How do I handle the fact he chose someone else over me?

So I've known this guy for half a year now, we hooked up on the second date in the beginning, then we wouldn't meet for a couple of months because I was studying in another country, then when I came back everything was fine for a month, we were seeing each other, I was staying at his place and he would tell me he likes me a lot and basically everyone out of his circle knew we were seeing each other.


A couple of weeks ago, he became distant. I found out that he was seeing another girl and just decided to let him know about my attachment to him to let go emotions. And after that, he said that even though he really likes me, he is uncomfortable about seeing me anymore because of my attachment to him. Now his flatmates are telling me how he enjoys spending time with a new girl, how he tells them how hot she is and that she is just amazing. When asked about me, he refers to me as just a one night stand that got too attached.


It hurts more not because he found someone else, but that after half a year of knowing each other he seems to just not care. How do I get over this?

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Most Helpful Guys

  • Sounds like you were the unfortunate recipient of a perfect storm, a lady who is in touch with her feeling and emotion against a guy who seemingly at will can distance himself from his feelings and emotions.
    Unfortunately, it's very rare you will get closure from him in the fashion of productive sentences that allow you to understand the man behind the man (so to speak) so you need to focus on you.
    Surround yourself with your friends, they will form an essential support network, immerse yourself in things you like to do, reconnect with what makes you special, and wait.
    Time will heal all wounds, you will come out stronger, and you will know what not to look for in future, this will all mean you will find that special one, who finds beauty in everything you do, who tells you just how special you are every day.
    Wishing you all the best :)

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  • This is a tough one. Many have had to handle this situation before but, truth is, you are feeling its effects now and that is what matters.
    It sounds like you love this person very much. Also, it sounds like he is dealing with intimacy issues of his own.
    It is difficult for us men to investigate our experiences and the ways that our behavior is shaped by them. It takes years, and sometimes a lifetime, to overcome these issues and realise a new way of thinking.
    I hate to say it but, time is your ally here. That said, don't waste it! This experience allows you the opportunity to recognize these patterns in men that you date in the future.
    Think about what you need, what makes you happy, and what you'd like to avoid.
    There is no better time to get to know yourself then when you're by yourself.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Learn from it, thats the best thing to do when dealing with hurt. Firstly.. Boys (not men) are ego driven so you look better as a one night stand than you do as an ex girlfriend. That being said, if he says that you got too attached, then step back and analyse your behavior. Did you become to clingy? Did you want commitment before listening to what he wanted? Consider the both of your ages.. Im guessing early to mid 20s? .. you're still discovering who you are in this world, what you want, where you're going and how you're going to get there and while finding all those answers, you will understand what you have to offer a man in a relationship and what it is that you want as well. 😙 boys will tell you whatever you want to hear, its a 'gift' they have but fortunately we fall for it less and less as we learn to listen to what they say and can decipher whats the truth and what isn't. A Man won't tell you, he will show you -trust me.
    As for the flatmates - they are enjoying watching you flinch every time they tell you something that is TOTALLY Unnecessary to say.
    Instead of taking pain from this, take the lesson about you and move forward. (And if you think you're the first girl he's done this to, i promise you you're not! I also promise you that you won't be the last)

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    • It not much different than a guy asking out a girl after months of liking her and finding the perfect time to tell her and she rejects him and goes off telling everyone how she always attracts creeps.

    • Show All
    • Wow. The arogancy. 🤦🏾‍♂️

    • Did you need to?

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 75

  • It's difficult and it's probably going to take awhile. Hang out with friends, maybe travel a bit if you can in order to distract yourself, then talk to other guys. You should forget all about him when another guy you're interested in enters the picture.

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  • Recognise that he wasn't looking for a romantic relationship and that you overstepped your boundariea and move on. It's not like there was ever any chance, someone made a stupid mistake, or anything to regret. He just wasn't looking for the things you offered.

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  • He sounds like the type that's just trash and not worth worrying about. He knows how to sweet talk and get in girls heads so they think he likes them and when he gets bored he leaves, unfortunately you probably weren't the first and most likely won't be the last person he breaks the heart of. I can't stand guys like this

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  • That sucks, but communication is everything. You should have told him your intentions and he should have told you his. As for getting over it, just know that there are lots of people out there that can't even get into a relationship in the first place, let alone a one night stand. There are people that just stay virgins because they're incompatible with everyone. At least you're not that guy lol

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  • Simple
    Your mistake was you have sex with someone that did just used you for a piece of flesh...

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  • there's no simple answer. But understand that these things happen. We all go threw it. We feel like we found something great and the other person thinks it was nothing. Bottom line is this wasn't a good match. you'll likely do this to a few guys in your time. Maybe more tactfully but you'll be on the fling side instead. Any relationship that doesn't last hurts... but itll get better quickly. Try not to dwell or worry. Better to have tried and decided it wasn't the right match than to not have found out.

