"You Proposed, They Said No" Would You Break Up With Them?

Question

NeverHadASister · Accepted Answer

After a few years of experience with at least 4 proposals under my belt. it is best to understand why. I wish I could say that I was that smart, but many of my past friends have actually asked, or been asked, "Hypothetically, if I proposed, would you accept?".

On the other hand, if it is a solid possibility and the right time, you probably both know.

If the proposEE says no, then there were probably some big red flags beforehand. However, it does not mean that they do not want to spend the rest of their life with you. Just be sure to keep your money separate and expect the other person to pay half of everything, especially if you are living together, until there is a "contractual agreement".

It is as common to find people who feel too urgent a need to be married, as it is people who are terrified of marriage. Upbringing, example set by their own parents, financial pressure, biological clocks, isolation of single people when all your friends are married, romantic fantasy, all your younger siblings married and had babies before you, hurry to move out of abusive parental home, or fear of losing a Dr. fiancé promising 2 carats.

Contrastingly, growing up with a wife beater, alcoholic, and cheating father; drug addicted mother; family hoarders; poor money managing mom and dad who were perpetually poor and blamed it on getting married and having children; or history of a violent rape where the woman has lost all trust in men and fears being alone with them.

coachTanthony · Accepted Answer

They are obviously not on the same page of communication.

Discussing the future during your relationship is way more important then popping the question and getting engaged. Your future shouldn't be determined by getting engaged... it needs to be determined by consistent communication throughout your journey and what both of your goals are for the relationship. .

You shouldn't start discussing your life together after you propose. If the both of you have communicated up and down what you both want and she says no to a marriage proposal... then that is a NO to YOU. So yes I would break up.

crazyish · Accepted Answer

Only if the reason they said no was because they decided they didn't want me. Marriage seems to be this goal in relationships and not the relationship itself. Not wanting to legally bound yourself is a personal reason and not always a reflection on the person who asked or the relationship itself. Proposing has lost it's value by discussing it to death. That's why there are women who are bothered by the time it takes someone to purpose. Marriage is expecting someone to sacrifice their entire life up to that point, it becomes more than just about love. People seek it for many reasons, it's lost it's real meaning.

I believe that proposing should happen naturally and not out of expectation from having discuss it previously. And it shouldn't be something someone has to do in order to be with someone, it seems a bit controlling to me.

You hear of people who don't want marriage at all but end up proposing to someone. Why because of love. It's unpredictable and should be the inspiration and sole purpose of wanting a marriage. Otherwise you only have a mutual legal agreement that took years to draft up that has finally been approved and satisfied by both parties. Well to me anyways. And I'm on a no marriage ever again mindset so that's actually saying a lot.

Ammi_goldie806 · Accepted Answer

In my opinion I don't think you should break up with the person just because they decline your proposal I think y'all should talk about why that person said no and then move on from it and then propose to them another time. And make a big effort next time so it's a likely chance that that person will say yes. My parents are very old school so I have to let the guy propose to me. But if I propose to him I think it wouldn't really matter. But if they say no to me I wouldn't be mad I'll just be disappointed and very sad that the love of my life want to marry me or get engaged with me at that point. And I'll just try again next time. But usually the guy ship opposed to the girl cuz that's just how my family works so whenever he is ready and I feel the connection in the vibe in the room and if it's perfect and if it's fine if I like it of course I'm going to say yes cuz obviously I love the person and I love the vibe with them. And they're the only person for me. Beyonce said "if you like it you should put a ring on it".

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Depends on why she said "no." If the answer was, "I can't get married until I graduate college," and she indicated she wanted to continue to date, then I would have reasons to be hopeful about the future. If she said, "No, I don't want to marry you because you don't make enough money," I would have a quite ribald and hostile response to her.

Leavesbound · Answer

This actually happened to me. I dated the woman for five years. Her Mom, best friend and sister all told me she was getting impatient for a proposal. So (being a professional engagement ring maker) I made her a diamond engagement ring with a VVSI 1ct brilliant cut diamond all by hand. I presented her with five dozen long stemmed red roses, one for every month we'd been together. Mixed in that was five dozen white carnations and a lot of baby's breath. I made a hand made Valentine's card (it was Valentine's Day) with a poem I wrote to her. I made her favorite flavor of chocolate truffle. I took her to her favorite restaurant and got her, her favorite dish, baked stuffed lobster. While she was waiting for the entre three violinists came over and played her favorite Vivaldi piece. After dinner I took her to a Broadway show that she'd wanted desperately to see. On the way home we pulled over to watch the aurora borealis. I couldn't have done anything more. Her Mom, sister and best friend all said she would not want it to be a big public proposal but something private and intimate and romantic. After a few minutes of watching the northern lights we saw a falling star and she made a wish. I took that as my cue. I got down on one knee, pulled out the ring, presented it to her and proposed while the radio played her favorite love song. She took the ring letting me put it on her finger, told me it was a nice ring then laughed and pulled out her cell phone without answering. I asked who she was calling and she said "my real boyfriend." That was a little over ten years ago and I haven't dated since.

