Cheating, is it a "mistake", or a "decision"?

Cheating... What do you think? Is it a "mistake"? Is it a bad decision?

My perspective:

I look at it as a series of bad decisions. It was no accident that a person meet another of the opposite sex... Not an accident that the two DECIDE to see each other naked... Not an accident that a vajina was penetrated by a penis. All seem intentional to me. So how is it a mistake? Someone mistakenly went into a room or place where someone (that is not the significant other) else were naked, tripped, fallen and a penis mistakenly penetrates a vajina? Don't seem like a mistake, because if I entered a room wherein a naked person not being my significant other is, I would exit and part my ways. I can honestly say I have never cheated or even flirted with another woman if I am committed to someone. I can not imagine myself cheating, and don't understand the compulsion to do so.

I was confronted with an opportunity of cheating, but nothing happened because I controlled the situation. The only thought in my head was if my fiance cheated on me, I'd rip her f*cking heart out of her chest... and I'd expect the same for myself if I were to cheat on her. What are these people thinking?!?

I was cheated on once, and I caught her in the act, with my roommate while I was in the military 8 years ago. She claimed it were a "mistake"... I laughed, and then scoffed,"So you mistakenly fell on top of him naked and his penis 'mistakenly' went inside of you, right? Get the F*ck out of my face, or I'd kill you where you stand." I ended the relationship that instance. And she gave me back my damn ring too.

However, I want to see what you think... Do you consider it a "mistake" or a "decision" when it comes to cheating?

I want explanations... Explain your answer.

  • Decision, because people know what they do.
    Vote A
  • Mistake, because people do it unintentionally.
    Vote B
Select a gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I have always said that cheating means you don't respect your partner, and you don't love her or him, cause if you really loved him you would respect her. My es parner was cheating on me , didn't know he was engaged to a girl, he always told me he was single and wanted to share just with me. He shared with me almost 7 months , calliing me all days, and I always visted him on weekens or randoms day in teh weeks, caus e I work and study mas master.

    i feel horrible when I knew it and feel pity on his fiance. He just one day sended me a message he doesn't want to keep seeing me and he was sorry of all that happened.

    So it was not a mistake, it was a decision he mame to share with me, he didn't care of me or his fiance, jsut about himself. It was a decision, he kept it for all those months.

    So cheating is not a mistake, if a desicion selfih person do for vengance or just because they don't love their partner as much as they think, or just becaus ethey are for convinience with their partner, among other things, But cheating for me means no love, no respect, and a true selfish person...

    And people keep cheating because they know their partner will forgive them, and after time has passed they will do the same..Specially cheater thet keep having affair for months with the same person, if they regret it, the first time he did he would stop but he did not...

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    • Very well said. I understand your pain and wish you had not have experienced that, to say the least.

      You see, In all aspects, this person understands that there is intent in all actions a person takes, and therefore is the reason I select hers as best answer.

      Intent is the key here. His intent is that he wanted to live a "double life". Religiously speaking (jewish), cheaters broken at least 3 of the asuret mitzvot (ten commandments)... Stealing, lying, and covetious behaviour.

    • from philr to jenny_30 good answer but would like it if you'd look at my question on cheating spouses and marriage vows

      link

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 55

  • No matter how you try to spin it, at the end of the day cheating is a decision. I think that in some cases a person may cheat on their partner for whatever reason and at some point feel remorse for their actions. They realize that his/ her behavior was a bad decision and that they made a mistake in executing their actions. These kinds of people carry guilt and shame with them which prevents them from ever making the same "mistake" again. You do something once on accord of bad judgment and your decision could be considered a mistake. You do something more than once then it becomes intentional- kind of like the saying, "I'll try something once, twice if I like it."

    I've been in a few relationships where I have been cheated on by my boyfriends. With one guy, I broke up with him after learning of his infidelity and he begged me, many times crying, to take him back every day for nearly 3 months. Because his shame and remorse was obvious I eventually forgave him, feeling as if although it was a bad decision he made at the time he had made a mistake. However, I never took him back.

    In another instance, I dated a guy for over a year and at some point had become paranoid and anxious of him being unfaithful. I never really found anything to completely tie everything together- it was all speculation, if you will. Toward the end of our relationship I found out that he had been seeing another girl and cheated a few times with her behind my back. The whole time it was happening I tried to ask if there was someone else but he always lied and said I was the only girl in his life. It wasn't until I found out about her and spoke to her that I learned the truth. After that, all of his lies and cheating started to unfold as I found out about several other women he had been involved with all the while telling me that he loved me and was going to marry me. Once confronted he could still barely admit to everything.

    All infidelity hurts but this by far has been the most painful. He made elaborate lies and fabricated stories ALL the time to try to cover his tracks and keep me in the dark. To say his decisions to cheat were intentional would be an understatement. I never thought he would do something like that to me especially because when we first began dating we would both agree that we never understood cheaters and why people would be in a relationship with someone if they still want to sleep around. It is sick to think that a person could be so deceitful and heartless.

