Yes. Over recent years I've been going through transformation and met woman of my dreams.
Transformation: one huge thing is because of some difficulties when young I never wanted children. As I went through course in 2014 at ripe age of 40, I discovered something new about children and then realized I wanted children.
I met this woman year or so after and she was comfortable enough with talking with me and open to idea of having child with me, despite great possibility child would have disability like mine. She did bit of research on and we had few discussions.
Though she was living polyamorous lifestyle, which I was open to at time, we agreed to have monogamous relationship. Couple months later, I found she had cheated on me. I really considered staying with her because of what we talked about building, I really was in love with her, and with transformation she was first woman I ever thought and felt good about being mother of my child.
After thinking about for few days, I envisioned another man having sex with her, which really bothered me. I broke up with her about 3 weeks later. This was very difficult for me because of love I felt for her and most women I've been with broke up with me, but I knew it was thing to do. We're actually friend's today.
I assume that you made the right choice in ending the relationship but, apparently, there were some not-so-wonderful choices that got you into that mess in the first place.
After a break up, the most important thing is to not find ways to blame your ex, because you can't do anything about his behavior. What you CAN do is determine how you made mistakes in the relationship, what (in retrospect) you should have done differently, so that you can learn some lessons and not make the same mistakes in future relationships. Spend more energy on those tasks so you can find a more satisfying relationship next time.
The not-so-wonderful choice I made was bearing my heart to him and then ignoring the red flags. Ignoring the signs was the biggest mistake I could have made. In retrospect, I could have communicated better that I was unhappy. When the other party commits a hurtful act and then they say that "you see everything through a filter of abuse", just to get away with it--- it seems to me that there was plenty of communication.
@sydneysentinel right his expectation would be you are not wounded. He knows that logically but emotionally appears awol. One big lesson I learned is have to honor the other persons wounds. Man has to submit unto woman. And that sucks sometimes. Both may be right, both have growth. He needs to find his emotions, you would benefit to heal the old wounds. It's actually all for good... when that is the outcome. I did what he did in my own way and she reacted as you did, guys are knuckle draggers (emotionally) for sure sometimes. It's the very thing we don't want to change... emotionally... that is the crux of the issue on both sides. "Iron sharpens Iron" Proverb 27:17 is so true... and so wo-man and man.
I had to... not once, but 3 times in regard of relationships...
But especially with my ex things were so bad... I can relate to what you are going through and my heart reaches out to you. My ex's parents went from lovely to being so outright mean... I can't even find the right word to describe it...
3 years later they are still trying to blame me for all that happened and they are talking bad behind my back to anyone who knew about us.
My mom used to be devastated by all this, and she was taking it much more badly than I did. I just told her to think about something If I had been so wrong and the bad guy in the story, then why has no one, but literally no one, has come to me to ask for an explanation or to tell me to go back together? It's been 3 years and I haven't heard anyone trying to tell me to work it out, give him another chance, try again... whatever. All I ever hear from people is "Thank God you got out of there" and "Wow, you look happy again"
I think that says it all. I continue to live my life and ignore whatever they have to say, they choose to live in the past and drown in their own poison...
Embrace the future girl! It's out there... turn the page and don't look back. You deserve better! Xoxo 💕💕
I have a neighbor who I have known for almost 9 years but is my father's age so I don't know him on the same level of a friendship but rather someone I'm just fond of. When I was still with my ex, he literally put his hands on my shoulders and shook me, saying, "I need you to take care of yourself so I don't have to worry so much about you and your daughter." That really resonated with me that it wasn't just my close friends that were picking up on things but other people that didn't know me as deeply.
I'm glad you're happy again. No one should steal your happy!!
Yes, I have. A few times. After 4 months, after 6 months, after one year. But I was not strong enough to walk away. Becasue I tried to give it the benefit of the doubt knowing he is a kind hearted, genuine person.
When things had to end for a good reason. Then look back, if I had walked away after 4 months, he would not have been where he is now. The grow outweights the pain in this case. I believe.
Just know, whenever we make a decision to love or to end a relationship, there will be pain. I chose to always look at myself to see what I learned, how I can heal and how I can be a better person for myself, and my children especially because they see me, feel me and they become me.
I believe you already blocked him. What he needs to say/do is unrelevant to your healing process. Love yourself, love your baby :) The greatest love you can give, is love him, thank him that he came to your life for a purpose.
