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This is an easy one:
The first thing you need to do is listen. Say nothing unless she asks or make an acknowledgement of some kind but those should be very brief and not at all a comment / opinion. She does not want your opinion and even if she says that she does, it's like her asking if her butt is big; a TRAP, so don't believe her.
As she is talking make mental notes and get clues based on what she says to tell you how she wants you to respond. She wants a validation of her feelings or her opinion, or she wants you to take her side.
The second thing, and a big trap for the guys, is DO NOT try to solve her problem. She does not want you to do that, she wants to vent and / or receive validation. Even if you see the obvious answer and really can fix the problem DO NOT. This is very dangerous and leads to more argument.
You will have to remember all the stuff she says because at any moment there may be a pop quiz. Do all that and she'll be happier, and you won't have any argument so you'll be happier.
Most likely she just wants someone to vent to, and you are nearby and forced to listen since you are working together all the time. She probably wouldn't want you to make any moves, and thinks you are 'safe' to open up to, since you don't know her, nor her friends that she is talking about.
She'd be shocked if you suddenly asked her out. Most likely she'd get angry as well, and since you are forced to work with her, you shouldn't risk that!
alot of times girls just need to talk it out and already know how they plan to handle it...just mirror back what she says and support her. Some women don't want you to try and fix their problems and that's hard for men to understand because they are fixers. They don't talk unless they are trying to find some sort of resolution. Women aren't trying to fix it they just want to get it out so they can stop thinking about it.
For instance: "Sally at work is such a bitch! do you want to know what she did? she saw me go outside to my car and you know we aren't suppose to go outside unless we're on a break right? well she saw me and told our supervisor! I was called in to discuss it what a bitch!" here's what you say to that "man she really is" you don't say "well did you tell them xyz? or did you tell her you didn't appreciate that?" ect and so on don't try to fix it UNLESS SHE ASKS YOU and even then suggest it and if she seems resistant STOP suggesting lol.
Maybe she just needs someone to talk to. Sometimes girls need to "release" their emotions. She might be going through something that is affecting her really hard, and she just need someone to hear her out. When you mentioned about her and a "friend"having problems, could it be that her "friend" is actually her boyfriend? If her relationship was long and now is falling apart, then you might want to keep your distance. You don't want to be the second option, or the guy that she uses to forget her boyfriend is they happen to brake up. You also don't want to be the guy that she's only looking for pleasure. Be careful with your moves, and don't give her signs or hopes of something that you don't want to happen.
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When in doubt just listen with compassion. If you have helpful advice, ask her for permission to share advice first. A lot of times people feel they have great advice that they are sure can help, but the problem unsolicited advice is that the person receiving advice may not feel like they are really being heard. They may just be looking for comfort and once the year feel ready then they will listen to a solution.
Also please be clear but gentle with what your boundaries are when it comes to supporting. In the past, I’ve grown codependent on people who will listen without realizing that overtime I’m draining that person. Eventually the listener will get distant and stop supporting altogether. This is very counterproductive and the person who needs support may feel abandoned. There’s also a difference between people who like and want to help versus people who are naturally skilled with helping. Just because they are good at it doesn’t mean they want to help. I learned that the hard way.
mostly girls just like that you listen, even if you start spacing out just the fact you're there makes her happy. it doesn't necessarily mean she likes you as more than a friend. she also could just be wanting to confide in someone and you were the only person around so she chose you. and sometimes girls want advice. but it really depends on the girl. I have a best guy friend who I talk to all the time about my relationship issues and he helps me and gives me advice on what I should do but he's just my friend.
I guess I should've mentioned its my girlfriend we're talking about.
But thankyou, I agree with what you said :)
You friend zoned tf out of your friend.
for the most part, a lot of times it just feels good to vent to someone. So, yeah most of the time when I was telling my ex about my problems I'd just want him to LISTEN, be SYMPATHETIC, and most important of all AGREE with me lol. my ex was a (self-proclaimed) problem solver, so he'd always try and analyze and tell me what I can do to "fix" the problem. but it always ended up making me feel worse and making me feel like I did something wrong since he was trying to find ways for ME to fix a problem.
just be sympathetic and agree with something if she has an opinion (ex: "that was f**ked up of her to do that") lol
A moment of silence for our fallen comrade.
Nah, I'm just kidding. But you are in the friend zone. Don't you just hate it when girls use you as a bucket to puke out their problems loaded with ***.
It would be best if you made it clear you wouldn't listen to her problems and that you're not someone who gets friend zone. If she doesn't want to go out with you, let her go back to the cycle of (assuming so) Dbags and that she missed her only chance. You're not someone who gets played. Don't fall in love with her!