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  • It is a value issue. Some people are OK with it and they say it is a mistake because they acted on an impulse. But you don’t do that if it is not in your nature and call it a mistake later on. So, after it happens, you say it is a mistake, well didn’t you think about the consequences of your actions? So I don’t buy the mistake story.

    It is certainly a decision, you decide and do it and you don’t care about the consequences at the time you are doing it. It is great that you did not cheat on anyone because you have good values. I am with you on that. Why cheat? So you can have it both ways. If you don’t want the relationship just get out of it and do what you want to do. It is all about values my friend.

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    • Indeed, As strange as it may sound, I am a product of cheating... I lived with lies from my mother. I knew the truth for a very long time, thanks to my late grandmother and my late aunt, Peace be upon them both... Especially since I look exactly as my dad but without green eyes. And my dad is no angel... He has been divorced twice do to his cheating. My values were bestowed upon me because I learn from other people's errors. In all truth, If I did not, I'd be no better than them.

  • Its a decision. I say that because we are responsible for our own action. It is also an act of selfishness. A person decides what he/she wants to do and doesn't care who they will hurt along the way. If they get caught, they will come up with all sort of excuses to defense themselves but if they don't get caught, well they will just do it again. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes but it also depends on what kind of mistakes they made. If its beyond their control, it is acceptable but if it is within their control and yet still do it, then it is obviously their decision and not a mistake.

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    • So you agree with this then:

      "To me, a mistake is interpreted as an unintentional action. However, to call an action unintentional, wherein an intent and a decision has to be derived, is assinine to say the least."

      I mean, come on... I decided (rhetorically) to have affections for for someone else outside my relationship, and because of its discovery, I am disavowing any direct ownership of a judgement or even any control over myself regarding this...? What the hell are people thinking?

  • A mistake is a decision in my opinion. You decide to make that mistake and it not turning out right was just because you chose the wrong decision. I think cheating is pointless. If you can't settle down with one person then you shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place. No one forces anyone to put their sexual organ into/near someone else and if they are then that's called a rape and a whole different topic. To me its like someone blaming their friend for letting them get drunk, your friend didn't pour the alcohol down your throat. I think people who think it was a mistake use that as a way for damage control and an excuse. Of course its hard to say no for some people but its still your decision to say no, only you control your body and its actions.

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    • I do not concur with the "mistake is a decision" bit...

      Howevver I do agree with, "I think cheating is pointless. If you can't settle down with one person then you shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place."

      You raise some good points here!

  • It's definitely a decision. I think when people refer to it as a "mistake", they don't mean that they accidentally got naked and had sex with someone. They mean that they made a bad decision, an error in judgement. They regret their decision, but they cannot go back and erase it.

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    • This is the problem with the english language, it is vague to a point of perception sometimes... "Mistake", for instance... Everyone precieves the word differently... I look at it as an unintentional acttion. However, how does one claim an action that was wrought with intent, "unintentional"?

    • "mistake - an error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge, etc."

      I would say that cheating fits the definition of a mistake. It's an error in action/judgment caused by poor reasoning or carelessness.

    • As I said, "Mistake" is not in my vernacular. I don't even use the word. If it is a "lack of judgement" I say that. If it is an error in action, I call it that. As I said, Most people equate mistake to an unintended action opposed to an action with unintended results. Another problem with the english language: in abstract conceptualization, the language is too general. in fact, its so general, that the definition of the word is often different than how the average speaker interprets it.

  • Its a decision, and BAD one usually. Nobody is ever 'forced' to cheat on someone, and I don't ever think cheating on someone is EVER a mistake, well not in the true form of mistake. Because like you said, No one made the train go in to the tunnel.

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  • Decision. How can ANYONE consciously cheat and claim it was a "mistake". Sure, things "happen" but you are completely conscious of the situation. I've cheated before and would never again. It's never worth it. Put it this way- I don't even talk to the guys any more.

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  • cheating... hmm. I think it varies among people. I think theyre are cheaters out there because they can't commit to one person. I think there are cheaters out there that are hurt from the person they are cheating on. I think there are cheaters out there that need it for their ego, that they are "whatever" enough to get exactly what they want.

    I think the majority of cheaters are those that are confused, and are in relationships they are not ready for. Its really not that the person they are cheating on is insufficient, but... the cheater is. They have a lot of growing up to do...

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    • Which proves to me that what psychologists agree about cheaters, they have self esteem issues. I don't need sex to boost my ego. All I need is to set myself a goal and accomplish it. As is with a business venture. I am so confident in this, my family almost think I am arrogant about it. As far as ego born of sexuality, I care less. Hell, I haven't had sex with anyone in years... I don't get people who ego boosts off of sex opposed to personal achievement.

