The not-so-wonderful choice I made was bearing my heart to him and then ignoring the red flags. Ignoring the signs was the biggest mistake I could have made. In retrospect, I could have communicated better that I was unhappy. When the other party commits a hurtful act and then they say that "you see everything through a filter of abuse", just to get away with it--- it seems to me that there was plenty of communication.
@sydneysentinel right his expectation would be you are not wounded. He knows that logically but emotionally appears awol. One big lesson I learned is have to honor the other persons wounds. Man has to submit unto woman. And that sucks sometimes. Both may be right, both have growth. He needs to find his emotions, you would benefit to heal the old wounds. It's actually all for good... when that is the outcome. I did what he did in my own way and she reacted as you did, guys are knuckle draggers (emotionally) for sure sometimes. It's the very thing we don't want to change... emotionally... that is the crux of the issue on both sides. "Iron sharpens Iron" Proverb 27:17 is so true... and so wo-man and man.
You're absolutely spot on!I have a neighbor who I have known for almost 9 years but is my father's age so I don't know him on the same level of a friendship but rather someone I'm just fond of. When I was still with my ex, he literally put his hands on my shoulders and shook me, saying, "I need you to take care of yourself so I don't have to worry so much about you and your daughter." That really resonated with me that it wasn't just my close friends that were picking up on things but other people that didn't know me as deeply.I'm glad you're happy again. No one should steal your happy!!
I am just glad that you two are alright! That's the most important thing! ❤And thanks for MHO! 😘
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I'm sorry... that is really messed up. I'm glad you made the choice to let yourself heal from it. Did you ever imagine your brother would do something like that?
I never did think my brother would do something like that. It's so true that money changes people. I spent 3 months in therapy, once a week at $150, to talk about it and process it.I meant to ask, how long was your relationship?
That's terrible. A scary thing to completely change the nature of a person and a sacred relationship. It was about 2months long distance and then 8months after that.
8-months is a long time to spend with someone. From your introduction it sounds like he did these awful things after you broke up? Or did he also do awful things during the 8-months?
@David92506 Sorry for the late response. Long day.He was really good to me, on the surface level, we we first got together. I felt he supported my emotional needs, which can be greater than most. I started to notice certain things he would do that weren't right... and he told me that I "see things through a filter of being abused" and that his behavior was completely normal. It just continued to get worse where was pretty much humiliating me on a daily basis but telling me there was nothing wrong. During our breakup, I called him a narcissist. He lost it over that. Started righting things all over the site about me and how I have Borderline Personality Disorder, when just a few weeks prior, he was still confessing his love for me.
From my experience, when a Narcissist looks in a mirror all he sees is good. If there are any issues or complaints it's other people to blame. If the Narcissist is provided with absolute truth of his wrong behavior he will destroy the proof. Or he will become such a victim one just has to feel sorry for him. I'm not trying to picture them as monsters. They can be very good people, even charitable and supportive. But it's impossible to have a healthy relationship with them - in my opinion, that is.I'm sure you have learned a lot being in that relationship.
Good perspective. Thank you.
Fuck that hit's close to home for me.
I don't blame you for taking suicide threats seriously. I would too.
Well I’m 99.999999% sure that was her pathetic way of getting back to me. But I’m not dismissing the 0.0000001 chance she would go through with it. I am angry with the double standard though. She definitely lost face by doing that. But if I were to do that it would be considered pathetic, creepy and scary on a whole another level. There are times I had very dark thoughts cross my mind after I got screwed over by women. But I have less leeway to show them. I never threatened to do that no matter what happened to me.
Run away while you can. Emotional blackmail comes from a fear of abandonment and it was probably a learned reaction from a parent. Does not make it right and no amount of love or therapy can help the narcissist
@uteman60 she blocked. I warned all my family to call the police if they see her. The disappointing part is actually really did feel bad for her situation (she came from a horrible family) and I cared for her. But she couldn’t take no for an answer when I wanted to break up. I also treated her with much more respect than I have ever been treated in there situations. I was once completely ghosted after dating a girl for 9 months.
I'm not sure I understand. Could you clarify?
I said this is stupid. And I don't really care about any human any more part from my current boyfriend and my animal.
I'm working on it... it's hard when it is happening multiple times a day. He wants the reaction from me, I think.
Yeah, there was probably a better, less attention seeking way of working this question.
Hopefully you don't think that's what I was getting at
No, that was a self reflection... I was considering how it may be perceived with such an obvious answer, combined with the description I gave.
Everybody could use a bit more self-reflection in their life☺The hard part is remembering to cut yourself some slack and not overthink things
Thanks for the reminder, darlin. Slack cut.
Well, if I'm being honest.. I retaliated a bit. But now he's gone off the deep end.
😘 thank you, darlin.
Curios, and only if you wish to share, what happened with your mother?
She was a terrible person to not only me but everyone that knew her (they all are gone now)
Some parents, some people are rotten to the core. Sorry to hear one of them had to be your mother. Don't completely lose touch though as she may change on day and you may not want to miss that opportunity for healing. (It does happen.)
Its just that she was never good from the start, I have never seen her the way i had always wanted to and i never will