Guy player = we already know this meaning
Girl player = chases bad guys
I tell my crush, who is also my best friend, everything. I talk to him about everything and he gives it to me straight. The reason I go to him and not my girlfriends is because girls analyze and talk too much about it. My crush just kid of tells me that I'm stupid, here's a solution, and problem fixed for now. Don't get me wrong he does this after I vent my frstrations first.
It depends on re girl though, sometimes a girl just needed a place to complain to.
I tell my male co-worker about my issues with my friends, but never my issues with my relationship. In my eyes, my relationship is great and drama free. If you've seen my last question you would know that my friend group is falling apart and I've made friends with bad people. I want him to be sympathetic to me (usually is), but I also want him to be to the point. He told me that he had friends who kinda disappeared or stopped caring before too. Advice would be telling me to be friends with them or to distance myself from them. He's said both. Unfortunately, he doesn't know how crazy these friends are. I honestly didn't even know either. Turns out these two friends of mine are either lying to protect themselves OR are insane.
Judge it by whether or not the problem seems to have a practical issue tied to it. Almost always if something tangible didn't actually happen, then it's purely an emotional issue and she wants to vent. If something tangible where she's trying to decide on what she should do about it, then she oftentimes wants help or someone to bounce her ideas off.
If she says something like, "so and so said X" then nothing reeeally happened. She's just upset. So it's a venting topic she just wants someone to listen. It's all emotion.
If she says something about an actual issue that she is trying to make a decision on, then she'll likely follow up with "I'm not sure what I should do."/"what should I do?" something tangible for you to work with.
It depends on the types of questions she's asking. Sometimes a person just has to vent. Also, remember that girls WANT to make emotional connections with the guys they like. You don't spill your heart out to a guy who means nothing to you -- unless he's your doctor/shrink. From a young age, girls run to their Daddy to cry about the bad boy in the school yard or the heart-breaking homework assignment, the bad day at work, etc. We have minor substitutes for those in our guy friends and ultimately our boyfriends/husbands. Girls don't usually go for "just sex" relationships and THEN think about an emotional connection. The emotional thing is THERE from the start -- there's a reason why, "Just shut up...You had me at 'hello'" is such a popular buzzline since *Jerry McGuire* came out. She's emotionally connected to the guy (regardless of what he's done to her) from second 1, day 1, when she follows him out of the office and into the unknown.
Dude... just listen.
When I was younger me ex had a coworker that was passive aggressively undermining her for a week. I told her what she needed to do and she got really upset.
At the end of the week her superior suggested the same thing and the problem was solved.
She would rather suffer for a week than take some annoying advice that would have fixed the problem in one day.
Read Men Are From Mars and you will get some real insights.
Generally I prefer when a guy just listens. I'm smart enough to figure my own shit out, and if I want advice i'm sure to ask for it. If I don't ask though then I just want to vent and be heard. It's like they say in Parks & Rec, when a girl is telling you her problems she doesn't want you to fix them. She wants you to be there, listen, and say those two magic words: "That sucks." Lol
Usually they just want someone to vent to... so pull a Diesel... pretend to listen... and hum in agreement whenever you hear a pause lol. Ok... fine.. i listen, but sometimes it goes on forever. and my mind starts playing this loop of "get to the fucking point".
It might mean that in one form or another - she feels you are superior to her boyfriend but there might be something holding her back from dating you such as she is not happy with your appearance, thinks you lack humour, not happy with your cultural background or not happy with your income etc... i used to know a guy who would talk to me about his girlfriend problems all the time because he knew I only liked religious guys and that the two of us were only friends.
I say you don't deal with that until she breaks up with her bf you don't want to be someone's second choice ever. If she like you then she shouldn't not be with her bf. All I know is that no one should be a second choice.
when a girl tels you her problems, she expects you to listen and give her advice as well if you can. It makes her comfortable with you that way (:
Agree. It also shows that she trusts you with her problems. Depending on the severity, she might need to be held and comforted.
Actively listen. Whether or not you believe she is right or wrong, give validity to her feelings. Separate the feelings from her actions. The feelings can certainly be valid but her actions (or reactions) might not be (if they are illegal, immoral, etc.)
In truth, the listening part is what helps people the most, regardless of their gender. But if you can provide some advice it's always better. When we are talking about something depressing that happened, people require different things, some want advice, others want just to talk, others like someone to try them feel good, you'll never know in advance
I can tell you what NOT to do...
Take advantage of her trust in you to share this with you.
Take credit for her problems getting solved.
Feel entitled to ANYTHING in return for this.
Insert yourself into the situation when it is not needed.
Give any advice you don't believe in.
Be insincere about your motives in helping her.
Take everything on board and act like a grown up as the girl is putting all her trust in you maybe you are the first guy that she has opened up to and dont talk to any one else regards what the girl was telling you as its a very private thing just never break that trust
Just sit there and listen. Don't tell them what to do or how to solve it.