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  • find a new guy to have one night stand with, ez
    And no he didn't choose the other girl because you became attached 😂😂😂, he simply picked the hotter chick

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  • He’s a frog and will always be a frog, find another better frog than that throw that beautiful heart at him and eventually you’ll find a prince... the longer it takes the better because you’ll end up with a better and better frog each time you take a chance... wait or warts I can’t remember exactly how that goes :)

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  • Let it hurt, and then move on. Understand that people regularly make stupid decisions that are counterintuitive to what is really best for them. Learn from it, and move on

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  • What the fuck. What an asshole. How could he just do that to a sweet precious beautiful girl? He must have no heart, I would never do that to any girl... and if there was a girl I was seeing who I didn't really have much intrest in intrest would let her know from the start, instead of carrying it on so that she thinks I like her... what the fuck... he's evil or jus doing it to boost his own ego and confidence.

    But hey, Jus because he didn't want you doesn't mean someone else won't, I bet you are beautiful 😆😍💓💓

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  • If his thought of you after knowing this guy for half a year and going on several dates with him is that you're a "one night stand that got too attached" then i'd say that you're better off without him.

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  • Well, maybe you should not care either. Would you feel better if he did this latervon in the relationship? The sooner, the better. Tip, avoid one night stands and casual intercourse. Physical intimacy better suits one who is more intimate to your heart.

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    • Your spouse, that is. Sex outside of marriage can cause distress and pain to your emotional and mental being.

  • The biggest mistake was hooking up on the second date if he was looking for a relationship that told him that that is all you wanted deb and now he has what he was looking for and you will just have to wait until he is free again and it would be best to just let it go until he is free again

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  • Just put yourself in priority and get in shape focus on ur goals and what you love to do enjoy life ignore him , when he want to see you , dont see him , turn that page and move on

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  • I know its difficult, but you should give yourself an oportunity.
    Im sure you are a valuable woman, so try to remember it when you feel bad.
    Its obvious he lived the relation in a way you didn't, after when you can see back without emotional restricts, you will be able to see the details which marked you didn't mind so much to him.
    First, He said you liked him, not he loved you, it begins to say, he isn't thinking in a long term, many times its just the beginning, but if time pass and he doesn't change...
    About how to take that a jerk say you were a night who got caught.
    First, remember he is a jerk
    Second, he thought about it, not you, so begin by letting clear you aren't a night stand.
    Third, search for man who sees more there that hot.

    A good question to discover it is to ask him what does he like from you, and compare with qualities you know you have.

    The test let you discover if he is seeing you or not.

    Its more difficult to let you like it, if he sees you as you are.

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  • don't worry so much about getting over this as how are you going to move forward in life so that this doesn't happen again. Don't advertise yourself as a slut! Make him wait! Yeah this will mean less sex, and this is why nobody wants to do it!

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  • Forget about anybody than can treat another person like that. Move on with your life as if it never happened. You may think that it’s easier for men to that. It’s not. Its tough for everybody with feeling. It’s just what you have to do for self preservation.

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  • Well,, you said it yourself.. you were just a one night stand that got too attatched. And there was never anything more then that. Best thing you could do i guess is just think of him the same he's thinking of you.

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  • Just continue with your own life, focus on your own progress in things you want to achieve and be open for meeting new people, just like everyone else.

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  • Give some time to yourself first do something you like and enjoy to have some fun on your own so you can be happier then find someone who is looking for a girl that doesn't mind the attachment

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What Girls Said 30

  • Wow, you must really be hurt. I can't imagine how much... I don't know how much you liked him but I'll just want to let you know that no guy is worthy of your pain nor your tears.. Acting distant and like you meant nothing after all that time, it's so disappointing that there are people like that.. it's not your fault for developing feelings, but this guy doesn't sound worth your time. You probably hear this everywhere, but life really IS short. And you're not young forever. I'd suggest you don't waste your youth and energy on this guy, no matter how much you cared for him. You might keep a spot for him in your heart. But right now you have to surround yourself with new people. Not necessarily a new romance, but just friends. Have fun with friends to forget him. And spend time on self-development. Take on that hobby you always said you'd like to pursue. Like hand drawing, or learning a new language.. whatever it is. If you spend some time on yourself you will realize how worthy you are, and confidence will push you through anything. If you are happy with who you are, you will move forward. In the future, you'll look back on this guy and perhaps pity him, for his choices and not being able to do better... Also, confidence and a positive attitude will attract better people to your life ;) . Never give up!

