How do I get my girlfriend back? She's being cold and bitchy

[Anonymous]

So basically we just broke up about a week ago. The main root of the problem is I didn't feel comfortable with her hanging out with guys or constantly text messaging them. She understood and respected that. Recently we got in a fight because I just came back from vacation and wanted to spend time with her. I was with her for the day, then randomly out of no were she said she wanted to go hang out with her girlfriend in a few minutes. So I got upset, and said "So your going to give me a time limit as to when I need to leave you?" and she showed no remorse and I got aggravated and said were done because I was getting upset she stopped caring about my feelings. She said "I'm sorry to hear that." and left. I got upset that she didn't even try to fight for us, and that it's always me fighting. On new years I messaged her and said I wanted to talk and she said "I got nothing to say, things just don't feel the same any more." and was being very short and cold.

In the beginning of our relationship, I played very hard to get, mysterious and hot and cold. But after a few months, I fell for this girl (which iv never done before), and opened up to her completely. I made sure she always had a ride home after school, made sure she was always feeling like a princess. I had many incidents of her flirting with guys, and CONSTANTLY messaging her "guy friends" and posting comments on their facebook pictures saying "aww your so cute <3" but she would NEVER show me that attention.

Recently I started seeing other girls, and one really likes me, and has been posting all this flirty stuff on my facebook. She got upset and told her mom "See what I dated!?". Now bear in mind, her parents love me. Even gave me a job after all this. I texted her and apologized, but then thought to my self, she hooked up with a guy the day after, and has a guy posting on her facebook flirting with her to no end (the same guy who almost cost us our relationship, but back then she fought for us and cried and showed me she cared, so I stayed.) So I texted her back, that "I had no reason to be sorry, have a nice day."

Understand, I really want her back. I love this girl. I miss how things were the first 4-5 months. I can guarantee I would start acting the way I did in the beginning of the relationship if I got her back. But she doesn't even give me a second to speak, and its killing me seeing her with other guys.

What do I do? Can I still get her back? I miss her like crazy, and feel very vulnerable. I'm like panicking... (sad to say. never seen my self like this.)

[rdr005]

For one... I don't feel that there will be a way to get her back for various reasons, (unless somethings change on both parts).

1) It seems like both of you want to be right, without yielding to the other. So what? Someone posted on her facebook and then someone posted on yours and you now have no reason to feel sorry? Is this because she told you, "I got nothing to say..."? This isn't a contest of whose got the bigger balls and who can be the colder.

2) You're playing two different personalities. It is a possibility that she, like many people of both sexes, are attracted to that "hard to get, mysterious and hot and cold" personality, but once you expose everything, they lose the attraction. Its very shallow I know, but many people are like that. Its simply a possibility that she no longer saw interest in you once she had you.

3) You both showed a lack of understanding when it came to what the other wanted. I would have sided you to a degree when you wanted to spend time with her, but she wanted to go with friends... but that wasn't the way to handle it. It even seems like the gender roles were switched there. You should have let her go and then talk to her about it later. The whole "We're done" thing doesn't work, especially in this generation of independent women.

4) It almost sounds like she was done with you before you even chose to break up with her. Showing no remorse at your decision, showing no sign of wanting to fight back, and showing no desire to want to get back together by saying she has nothing to say... She doesn't give you attention... but honestly, someone not interested in you usually wouldn't. She texted other guys and hung out with them... could be she was looking for other options.

I'd say its time to move on... You did something a lot of guys don't do, and that is you tried... but now its time to just move on. You will never be happy in a one-sided relationship even if she chose to date you anyway. You'd be miserable knowing you're with someone who can't seem to love you in return. I'd call, text, or message on fb or something saying something like this..., "I gave it a lot of thought and I just wanted to say sorry for how our relationship/friendship (whatever you wanna use) broke apart. I will take responsibility for my actions and immaturity. I just don't want to end our friendship on such a bad note, so I hope things go well for you. Take care." and then leave it at that. This is not being a p*ssy, by any means, this is taking the initiative to just act a little more mature than she has. Sh*t you don't even have to agree with what your typing, but at least you're not being cold hearted and immature like she is being, and you'll feel more confident about your ability to move on once its all said and done.

[Asker]

I have no problem having her go out with her girlfriends. None at at all. It hurt that I just came back from vacation, we were enjoying our day, then out of the blue "I need to go in a few mintues to hang out with my girlfriend." I found that plain rude.

[rdr005]

Again, I would have sided with you on that, but it just seems that she moved on. This is a case of spilled milk... just clean up the mess and get passed it. Sorry for the break up.

[Asker]

So you don't think there is any one to get her back? Maybe making her jealous? (There are many girls on my case, but none like her.) And then play the hard to get and mysterious card again to make things even. Its killing me to see her kiss and flirt with other guys...

