I was dating this guy and everything was going great. Then slowly he tried to control me. It would be different if it only happened once but no it happened multiple times. Honestly he always made me feel like crap. Like I was the bad guy. He said some cruel things to me and would cry to make me feel bad but when I cried he wouldn't try to comfort me. If I didn't text him back within thirty minutes he would freak out. Once I was hanging with friends and he knew that but he got super jealous and told me I didn't care about him. When I hadn't seen them in a long time. Did I do the right thing by breaking up with him or did I overreact?
im literally in the exact same situation as you except my boyfriend also emotionally threatens me. i think breaking up was def the right choice. im planning on breaking up w my boyfriend today. this is way too controlling and iv tried talking to my boyfriend about similar problems and it never worked out, things only got worse. if u read the opinions on the question i posted i think some of them might show u tht u made the right choice. he would scream at me and make me cry over things like my shirt being too tight and iv had enough and im happy that u left tht situation bc its not fair for someone to make u feel like shit over things like that. dont let anyone bring u down like that and wear what u want to wear. i think its the best choice for u and ur self confidence
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4 Reply
Asker
+1 y
Awww girl, your situation sounds so much worse. Don't let any guy treat you like that. I'm glad I broke up with him before it got that bad. He sounds like a real tool.
Um... You should not feel bad at ALL for dumping that lowlife. Wtf... I commend you for getting away from such a toxic person.
I had a boyfriend who was very similar. He even tried to isolate me from my Friends and Family. And he never took responsibility for his part in the crumbling of our relationship -instead, I was the only one at fault.
I left him as soon as I was able. Haven't looked back... this Dakota guy sounds like a real piece of work.
Now I don't know how you dress and whether he has a valid point regarding how you dress or not - but the way he's expressing it just makes it seem like you two were not a good fit for each other.
Since we can't see your responses it's hard to tell how badly he's reacting, though. From the surface it looks controlling but I could understand my SO not being happy with me dressing certain ways.
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5 Reply
Asker
+1 y
I really couldn't get a word in and it's just shorts that really didn't show anything. It wasn't what he said, it's how he said it.
He has a "right" to feel uncomfortable or insecure, and you have the right to stand by wearing what you want. If that was such an issue that he couldn't get over it, couldn't talk it out/compromise and was putting you down over it (which seems the case going on and ON about your "ass cheeks showing"), then yes. Leaving was the right choice.
If you can't talk it out over simple things such as clothing or small things, it's probably not gonna work out. You could do better, and I'm sure he could find somebody that would work out better for him as well.
Yeah it was so much more than just the shorts we had issues about. I gave him more than one chance and everytime he's just hurt me. I tried to work on things but it always ended the same way.
I know that feeling. Walking on egg shells constantly and never knowing what you'll do next that will annoy him or upset him is a very shitty feeling. Staying in a relationship like that isn't worth it, regardless if the guy is a good person otherwise.
no, you did the right thing! he seems to be the exact opposite of a good boyfriend! if he wasn't there for you when you needed him to comfort you, if he would make you feel controlled, what kind of boyfriend does he make? a terrible one, no questions. you should instead feel relieved. i mean, i understand that it's gonna take a while till you forget about him and move on since you both were together regardless. but keep reminding yourself that whatever happened, happened for good and that you deserve someone way better than him!
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Asker
+1 y
Thank you and yeah I admit I wasn't perfect either but I never tried to control him and I did try to hear him out until he started talk to me like that.
No you are well out of that one. He's using psychological blackmail and manipulation on you. His request- to dress less revealing - is reasonable but the presentation is not. Further, the extent to which he is overreacting indicates a deep seated insecurity and neediness. He values you way too much.
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7 Reply
Asker
+1 y
Yeah he kept saying how perfect I am and how it can't lose me. It got pretty scary at times. If I didn't text him back in a certain amount of time. He would say I didn't care about him. It just sucks that I gave him my virginity though.
Ha. Take it back! Yes, he seems to be developing an unhealthy obsession with you and it will be better for you and for him, frankly, to not be together.
While it does suck that you made that decision look at it like a learning experience. When guys act in a way that remind you of him that's a super big red flag that you should avoid them.