  • I think it's both. A bad decision is a mistake. And I feel like people know what they have to loose or gain before they make up their mind as to whether they want to go through with the act or not. My ex- who was supposed to be my fiance too, cheated on me TWICE. He thought this through TWICE. I feel like if someone cheats, then they're telling their partner that they don't care about the relationship at stake, don't have any respect for their partner, and aren't ready for a committed relationship. Cheating's not cool. The affect it can have on someone, and the damage it can do can take YEARS to get over and sometimes, people don't get over it ever. It's been almost a year and a half since my ex and I parted and even though I'm STILL in love with him, my heart still aches every time I think about him, because of what he did to me.

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    • I guess I am in the same boat, however, I did not give her a second chance for the same reason you did give him a second chance. Just so that you know, a cheater does that, CHEAT. My advice to you, cut your losses the first time.

      As for being both, I can not agree at all.

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    • Exactly!

      I mean, I view successful relationships as a pyramid... The most important and largest thing, being the basis, trust. Next level up, faith.. Next level, common goals/interests... Next level up, compromise... And finally, least important, but impotrant enough for a successful relationship, sexuality at the peak. Most often, peiple place it upside down... More often than not, for those, cheating is common place.

  • Even just kissing someone is a decision. I've always said that. There is a decision involved in letting someone of the opposite sex get physically close to you, thre is a decision involved in flirting with them or letting them know it is safe to proceed, eg. put their hand on your back, there is a decision involved in getting into a position where a kiss might happen, and there is the decision to kiss and furthermore - maintain the kiss.

    Nothing happens by mistake.

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    • LOL, according to scientists, life is a mistake... But seriously, I agree... Hell, while the irons are on the fire... What about "emotional cheating"?

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    • OOPs, I meant "Especially if in fact SOMEONE is involved with me..." instead of, "Especially if in fact I am involved with me." I was watching television while typing... lol

      However, If I have female friends, they are just that... They are regarded as a sister or a cousin... Leacery and incest are not in my nature. I was confronted with that... A friend developing feelings for me... I told her, "I rather be friends. No benefits, no actions I wouldn't do with my own sister."

    • As far as my personal feelings? How can I explain this... My personal feelings are not my own concern? What I mean is, My heart was broken enough times in the past that when approaching a woman, I don't show any affections unless she shows affections to me first. However, if she is deemed a "friend", she is off limits as far as affections that exceed previously stated parameters... I won't do anything with them I would not do with my own sister.

  • its definitely a decision but maybe in a way a mistake because you werent in the right train of thought or something. say your drunk or high(yeah you chose to do it knowing you might be a total different person), but if your someone who gets really messed up and does things you typically wouldnt, I think its really a mistake with that...but ultimatly drunk, sober, high, depressed, vonerable, lonley...whatever..you still did it, you allowed your clothes to come off, you don't just lay there you actually move when you have sex so you can't just say I fell it went inside me and that's it. so I agree with you about 80 or 90%, but maybe it could honestly be a mistake from your train of thought or something along those lines. I know I've done some seriously messed up stuff and I don't think I even knew what I was doing, like I wasn't even myself almost. kinda the same with domestic abuse etc, sure you did it but maybe you were blacked out or whatever, or drunk...drinking does messed up sh*t to you sometimes and so do drugs. I probably repeated a lot of stuff, just making sure you understand what I'm saying.

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  • It is TOTALLY a decision. Whether it was premeditated or not- this is the mistake. I think that a lot of people (both girls and guys) like to use the "it was a mistake" excuse to feel better about themselves.

    I have experienced both sides. I have been cheated on and I too have cheated. I am not saying that it is okay or that I condone the act. But I knew what I was doing when I was cheating and I knew that it was a "mistake" before, during, AND after- but I kept going. The thing about free will is that we have a choice.

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  • In my opinion, cheating means that you are not sure of your decision. In other extreme situations, it might also mean that you cannot fully complete him and he feels like there is still something missing.

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    • I can't disagree... Different perspective...

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    • I grew up among men and a lot of my friends are men. It's too hard for me to leave friendship.

    • Understandable...

  • it's a decision, it's not like an 'oops, I fell' kind if situation. it's the ultimate act of disrespect.

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  • it's definetely a decision.

    a mistake is something you don't mean to do.

    cheating on someone can't be an "accident".. so such thing.

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  • First of all. Semper Fi brother. Secondly, It's a decision. I mean..unless your being raped or something...but that's a whole nother story. I especially hate it when someone cheats while you're deployed. People are strange and dumb characters.

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  • no one can MAKE you cheat, its a choice. you can be tempted but you can always say no, when you say yes and cheat its a choice

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    • I practice judaism as my preferred religious choice. And the perception of "satan" in judaism is that he is an agent of G_D that is attempting to prove G_D wrong about humans. In that regard, "satan" decides to put a bug in your ear, something that would be against the commandments... YOU choose to do it or not... He then tells G_D, "See, s/he is not as faithful as you think he is!"

      Aside from religious rhetoric, I agree with you on many levels.

