I cheated on my husband! help!?!

I cheated on my husband, and I want to tell him. It was guy that he works with at his job. He is a teacher, and I went to go and pick up our daughter from school, she usually is with her father, but his friend came and told me that my husband already took her home. I've had somewhat of a crush on him even before I was married. And we went into his room and started talking and catching up, and the next thing I knew, we were making out on his desk, and then started having sex. I didn't feel any spark, like with my husband, and I feel super guilty. I want to come clean, but I don't know how, please help. And please don't answer rudely, I know what I did was horrible, selfish, and stupid. Just please help.


Most Helpful Guy

  • 55-60% of Americans have been involved in some sort of infidelity in their marriage at some point (TRUE fact look it up). It just so happens that men typically view sexual infidelity as the worst type of betrayal (as opposed emotional with women).

    The truth is that nobody here can really answer your question. Nobody here really knows you or your husband.

    So YOU need to weigh your options.

    Personally I think you should tell...

    Here are some reasons I think you should tell:

    -The guilt will drive you INSANE.

    Every time your husband tells you how much she trusts you, every time he does anything sweet or considerate, your guilty conscience will kick in full gear. You'd be living a lie.

    -People talk

    How well do you know this dude you did "the dirty deed" with? Can you really trust your husbands co worker? Probably not knowing he made moves on his co-worker's wife.

    -You'd be making another HUGE mistake

    You cheated. Okay. There's nothing you can do about it now. But if he finds out you cheated and lied about it. Game Over. He will never trust you again.

    -Because you love him and want to move forward

    If you expect to move forward in your relationship you need to tell the truth.

    Who knows? It might make your relationship stronger.

    But if you do decide to tell him make sure your actions speak louder than your words.

    - First off NEVER see this other guy again. You have to truthfully tell him that you are completely committed to working things out with your spouse.

    - Show your emotions and how much you regret it

    Nobody is perfect, and no marriage is perfect... people make mistakes...

    Hope that helps

    PS - Don't make excuses for why you did it.

    I know I'm probably gonna get MAD thumbs down for this... but most women I know who have cheated typically try to justify their actions (i.e. - he didn't pay enough attention to me, ect.). Keep the dude's self esteem in tact.


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What Guys Said 10

  • I think you will have to explain soon why the two of you are not having sex. He will ask, he will be suspicious. Most men in stages will ask exactly what happened, how, why, with who, details, details, because dealing with what's going through our minds will require this. I tell you the truth. If there is any chance for forgiveness and recovery, you must have the courage to do this. Don't mess him up too much. Don't lay it all out at once. Come to him and tell him you two need to talk and it is going to be a process, it is something deep inside he must know because you love him so much. You must gather the courage to do this and don't bring divorce up as even a what if.

    Get his attention, serious, open-minded, write it out so when the time comes you can 1.) tell him with strategy that will prepare him for the seriousness so he will be listening, 2.) focus on your regret, rehearse it if necessary to highlight your conflict and shame. Get some counselling for yourself before this, no money -find a church preacher, reverend, ask your girlfriends for a good church leader to (free of charge) help to council you. The point is to have help in progress to reassure him. He is going to be hurt, mad all that but, your words of exact admission must be preceded by the support of forgiveness, and re-trying. You have to expose this guy so he will have 110% cooperation from you for his ultimate decision. This guy is accountable because he freely chose to touch a married woman. Feel for your husband, not him. As far as the work relationship, see if your state can sue for "Alienation of affections" this is for the other guy in the infidelity to be legally accountable for his actions. If you agree with me, you can friend request or whatever, you seem like the only woman I have ever known to have the courage to confront all this on the basis of your love for your husband, I have a lot of mistrust to work out for myself. Good luck, and quickly plan, get the kids out for a day or so, and put a plan together.

  • You deserve to lose your husband, but that's just my opinion.

    Got no respect for your like

    • +1

    • Show All
    • I love him with all my heart.

    • No you don't, if you did then you wouldn't have f***ed another guy

      If I was your husband, I'd drop you like a bad habit

  • If you come clean, your husband will probably leave you, he will probably won't forgive you ... now remember your vows on your wedding day. Now honestly if my girl cheated on me, I'd like to know, and the decide what to do.

  • You should weight your guilt with the possibility of the destruction of your marriage. Honesty between couples is a good thing, will telling your husband cause the end of your marriage?

    • It probably will, but every time we have sex, ill feel guilty about this. If you were married would you want your wife to tell you she cheated, or lie to u?

