What should you do if you still love your Ex Boyfriend?

[12100794]

I still love my ex boyfriend until now after our 4 months of break up. We met last month and had sex. After we had sex, he said that He loves me for who I am and don’t want to lose me. However, few weeks after I found out he was still cheating on me and I get overly mad and insulted and so I got mad to this other woman for stealing my man and for being a bitch. Suddenly, my boyfriend got mad at me and said we are already done and we are over. I get insulted more and so I blocked him and never to talk him anymore and even he wants to see me. A month after, I unblocked him but neither is talk to each other. I still love my ex boyfriend even if I hate myself for feeling this way. I know that in my heart I still love him but I just hope him to change. But, whenever I do going back attempts my mind also ways No. I am confused, my heart still loves him and want him back. But, My mind hates him and don’t want him back.

[lightbulb27]

This is just mixed up emotions and feelings which happens the deeper things go... I say "just", but I know it's confusing and hard to sort out.

Bottom line... he is not faithful to you and that is an important value you have. You, like a lot of people, try to keep doing the same thing (or getting played, I cannot tell) and get a different result... doesn't work that way, definition of crazy, but most of us are crazy until we learn. Only way for change is for someone to decide to change, in this case, he would have to decide. Well, why would he when he gets what he wants? This is a case where if all the women cut him off and made him choose one, then one of you you'd be successful. But since it's a feeding frenzy with him in the middle, he has the power. So... it's over and have to move on.

I think it is ok to love and let go as well. It's same concept of being attached to the Titanic in a small boat. Titanic is going down... even though love the Titanic, you cut the line and let it go. Feels terrible, awful, but you let it go so you survive and have life.
You take what good you can from this, what you learned about yourself, what to be thankful for and I could give a list just on what little I know. You face the future with courage, and you move on.

That is life...

[12100794]

Out of the blue, he messaged me on Facebook saying “how re you?”. Should I reply?

[lightbulb27]

The way this works is... you haven't been able to hold a boundary with him. He re-connects because he misses what he doesn't have or isn't getting elsewhere, then you get together... you can't hold a boundary with him, same thing occurs, cycle repeats. I don't think you want this cycle repeating...

So any discussion has to involve holding a line with him but it is clear... he does not respect you and whatever he means by "love" he sure isn't thinking about your feelings and values. Wahtever that word means to him, it does not mean the same thing to you.

You said you still have feelings for him, which means I don't think you have control. Those strings need broken. So... he needs totally cutoff for 6-12 months until you've sufferred the pain and let this die off.

If I thought you were strong enough to hold a line, then I'd say communicate and cleanup teh broken pieces, but I'm not seeing that.

You will need to do some work on yourself for allowing this person to trample on you. It happens, and from it you can learn and grow and be a better person.

[dwcl99]

@lightbulb27 just wanted to let you know that your response was very well said.

Also, props for the Titanic reference!!

[lightbulb27]

@dwcl99 Thank you sir, much appreciated!

[dwcl99]

It sounds like he is telling you what you want to hear just so he can keep you as a booty call, and as soon as you talk about getting back together, he pulls away and wants nothing to do with you.

It sounds like a very unfortunate situation for you, but the best thing to do is to just move on. I highly doubt that he will ever change. If he cheated on you once, he's going to continue to do it. I'm sorry that he has been playing with your emotions like that, but its time for you to begin to realize how lucky you are that you have broken up with him and see him for the lying, cheating dog that he is (I hate to insult dogs here).

You are now free to find a man who will treat you right and actually love you for who you are.

My further advice would be to turn him down when he wants to have sex with you again, bc he will, but it's not bc he cares about you, its bc he knows that he can manipulate you to spread your legs whenever he can't get sex from someone else.

[dwcl99]

Thanks for the MHO.

[potatoiswhoiam]

Your mind is what you should listen to rn because it's basically telling you that your self worth should stay in the way, since it's not worth it to be with someone who consciously cheated on you and hurt you.
She did not steal him. You can't steal a person, and you guys were already broken up.. you did have sex but he didn't consider you to be his girlfriend, while you thought there was something going on between you.
Please don't think sex can solve such problems, you're only giving yourself to the wrong person who will keep taking advantage of you.

I understand you love him, but love is not enough to keep a relationship. Respect and loyalty are among the pillars of any healthy relationship, and in yours they were long lost.
So I suggest you block him again. Because he deserves it. And let him be. It'll hurt a lot for a long time. But no matter how many months it takes, remember why you blocked him and remember why you don't wanna be with him anymore. Think of what your future will look with him if this kept on going. Sooner or later you'll realize it's actually not even your loss. It's his loss. And you'll let him go.

[12100794]

Out of the blue, he messaged me on Facebook saying “how re you?”. Should I reply?

[potatoiswhoiam]

It's up to you. I wouldn't

[Mia-Wallace]

As a first rule‌, you won't go start a new relationship until you completely wiped your ex off your mind.

[horsenrhinounicorn]

Stop telling yourself you can change him. He hasn’t proven that he is committed, you are being used whenever he wants something. He may create a wonderfully experience for you, but it’s a one way street. Don’t be manipulated by this move on, there is someone else out there for you that will be even better. You need time to heal and to start looking for that special someone who will be all for you and no one else

[12100794]

Out of the blue, he messaged me on Facebook saying “how re you?”. Should I reply?

[IZZIRO]

Yes, but don't beg for his attention, just talk like two normal human beings. You still love him and it's hard, but someone who cheated on you doesn't deserve your love.

How did he cheat?

[Alanfra]

I’m really sorry, but you need to forget this guy, he now knows that he can cheat with other women and although you’re not happy about it, he can get away with it, so in theory why should he change?

There’s somebody out there who will love you and want to be with you and only you, get over this guy and be patient, your guy is out there

[NightFalcon333]

NEVER TRUST ANYTHING MEN SAYS DURING & AFTER SEX.. we’re totally delirious and talk shit at those times.

We need to build great atmosphere in order to get a pleasureable cumming, so.. some of us did that. Sorry.

[neonX]

The things with boys is the took the physical attraction as love. I am you have to acquire a skill that's called unfuckwithable. Once you did it's gonna be ok. Like I did. After 6 years I am still single and she is still just a memory. I moved on.

And it's not going to be easy for you.

[Finchie40]

Umm you need to wake up and move on , he is just using you for his convenience, if he really loved you , you wouldn’t be each other’s ex

[likelyOK]

Don't let him use you bc that sounds like exactly what he is doing

[Anonymous]

I will tell you what you should do sale your house by a new home acroosed the street from your exboyfriend that will keep you close or simple stalk him thats what i did.

[shahzi7]

Find new boyfriend