MasseurDeMojo · Answer

It depends. If you had been talking to them about your relationship, and had been dropping hints that you want to take the plunge; and they have given you signs that it sounds like a good idea; and now that you have a green light you propose, and they say no! Ask the question, why. If they say they love you, but are not sure if they are ready, take some time to talk things through; they may at a later date say yes!!

If they answer you that they never gave you a sign of, lets go further. Take that as a sign that all they wanted was to flirt, and boost their ego. They never intended to be with you; so, it is time to cut your losses, and find someone who you connect on a personal level.

TurboKid · Answer

I never proposed until it was almost a surefire deal with lots of conversation leading up to it. I don't like putting a girl on the spot that way and the last thing I want even if she says "yes" is pressure and surprise guiding the situation. I want any "yes" coming from her to be something she already mulled out far in advance on her own.

More applicable to me is whether I'd stay with a girl who doesn't want to be married. I think I would have as long as we have no intentions of having children.

jgokgotit · Answer

Yes I would break off the relationship. I would not propose to a girlfriend any sooner than 2 years (more likely 3 years). Also, during that time I would have been sure to ask/discuss both our thoughts for our future, both together and as individuals. If I put money into getting the proposal ready, it would only be after I was sure she was ready. If she says no to my proposal, I would take it as she was dishonest and/or not mature enough to know herself before giving her answers. If she does not know me well enough or trust me enough to be willing to marry me after that much time AND after the thorough discussions we would've had up to that point, then I would not waste any more of my time.

Dragonpurple · Answer

My mother told my father No... the first time he propose, but her phrase she said was "No, ask me later."

Then the next time she said "yes" it wasn't more than a few weeks though.

If my goals was marriage and a long term relationship and someone said no, and left it at that... I'd break up with her. No point in wasting anymore time.

Funny thing is my first time I got married I rushed it too much, but she said yes... the next time more than a decade later. I was happy to not rush it and my current wife is the one who actually said, that I should propose to her. She said I was moving too slow for her liking.

loveslongnails · Answer

Hmm... how about having your head examined? Lawyers say " never ask a question in court that you don't already know the answer to". A marriage proposal is the exact same thing. If a guy doesn't know for certain that the answer will be yes, he shouldn't be asking because it means you don't know your partner well enough to BE married.

But let's say you're blindly in the dark and can't see the forest for the trees, and you ask and get rejected. Yes, you should end the relationship because what's the point of going on? You want a life with her, she doesn't want one with you. NEXT !!

Massageman · Answer

Hopefully the couple has had enough experience- and experiences- with one another that they already "know" when they are about ready to tie the knot. The actual proposal-with-ring-thing is the "icing on the cake" as it were- the BIG surprise often being the high degree of creativity USED to  MAKE  the offer official.  Whether dancing carrots - - - - - - - - - - - - or Disneyland, the relationship should be almost a done deal by ring time!

BarryLiverstone · Answer

So I get that she might say no due to the timing of it, but when I propose I will likely be confident she says yes. Also the engagement period is flexible so even if she didn’t want to get married in a year we could have a longer engagement. But if she still says no after offering those options it’s a clear sign I need to break the relationship and find someone else. I respect her decision if the timing isn’t perfect but timing wise it’s better to start over sooner than wait for her to come around.

PeacefulRainDrop · Answer

Depends on why he said no.. did he not like the fact that I asked him when he wished he asked me? Did he have a ring on layaway? Did I ask too soon? Maybe we just need more time.. if there was no chance at marriage at all in this relationship tell me why Im dating him then?

loves2learn · Answer

Depends on the reasoning. I mean, if they wanted to reach another life milestone first I would be ok with it. My husband waited until after I graduated from college. Before that I wouldn’t have been ready. He graduated before me, so he was ready but waited until I was.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

1st of all i don't propose, when i date a girl, i date for the purpose of marriage, if she's not willing to walk the same path with me, i'll leave cause my time if from gold...

I'm not one of these guys who kneels on their knees to propose, i only knee for god...

I'm honest from day 1, i don't use girls for my personal pleasure and i don't play with a girl'a feelings cause i like to make people happy and not sad or hurt!

I just like to be myself and don't like to act just cause it's a trend these days doing such things!

electromagnetic · Answer

Yeah I would absolutely break up. It sounds like there’s a lack of communication in the relationship is one is thinking marriage but the other isn’t. I think people tend to discuss their future together as they continue to remain in a relationship. I’m sure the discussion of marriage will eventually come up.