There will be times where I listen to a girl and then she stops and kind of looks at me expecting me to answer. Everything inside me screams to tell her something but I just don't say anything. They then after 40 of the longest seconds of my life of being quiet they start going off again and continue on.
It really does work. They've told me they like opening up to me because I don't try to micromanage them.
In most cases the one with the troubles just want to relieve herself from the stress and just air it out to someone she trusts
If she's talking, just listen. If you have well intended heartfelt advice to give then offer it to her, but don't try to stick your dick in her because you think she's vulnerable.
Advice is always a plus, but if you’re like me and never know what to say or how to help being held is what counts the most. A comforting hand on the back and saying it may not be okay now but I will be in the end. 🙃 in my opinion.
She considers you a friend. That's why she's telling you about her problems.
Yep and reading between the lines this guy likes her and he’s friend zoned.
She's probably looking for some advice or sympathy. Getting a guy's perspective on things is pretty helpful - and it doesn't necessarily mean she's flirting. :)
Don’t be rational 😂 girls hate that. They talk to girls more because guys have common sense and logic which will probably be right. Girls want you to choose their side regardless of the correct answer.
Hence why girls talk to girls.
I listen. I don't offer any advice (unless she asks). I just listen. Some women, or I SHOULD SAY, people in general, like to be heard and they like the person listening to empathize with them. So, I just listen.
well I tell my guy friends that for two things one was because I though they can see the guys perspective of thing and give me advice and the other one was because i needed someone to talk to and they were there to hear me,
Are you dating her? Did you just meet her? Are you attracted to her?
If you are not dating her but like her this is a very bad sign that you are friendzoned. Giving her free counseling will never get you in her pants. It will do the opposite. Tell her “I’m sorry to hear that” and ghost her asap.
If you are dating her just listen to her. She doesn’t want you to solve her problem. She just wants you to hear her out. She will like you for that.
You don’t really have to do anything, just listen snd show her that you care. Some comforting words and a hug goes a long way.
I have this tendency to try to give advice. Apparently, that's more often not wanted. More often, in my experiences at least, she wants you just listen and hold her.
Just let us vent. No need for advice as we are emotional so it could be taken badly unless we ask for the advice.
I wouldn't tell my man my problem unless im very sure he can or know how to fix it.
Some issues are better to chat with my sister, my friend or my psychologist and id rather keep my man for the love departement.
Just be real. Give advice , or just listen or share similar experiences. People need to stop being afraid of emotions it’s what makes us human
Unless she's your girlfriend, if a girls is doing this to you that means you are in the friend zone. What you should do is evaluate your situation and ask yourself who you really are in her eyes
If she's talking about her boyfriend and I'm interested I tell her very rudely to SHUT THE FUCK and go dump on your girlfriend. If you want to fuck to take your mind off of it, fine. If not, keep it moving.
Yep, he should just show some sympathy and give hugs and comforting words.
I try not to talk to men about my problems or complain to them unless they're going to come to my rescue. I don't talk to men to vent bc it's emasculating to them
You just listen. And also hope she will do the same for you when you have a problem.
It means you're like one of her girlfriends that she can go to. Not what you want to be.
It means she sees you as her friend. Don't read too much into it.
Yes listen and don't judge or try to offer a solution, more like give her a cuddle and wait for her to ask what should I or what would you do but wait for her to ask …….
do what feels right, try understand what she's saying, if u feel like u need to hug her do it
Friend zone. She's confiding in you about her problems - that's one step away from confiding in you about the guys she's dating.
Just listen don't try to solve anything. Just sit and listen. If it begins to become a repedative littany ask a question to redirect to another part of the issue. Rinse, wash, repeat.
Listen and nod.
Women do not want solutions. They want to marinate in their misery.
I wouldn't pursue it unless you can talk her into getting away from the other guy.
Don’t solve it, that’s for sure. Girls love drama and solving there problems makes life less dramatic for them. So don’t do that
Unless your banging her run far away. An't no man who has time for this $hit unless she's giving it up for him to put up with the auditory misery.
Just listen also remember as it may be important later. Usually not looking for advice. Its possible though play it by ear
If she tells u about she having a fight with her boyfriend coz u then i think she wants u know that nothing is going well and ur chance might come fast.
you should listen to her and be supportive and caring towards her
The best thing to do is to just listen. We don’t usually need advise, we just want someone to vent to.
Same thing you would do with anything else, be her friend, that what she needs.
I would love to hear his problems also... its like you guys become more open up and comfortable with each other and getting to know each other better.
I will give her a solution. because men think logically.
Just stay, listen and in the if she wants to take advice give it.
Listen sympathetically, get a little wine into her... and then get her ankles behind her ears.
Tell her she should see a psychiatrist and stop acting like I’m one
Usually I just want someone to listen.
Actually advice seeking ofcourse
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