Should I or should I not be friends with my ex?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend broke up with me and it's because he's and has to move to another country next year for a teaching position in the fall at a college, I am happy for him and I love him so, I didn't try to stop or object to it when he broke up with me, the last thing I said to him was " I won't forget you and I love you." The next morning he messaged me and wrote that he still wants to remain friends and still loves me but, he doesn't think that it's fair to make me have an LDR since my career is here in the U. S. I don't know what to do and I am not sure if I can go back to being "just friends" with as much that has happened between us. Should I keep in contact as a friend or leave everything behind? We were very close and supportive to each other as friends first and as boyfriend and girlfriend too.

Updates

+1 y

Thanks so much for the advice and opinions from all of you lovely Gaggers! I've made the decision to decline the offer for friendship. I definitely don't want to be friends with someone who's left me in my darkest hour. I've recently had some bad circumstances and lost a loved one to a terminal illness too. I'm moving on with my life and I'm grateful for everything.

[Aethereal]

I think it's a very bad idea. But I also think breaking up because of distance is stupid so, take my opinion however you will.

While I do think it's harmless to maintain friendship in the short term. I think it should only be done with the understanding that it is truly over when you start seeing other people. The problem is that this looks like a friendship of convenience. Still that is the best I would personally endorse.

If you get a new partner, your old one immediately becomes a threat to the relationship (if you maintained close contact). This is especially so if the break-up was amicable. It implies that had conditions been different, you would still be together, and would reconnect romantically if the conditions were removed (distance, in your case). I can understand how any future partners might feel insecure thinking that they are a rebound or 2nd choice until your ex comes back.

[R3DthatDude]

This should be copied and past on every question on being friends with ex

[Novacane]

I think it is perfectly fine to remain friends with them. Especially because you guys didn't break up for an outrages reason like most relationships do, both of you guys understood the situation and unfortunately, they don't play in your favor and that's perfectly fine. So it's understandable that you guys remain, friends since there is no bad tension between you guys and both equally respect each other.

Personally, I would say maybe try LDS I know he said it is not fair for you but it he loves you and you love him why not see if it might work, especially since anything can happen! the future is a mystery.

But if you are certain that its 100% over than yeah you can remain friends, just not try to have that much contact or else you will find yourself conflicted between not knowing what to do and maybe so will he.

[Anonymous]

That’s a good thing he broke up with you for that reason. I’m glad it’s not for cheating on you or anything like that major. It’s okay for you be friends with him if that’s the only reason why y’all broke up. For me, I’m only friends with one of my ex’s it’s a girl, she has been my bff ever since, we broke up cause her parents were against me and her dating. But say, I’m not friends with my ex bfs I want nothing to do with them. Some are so ignorant that speaking to them now gives me a migraine. I wish they weren’t so judgmental and gave two fucks about what they spoke about, but that’s too much like right.

[sheikalana]

I'm not friends with none of my exes and I don't feel the need to communicate nor be friends with them after we broke up. If I wasn't good enough to be their girlfriend then I'm not good enough to be their friends either.

[Paris13]

I am So Sorry for your Losses... All Way round, sweetheart. God Bless and God Luck. xx

[Asker]

Thanks so much, beautiful! 😘 It's not always easy to go through loss on top of other losses and complications to life but, I am so grateful for your kind words and best wishes.

[Paris13]

It was My Pleasure, Treasure. xxoo

[whatdoyouwantt]

Maybe he’s not interested anymore or maybe he is confused. However If he was interested he would fight to stay with ya no matter what.. not look for excuses

[MannMitAntworten]

No. Exes only cause problems with future relationships. Some even ruin relationships. Don’t do it.

[gandolph3]

Be friends, yoj may need one someday

[Asker]

I understand your advice, but I don't think that it's best for me to try to be friends with someone who I am still in love with who has abandoned me during a very because they see me as some sort of life obstacle or because they just can't handle being in an LDR. It's kind of degrading to accept that.

[gandolph3]

I understand

[Asker]

It's a really difficult time for me now and he already knew that and dumped me anyway because he saw it as something that would cause strife for HIM to carry on the relationship between us. I was there for him when he experienced devastating loss and I supported him through it all because of love and respect. I was such a fool to believe that he would do that for me too and now he's trying not be seen as a D*** by offering me the breadcrumbs of the friend zone.

[alwaysdreaming16]

Doesn't sound to good...

[Dave31989]

fuck no

[Anonymous]

Not.