Finchie40 · Answer

Depends on how long we were in the relationship , and if we communicated about it , people that jump the gun and assume it’s time are playing with fire considering it’s a desperate approach , you kind of feel bad for those people but then in a way you don’t cuz it’s like Dude , you barely know the girl , Me personally would never propose to a girl that I wasn’t in a relationship with for a long time , Proposing To someone you barely know is just dumb

GrimmGothBabe · Answer

Possibly depends on their reasons for saying no. It may have been a communication error where they read signals wrong instead of discussing the possibilities openly an honestly. They may not be ready or have previous issues or just may not be the marriage type or have beliefs that oppose it.

Old_-_Soul · Answer

There is not a definitive answer to this.
IF I purposed early in the relationship and she said no, AND we had a good relationship, I would not break up; it was simply too soon.
IF I purposed after we had lived together for over a year AND I wanted something with a commitment; the no would more likely end the relationship.
Those are rather the two extremes I could come up with to give an idea of the range of answers and reasons. There are many that sit between the two extremes that everybody will answer differently to, as many will the examples I gave.

Andres77 · Answer

Maybe... I might have taken that as a "not now" and just considered it a challenge.

But... a girl was getting impatient and decided to ask me in a roundabout way. I said "I'm never going to marry you." She kicked me out.
The next day I got home from work and had a message waiting for me. She got a puppy and invited me over. She was also in the military and was going to have to move in a few months so we decided to hang out until she left.
Win win.

JackSmy · Answer

Yeah, she rejected me, and if she didn't offer a reason, then Bye, BYE! Get your SHIT out of my house and find someplace to sleep tonight!
What kind of punk, loser, would wait around?
If I was to propose, I would think we were at that place, that we had trust, and love, and it would be good. if she said "no" then I was TOTALLY wrong, and misread, and didn't know her, like I thought, so BYE!!

DragonWhisper · Answer

It depends on a lot of things for me.

If it was more of "not right now" then I'd give it a go longer. If it was more of "No" then likely I'd break it off.

Especially recently, if I'm at the point in a relationship where I feel the desire to propose then I'd hold out longer only if it seemed like it would eventually be a yes.

Lilbrown · Answer

A proposal means I believe you are the one! If you reject my proposal, I should evaluate my reason for thinking this way. Maybe, I miss read the signals. Am I delusional? Obviously, I made a mistake. So yes! I would breakup with that person. Life is hard enough without having to chase a rabbit.. Let Ms Betty Bunny go! Bye

JediSisko · Answer

Dating needs to be a discernment towards marriage, especially with the person you are dating. There should be an open conversation through out. If I was ready and felt she was and I asked and she said no, then that conversation has to be had about it soon afterwords in order to move forward.

Jjpayne · Answer

I'd be curious to hear why and what they thought. Unfortunately it might be a very vague reply and stop me if I'm wrong but asking a girl for when I can ask her again would only make her more vague and uncomfortable. It's like, "but when" "I don't know right now and I might not ever know, I just don't feel like this is where I want the relationship to go right now and I don't know when I'll ever be ready..." With a response like that... I don't know what to do with that 🤔 🤨

soloinacrowd · Answer

That's a tough one to come back from. I guess it depends on why she said no. Could it be she didn't like the ring? She thinks it's too soon? Or she's a terrible person... just kidding. The relationship would have to be pretty damn solid to get past that though.

CrazyGirl2 · Answer

No, I mean if I love hime enough to want to spend the rest of my life with him, why on earth would I break up just because he wasn’t really ready to get married? That seems like cutting off you nose to spite your gigantic ego! I’ve never understood why people do that? “I love you so much, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, have children together, and make a future for ourselves… what? No! Well fuck you, I never want to see you again, asshole!” Phewww dodged a bullet there!

TodsShadow · Answer

Depends on what type of no. If no as I’m not ever then I’m out. If it’s a no we need to talk about that more then I’m open to see what she has to say. I’d leave if I had to go rope the moon or something. I’d also leave if I publicly proposed and she ran away. I’d be curious and have questions, but ultimately think she ran out the relationship.

Mikep83 · Answer

I think it would depend on the reason why they said no. Are there extenuating circumstances? Maybe something is going on with them that you haven’t discussed yet... and it might be something that prevents it now but not later. It’s something to talk about before pulling away and breaking things off. Communication is key.

A_Bell · Answer

I likely would be the one proposing, but if I did, and he said no, it's over.

