Should I attend an ex's wedding?

[Anonymous]

We were together when we were teenagers, for a little less than 5 years. Without going into many details, she broke it off with me. I learned later she was cheating when we were together. I confronted her about it, she denied, even though I had proof, citing that what we had was just a teenage "phase". We have not been on speaking terms since.

I had a major depression after that. It took me 3 years to recover from it. I haven't tried dating anyone else since, because I didn't believe I was ready.

Our families are close and were not aware of us dating. We both come from strictly religious families and we were not allowed to date anyone.

Anyways, she's getting married in June. My entire family (including me) received an invitation. I do not know if I should go or just find an excuse not to go.

I don't want to go because I still am bitter about what happened. Besides, I have seen pictures of her with her fiancé. They look happy, and I get slightly sad while looking at them (not necessarily because I am jealous of the guy, but rather because I am jealous of the fact that she gets the happy ending after what she did).

That being said, we broke up almost 5 years ago. Maybe it is time for me to burry the hatchet. My two sister, who are the only ones in my family who know about us have differing opinions. My big sister thinks I shouldn't go, my little sister thinks I should.

What do you think?

[NotYourCinderella]

You don't have to go if you don't want to. Do you work full-time? Try get extra work around the time of the wedding and say to your family 'I couldn't get time off of work and was so busy, but send my regards" and come up with some bs lol. You're an adult, you get to decide what you want to do. Your family doesn't have to know the why? Who? What? It's your personal life. I do hope you're looking out for you. Therapy is helpful if you can see a good psychologist. I was in a relationship for 4 years with a guy and although no cheating at all happened it was hard when him and I did break up. We broke up August last year, so several months ago. We have a lot of mutual friends and acquaintances shared but even if him and I ended on not bad terms it's still hard the handful of times we have crossed paths and it would be really hard on you. In your case I couldn't imagine how you'd feel and you do need to consider your well-being. With all respect, no one else's views really matter. It's up to you. Be polite and understanding to your family and come up with an excuse why you can't go. After The wedding try and book yourself a nice holiday and travel somewhere for a couple weeks. Get away from it all. Avoid social media. Do what you need to. I'm so sorry to hear you were being cheated on as well. That's horrible and I do hope you're safe and well and caring for yourself.

[globetrotter22]

You can do what you want man. But let’s stick to the facts (and self respect):

1) She cheated on you
2) She didn’t respect you enough to admit it
3) She dumped you.

Yes it happened a long time ago. But as you said above she made zero amends. She never owned up to it because she didn’t respect you.

Honestly it’s quite insulting she sent you (and your entire family) a wedding invitation. Literally sociopathic. Do you really want to see another man kiss her when the pastor says “you may kiss the bride”? Even worse do you want to be there when you are single?

I give you kudos about wanting to “bury the hatchet”. I get it that you want to act tough and resolved on the outside. But wrong is wrong. I would first make sure none of your family members plan to go. Then I would send her a message saying “Hey say so and so. I got your wedding invitation. I want to say congrats to you and your future. However tbh it’s best that I don’t attend. The truth is you never owned up to what you did to me years ago. That did more damage to me than you will ever realize and the fact you never admitted it did more damage to me than you will ever realize. I didn’t appreciate that. So while I can forgive you I also have the self respect to go about my own life. Anyway congrats on getting married. Farewell”.

Leave it at that. I promise you that will let it sink in a bit on her and she needs that.

[globetrotter22]

Oh one other thing “ Our families are close and were not aware of us dating”. Ah that makes me question all of this more now. How can you hide this from your family for 5 years?

[Asker]

They knew we were close. They did suspect something, often cornering both of us and asking for clarification. We always denied, fearing the consequences. So they knew we were super close, without knowing we were actually dating

[globetrotter22]

You were close to her and yet you never got closure.

Stand your ground and respect yourself. This is will be your only opportunity to send her message about how you really feel given she contacted you first via the wedding invitation.

Make it clear that you congratulate her on what she has but at the same time tell her you didn’t appreciate what she did (and worse how she lied about it). You will never get another opportunity to get closure with her. Trust me it’s worth the confrontation.

[globetrotter22]

Also women conveniently use “oh it happened a long time ago” bs all the turn when they screw guys over. Yet they all have very long memories themselves when the shoe is on the other foot. I don’t blame you for having a grudge considering what she did. Time doesn’t make it magically go away like she hopes it does. Especially since she never owned up to.

[Guy13]

How about pray 🙏 on it. Open the Bible and see what happens? What does a wise Christian look like❓ One who accuses, confesses, repents, forgives, and takes the face slapping through the Grace (receiving what is undeserved) of Jesus the Christ…And therefrom extending Mercy (not getting what is deserved)…not getting a”No Show” from you which is what she deserves...

[DermalPunch]

It doesn't matter what we think. Can you handle it? If I take your account of how things went down as 100% truth, this is a woman who likes a lot of attention and lacks empathy. She may fool people into coming off as being the mature person who can be cordial with everyone but your presence is really to feed her ego and her need to feel irresistible. I would never invite my exes family to my wedding. I find it cruel. Especially since things ended so acrimoniously and she seemed rather flippant and glib about it. She's his problem now.

Also, a bit manipulative to invite your whole family. Sort of pressuring in you to come because you will look like the sour puss who can't let go or that you are bitter and immature. If she wants to paint that picture/false narrative let her.

The truly happy person is the one who doesn't give a you know what and doesn't feel the need to present a picture of reality.

Do what is best for you!

On the flip side, you may meet your wife over there and just have a good time. You don't need to even talk to her. Just please don't get all obliterated and act like an ass if you do go. Oh and also look beyond amazing if you do decide to attend.

