Unsurprisingly, once again I wasn’t good enough for someone and I’ve had my heart broken. Back to year 7 of single life! Give me your heartbreak and self care tips.
What do you do to pick yourself up when you’ve had your heart broken?
Well u learned a long time ago there are 2 different types of heart break The first one is your going out with a girl and it's not working out you both try different things but you both agree it's better to move on but you never agree when that time is going to be either you do it or she does it but always one person is not ready. And you know it's for the best but your not ready the heartache comes from within . And you are the one that controls happiness or sadness from within you can either sit in your potty pot and beat yourself up or you an hang out with friends or go out to a club dance listen to music and just except what has happen
And then there is real heartache that is when two people get together and they hit it off like never before it's like you're not even in control your floating in the air with everything you do and this happens year after year every single day you're just tight together and then out of the blue somebody wants to break up it happens you can't eat you cannot sleep you cannot do anything except for think about this person your body hurts every day your head your mind every single day every moment you cannot stop thinking about this person it drives you crazy because you know that you're not that person to feel this type of way When this happens this is not only when you fell in love with that person but the real you inside I call it your energy fell in love with that person's energy and They Mourn each other it's a very special bond when your energy falls in love with somebody else's energy Because even though you have accepted that it's over with your energy has not that is the real you the person who you're supposed to find that's what you're on this planet for is to become that person but when you have let this person you were dating go and your energy is still in love and morning the Lost of their love it is crazy you have never felt this way before you don't want to eat you don't want to sleep you don't want to be motivated you don't want nothing even though you want that but your energy does not what that I don't know if you understand what I'm saying but I look at it like this You have people that get addicted to alcohol you have people get addicted to drugs when you put these things in your body each and every single day you got only get addicted to it but your energy the real you gets addicted to it that's why people can't quit and that's what drives them crazy because they know they have to stop but it's the energy inside that doesn't know that they have to stop and they're the ones that crave it just like in a relationship They Mourn lost as a relationship they had with another energy did you do the same things with drugs and alcohol and it becomes a battle. This heartache is the hardest heartache because it's not only you that felt it but it's who you truly are your energy the ones that guide you the teaches you about everything on this planet If our body is our Temple our Temple protects something on the inside our soul our spirit and energy are light it is who we really are and when we die when our Temple dies it's our light our energy the gathers our soul our spirit and everything we have ever done since we've been on this planet and takes it to wherever we go to next energy Never Dies But when your energy has heart ache you're in a world of trouble because nothing is going to be right until your energy is right there's only a couple ways to deal with that
Yes I hear you I've been there before and that's the only person I will let ever hurt me once you go to that pain you'll never want to go there again so you learn from it and you grow from it and God forbid if you get hooked up with somebody again and he breaks your heart you have to remember it can't be broken twice you already went to that pain so you just got to let it go that's all there is to it let it go and move on
You don't pick yourself up. Right now anyway. You deal with that grief and heartache, take the time to process it so you can heal, then you start picking yourself back up. Being heartbroken is one of the most excruciating hurts we experience, so you need to be easy on yourself right now. Don't do all that stuff people tell you: get out there and date again, go fuck somebody to get over somebody else, blah blah. All any of that will do is just end up giving you more emotional baggage.
Just take the time right now to grieve and heal. I thought I would never get over my ex, it seemed so impossible, but enough time passed and now I can say I'm open to loving someone new. You will be too, just take it easy.
First of all, I doubt you aren't good enough for these people. Sometimes people just aren't good matches, and it's not always someone's fault. Not everyone is meant for each other, and that's okay. Even if they outright told you they felt you weren't good enough for them, that doesn't necessarily make it true. People can think what they want, but you know what they say about opinions.
You're just as good as every other person on this planet. Don't allow anyone to make you think they deserve to be put on a pedestal above you (and honestly, those who want to treat you as if you're inferior to them typically have major insecurity issues and are struggling to be good enough in their own eyes).