    • im a christian, so I know what you mean. satan is there to give you temptations but with God's help you can resist the temptation. but I know its hard...

    • Close enough... However, If a person is to have direction in their lives, no matter what temptations arise, they should be focused upon the goal and deny any distractions. Your view of Yehoshua (Jesus REAL name) is different than mine... You call him the "Son of God" or "God Made Flesh", I look at him as a wise Rabi and potential Messiah... But that term differs between us as well... However, Even Yehoshua were tempted by Satan and because of his focus, he denied being distracted!

  • I think that there's always a decision to cheat, but that often times after the fact, people take stock and evaluate their choices. For instance, some people can't believe what they just did and it tears them up inside and they feel incredibly guilty, and they swear to never do it again. Other people take stock and accept what they did and move on, not really effected by their actions.

    Personally, I think that cheating is a learning experience for some people. Like touching your hand to a stove. The only thing is that people have to have a stake in their relationship to care if they cheated.

    Also, I cheated, but I don't ever want to do it again. And cheating gave me the strength to leave the relationship.

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  • Decision. It takes many choices to lead up to cheating.
    A mistake/accident is having tourettes, thus saying something naughty and getting pounced on (which would be sexual assault) or being possessed by a demon who has control of your body. It's out of your control.

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  • Cheating implies that every thrust or every received thrust was an accident.. NOT POSSIBLE. It is a bad decision usually made in the heat of the moment.. I don't think cheaters will always be that way.. I just need to see that they aren't repeat offenders.

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    • Do you mean "calling it a 'mistake' implies that every thrust given or recieved was an accident"? If it were the case, I totally agree with you. However, I disagree with giving cheaters a chance. One of my critical questions are that if they are or have cheated on someone. Both are fatal disqualification. The only way is for them to prove it, and I do not desire myself to be the one to directly be proven to, if they can prove that they won't, fine, but it is impossible to prove if they have

    • Basically, You can prove it, but can not use me as the pasis to prove that you atre no longeer a cheater. I say that because cheaters are self centered and only care about their own sexual satisfaction. Given that, If I am not gratifying them in the manner to whuich is their preference, opposed to telling me what I am doing wrong, they are likely to cheat aghain. therefore it is more provable to say, "once a cheater, always a cheater." And to say anything else is not plausible.

    • ~"Basis to prove that you are no longer a cheater5..."

  • It's a mistake that you decide to do. A decision requires time to think about your actions and it's consequences. It would depend on the situation, but in most circumstances a girl doesn't have enough time to think about it. That doesn't take away any responsibility or make it right, because if she really cared about you then a girl wouldn't ever even take being with another guy into consideration. It would be out of the question.

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    • Contradictory. You say basically it was an intentional act that was unintentional... Girls... You are corect... GIRLS... WOMEN are accountable for all decisions in life, even spur of the moment. So you imply that a girl can't be accountable for their actions spur of the moment?

      I leabe the term of "mistake" for if I were to smash my finger with a hammer when I was aiming for a nail. So you think it is a mistake if the hand was the inteded target and regret of the resulting pain?

  • it's a decision to make a mistake. and people are supposed to 'think' before they make a 'decision'. I hate cheaters. I've had my fair share of them and I just don't have any respect for cheaters.

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    • Conceptually, people quantify the term "mistake" as an event to which is like saying, "oops, I accidentally did this, forgive me?" Therein, given the general assumption to what the term is interpreted, it can in NO way be classified as a "mistake".

      I have sentiments toward your disdain of cheaters, however...

  • Bad decision

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  • I believe cheating is a decision, that said I don't believe it's unforgivable depending on the circumstances. (This is also going off that flirting, kissing, etc can also constitute cheating even if there's no sex.) My philosophy is, it takes 2 people to make a relationship work and it takes 2 people to make a relationship fall apart. Something provoked the decision to cheat, the question is what the provoking action was compared to the act of cheating. That's when you decide whether it's forgivable or not.

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    • So, if your boyfriend or husband confesses to adultery with the cute little tennis starlette down the street that blatantly flaunts her physique/figure wearing tight shorts and whatnot, that is blatantly a perfect size 2 or 4 in dress size... You'd forgive him? I wouldn't... Mainly because of my beliefs... In the Asuret Mitzvot (Ten Commandments) it is forbidden to commit adultery. Moreover, the punnishment is death. I agree with that... Your opinion?

    • Why did he cheat? If is because he found her more appealing (as your comment seems to imply) then hell no. But if I had been flirting with other guys in front of him and this is how he chose to retaliate. Then we're both at fault, of course then it becomes a question of what went wrong in the relationship to begin with that we were both looking at other people and can we fix it? Then we both need to forgive and forget.

    • Even in retaliation it is reprehensable. If I were your boyfriend for instance and I saw you flirt, I'd just leave you all together. To me, it is a sign that you have other intentions and therefore my presence is not needed, therefore I permanently excuse myself for the sake of better persuits. but it gives me not a green light to do retribution by cheating. More or less, no matter the circumstance I find it belittling myself to forgive... It would seem for me that act is acceptable.