A bit of friendly advics though, don't make the mistake of thinking you're all that because you literally drove a dude crazy. Young men are particularly unbalanced and you will screen out good guys merely for your prides sake.
I definitely don't think I'm all that. He made me feel the opposite honestly. Yeah I've already blocked him and I'm taking a break from relationships and concentrating on myself.
Always a wise solution. Do you Have any hobbies? I would recommend taking up cooking or something that will come in handy later in life when you're living by yourself or having a family.
Also if you're the reading sort, check out the Consolation of Philosophy by Boethius. I think it fits your situation perfectly.
Good in you for breaking up with him. Sadly my best friends dont have this self-respect that you do have to break up with a mentally-abusive and possessive guy before it's too late. Never look back. You may have times of weakness, but trust me, do not go back to him. Life's too short to be with a controlling loser.
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Asker
+1 y
Yeah my best friend was the one who convinced me. She saw the bad in him before I did. I should of listened to her before hand but at least I got out early enough before it got too bad.
Yess, friends (at least the good ones) notice beforehand due to the lack of bias. Took ages to convince mine and they got out, but not without emotional damage and baggage. Good for you 👊
Bloody hell, from what I can see, he's that fussed over a little butt cheek?
Seriously is that the most he's seen or something?
The last girl I dated was a girl who I met in class. She was the life model and within the first 30 seconds of meeting her, she got her tits out for everyone to see.
As long as your not actually trying to have sex with anyone else I don't see a problem.
He is definitely not a good match for you and he seems like he could be abusive.
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Asker
+1 y
Yeah he wouldn't let me bowl a certain way when we went out because he didn't want guys looking at me. I definitely never tried to sleep with anyone else. He was the first guy I've ever been with in that way. Maybe that affected how he acted towards me?
No it might of changed how you act around him. But at heart, he is controlling and ridiculously jealous. You need to get away from him as quick as possible before he hurts you. Even if he's not physically abusive he will probably cheat on you or make you feel like shit.
Yeah I guess you're right. I just ignored all the negatives. I always told myself I'd never be one of those girls but here I am being that type of girl.
Wow. That's bad. I remember when my ex told me that my shorts were too short and he would get jealous. He would say stuff like "oh did you wear this so every guy at school could see your ass?" This is typical controlling behavior. Wear what you want and be who you want to be and never let anyone control you.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
Girl, I’m glad you at least knew to dump his sorry ass. Most girls keep thinking “what if I made the wrong choice leaving him?”
Here’s how I think of it, if you think about breaking up, it’s for a reason and shouldn’t be revsersed once done. There’s a difference between taking a break, and breaking up. Personally, you made the right choice. Don’t go back to that control freak
Judging from the texts, he was manipulating you, trying to guilt trip you, and playing games. He’s an abusive, controlling guy. You did the right thing. Avoid him and never speak another word to him again. He’s toxic
You made the right choice. Wear whatever the fuck You want! He's not your damn dad, is he? Controlling types are a huge NO NO. Star furthest away from him. I mean it !
Just leave him not because I think he is wrong but the way he said it is wrong. I know that he want to change you so he feels comfortable but if you are not willing to do that for him then dont. You two wasn't ment to be together. If he can change for you then you should change for him.
I guess so. I am 22 years old. I wouldn't just give it to a guy. In fact I am probably never going to meet a guy I can 💯 say I am okay with give it to him. I literally would have to talk to his parents, cousin, ex girlfriend, family, close friends, teacher, know what his hobbies are, talk to people that know him
No stay with him, he's super jealous but that's all coz he care so much, u mean so much for him and he won't anyone stole u from him, maybe u can just talk with him honestly about this..
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Asker
+1 y
Well I've stated multiple times that he's the only one for me. He's the only guy I've ever slept with. There is a difference between being jealous and being possessive. It's not what he said but how he put me down.
As I can understand from ur words, that he meant a lot for u, but u have a problem with his "controlling", well u can just talk to him seriously about this, just tell him how much u get hurt from his way of controlling, it's simple don't make it so hard by thinking about "breaking up",, ^^
I've talked to him about more than once actually more than three times. He just puts me down and treats me like crap. I tried to get through to him because I've never felt this strongly about someone in a while.