As to how to handle heartbreak, IME, it takes time, keeping yourself busy and occupied, and the realizations that 1) your self worth is not dependent on the opinions of others, and 2) it's possible to be content both in and out of relationships. I find that if you can live a content life while not in a relationship, it will create a much better chance of happiness within a relationship, as depending on something for your sole source of happiness never works. That isn't to say to give up on relationships or not want them, just to refuse to allow your relationship status to dictate whether or not you can be happy. Things are tough right now, but they will get better and you will be okay. It's extremely likely that this breakup is for the best and something better is in store for you.
I’ve had a lot of people over the years, romantic partners and even family members tell me how completely worthless and unloveable I am. I’m used to being made to feel inferior to everyone else in my life. I’m the common denominator, the one that always messes things up.
I'm sorry to hear that. Could it be that maybe you've been around toxicity in your family your entire life, and in turn have been attracted to those same traits in partners?
If you feel there are issues with you, it is always possible to improve yourself and change things that are in your control (though it may not be easy or happen overnight).
Well, firstly I allow myself to cry and release everything I feel. That is extremely important to do, releasing emotions is therapeutic so when all your friends or whomever try to tell you to "stop crying" or to "just get over it already", don't listen to them. You will never get over it until you allow yourself to let out everything your feeling. Once you do all that, after a while you're slowly getting better and better, and at that point that's when I like to take me time by pampering myself a little; I get my hair done, a nice mani-pedi, I go shopping, i work out, I watch lots of movies and TV, and what helps most of all is TAKING SELFIES I don't know if it's just me, but taking selfies and posting them always makes me feel so much better after coming out of a heartbreak. It's like that validation that you give yourself of how beautiful you are and posting it and having others feel the same way is just the best feeling ever. I'm always telling girls this. Take selfies, do photoshoots, it's the best!
Sometimes it helps to just not do anything to fix your heart really fast. Just go through the pain like you already are. You are deeply hurting inside and there is no quick fix for a broken heart. I remember when my heart was deeply broken. I wish there was a pill I could take everyday for my love sickness. I think you know the only thing that would make you feel better would be to have him back with you. Since that is not possible, you are going to have to take this love sickness one day at a time; and sometimes one hour at a time. I believe the worst thing a love sick person can do is to beat themselves up, hate themselves, listen to old voices from the past telling you that you aren't good enough. It really gets in the way of the healing process. There will come a day when you don't think about him and the break up. It might take a very long time - years, but you're going to have to wear your big girl panties and go through the healing process. It won't be easy, but you know you can do it with some time on your side. 🌹
The worst break-up I had was two weeks before the marriage in my 20s, and I don't think the adage that time heals everything applied in that case. I could very well imagine an alternate life all drunk and still hung up on what could have been as my greatest of all dreams came crumbling down rather than having fallen in love a second time and being happily married now.
I spent almost a whole year letting time pass while trying to absorb myself in my work and distract myself and it wasn't really helping. Every idle moment I'd still think about her and miss her. That one took a very conscious effort to fix and while I no longer miss that ex, the drinking habits I picked up during the heartbreak are still something that lingers now (I'm trying to get over that).
So after a year I realized what I was doing wasn't working so I made a more active effort towards recovery. For that, I revisited old interests, tried things I always wanted to try but never did, made all sorts of new friends, went camping with them, traveled to new countries, moved out of the place where my ex and I lived together since it constantly reminded me of her along with the surrounding streets where we always walked together, etc.
Then, while I sort of had to force myself initially, I found myself waking up one day not thinking about her and too excited about what I wanted to do that day. That's when I finally started to recover as I see it. I say started though. It still took a lot more time and effort before I moved on, and I never really moved on in a sense like I became my old self. It was more like I let my old self die and embrace becoming someone else.