  • Cheating is a decision. Selfish people do it with no regards to anyone else.

    My mum cheated on my dad because she wasn't happy with him. The first guy I slept with was using me to cheat on his girlfriend. I told his girlfriend and sadly, she forgave him even though he had been doing it for 6 months! Her excuse was that she loved him and forgave his mistake! Unbelievable.

    Some people just don't understand that cheating is done when that person has already emotionally moved on from the relationship - no respect and obviously no love. Its only guilt that makes them react the way they do when they are found out. Cheaters will never be honest about what they did because they intend to always hide it.

    If you ever get cheated on, have the self esteem to leave and never look back.

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  • cheating is a mistake to whom did it, due to thefact that they did it and then they regret it and blame it on it was a mistake and I'm sorry. temptations can go different ways it could be somewhat difficult to deal with but sometimes it could be to extremes. this is where cheating is a choice because even if you want it you have someone to do it with, your boyfriend or your girlfriend. if you want to do something call them and be frank -i want ... saves you a great deal of trouble adn you feel better once you said no to what temped you and guess what you still have full trust from your girlfirend or boyfriend, husband, or wife.

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    • Let me put it this way... I did not cheat even when the other chick forced herself on me... I was actually drunk. She attempted to say something like, "Your fiance don't have to know..." I told her, I'd rather shoot myself than to betray those who trust me. It is a decision. I had opportunity to betray, but decided not to. Mistake implies that I had no self control in the situation.

  • cheating is fire. You can't predict period.

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  • If you regret it, it's a mistake.

    If you repeat it, it's a decision.

    Never say never 'cause your life isn't over yet. End of story.

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  • It is a decision because they choose to cheat. They have the power to not cheat, they just did for whatever reason.

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  • You CAN'T unintentionally sleep with someone! It's a decision. And a really crappy one at that.

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What Guys Said 23

  • You are absolutely right. Cheating is a choice. Why do people do it? There are lots or reasons why. Sex drive, curiosity, instincts, variety, boredom, revenge, experimentation, for fun, its taboo I mean the list goes on and on. I believe the biggest reason is because the opportunity exist to do so now more than ever. The temptation will always be out there. I think most people are naive about accepting reality. Most people like to say if you love me you should trust me blah, blah, blah. Trust to me is like cash money. You just don't go out and start giving it away to anyone. It has to be earned. They have to prove to me that they really do care not just about me but about our relationship and that they will not do anything or even take a chance, no matter how big or small it might be, on risky behavior that could lead to cheating.

    It is all really about control like you say. It amazes me that considering that we are one if not the most intelligent beings on the planet that people can't seem to comprehend this simple concept. People like to engage in risky behavior. For example. Having friends of the opposite sex when your committed to someone. Now most people will say he/she is just a friend. What they fail to realize is that they are engaging in risky behavior that COULD lead to something happening. The key word is COULD. You want to be with someone who has enough common sense to know that in order to prevent infidelity they need to keep themselves out of situations were things COULD happen. That means they need to learn to control the situation and leave or not put themselves into a situation were a supposed mistake COULD happen. Most people are to stubborn to look at relationships from this perspective. "Nothing is going to happen...their just friends...just a co-worker...girls/guys night out...bachelor/bachelorette parties." This is what most tend to say. Everyone usually has good intentions in the beginning put to engage in activities like this your pretty much playing with fire. Just look at your situation with your roommate who I'm sure was your friend and was your fiance's friend as well. Your fiance played with fire by hanging around your roommate when you were not there and look what happened. You got burned. The truth is in a relationship you both have work at keeping each other loyal to one another. This is not something that only one person in the relationship should the burden of doing themselves. I believe that in order to stay faithful both parties need to help each other to do so just like in all other areas of a relationship like managing finances, communication, having a good sex life and so on. Research shows that the most successful relationships that have 100 percent loyalty are the ones that practice this simple principle.

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    • "Oh he/she is just a friend". A person who says this is taking a chance on your relationship. They don't take it seriously. You can ask the same person if they would let their drunken friend drive them home and I guarantee you that they would say no. Why? Because this is risky behavior and they are taking a chance of getting in an accident or worse. They should be able to take their relationship/marriage just as seriously. Don't play with fire if you know you COULD get burned.

    • My goodness, Well said!

  • I think you are viewing the term "mistake" a little poorly. A mistake has nothing to with it being accidental, without decision, or without intention at all. It's just simply having bad judgment or doing something you now regret. In fact I'd go as far as to say you would actually -need- to make a decision in order to make a mistake otherwise it would just be an accident. That's where the two words differ. If you were to ask "Do you consider it a decision or an accident when it comes to cheating?" well then now it's obviously a decision.

