Should I tell him that he hurt me?

[Anonymous]

A guy did something wrong and hurt me, and we broke up.
I read advices to not show a guy you are hurt, so I told him I loved him and i wished him all the best and didn't think bad of him. And i showed myself happy and smiling.

But it has been 3 months and i am still thinking about it, i think letting him know that he hurt me could help me and finally forget it? I tried writing it down and not sending but this fake closure doesn't work. Maybe I need to tell him my true feelings about what he did?

[GingerGuy]

Yes. Now, depending on him, and the time that has passed, he may or may not care now, but still tell him. If nothing else, for your own closure. And I personally would still like to know. Especially if it's a flaw of mine and something that might help me with future relationships? But some guys won't care about that lol. I would be interested personally. And for your future relationships, this "advice" you got is very wrong, or you misinterpreted it maybe? Don't EVER hide that you are hurt or your feelings from a guy. Sometimes we may have no idea what we've done nor can learn from it (or about you if the relationship continues). Think in the reverse, you would want to know if you hurt a guy right? So do we if we truly care about you.

[GingerGuy]

Reading, don't block him after! That's cowardly. You are opening that door, so then don't give him a chance to say anything? Really? How would that make you feel? Now if he gets all upset and acts really immature, that's different and maybe you'd have to block him then, but if he's going to talk about it rationally, let him. It could be closure for him as well and not just you. Don't be selfish there.

[Asker]

Thank you. I hear such advices like "don't give him that satisfaction that he hurt you" or "if you ever want him back go no contact and never tell him that you were hurt" . But now i realised i would never want him back anyway so i don't think it matters? Also I clearly have problem to stop thinking about it

[Asker]

Now i think maybe better to not text him. He might feel guilty and sorry for me but it is not attractive, right? Maybe by not insulting him and showing myself happy anyway was a better way to handle it? He obviously realises that he made something wrong , men do realise that, there is no need to tell them, right?

[GingerGuy]

Yeah I think in this case and being that it's been 3 months (I assume with no contact?), I'd probably just leave it alone. However if you need to do it for yourself, then you could.

[Asker]

I wrote the message and i am thinking of sending it. I will give it a day, read it tomorrow and decide. It has 10 sentences do you think it is not too long?

[GingerGuy]

No probably not.

[ColHathi]

Yeah. I say do it. If the advice from people was because you shouldn't give the guy the satisfaction, I say that's nonsense. Who cares what he gets out of it. You're done with him anyway. What matters more is that you get what you need to say off your chest... well, as long as that doesn't result in him responding in some way that just makes the situation worse ofc.

If they gave you that advice because they thought it wasn't worth going through the trouble, and that you should save your energy and get over him, that I could understand. But ofc it doesn't look like that's working out, so I'd just tell him that he hurt you.

[Asker]

I was thinking to not makevit dramatic and long text anyway. Few sentences just. And i would block him after sending it to avoid discussion with him in case. Do you think it is fine?

[ColHathi]

Yeah I think that's perfect. Maybe tell him that you're blocking him though.

[Asker]

I think now that i should not maybe text him. He did something bad so he obviously knows it was wrong? And telling him i am hurt might make him feel sorry for me, and this is not attractive , right? Maybe i just need more time to stop feeling hurt instead of telling him? What do you think?

[ColHathi]

Could be. I can't rule that out. I wouldn't worry about what he thinks though. He hurt you, and it's important for you to know that he knows what he did one way or another. There is nothing wrong with that, in my opinion.

I could understand if you'd rather just try to get over him and not think about him too though :/ I don't know which option is better.

[Asker]

I wrote the message and i am thinking of sending it. I will give it a day, read it tomorrow and decide. It has 10 sentences do you think it is not too long?

[ColHathi]

Good idea. I dunno, it sounds long, but on the other hand you probably can't avoid making it at least a bit long.

[CapnHawk]

You'll do both yourselves the favor of telling him. You'll get it off your chest and he will realize what he did to you and hopefully not repeat that behavior again.

[Asker]

Now i think maybe better not, maybe i don't need to get it off my chest and just time will heal it? If i tell him i felt hurt he might feel guilty or sorry for me , but it is not attractive for Men, right? Maybe i handled it better by not telling him anything bad and showing myself happy anyway? He did something wrong so he obviously knows it anyway? What do you think? I would like to get it off my chest, but i don't want him to think of me as that poor girl and completely lose attraction to me if he ever had

[CapnHawk]

You've gotten a lot of advice from other GAG members However, when in doubt, follow your gut feeling. That's generally the right thing to do. If you don't want to let your guy know that he hurt you, then go with that. You can always let him know later if you change your mind.

[Asker]

I wrote the message and i am thinking of sending it. I will give it a day, read it tomorrow and decide. It has 10 sentences do you think it is not too long?

[CapnHawk]

Nope, sounds right to me.

[OddBeMe]

Sounds like you need closure. But it might not involve him. Or maybe you need “live well” as the saying goes and then when he comes back sniffing, string him along and dump his ass. There’s your closure.

[Asker]

I would just like to stop feeling hurt and i don't care anymore. I don't know if texting him and getting it off my shoulders might help? Or with time i just stop feeling hurt , but how much more time i need then :(

[Lonelywolfxl]

Definitely you should

[piyush8527]

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