One thing that helped me personally was making music. I'm not much of a musician but I used to be forced into writing songs for video games I developed in my childhood lacking the resources to hire a proper one. So I revisited making music and while I was still horrible at it, it allowed me to express certain thoughts and emotions I couldn't so well with words, and I was waking up excited to record a new little song "doodles" on my MIDI keyboard like so: https://voca.ro/1fLo5LUFDJ8H
I recorded this one while I was in the midst of being all broken-hearted. It sounds a bit whiny and cringe to me in retrospect and I used these free string soundfonts which don't sound very good but sort of captured the way I was feeling at the time all sad but trying to be optimistic at the same time: https://voca.ro/1bzkd1VjQsVl
Honestly I have never been with anyone I was not good enough for, they just proved themselves not good enough for me.
I can't honestly say I have had my heart broken, but then I deal with lose very well. I guess in 7th grade I had a girl friend that broke up with me and then started dating someone else the next day. My feelings were hurt, but I was not heart broken, I was upset. Same thing happened to me when I was 16, I had a girl friend tried to have sex with her and won't. Then a week later she broke up with and had sex with a friend of mine. Again I was not heartbroken, but I was pissed.
I was married for 20 years, and my wife filed for divorce... but it wasn't a good marriage and I had fallen out of love with her a long time ago. I wasn't heartbroken, I was relieves that it was finally over.
Since then I have date 16 different women and 15 of them never worked out, but I was not heartbroken... just every one of them from 7th grade was never about me or them being good enough. Well my ex-wife definitely proved she was not good enough for me. ;-)
The last time I had my heart broken was in June of 1982. I finished my education started working as an Engineer and married my job. From that date going forward, I keep females at arm's length. I spend lots of time with females. I just don't allow them into the innermost area of my heart. However, during that time I lost close to 40 pounds. Almost flunked out of school and came very close to losing my job. Honesty, I tied a knot at the end of that rope and hung on. Now allow me to tell you something that makes me sound like a sociopath! About 5 to 6 months later I was sitting near where the students hung out on a Saturday early afternoon. The song below
started playing. I can now quote those lyrics from memory! I will just say this. The day I discovered I had been dumped I almost went bat shit crazy! All my reactions over these past almost 40 years are a direct result of knowing if this ever happened again I would not survive. I almost did not survive back in 1982. Please understand I don't hate women. I love women. I just don't allow them access to my heart!
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Anonymous
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I just accepted it and learned to be good by myself. I've gotten nothing but pain from my past relationships. Pain, abuse and bills.
When I get lonely I think of the times I would come home after a double shift, clean the mess, make dinner, hear the complaining and sleep maybe two hours before going back to work.
Everything was my fault, my responsibility, my job, my bills. Nothing I did was good enough, my self esteem was reduced a little each day till the only thing I looked forward to was my own end. And when she dumped me and moved on in a heartbeat I blamed myself and waited years for her to return. I picked myself up, got a new house another degree a better job. Tried dating again but realized the unequal and misandrus dating world had gotten even worse, a billionaire superman wouldn't qualify most men for a decent online date and women are completely unapproachable wis "lists" of absurd requirements like an HR dept with far to many resumes. Like most men I know , I walked away from an impossible situation.
1) Love for family and friends - The people that will never let you down
2) People you date - Those you give your heart to
3) Ex's and those who either never meant anything to you, or that have hurt you.
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The first is self explanatory.
The second you should give yourself to with all your heart because that is what you should expect back.
The third is where is becomes tricky, takes some learning and honing your skills over time. OK so how do you do it? Well once someone hurts you and you have made the decision they will never hurt you again, you can do it one of two ways. 1) You can convince yourself you are better off without them, learn to hate them and think about all the horrible things they did to you. Whilst it is a viable route, I prefer route number 2. 2). You can think about all the good things you had with that person, all the positives and ignore the bad times. Then merely look for someone else without taking forward any baggage to the next relationship and start again until you find the right one. You see, even bad relationships contain wonderful memories, but that is all they should be to you.. just a memory.
Slits if experience here being single as a male… and seeing lots of older single women around over the years.
Suffer the loss… learn what you can about yourself and what happened… face it with courage to overcome. Work in your heart and self issues you want to change. Do the things that bring you joy and emotional and physical heslth. Take in some new challenges to grow. When you are healthy again… be available and try again.