    Anyway, enough diagnosing your question. I agree that this was the person' decision to do these things. It was no accident, and for the period of time that person was cheating, they were obviously not thinking about me at all, and for that they don't deserve to be with me. I would be thinking about them consistently, before it ever came into any actions at all, only simply if the girl was flirting with me. If I love someone, or even just care about them in some way, it would be going through my head that I am with them, and that this girl should back off, because I have no interest in her. If maybe these thoughts weren't going through my head, perhaps it would be time to break up with the person I am in a relationship with.

    Now this doesn't mean you can't find others -attractive- while in a relationship, or even sexually attractive. It just means that if you have desire to cheat on your relationship partner, your relationship with said partner can't be very strong (or at least not anymore). Unless of course you have an open relationship to these types of things, but those are pretty rare.

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    • You misinterpret my interpretation dually... Mistake is an "unintentional action"... Like I asked someone on the same topic yesterday, how can someone unintentionally do something wrought with intent?

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    • I only referred to it as "accident" due to the limited average estimation and vernacular... In other words, I was pandering to generalized understandings of the average people... So forgive me for "dumbing it down" if you will... I am all aware that the definition of mistake is: an error in action or judgement caused by carelessness.

      However usage implies afformentioned lack of intent. It goes back to the vagueness of the english language I don't care too much for.

    • However, I do understand and agree with you initial post however... I just have a bad habit of splitting hairs... I see you have the same habit... No harm, just rationalizing rationale... lol

  • It's neither. Cheating isn't rational nor irrational unless an exterior force is applied (for example, revenge).. So as to say, most people don't wake up saying "I'm gonna cheat on __ because of ___ reason"... Nor do they say: "I wasn't in control of my body and as such I wasn't cheating, it just happened"..

    Cheating is Non-rational.. So as to say, it cannot be described logically; similar to emotion.

    If someone "Feels" a strong level of attraction to someone else - then there emotions will make them desire to interact with that person; as much as their conscious mind may want to fight those desires, there is nothing that "Shuts off" or "blocks" these desires.. They are there, or they are not.

    So your trying to say: A) It's a decision.. Or B) it's a mistake.. While I choose an option that doesn't exist: C) It's unexplainable.

    Most answerers here say it's a decision.. I can see where the point may come into play and where it seems a logical argument - but explain to me how someone "chooses" to cheat on their ex - if they aren't a derranged psychopath. I don't see any "logic" in a situation that isn't controlled by logic (a situation controlled solely by emotions). Sure, it's logical that either the girl or the guy may make a move to express their emotions, but the emotions hold the direct power of the situation.

    Then as for it being a mistake - No one can simply say: "I was there, it happened; I didn't have any power over it"... Because I can gaurantee that if you don't have a strong enough will power to get up and leave a situation like that; you would have already been tempted to play in high speed traffic as frogger. Go ahead and argue the non-comparison but I'd prefer not to waste my time - The comparison is that there isn't one. You aren't going to jump out in high speed traffic; just like how you aren't going to let a complete stranger just rape you.. Not gonna happen, at least not without a battle.

    So there, that's my $.02 on the debate.. As for your situation - I think you made the right damn move. Obviously she didn't care enough about you to fight her emotions, but a mistake? Bullsh*t. You don't just mistakenly fall into anything - you have emotions, you have personal choice, and you have ethical choice.. The emotions she felt were strong for this other guy, her personal choice was to mess around with him, but the ethical choice would have been to stop talking to him.. She chose against that and messed up - where she got rightfully dumped and ridiculed.

    As for you controlling the situation previously described to where you were cheated on - that was you making the ethical choice, the right choice for all parties, not just yourself.

    ~ ArtistBBoy

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    • Dont get me wrong, I don't disagree... However...

      "If someone "Feels" a strong level of attraction to someone else - then there emotions will make them desire to interact with that person; as much as their conscious mind may want to fight those desires, there is nothing that "Shuts off" or "blocks" these desires.. They are there, or they are not."

      Humans and animals are different... If you place food in front of a dog, he will eat it uncontrollably...

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    • Like alcoholism, it's a choice whether you drink or you do not.. Just like cheating, we CAN override our desire if we are aware of it AND if we choose to do so. If we do not choose to override our desire (E.g. we don't care about our spouse as much as our personal fulfillment) - THEN the outcome would be a decision. In that situation we have "chosen" to disregard our superego, which is telling us that cheating is wrong..

    • Thats why I like your answer... Freudian logic... I like "Das Ich und Das Es"... To me it proves that as a whole humans ARE selfish even when we intend our actions to be selfless. But that's another subject for another time.

  • It's a decision. When a female/male are commited to each other, that LOGIC alone should be reason enough NOT TO CHEAT with someone else.

    A primary reason why idiots consider it to be a 'mistake' is because they let their emotions run crazy and get caught up in the moment and go with it. They throw logic out the window and let their crazy lustful emotions loose.

    A good person, guy or girl, will keep their emotions in check and hold their senses of what's right and wrong. And they won't dare to cross the line of betraying their significant other.