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  • @lindazilbert23 harsh! Just know some people don't count their losses until it's lost. Any amount of time spent with someone to be set aside is difficult, so next time make your relationship clear. Know that this one guy should ruin it for you & someone more important/special 😄

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  • That's too bad this guy pulled this little antic on you. But take some space and heal and focus on yourself now. He is not worth it. You may have seen the red flag signs of a guy who wasn't worth it but were too blind to admit it. Move on. Don't look back and don't take him back.
    Feel better very soon, girl, plenty of more guys worth you time.

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    • Keep answering questions and posting them. I am now a level5 maybe a 6 today. hahaha

  • I know this sucks and probably hurts more than any of us here can imagine but the only thing you can really do is move on. It sucks to hear this when you're hurting but its the truth. And it may feel like you will never get over him and that the pain will never get better

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    • Woops posted before finishing. The pain will get better and you will find someone who will pick YOU and only YOU

  • Life can be great at times and horrible at other times. Welcome to the real world. It is not as if you were married with kids and he ran off with some young piece leaving you with kids and bills to take care of. Just dust yourself off and move on. And learn that you can be too clingy and needy and do something about it.

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  • I know how hard these situations are. It is not a nice feeling at all espically where you got feelings for him and he hadn't for u.
    He sounds like a player to me and your better off without him. I would be thinking its his lose and now gives u a chance to find someone better.
    You will feel heartbroken for at least s couple of weeks until u actually realise and think 'Im better then that'

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  • First- Delete him everywhere
    Second- Ignore him
    Third - Forget him
    Fourth- Move on with your life

    He doesn't deserve neither you and neither your time. It happened to me too. I slept with him on the first date after that kept seeing him for a year and then discovered he impregnated her ex. I simply forgot him. It was hard but it was worthy. Do the same and next time wait a bit longer to have sex, guys like the chase

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    • Not this guy

    • @SpeshalK I Am sorry to say it but then it means he only wanted sex from you from the start and nothing more. Because in my opinion, even if a guy is not that much into you BUT you play a bit hard to get, he will automatically start chasing you more and therefore liking you more UNLESS he saw you jus as a hookup from the beginning. Is bad that he got what he wanted.

      He was probably already talking to the other girl before talking to you or... he did like you at the beginning but then met the other girl and as GUYS LIKE THE CHASE he began to chase her to get her as a prize because he already got you all... is sad but true...
      but To be honest at the end of the day. Who the Fuck cares about him, he is useless and you shouldn't even be wasting time asking questions about him, HE IS NOT WORTH IT. And remember that Karma is real, one day someone might do the same thing he did to you to him. That's a satisfaction!!
      Girl go Out, get your nails done, buy the food tha

    • @SpeshalK buy the food that you like, spend time with who loves you and be happy. Because is NOT your Fault. And if you do ignore him, one day he will be crying to get back to you, and you can have the satisfaction to say FUCK YOU or.. simply NO

      GOD LOVES YOU

  • Doesn't matter how long you've known him for. He feels more towards her than you. Sorry, it's life.
    You'll find someone you like a lot eventually too. more than him. X

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  • Shit... he’s moved on and that’s the harsh reality so you should too go get yourself someone worth your time

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  • Realize that time heals all.

    If it were meant to be, it would of been!

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  • To be honest you were just a hook up to him.
    If yoy knew you were gonna get attached you shouldn't have put yourself in the position.
    Yeah it sucks but you kinda set yourself up for heartbreak

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  • Sometimes it just doesn’t work, that’s fine. You’ll find someone else better.

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  • i'm sorry you deserve better. anyone that leaves someone for someone else is trash in my opinion

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  • Not to kick you when you're down, but this is why I tell women not to hookup. Whether guys or gals want to admit it, you lose your value to a guy once you do it. You become the "easy one," or the "one that wasn't all that serious."

    Obviously, distance played a part. You guys were casual, this other girl likely wasn't. This doesn't mean you're actually a less-valuable person, but unfortunately, you can't control how the male mind works. If you want something serious, you have to approach it seriously. If you approach things casually, they often stay casual.

    I'm really sorry this happened, it sucks. I hope there's a lesson to be learned.

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  • The best way to get over someone is to get under someone.

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  • You move on sweetheart, you do other things.
    You'll forget and find someone that will appriciate you.

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  • Wasn't meant to be. You can't see what's ahead of you if your always looking back. He must also have bad taste if he chose her not you

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  • His loss. Forget him. Excuse me, but who run the world? Exactly gurl!

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  • Im sorry for you. But this is life. It happens and he maybe is right. Its been months. Maybe she is with him before you. Or after you left.

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  • Move on n help him too to forget u by having someone beautiful than him.

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