Do not run to another to fill the void.
I’ve seen many including myself establish long term relationships much older than you. A family nember got married at 37 and having baby now which is what she wanted… from ld relationship. You gotta be in a good place mentally… put yourself out there… choose well… and hope for best.
maybe, then become "mother teresa". I said the same... and I put it on myself. you'd be surprised when things happen they happen. I just got married first time last week. I failed miserably for decades... it was my fault, I ignored my issues for too long. It does suck to be in "that place" though, especially at your age. Love yourself first, be best you, that's what you own. lots of lonely guys out on this site and in the world. Being sobby miserable is an instant turnoff no matter how you look. fix that. seriously, seek " Christ", that's one path that helped me... not an instant fix, much work to do inside. if don't like that one, pick another. Change... any positive change, is better than the same ol'.
I’d rather be single than continuously find myself hurt though. I don’t believe there is someone for everyone and that everyone will find their happiness. You got lucky
that's fair enough, some cannot take the pain and are more sensitive. we had to work like heck to succeed, with lots of struggle and pain and learning on each side over the years. If you want easy, stay single... get a pet. If you want to succeed with a man and kids, plan to work and learn. life is a lot of hard work, only those who face it with courage to grow and try again succeed. that's just how it is.
You've spoken truth. And for a more sensitive person, even more so as we are not all with the same gifts. As the tiniest seed brings forth the largest of trees, so does a small amount of courage and hope bare great fruits in your life.
Your supposed to cry. I know it sounds dumb coming from a girl. but our bodies CRY for a reason. When you cry , your body releases stressors through the tears.
( if you pretend to be a badass and not allow to cry, it’ll only hurt more)
After you cry And released those stress hormones or chemicals , your brain naturally assess the situation and rewires itself. Causing the pain to lessen and allowing you to move on faster.
Cry as much as you need. Cry in private. Ask for days off. Go to the bathroom. Go to your room. Go for a walk all alone. It might take months depending the type of pain and the type of person you are. Just do what your body is asking for.
And soon enough you’ll be able to get back on the horse. Remove reminders, and try to at least get laid casually with a couple people.
Ouch! I’m sorry your heart got broken. It will heal. Take whatever time you need to feel all of those feels. Cry it out. Scream it out. Dance your ass off to some of your favourite music. Sweat it out. Show yourself a little loving kindness.
Just don’t wallow. Don’t drink too much, smoke too much, distract yourself too much. There is soooo much opportunity for growth right now. Don’t shy away from it. After it stops hurting too much, get curious. The last time my heart was broken, I realized that I gave it away like a gift that really should have been earned. We all want to feel love and closeness. It’s an amazing feeling. So, start with loving you. Surround yourself with people who love you. Resist negative talk about yourself or your ex. It doesn’t matter anymore. Just the lesson you’re meant to learn. This is a good thing. It just sucks ass right now💖
I had my heart broken before and severely crushed another time, the main thing that worked for me is trusting the process of letting your wounds heal through time and healthy solutions. Solutions as picking up a hobby, trying something new, setting goals, spending time with people who care about you, etc. The way I approach my pain is acknowledging that I am in pain and I will get through this because I’m a warrior at my core. I’ve been involved in martial arts since I was 16 and fighting internal battles/ being introspective is kind of my familiar territory.
Find your own path forward and love yourself because the simple fact you’re attempting to heal means you deserve happiness
It's different for everyone but I just cried a lot to get it out of my system. But also did a lot of stuff to distract myself. In the end I gave myself a pep talk. Something along the lines of I can do better and he didn't deserve me. Now I don't post a lot in my social media but I felt confident and posted something. I felt like i was readt to step into the world again. Also blocking also helped a lot. Reaching out to friends was also nice. I felt very confident and told my friends that too, from then I knew I was over with him. It took a month for this whole thing by the way... but again everyone takes a different path.