Well, u can just be mad at him, make him feel like u really get hurt and don't reply him for a while, just let him know his fault, "but also don't go so far, u won't lose him trust me ^^"
Dude you are 100% off base. That's some real beta male sexual psychology. He is not entitled to her. Can you imagine living with that barrage of abuse on a daily basis? Nope.
@lilmissumshine Um, there may be something wrong with the way she's dressing but the only person who actually saw what she was wearing is the maniac on the DMs. It isn't about that, it's about the reaction of the man.
@lilmissumshine I'm sorry, you're absolutely right. If was hurt than obviously that gives him carte blanc to do whatever or say whatever he wants. 😒
How about we take this whole post at face value and make a decision based on the information provided. If the girl is hiding something than all she's managed to do is delude herself and there's fuckall anyone can do about that.
Bottom line - you're inviting facts to fit a pre-concieved narrative in your head. Stop. It's tedious.
Um I've never cheated on him. I've never cheated on anyone in my entire life. I've been cheated on. Also he's the only guy I've seriously dated. I've dated before but he was a lot of firsts for me but way to assume shit
@aesthetic he's probably trying to not sound controlling but at the same time trying show concern. honestly I don't know what's really going on behind closed doors to make a judgement about him
Idc with all what u all guys said, all my mean is I know the problem is so annoying for her and I know she's really hurt by that, but also I just mean to think manyy times before thinking about"breaking up" justttt, it's not that easy as u think, that's all, just try to solve it without breaking up, and if u didn't succeed and the problem still, then u can do what u think is the right, sure u can know what is it...
Ok but why are you walking around with ass cheeks out if you have a man? that can get you raped
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Asker
+1 y
My ass cheeks weren't showing and I can see you are victim blamer. It doesn't matter what you wear you can get raped either way. Plus he doesn't own me. I can wear what I please. It's for me not for others. I guess you like being controlled and told what to do but that's not me.
Okay sorry I misread. I understand what you mean though. I'm definitely staying away from him. Yeah that's true but I'm not going to let them dictate what I wear.
Um I've never cheated on him. I've never cheated on anyone in my entire life. I've been cheated on. Also he's the only guy I've seriously dated. I've dated before but he was a lot of firsts for me but way to assume shit
No I haven't been cheated on. its just seems like there's more going on based on how emotional he is in his text. as if he's scared of losing you to something or someone as if he's been cheated on
I was with a dude who was just like this guy, and believe me- "The struggle is real," this Dakota fellow didn't accept her as she was and wouldn't change for her if she asked, but expected her to change because he wanted her to... Emotional blackmail, manipulation, guilt trips? Some guys aren't relationship material because they expect too much but are never willing to meet their own expectations, and when a chick tries to talk things over with a guy like that it Always becomes an argument which is always the woman's fault.
No good would come from remaining in a relationship with someone like him. There are women like that, too.
No one should ever be made to feel like crap because they're not living up to the demands or expectations of another. You don't get into a relationship hoping to change a person to your liking, you get into a relationship because the person -as they are naturally- makes you happy.
You do have a point, perhaps you should talk to him. Get his side of things. Maybe he'll provide you with a more in-depth look that paints their relationship in a light that makes her look just as bad as he appears to be.
Relationships fall apart because BOTH people messed up/did/didn't do something that was good/meshed with/added to the compatibility of the relationship as a whole. This is a personal belief of mine, hence why I stated that you do, indeed, make a good point.
Actually I don't care about anyone's approval as I stated before I know I'm not perfect. That we both have problems but my problems are not what caused this particular argument. His are. Are relationship ended because we are not good for each other but his controlling behavior is due to his past with other girls.
Next time you desire honest advice/opinion, you've gotta let people know the entirety. Not blaming you if you Are a victim of shitty circumstance I'm sorry for you, but I also don't adhere to a victim mentality, nor use it as a weapon/shield to escape into the reality I desire.
Life is 90% happenstance and 10% what you make of it/How you perceive and react to it.
That was mainly what happened because I really couldn't get a word in with him but I do have my imperfections. But mine aren't what caused this relationship to go down hill. I just wanted to know if it was right to leave him when this is mainly what he says to me.
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