    A bad person won't give a sh*t about anybody, and they'll go ahead and be selfish in their behavior no matter who finds out about it.

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  • We don't make mistakes.

    When we decide to do something, and the outcome is not as we have predicted, we later define our decision as a mistake.

    No one says they are currently making a mistake, because you judge if your decision was wrong or not, and THEN call it a mistake.

    So, I think it's all about decisions.

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    • Is as I believe. The results aren't desirable... Or if they are caught, it is a mistake then...

      I agree 2000%

  • its a decision. even if its an out of passion thing. time is still needed to get naked and start f***ing. that's at least 2 minutes. I could solve difficult math problems in 2 minutes so it is definitely a decision. a mistake is forgetting tp carry the 1

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  • It is NEVER unintentional... its not like you were walking along tripped and fell and your d*** fell into a vagina... it is always a conscious decision to do so... it doesn't always mean you don't respect your partner. The problem is that the human male (like every species) has a drive to impregnate as many females as possible, to create as many offspring with his genes as possible, which is to ensure the continuation of the species. However, over time humans have also 'learnt', primarily due to an evolutionary need to ensure there was someone who would care for them when they got sick, to stay with 1 partner... some people have a better 'override' function then others - its not a respect thing, its an ability to follow the accepted social norm and over-ride that inner desire

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  • I believe the only "mistake" is the belief that many clear choices had not created opportunity to commit to more choices and uselessly call the bundle of (-not bad decisions, but poor decisions-) decisions and self-encouragement a mistake which fortifies someone behind a barricade of irresponsibility. You don't accidentally strip down or pull this out or open that, or place something in something else. Not happening. If someone had sex before then they know the steps it takes to do it, when an event brings pleasure and gratification how does someone accidentally participate?

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  • Cheating is both a decision and a mistake. I think you're confusing "mistake" with the word "accident". Mistakes can be intentional. Accidents are unintentional by definition. So to answer your question "Is cheating a decision or an accident?", I'd say it's a decision. It's not like people don't know what they are doing when they are f***ing someone who isn't their bf/gf...unless they're unconscious and the other person is just going to town with them. So many people are only sorry after they get caught.

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    • Im not confusing anything with anything else. I am using the general interpretation of "mistake" opposed to the dictionary definition. It is generally accepted as an interpretation of "mistake" as being an unintentional act, such as "mistakenly saying something to the wrong person..." or "I made a mistake by missing the head of the nail and hitting my hand." For all intensive purposes, I don't actually even use the word "mistake". If I were to have an error in judgement, I would call it that.

    • I guess you could say that I was just clarifying that I understood what you meant by using a synonym. I don't conform to general interpretations. There's always a sliding bar standard involved with them, as people's views on what they are always vary somewhat. That's why I refer to something concrete and definitive, like the dictionary.

      Fun fact: "For all intensive purposes..." is actually a commonly mistaken interpretation of the phrase "For all intents and purposes..."

    • Interesting... Yeah, I was a bit tired when I was typing... LOL perhaps it was an error in judgement upon myself due to my lack of attention to the situation... Plus my distraction of watching television. LOL

  • You answered your own question here.

    Obviously, it is a decision, a very poor one to say the least. Mistake, because people do it unintentionally? No, it's because they are only thinking of themselves and not thinking of the consequences. Once they are done satisfying their needs, they then consider their spouses feelings and feel it was a "mistake". But you know, that's crap.

    Some people do it for validation, payback, attention, what ever their reasons are, it's still a choice.

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    • Maybe you don't understand the nature of the question and I must explain to you: The nature of the question was not to ask a question on a personal basis, buut to see hypothetically what others think. So no, I did not answer my own question. However I do not disagree with your view.

  • Definitely a decision.

    I mean no one ever tripped and "accidentally" had their penis fall into a random vagina.

    Think about the process of sex, its not just boom we f***ed and now we are done. Its a whole process and if its to the point where both people have individually unbuttoned their pants then there are more than enough times to say no. If you can't say "I can't do this I have a boy/girl friend" then you really want to be doing whatever you are doing with someone.

    Even if you bring alcohol into the situation, the majority of people use this excuse way to leniently. Just because it was in a song doesn't mean its completely 100 percent OK to just automatically use as an excuse.

    Its after the cheating has actually taken place when it finally becomes a mistake. The whole "WHAT HAVE I DONE", comes into play and you start thinking of every excuse possible to not hold yourself accountable when in all actuality you made the decision to cheat.

    Just because you feel bad about it after doesn't mean it was a mistake.

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  • I absolutely agree with your view on this matter, and there's nothing I can really add to it.. Therefore, I await the opposing side as I am interested in what they have to say.

    The only exception to this rule is being under the influence of a massive amount of drugs. For example, if someone drinks so much alcohol that they won't even remember the next day what they have done. However, when people are completely sober and have nothing to mess with their minds, then the only mistake is that they were willing to give in to their own stupidity. And that is their own decision, therefore they have to take full responsibility for their actions.