I have gotten my heart broken so many times. A lot of the time I got very depressed that I don't even want to get out of bed. But you have to get yourself out of bed, shower, go to work. Even if you have to take a few days off for your mental health. Get involved in activities. For me it was Airsoft and horseback riding. I did a lot of art as well. It's okay not to want to see family and friends at the moment. But eventually go out with your friends and family. They helped more than you know at least mine did. I suffer from really high anxiety I saw a counsellor. I got medication. And when I was ready I went back on Tinder. Went on some dates for every year so before I met my current boyfriend. And now we've been together for almost a year. Also writing added Journal help me a lot. Keep your head up. You just haven't met the right guy yet. I thought I was in love before but I'm extremely in love now
There's your first mistake. You are good enough. Don't beat yourself up thinking you aren't. I think you could benefit from learning to love yourself more and have some self compassion 💖 there will be someone out there who will love you for you and treat you amazingly
Difficult to have self compassion when you grew up in a physically and verbally abusive household. Self love isn’t something I’m ever going to find easy.
I think self love and self compassion are different. Self compassion is giving yourself permission to understand yourself and empathize with your situation and to accept that things haven't been easy. To give yoursel compassion is to be easy on yourself and not follow along with everybo else who's beating you up mentally/emotionally/physically because that's what we end up doing. We think they're right eventually when we're abused enough and we begin to believe that's what we deserve.. I grew up in an abusive environment as well. My mom literally beat the shit out of me daily almost killing me on two occasions. Laying in a puddle of blood in the basement unconscious.. and her pervert boyfriends would hit on me from the time I was 12-18 which she would punish me for because clearly I was "doing something to entice them". It took me a long time to realize it wasn't me and that I was surrounded by abusive people. I'm sorry you're going through a tough time and I hope things look up for you. I hope you can slowly learn to love yourself no matter how hard it is and realize you deserve love and respect. Take care
I dealt with a divorce with a narcissist, I almost lose myself in it but God has been used me to use my story to healed others who been to domestic violence situation as myself. My ex husband manipulate the system including my lawyers, I believe he payed my lawyers to not fighting for me. I dealt with so much injustice , but the best of the best is I am in peace with myself and out of it. If you reading this post and dealing with the worst in your life right now, please don't give up. Just call on god and he will be there for you as long that you have faith and patience.
Ah girl. Im so sorry. I don’t know if it’s in me to get my heartbroken again. I would say the first thing to do is to stop saying I wasn’t good enough for that person. Just address your wants and needs in a relationship and accept that person was not it. It’s not you.
Also it really depends on the relationship - how invested you were, how serious it was, how long it lasted. For me personally, I can move on quite easy from a guy I’ve just been dating for a couple of months. I just accept that they’re not what I’m looking for (and vice versa) and move on. I’m a bit logical with that.
Now I have had my heart broken in a very deep way where it was someone I was going to marry, and we had planned our entire lives together and I just couldn’t see myself with anybody else but him. I’d say the only way I got over that was by investing all that energy from the heartbreak into myself. And also taking it one day at a time.
It’s ok!! He cheated. Long distance relationship cause of covid and he was sleeping with someone else the entire time. Men can be ruthless!! (Some men). He literally messaged me every morning and night with hearts and I love yous while he had a girl in his bed 😨
@alyssa_11 sad from one side but on the other side it was good to know that he's a cheater and he never deserved you, god works for what is the best for us and princess rapunzel deserves a man who will truly love only her forever and no one else and when he sends her heart and the i love you quote than he must really mean it and he's truly alone and waiting his princess to come down from this high rising tower 😁
@TonyMetal___86 Thank you!! I am also in an odd way glad that Covid happened and we had to be long distance for a few months. It brought out his true colours before I actually married him. Would've been a disaster if I found out who he really was after marriage.
@sensible27 Thank you! I totally agree :) Things happen, that's life. But we can always move on from it :D
@alyssa_11 that's true miss alyssa rapunzel, a total disaster if it happened after marriage!
Anyways be sure that he will receive his punishment someday for hurtong you're feelings...
