re feelings for you, you say that your gut feeling is that he has feelings for you, but you also say that he's told you that he doesn't have feelings for you. You can change this if you want to?
The problem is that he's not respectfully attracted to you in a loving way and therefore doesn't want or feel the need to commit , because you're already giving him what he wants- But you can change that if you want to too.
Yes by ignoring him right?
But did you read what I commented. And you think he doesn't have feelings for me after all that?
He said he doesn't have feelings but I think he lied don't you?
And I'm not ignoring but I guess just not talking to him. What else Can I do?
He could be lying to you.
Here's what you need to do.
You need to contact him, be confident, self assured and importantly start to act like a girlfriend, be fun, smiley and positive and don't let him walk all over you, you are an equal partnership and therefore your thoughts and feelings count too. So tell him. but do not talk about the past or try to talk him into a relationship. if you do this right, he will be asking you for a relationship, sooner rather than later.
Arrange to meet him out somewhere, coffee etc. and start being a girlfriend. I sense that when you have contacted each other in the past, you've just ended up in bed, hence why he just sees you as a bedmate?
Keep confident and have respect for yourself, then he will start to have respect for you, don't be too submissive
Keep doing the above and it should help
What do you mean act like a girlfriend? Were not going to be dating so if I do that we'll just restart our continuous cycle, it's not just about being in bed we kiss, cuddle, and hold hands too. Everything we would do when we were together and he never brings up getting back together
What no I want to but I know we won't so why would I act like a girlfriend when I'm not, my point is he never wanted to get back together before so why would that change now
I've told you why he doesn't want to get back with you, it's because he doesn't see you as girlfriend material.
You have to change if this if you want , quite clearly he's everything that you want, but you're not everything that he wants, If he doesn't have respect or if he's not attracted to you, then he can't love you. it sounds like you're ticking most of the boxes, you're not ticking them all.
I've advised you what you need to do to get your man. but it seems that either you're not willing to do what's necessary or just don't want to, but you still want your man?
How am I ticking most of the boxes?
And I don't get what your telling me to do?
Yes or he's just not ready for a relationship
Nope
Nothing just to be with him, what else do you mean?
In a relationship
Well I think love because of the way he always was with me
Well we would just not talk anymore, we were not together, only the one relationship. All the other were just very unofficial
Yes I told you we broke up then we were friends with benefits kinda or unofficial unofficially together or something for years and I would get sick of it that's how are continuous cycles would get no where
Yes you told me to act like his girlfriend, how is that going to help if were not together?
You need to contact him, meet up with him somewhere for drinks, lunch, coffee etc, don't talk about a relationship, talk about anything and everything else, be confident, self assured and let him see that you are girlfriend material, kiss him and show him that you're more than a friends with benefits, let him see that you should be his girlfriend, but don't talk about being his girlfriend, play it cool, get yourself back into a relationship with him, be a good, confident, self assured girlfriend. Soon he will see that. and will want to have a relationship with you. it may take time, but let him ask you to be in a relationship with him, not the other way around, be patient.
I have done all that before and waited basically almost a year and he still won't ask me out. I think I have been very patient with him but nothing is working. I never bring up old relationship things because I want to make things new.
However, I don't think it takes a year to decide if you want to be with me or not, right?
No I'm saying I have been very patient hanging out with him for months and months and he hasn't asked me out, why would it change now?
It doesn't take almost a year to realize that you want to be with someone
Besides he said he doesn't have feelings for me after all so why should I be the one to reach out
Am I not right?
How am I wrong, how long can someone wait for something that is not even a guarantee?
Because he loves me I thought.
I already showed him a ton of times by waiting for him and I told him
What do you mean what am I waiting for?
I told you I believe that was a lie, you don't think so?
Him to admit to me that he does love me and want to be with me?
I told you everything we have done, you don't think he has feelings for me?
I have though I think I done a lot. I told him that I love him most of all without hearing it back.
I want to hear what you think?
Ok, In your present state of mind, you're wasting your time and should forget about this guy. He's told you that he has no feelings for you, that may be a lie, I don't know, but your gut feeling tells you that it is.
Besides this, apart from telling him that you love him, it seems that you've done very little to try and grab this guys attention, it seems that you're just sitting around, wasting time in the hope that he's going to come to his senses, contact you and declare his love for you. This is all very nice and wishful thinking.
