How can I get my long-distance ex back after 3 months of no contact?

[Anonymous]

We are both 25 and were together about a year. We were long distance but close enough to where we saw each other every 2 weeks. He ended it because he knew I wanted us to move in together in the near future but he wasn't ready. After the breakup, I told him I would rather stay long-distance than lose him, and he liked the idea at first but then said it would be too hard and seemed to have his mind made up.

I decided to go no contact and thought I was moving on until it hit me that I still love him and miss him, so I reached out. We've been texting a lot but it has been very platonic and mostly just us catching up. I haven't mentioned wanting to get back together or gotten in my feelings but I have tried hinting that he should visit me, but he either just can't take a hint or doesn't want to, I don't know.

I feel in a good spot in that he is interested in talking to me, but I'm so scared to tell him I want to reconcile because I'm scared he'll say no. I feel like he needs to be the one to set up a date and say he wants to get back together because he's the one who ended it. I just know if he visited me, he would want to get back together, but I don't know how to convince him to visit in the right way. I feel like new years would be the perfect time but don't know how to leverage the plan. Any ideas?

[Anonymous]

There is no "perfect time" because nothing has changed. The reason (s) it ended are still there. Missing him is natural and normal, but no reason (alone) to get back together when nothing has changed. Your comment of "hinting" - he just doesn't want to because like I say, nothing has changed and he knows this also. Long distance is very hard to maintain, even "short" long distance. And especially the longer the relationship goes on, the more you'll both naturally want to see each other more and more often. Once every 2 weeks works for a while - then it won't (you won't be happy with it anymore trust me, talking from my own experience, not just words).

[Asker]

You make extremely valid points but it’s just so hard for me to let him go because I still love him and we had a really good relationship Honestly, seeing each other every 2 weeks was really getting to us in the end. It was really hard cause we did want to see each other more but now that we’re not together, I’d rather have that again than nothing at all. It feels like no matter what I do, my heart won’t let me move on

[Anonymous]

Let me put it this way , the guys dont always have to put the effort right? If you really wanna know if he wants to see you or not why not just say “hey why dont we hangout sometime just as friends” or give off a friendly vibe and ask to hang out. ( if that makes sense) dont be afraid to make the move first. Even if he says no or ends up not arranging a hangout time/date at least you will know ! Its possible he may not wanna see you because he knows when he sees you it will probably make him realize he misses you too.

[Anonymous]

im going through the exact same thing. literally the exact same thing.


just give him some time, he reached out to you, he said he missed you and loved you. that’s a major first step. continue with the platonic conversations and talk about the good times you guys had.

[BarryLiverstone]

I wonder if he found someone else

[Nahid1707]

Don’t you want to move on?

[Anonymous]

Keep texting him for now

[In_Trance]

don't bother

[john505]

I'll talk to you :)