People should learn to never be in a relationship if they can't committ to one person or tell them from the beginning that you're simply not searching for a serious relationship and that you just want to spend some fun time and play and that nothing is serious!
In a marriage we shouldn't wait for the laws or anything to protect us, the laws must be in our heads and knowing that god i always there watching us!
No matter where you are, with laws or no laws, of you're married than you will be always married and committed only towards you're spouse...
@TonyMetal___86 Yes I guess he thought I'd never find out because I wasn't physically with him. Regardless the truth always comes out and like you said we should be committed when we tell someone we're going to be.
@alyssa_11 even if you're not going to find out, he must be loyal and stay that way...
Personally if i was married, i'll never cheat even if my wife isen't able to find out at all, i won't do it because 1st it's a sin, 2nd if my wife didn't knew but god knew it and saw it, 3rd and finally i won't be comfortable at all and feel like a scum, also will ask myself if the roles were reversed, will i accept it?
Thank god i'm a loyal man and when i love a girl, i'll be 100% committed to her and she will be more than enough for me as she will be the only female on earth for me 😌
But I totally agree. If even the person doesn’t find out, how can you feel good doing something knowing that your partner wouldn’t approve. It feels rubbish.
@alyssa_11 very true miss alyssa rapunzel and when we are loyal and faithfull we will feel happy because we are doing the right thing 😌
I don't even understand how come such douche say to a girl i love you while he's already in bed with another girl...
He thinks that he's a gigolo and can have any girl on her knees waiting for him but soon will end up in a trash bin no one caring about him!
I'm glad that you found out because i never want to see you in pain or hurt...
Princess rapunzel will only be happy and receives love and care the way she gives them to others BUT still it's hard to climb that tower without getting help using her magical long hair 😂😂
But to be honest, I’m sure you know, some men can be quite conceited and self centred. He was one of them. Couldn’t believe when I broke up with him and I was rejecting him. Thinks he can get any girl he wants 🙄
Since You've said, "Once again," maybe you should talk t his out with a therapist to see why you've chosen people who don't seem to be appropriate, or who treat you poorly. Might be a pattern that you keep repeating that has some basis in your family of origin and you need to break this pattern.
The first time when that happened, I wanted to be alone but a friend of mine literally forced me to race him on NFS Underground 2 in LAN mode (hamachi). I realize now he did that to distract me, altough I remember racing him didn't do much good since I know this game by heart and while racing him as a reflex, my mind was somewhere else (guess where). After the second heartbreak I already had "built" a habit of playing games as a distraction. Nowadays I don't suffer from heartbreaks bc I developed a way to prevent myself from falling in love, so now gaming is just for fun. Altough I'm pretty sure my method would crumble with a roar, if I ever met Melissa in person... :D
Embrace people as a commodity and treat relationships as bank accounts.
When my last ex broke off a perfectly good relationship, I'd completely embraced disposability, then got over her in 3 days, a ways down from 6 years of some priors. Someone who you've invested very little into is suddenly gone, but you can live just fine without them. Diversify your portfolio, treat love like a business, then you never have much to lose when you're properly managing your heart.
I'm not talking outright money here, I mean every interaction is a transaction, and you must be mindful about whether that transaction ends with you richer or poorer. Putting a number on a relationship enables you to compare your interactions with one or another person, and this helps identify who is more or less valuable to you.
The only thing I can suggest when your heart is surprisingly broken from a breakup is to just take everything as it comes deal with it honestly and express yourself as much as you possibly can to the one who has broken your heart that doesn't always work because they are not willing or emotionally ready to hear what you have to say if you feel that you have something that was real you must respect the fact that they have been going through an emotional tumultuous situation as well. Good luck in your healing, I feel better.
Change my gym routine (gyming and keeping in great shape is absolutely necessary) . Try a new activity. Get onto a new diet. Make more friends. Dress better. Get a new haircut. Meditate more. Greet more and smile more to strangers. Be more spiritual. Be more mindful. Do more good things for people.
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