Yeah. When i was 10 I gave up on my friends so i could give all my time to my mom and my siblings after my mom divorced and had a tuff time, and my siblings were just twin babys and 1 that was 6 year old. I pushed away people who wanted to be friend, who wanted to be in a relationshop with me. I also gave up sleeping over or party. I am always nice, never does anything stupid, teachers pet, dress Nice and help out. People call me perfectionist, a lonely wolf. It was a little hurtfull , but i am so proud i did it and i am happy, now my siblings have grown up, everybody are healty and have no worries. Now i am 16 and i dont need to help my mom so much as before, i have many friends now. Before i was always busy and had only time for my family and school. I have a lot of time now. Sometimes, taking hurtfull decision, can be helpful and positive for you both fycical and for your mentaly healt.
I think after praying God told me not to have any kind of contact or thought about somebody and this guy seems like the easier choice out of the guys I think I could maybe marry one day.
I have an older brother who was the Trustee of my Mom's Living Will. Everything was to split 50-50 between us but he wasn't playing by the rules. He took everything out of the Living Trust and gambled with it in the stock market. I had to get a lawyer to sue him.
After everything was done and finished I decided to end contact with him. I told him not to contact me anymore. He still sends me Christmas and BD cards but I don't respond back. I feel so much better in life now that he isn't part of it. It was hurtful but it heal my soul.
I'm sorry... that is really messed up. I'm glad you made the choice to let yourself heal from it. Did you ever imagine your brother would do something like that?
I never did think my brother would do something like that. It's so true that money changes people. I spent 3 months in therapy, once a week at $150, to talk about it and process it.
8-months is a long time to spend with someone. From your introduction it sounds like he did these awful things after you broke up? Or did he also do awful things during the 8-months?
@David92506 Sorry for the late response. Long day.
He was really good to me, on the surface level, we we first got together. I felt he supported my emotional needs, which can be greater than most. I started to notice certain things he would do that weren't right... and he told me that I "see things through a filter of being abused" and that his behavior was completely normal. It just continued to get worse where was pretty much humiliating me on a daily basis but telling me there was nothing wrong. During our breakup, I called him a narcissist. He lost it over that. Started righting things all over the site about me and how I have Borderline Personality Disorder, when just a few weeks prior, he was still confessing his love for me.
From my experience, when a Narcissist looks in a mirror all he sees is good. If there are any issues or complaints it's other people to blame. If the Narcissist is provided with absolute truth of his wrong behavior he will destroy the proof. Or he will become such a victim one just has to feel sorry for him. I'm not trying to picture them as monsters. They can be very good people, even charitable and supportive. But it's impossible to have a healthy relationship with them - in my opinion, that is.
I'm sure you have learned a lot being in that relationship.
I used to think of it in that way, but not anymore. If you're truly doing what's best for your soul then it's not the heart that is hurting, but an addiction to some short term pleasure that ultimately wasn't fulfilling you. You just cut yourself off from the cookies and now your brain is saying it wants more cookies.
That's not the heart talking. I think we tend to do this in a whole lot of ways we're not even aware of anymore. Maybe we kind of knew in the beginning it was just a feel good now thing, but allowed it to grow into something we feel like we need when we really don't.
After I left the military I moved back with mom to help her. I put up with a lot of abuse and alcohol abuse but loved her enough to do it anyways to try to help her. Finally it got to a point where I had to cut off all contact with her and be very cold toward her to teach her the risks of continuing her toxic behavior because she is a very unreasonable person sometimes. It cost us 6 months of no contact, every night of which I questioned if I was doing the right thing. However it did work out in the end.
oh for sure! This scenario is difficult because what you had was so public here, so it is hard to hide a thought and question. After a breakup, I believe, need to completely disconnect for a while and get past the reactionary anger/pain. I blocked my X totally. you gotta do that.
I did have options and questions and asked them here and postd to express my view, but I did expose the person. I think it feels good now to make decisions, that's a huge improvement for me! growth. They still may hurt... separation and everything that goes with it... pain.
Yes, just recently. After my wife cheated then divorced me I thought I was "winning" because I kept the house. I LOVED my house, it was where I planned to grow old and die. But life has a way of changing our plans. Turns out I really couldn't afford it on my own and after 3 years of struggling I had to do the hard thing and let it go. But now I'm not sitting in an empty house that was like a mausoleum to a dead marriage. Meeting new people and doing things for fun again. Life is finally moving forward. I didn't realize how much that house was holding me back.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
My best friend and I (both married with kids) fell in love with each other after so many years of friendship.