[rdr005]

Causing her to get jealous may prove positive results for you, but they will only be temporary. You would only be hurting yourself by repeating everything that just happened... again. You need to pursue a girl that will be attracted to you because of who you are, not because of what they don't know about you.

[Asker]

This is so hard for me to swallow. Iv had many girlfriends, but never felt the way I did for any of them like this one. I miss all the fun we had together... Its killing me inside.

[rdr005]

Oh I definitely understand... I went through heartbreak twice and both lasted like 2 years to get over, but I had to eventually move one. I'm talking to another girl now, and the other two don't even come close... So I've learned to take my losses and closed doors for the better. It will take time but it'll be for the better.

[FrancoBattiato]

Seriously man.

LAYING IT DOWN MODE

Grow some balls and stop acting p**** whipped, this bitch doesn't deserve you and obviously used you for something to entertain her and boost her ego when bored.

SYMPATHETIC MODE

You sound like a good guy, just find a girl that appreciates you and you'll be happy, I am certain of that. As I always say - 'If you have to fight for their love, they don't deserve yours, and you shouldn't be fighting.'

[Asker]

Well that's the plan. I want to get back with her, but start acting the way I did in the beginning. I love her, but hate how she's acting. Is it so wrong for me to say I don't like her hanging out with her "guy friends"? she says its ruining her teenage life (shes still in high school, I just graduated).

Or is there no possibility...?

[FrancoBattiato]

No possibility, move on, plenty more girls that will love your caring and attentiveness. Maybe back down on the 'don't talk to guys' thing.

[Asker]

Kills me to hear this... really does. And what about her going out with guys? Should I back down on that too?

[FrancoBattiato]

Yes, she's not your girlfriend, just ignore everything she does.

[Asker]

No I'm saying for future reference? Should I not be so rough about saying don't hang out with guys and don't text guys?

[FrancoBattiato]

Well, texting and talking to guys is fine, as long as it stays friendly. Personally I wouldn't be too happy with my girl going out with 1 guy somewhere, because that's a date, regardless of what she says, it'll be what the other guy thinks it is, and he'll try to make moves.

[Seraphine]

Don't put yourself through this. It isn't worth it all. She's obviously a flirt. Would you rather she got back with you only to find out that she was cheating? Don't give her the attention. Stop texting her. Trust me on that one. Treat her the way she treats you! She's acting as if you're part of the wall, do the same. You said it was your hard-to-get attitude that attracted her to you in the first place. So don't give in to her and don't make yourself available. She knows she's got you twisted around her little finger so that's why she's taking the liberty to flirt with other guys. Because she knows that she can come running back after a week and you'd take her, regardless. So do yourself a big favor and don't suck up to her. Resist all urge to contact her. She will only reply rudely and it will make it harder for you to move on.

[Asker]

So basically what your saying, is that even if she does come running back. Forget her? What if she learnt there was no one better then me etc.. I shouldn't give another chance?

[Seraphine]

No. Because she has been dishonest for way too long. You can't know if she'll mean it this time. And old habits die hard, just remember that. Why settle for someone like that. When you find someone better you're going to wonder why you ever liked her in the first place.

[Asker]

The thing is, I feel like part of it is my mistake. By being to possessive, saying you can text guys and not taking her out to parties and stuff. I promised her things would change not just for her so I ca enjoy my self too. I understood were she was coming from. She just never gave it a chance...

[gazpatcho]

I honestly don't think she's worth it. You seem like a really great guy and you don't need to waste your love on a girl who doesn't even cherish it. I've heard it's possible to fall in love more than once...maybe you should just keep moving along and not let her drag you down to this state, because you showed your love, and even gave her your heart, but she doesn't even see that. I say drop her, sorry, that's just my opinion. <3

[HanaKimi]

Judging from what you describe, I don't see a lot of hope for you, either.

For me it looks like you two have a different idea of how a relationship should be.

However, I don't know you or your ex and am referring to what you wrote.

Even if you love her now, you'll get over her and you'll find another girl who matches you better.

Best for you ;)

[Asker]

Whats the different ideas we have?

[HanaKimi]

You must know it ;) But I have a guess...You seem to see just her and you wanna be a strong team with her. You would be selfless enought to choose her maybe over you, wouldn't you? But you demand from her to respond and to show you she would do so, too. On the other hand she maybe wants to have a more casual relationship and so she won't meet your expectations.

[Asker]

Wow you got it right on. Her mom, who I am close with says I treated it like a marriage... which I don't know how? In the beginning when I was playing hard to get, that's the feeling I got from her, that she wanted to be a team. So eventually I fell for her and opened up and now she's backing off? Maybe age has something to do with it? She's 16. On another note she always complained I didn't take her to parties, and that we always did the same thing. I understood that and promised to fix that.

[HanaKimi]

Yeah, you know her better than I do. She's maybe not mature enough.