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    • I still don't buy the alcohol bit... I value self control. Specifically when the opportunity arose, I was under the influence myself... I was at a wedding reception, and had drank 4 beers, and 6 shots of Jose y Cuervo... People use alcohol as an excuse to me... However, I am considered "Chemically resistant". And I moderate myself to self control.

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    • I think that's a completely different case, but.. anyways, I'm sure I won't be able to change your opinion, but it doesn't actually matter as much anyways. I still stand by your opinion regardless - it is a decision that people make, and I don't know how they are even able to do that...

    • Likewise. As I said in another question, that resulted in me posting this question, "I'd rather castrate myself than to commit a deliberate act of betrayal... Hell, I'd even just commit seppuku!"

      To say the least, cheating is deplorable and no mater the circumstance, inexcusable. Only thing I'd excuse is if she was legitimately a victim of rape. And that must be followed by an arrest and a police reprot before I can even begin to consider to forgive.

  • It's a decision.

    Every second that passes when a person is moving toward cheating is an opportunity to act (to DECIDE) to stop.

    The only time it's not a decision is when it is sexual assault or rape.

    If you're drunk or under the influence of another drug and you wind up cheating, then you DECIDED to take the drug and the drug might impair your ability to make well-reasoned DECISIONS.

    Making the decision to cheesy might be a mistake, but it's still a decision.

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  • Definitley the only times that people say its a mistake are people not owning up to their failures...

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  • Immediate reward can be enticing. It can be a mistake if they realize what they really had was worth more than the pleasure they gained at that moment not thinking about the consequences.

    If a person can go through all the processes of selling off a family home with all of the history that goes with it and still not realizing how much they will miss it when it's gone and that they regret selling it. That could be said to be a mistake.

    Not to say that I justify cheating, once a person cannot be trusted, at that level, it's usually too far.

    I see it as impulse rather than malice-- doesn't stop me from not trusting them though. Impulsive people who can't keep their word are obviously not worth keeping a vow with.

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  • it's afreaking decision... guys and gals don't walk down the street, trip over a uneven pavement and 'fall into sex'...

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  • Man...for now without a girlfriend I would turn to every hot girl passing me! so I guess its not that hard to play around :P.. but really I'm if a girl truly loves me I would do the same with her and I dare say I won't cheat or ever see any other girls anymore

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  • Cheating's a choice. You decide to cheat. It's a mistake too, but it's a mistake you decide on doing :)

    Don't cheat, it's simply not cool :)

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  • I can't even choose between you two Polls there. Life is spontaneous and some times we get caught us in moment and well there is to many situations where this can happen so I think both and more.

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  • its already pretty f***ed up to cheat, but you also have to realize what your doing

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  • It's definitely a decision.

    I say this because the person who is doing the cheating is self aware of the situation but they just don't in particularly care. I would find it hard to believe if they came up with the excuse: "I just couldn't control my feelings". Hardly an excuse at all.

    I'd rather end a relationship than to be cheated on. But usually life works in strange ways. There would be pain, yes, but the pain wouldn't hit as hard.

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  • Cheating is a DECISION. Its made by selfish people you have no respect or love for anyone, not even themselves. The only time a cheater sees it as a mistake is when they are caught. They know exactly what they are doing while they are doing it. They dot magically forget everything that you the other put into that relationship. I seriously f***ing hate anyone who cheats, I don't care how they treat you,cheating is just wrong. having someones trust is having control over their future. You break that trust and you change how they will view everyone else for the rest of their lives. There is no starting over, there is no excuse. It doesn't matter how lonely you are or how much you like someone else. You enter a relationship. How is it fair that the other person invest so much of their time,money and heart to you so it could be thrown away? Any woman who cheats on her man whose out fighting for our freedoms and rights should go to jail and charged with treason.

    My Ex a few years ago made the choice to abort our child so she could still have a future. to get a job and do something with her life. As much as I wanted that child I gave her the choice and stood behind her. We were engaged, both in college and young. I never cheated on her and I was always good to her. Within 2 weeks of killing our kid she slept with 2 guys at the same time. Lied to me and left to her uncles and for 6 months dragged me in the dirt and manipulating me til I felt like a killer. While she was out sleeping with this guy and that one. When I found out I confronted her and she didn't even have the respect to tell me to my face. I wasted 7 years of my life to this woman. And even then she still tries to come back into my life and within a week of trying she runs back to whomever she was with or tries to while she is with someone.

    people who cheat have no self respect. They hate themselves to the point that they don't care who they hurt along as they get that moments high from their own miserable lives.

    Cheaters, do us good men the favor of killing yourselves.

    - Love Jesus Christ.

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    • Hell, if I had'nt selected a best answer already, and you were not annonymous, I would have selected this as best answer...

    • Lolz no prob. I'm private because my picture is on this profile.

  • Feels good, but morally wrong...sometims the feels good wins...

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