The beginning was a bit crazy... We did stuff we shouldn't have... In the end we decided to stop it because we both very much love our spouses and we've stopped talking or meeting all together.
It was heart breaking to make such a decision about someone you've been friends with for more than half your life, but I believe it was for the better for both of us. If we had continued we'd end up cheating for real. That would've been too much to live with for either of us.
Yeah.. Long back I had shared my entire horrible story with narcissist boyfriend. He tried to get in with me again after 4 months of break up and my time of depression. I get shivers when he passes by or tries to talk to me. My heart wanted to be back to him, but my mind said no, and i am thankful to my friends who made sure i dont make any stupid decision. Today I am happy out of depression and living a fun life
I shot myself in the chest, and at the time I was in so much pain I thought it was the best choice for me. But technically that hurt my heart lol. I'm filled with decisions I wish I would have made in the past like spending more time with my father or fighting my depression and chronic pain harder and not make my sweet wife collapse under stress and start sleeping with someone else and then leaving me. I guess I made a decision not to shoot myself the second time and it hurt because I was weak and selfish and just wanted the pain to go away but I stopped believing my wife that my children would be better off if I was just dead.
Yes, just a few days ago actually. I was dating someone and I really liked him (or I liked who I thought he was I guess). Turns out he was just playing me the entire time. I finally broke it off with him even though I really didn't want to. I really wanted things to work out, but I realized that he would have to be a better person for that to happen. So yes, it hurt my heart but I'm hoping it will be what I needed to do to heal my soul.
You did make the right choice considering your Ex is childish and immature and trashing you on social media just goes to show what kind of person he is , so by you ignoring him and moving on will make you're character stronger realizing he is a nobody
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Yeah I broke up with my ex 2 months ago. She seriously threatened to kill herself and her grandma and I had to call the police.
It was most likely attention seeking and pathetic. I don’t think she will ever follow through. But I also take suicide seriously.
With that said she solidified my decision after that.
Well I’m 99.999999% sure that was her pathetic way of getting back to me. But I’m not dismissing the 0.0000001 chance she would go through with it.
I am angry with the double standard though. She definitely lost face by doing that. But if I were to do that it would be considered pathetic, creepy and scary on a whole another level. There are times I had very dark thoughts cross my mind after I got screwed over by women. But I have less leeway to show them. I never threatened to do that no matter what happened to me.
Run away while you can. Emotional blackmail comes from a fear of abandonment and it was probably a learned reaction from a parent. Does not make it right and no amount of love or therapy can help the narcissist
@uteman60 she blocked. I warned all my family to call the police if they see her.
The disappointing part is actually really did feel bad for her situation (she came from a horrible family) and I cared for her. But she couldn’t take no for an answer when I wanted to break up. I also treated her with much more respect than I have ever been treated in there situations. I was once completely ghosted after dating a girl for 9 months.
Yes, i do agree with you. After my ex-girlfriend said stuff about me that would never happen it hurt me inside. So i just never got back with her and to this day , when she sees me she moves on and it's for the best. Yes i had to make a decision to never get back with her. All cause of the hurt she did to me.
I had to push away my feelings for a girl because she recently rejected my friend. It was not fun, but I knew that if my friend found out that I had a crush on her, I would feel incredibly guilty. Especially if we started dating. That’s what I could think of right now.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Yes.. I had no other option. Love to my daughter vs. self preservation and fleeing from influence of a psycho. I feel still guilty and hope my daughter will forgive me when she is older. She was 16 months old as I disappeared, now she is 8 and doesn't have a problem with me, calls me daddy when she visits me and we have good father-daughter connection those few days in month. However I think when the rebellion phase comes in few years, she could change her mind. I'm 100% sure my ex will depict me as monster, when she starts to ask serious questions.
I lived in Oslo and loved it, the friends I had, the network and the job. Then I got a kid, the desition was to keep living in Oslo but not see the kid, or move from everything that was my life so I could see the kid. I moved, and I hate this place so much, I would killed my self long ago if it was not for the kid. So my next desition is to move to the next town over that is much bigger, it's almost as hard to do as it was to move from Oslo. Because now it's to move away from my kid, but if I don't move this place will kill me.
I’ve cut my mother out of my life because it was a toxic relationship. Tried to get her to change with me. I went to therapy to help my emotional problems. But she keeps playing the victim. It might be just her generation of baby boomers. They feel pretty entitled.
Sometimes you only get to know the true character of a person after your relationship with them ends. They define who they really are by what they do and say after the relationship fails
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