As I've said before, if you want him, then you have to do something to get him and it seems to me that either you can't be bothered or you are to stubborn or you just don't get it.
If you want him, it's not too late, but you have to make him see what he's missing.
You don't think I've done anything. Whys that?
Why should I keep pouring my heart out to him only for him to keep crushing it?
Apart from pour your heart out to him, what positive thing have to done to re-attract this man?
Have you contacted him?
I'm sorry Sweetie, he's made it clear that he doesn't want to hear you pour your heart out over and over again? Which is why I've advised you to arrange to meet him and NOT talk about the relationship or getting back with him.
I have contacted him more when we would start our cycles back up then he contacted me
What should I do then?
You tell me to contact him. Why shouldn't he contact me? After all I did pour my heart out to him.
No but why should I keep trying when its clearly not working and he keeps shooting me down
Listen Sweetie, you're really not helping yourself, you've written in for advice, you have the advice, but you don't see why you should have to do anything.
Why did you write in, are you looking for a miracle solution, where you don't actually have to do anything?
If you want him back, stop being so negative and get on with it.
I'm happy to help you, but you have to do something
Yes I know thanks but after all he was the one that told me he basically doesn't want me
People change their minds all the time, maybe he was annoyed because you kept on asking for a relationship? We don't know, but what we do know is that if you don't do something, then you'll never know.
But if you do do something and he tells you that its over for real, then at least you know that you did your best and it didn't work.
At least you can hold your head high because you tried?
Well its not like I kept pestering him to begin with. I wouldn't mention anything for months at a time. So I would try and give him his space or time, but it would really hurt me knowing how compassionate he was with me in person, yet it seemed like it always was going nowhere
I mean I'll contact him for Christmas but shouldn't he be the one to ask me to hang out because after all he keeps wriping my heart in two?
OK, I see that you're simply just not getting it. I'm sorry but I'm going to have to be a bit more direct in the chance that you actually understand what's going on.
If he wanted to contact you, then he would have. The fact that he hasn't contacted you tells me that you've pissed him off, probably because you keep asking him for a relationship.
Put yourself in his shoes, if someone kept pissing you off would you contact them?
He probably will not contact you, so you have to decide if you're going to contact him or not, because I say again, he's probably never going to contact you again.
If you want to try to be with him, then contact him, if you don't then don't
You're trying to justify why he should contact you. It doesn't work like that.
We are just going around in circles again, because you have this idea in your mind that he should contact you,
You have a simple choice, contact him and arrange to meet up, or not?
I said I don't keep pestering him, I leave a good amount of time in between me asking, but I'm saying the way he is with me makes me think he wants to get back together but he doesn't
I. E. Its not like Im pestering him every week about getting back together
We'll he basically told me he didn't want me, isn't that basically what he said?
I'm sorry Sweetie, but it really is like talking to a brick wall with you, you really just don't get it.
We've talked for so long, and I've advised you what to do to try and get this guy back but you're showing a distinct lack of intelligence, because you simply don't get the fact that he is probably not going to contact you.
So you now have a simple choice, either contact him and try to get him back.
or
Don't contact him and hope that he calls you at some point in the future
We'll do you realize we been going through that continuous cycle I was telling you about, for years and it has got us nowhere. I have never talked about the old relationship so what makes you think he will change his mind now?
Can you see the similarities here, your relationship has been going around in circles for years and now we are going around in circles
I'm sorry Sweetie but your mentality is the problem here, your logic just keeps going around in circles even though you've been told how to start or stop this, you still are not listening and we are just going around in circles!
Can you see this?
No I Really don't see how to stop this but maybe to stop talking to him and see if he ever misses me
I have arranged to meet up many times before, what's the difference?
Whatever I see it going around in circles and logically I don't see his mind Changing if I give In and contact him like I did every other time
Agreed. She's not getting it, she wants to believe he cares. It's obvious he doesn't.
Opinion
2Opinion
I'm in the same boat... I guess we can't really tell what the other person is thinking...
How long have you two not talked/texted?
3 months but he contacted me last night and I don't know if he was genuine with me or not
Okay, 3 months. Just one talk/text from last night had to be a Happy new Year call. I think it might be an end. But him calling you, he might be missing you. Try a talk/text sometime. See what happens.
No I actually end up seeing him last night that's why I said I don't know if it's genuine or not
Wishful thinking
You can also add your opinion below!
Most Helpful Opinions