    • What's the point of being married if you can't respect him enough to be honest? Yea you shouldn't have cheated but you'll only compound the problem by lying because trust and believe it will come out eventually and if you don't tell him it'll be a hundred times worse. Wouldn't you want to know? And honestly maybe you shouldn't be married because if you truly loved him you wouldn't have done it.

    • Yeah, acubed25 has a point. The problem will fester and get worse. I don't know how for you to do it, but you're going to have to tell him. It won't be easy and may be some yelling and screaming if he's that kind of guy.

  • I can't believe you had sex with another man and then with your husband again. What if he has a disease? And now you contracted it and gave it to your husband. tsk tsk bad move...

    • Wait, what? No I think you missunderstood something. I haven't had sex with my husband since then. And I don't plan to.

    • Well that's good. I don't know what your going to do in the meantime. I would tell your husband before the guy he works with does. I don't know your husband personally, so I can't really help you. But if he loves you to pieces he might forgive you. Don't expect him to enjoy sleeping with you they way he used to though. In fact, he might become irreversibly less attracted to you. I know that sounds harsh but men hate to be cheated on more than woman do I think.

    • That would be terrible if he found out from someone else. I understand that he would be less attracted to me. Knowing him, he would probably cut off sex completely. But ill take anything, if it means keeping him, and my family together.

  • So what happend? how did it go with you handling the business with your husband?

  • Really is no big deal. Just forget it ever happened and move on with your life

    • I will NOT forget! I love my husband! And even if I cheated I still have enough respect to be honest with him. I hate lying to him, I'm sorry I did what I did, and even if it means destroying my marriage, I will be honest with him, I just don't know what to say.

  • typical woman

    • Not necessarily. I'd kill myself before I cheated, so don't think every woman pulls this.

    • Show All
    • "Different times of the month they fancy different types of men and crave them"

      I happen to agree on that


  • Tell him. Everything might work out for good

  • I think we both know what will happen right?...

    Well, I wish all the best for your daughter! She will have a hard time...


What Girls Said 6

  • Please tell him. He has the right to know and you should've thought about him and your daughter before you slept with the guy. There's no point in trying to worry about how your actions will hurt them now because no matter what you've damaged your family. But at least have the respect for your husband to tell the truth. You may lose everything but there is a chance that he'll forgive you but if you don't tell him and he finds out ,which he will eventually, he'll hate you even more for lying to him and making him believe he had this great wife all along when in reality you broke your marraige the second you kissed that other guy. You made your bed now go lie in it no matter how bad you fear the pain will be. Be an adult about this and maybe your husband will be able to forgive you and give you a chance to regain his trust and rebuild your marraige. And next time think about how your actions will affect the ones you "love" before you act.

    P.S. Mai own personal motto is: If I can even entertain the thought of cheating on someone I don't need to be with that person. Obviously all is not well if you find yourself wanting to be in someone elses arms.

  • You should tell him the truth and hope for the best. More than likely though, he will leave you which he should because obviously you don't care about him enough to stay faithful. However, I wish the best for you, your husband, and your daughter. But it is better to be honest than live with that lie your whole life. Goodluck.

  • tell him. That's the bEutiful thing about marrage. It's dumb, watch he'll tell you that he cheated too. You love him and you only had sex with another man that's not love. But I really hope things work out in the end. Things are so confusing

  • people make mistakes. I'm not condoning it but I believe people deserve a second chance, especially in this case because they have a child. If my husband cheated on me id be p*ssed and sad as hell and id leave him probably if we didn't have children. But they do. I think it may be good to come clean and work it out for the sake of your child. My mom always said once you have children, almost every life decision should be made with their well being in mind and that's what you and your husband should think about. My parents make every decision based on their children and I appreciate that so much and one day so will your child. Don't give up and don't be afraid. I can tell you regret this so so so much and it makes me sad that it happened I really hope it works out for your family just let your husband know how much you sincerly regret that moment's decision.

  • i feel no remorse. if you really loved him you wouldn't of cheated. you should tell him. if his love is strong he will forgive you. but you should of thought about your family but no you only thought about your self. now your gonna break your husband and possibly your family. see what 1 stupid move causes

  • I really don't understand why you want to tell your husband I promise you will no less guilty after you tell him and it will only hurt him and your marriage so really what is the point. Learn from your mistake and never do it again.

    • I know I got some down arrows but I still stand by my answer. To me it obvious you don't want to stay with your husband if you are willing to ruin your marriage by telling him. You sound like you are never going to do it again so why destroy this even if he forgives you it will never be the same he will never trust you again. I bet all these people that answered have never been married or cheated on someone and regretted it well I am married and have done just what you did.

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