It means the relationship is asymetrical, and those are always unhealthy unless it is a parent/child, mentor/student type of relationship that is asymetrical by design.

ohshee · Answer

No because it's not really that big of a deal. I just proposed go down to the 7-Eleven and get a Slurpee that's all. we don't need to break up just because of that

IveGotNoName · Answer

Depends. Did I propose too early? Are they willing to accept if we wait a few years? Or do they simply not want to marry me? If it's the latter, then yes, I would leave them. If it's one of the other two, I'd understand and stay with them.

kkirk4442 · Answer

It would entirely depend on the relationship, where I wanted my life to head to, if she was saying no, or no way ever. If I were looking for marriage, and if she said adamantly no, I would move on.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

This question has already been asked. (But it's okay; you probably didn't know.)

If she says "not yet", I would not break up with her.

If she says "No", I will absolutely break up with her. (What else is there to do?)

jamesgoldman · Answer

Maybe, depends on how much I like them and how they reject me

If things go badly I'll set about swapping the rock for a Rolex
If things go okay put the ring away for a few months and roll the dice again

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

Well, I might wait around for while but don't know for sure how long, If they said no to one proposal makes me wonder if they will say yes to any future proposals, It would upset me for sure

originalemerald · Answer

Depends on how early in the relationship. I feel like a promise ring should be first. Then ask to marry after a few years. If u guys talk and u know she's not ready why ask. If u know she's ready and she says no. I'd b like ok bye.

red324 · Answer

The girl will bring up the idea of marriage so if you're asking and she hasn't hinted yet then that's the risk you take. I don't think it's a reason to break up though. Just means they aren't ready yet.

Smoothing · Answer

It all depends on how long we have been together and her reasons for not accepting. I would not just break up willinily just like that.

Interstate · Answer

Find out first why she declined. Sometimes it is just a matter of she just isn't ready yet. A proper Women will just break it off for any other reason. Either you love them and want to marry them or you don't which insinuates there is nothing there.

ZackBan · Answer

I would never propose seeing as I'm agaisnt the idea of marriage.

But if I ever went mad and did it and got rejected I'll need a pretty legitimate reason why not otherwise there's no point in staying when we each want something different

JEndigoBleue · Answer

I would. The entire goal for the individual was to marry said person. The goal has been accomplished and the answer is "No".

Dchrls78104 · Answer

Yes, I would. It would end our relationship. If she said No, the whole point of our relationship would be lost because it would demonstrate our incompatibility.

COMMODOREII · Answer

Hell yeah. The main point is to get married someday. I mean i understand if we need more time and such but if it is not good reasons then why should i waste my time.

HHHHIHHHHHIHHHH · Answer

First of all, this is sth to discuss first snd then do the proposing

DocJones · Answer

I most likely would break up with her. I imagine that would be a difficult one to get over, but don't see how investing more time for would be a good thing for either of us.

Glad that never happened to me because that would suck lol

Everglow5 · Answer

Well what would be the point of staying together? Don't you date to get married?

DaveToo · Answer

I would ask why then respect their decision. Depending on the answer I would then decide to move on or work harder on the relationship.

humanearth · Answer

I would think so. Because marriage is the deal. It means you or they want the whole package. You or they want more then dating.

PaynefulPleasures · Answer

Communication goes along way, find out why maybe they need more time ✌️

Joshua0213 · Answer

Depends how she said no, if she was nice about no I wouldn't break up with her. But if she acted more mean I would since it probably wouldn't ever get to that point then

Azura_88 · Answer

No. I'll kick their ass for wasting my time and being a hoe. This generation is sick. Sex and hookups before marriage should be banned.

Wiredone · Answer

It would depend on what her reason is for turning down my proposal. I only proposed once, and she accepted.

impalabill · Answer

Honestly I probably would. I would want the relationship to go further and she doesn't. So why would I waste my time on a relationship that is going no where. First I would see why she said no, then I would get up and go.

lsksni · Answer

Yes. It's not likely that either of us will get anything out of it. A proposal is usually a make or break thing.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Depends on the woman. Normally a guy proposes only if he is sure she will say yes. If you have doubts than its probably not the right time to propose.

jerdanro · Answer

If I loved someone enough to propose and they said know, I would probably be too hurt to stay.

SuccessfulHornDog · Answer

It would depend on many factors. What are my goals and why did she refuse the proposal.

Anonymous · Answer

She answered her cell phone when I proposed to her that was a warning right there

Screenwriter · Answer

If marriage was your only goal, not a continuane of the relationship even if she said "No," then you would have to break up with.

Aiko_E_Lara · Answer

I wouldn't because i will never propose. It's not impossible to be a couple forever without marriage

Pete671 · Answer

Yes, I'd give them up to a year to think about it though,

TheAfrikan · Answer

If she loves me she better say yes. AND if she wants time she can say I Need some Time that is I Okay then.

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