[OlderAndWiser]

How would this this benefit you? To me, the answer is an obvious "no."

[Alyssa_11]

First of all I’m very sorry you went through that and that it took you three years to recover. Cheating is very emotionally damaging and I’ve also been cheated on. I can’t imagine being invited to my ex’s wedding it will crush me because like you said, it’s not about the jealousy, it’s about them getting the happy ending when they literally broke us. And to put yourself back together after that... it’s tough. But well done for getting through.


But you know what, in life, you reap what you sow. Karma is a bitch and what goes around comes around.


If I were you, I would not attend. She hurt you, wasn’t accountable for it and does not deserve a good person like you in her life let alone to be there for her on the day of her stupid wedding. It’s also about dignity. My basic dignity wouldn’t allow me to go.

[TonyMetal___86]

Well said!

[Alyssa_11]

Thanks!

[TonyMetal___86]

You're welcome

[Anonymous]

Nope. The only people who should go to a wedding are those that are genuinely happy for the bride and groom and YOU UNDERSTANDIBLY don't have to be that given the circumstance whether it's been 5 years or not. Rest assured, I hope you believe yourself when you say, it's not a jealousy thing, because it's not. She burned you in the worst way and it's okay to know that you're done with this toxic person and no longer want to see them again. You can forgive, but that doesn't mean you need to be there to be any part of her life.

[proNutro]

That’s your choice to make but if it was me I wouldn’t, even if things were ended on good terms. If I were in your shoes it would just be odd.
in my opinion weddings are meant to be intimate, close family and people you’re close to, to share the moment with, I’d feel out of place. Now I know a lot of people aren’t with the whole intimate thing and will invite all friends and all family and are fine with it. Again, up to you but I wouldn’t

[TrueConfection]

Find an excuse not to go. It will be hard to appear chipper and happy. It'll be awkward for both of you as well.

You need a good excuse. Find something to do. Don't claim you feel under the weather.

[Needadvice1202]

Don't go even if you have recovered from the relationship it's going to remind you of past memories it will probably hit so hard on the day and it might even lead to depression

[Brokenheartedx]

Nah, respond with I've better things to do with my time. Let's be honest not many men like going to weddings if it's not friends or family. And seeing as she's neither don't be obliged to go. The past is past why dwell in it.

[lrina]

why tf would you even want to attend her wedding? she ended up being a bitch who had no respect for you, that's just self demeaning to even think of attending her wedding.

[Gigi2019]

I wouldn't. Again, it depends on how you view your past, romantic relationships, how those relationships ended, and how your current significant other feels about it.

[megabamse]

If you are not "friends" then don't go. I got a few ex's that I'm good friends with, and i would go to their wedding. The rest i would not go even if i was invited.

[AviatorTom]

If you're uncomfortable about going, then don't go. People go to weddings to celebrate the newly married couple. From what you say, you wouldn't be doing that.

[Hal2002]

If you don't want to go, don't go. If this is going to cause you pain and stress, why would you go and do that to yourself.

[huzail]

I read your complete details. It's look you are Muslim and belong to Asia like Pakistan or Bangladesh. Well same thing happened with me. I suggest you don't go and move on.. this is your past focus on your future

[Asker]

Good guess

[JustinTheGreat]

nah, I feel like going would just be awkward. It would probably just cause you to hurt more. The fact that she invited you is strange to me to begin with.
I would ignore the invitation

[exitseven]

No, if you go it will not give you any peace of mind and will only bring back all the bad memories. Make up a good excuse not to go and stick to it. Try to do something fun that day.

[MarkRet]

She never tried to talk to you after the breakup, so you should just move on and not go. You probably wouldn't be happy there anyway.

[douride2]

The bigger question here is after all this why would you even want to go? I wouldn't go to an exes wedding.

[globetrotter22]

I know his type. I think he was raised by a domineering family that has taught him to kiss woman’s asses. It’s a f*cked psychology.

[Kiran_Yagami]

Why not? Weddings are ground zero for desperate single women. He can get laid there right under her nose.

[globetrotter22]

@Kiran_Yagami wedding crashes. Yes yes. But let’s be real. Does sound like the type of guy who is going to be confident and upbeat considering whose wedding it is? Chances are he will go home alone knowing some other guys is banging his ex that night. Sounds like a nightmare incarnate for him.

BUT if he managed to somehow miraculously bring a hot date with him (who will show him affection the entire time) that might be really satisfying.

[Alyssa_11]

It’s because they’re family friends guy the invite wasn’t directed to him specifically and his family probably expect him to go

[globetrotter22]

@Alyssa_11 I don’t envy his position. But he’s also a grown man. He can make the decision not to go.

But this whole thing with him keeping a 5 year relationship under wraps is weird and far fetched tbh. She probably saw it as friends with benefits.

[Alyssa_11]

@globetrotter22 I guess coming from a somewhat traditional Middle Eastern family I can see his side to the story.

[Kiran_Yagami]

@globetrotter22 You don't have to crash a wedding to bang a bride's maid. Crashing implies you are intruding. He's not intruding. He was invited. He can act the good wedding guest and still get his rocks off.

[globetrotter22]

@Kiran_Yagami does he seem like to pull it off? Not knocking on this guy. I feel bad for him. But for real I don’t see him being on his A game all considered.

He’s got a hang up and for good reason. Some guys are better at handling that bs then others. Plus he’s single which makes it even worse.

If he can manage to bring a hot date then go. If not I think he should take this as an opportunity to politely but directly tell her (in an email or something) best of luck but he didn’t appreciate what she did. It least he can get that off his chest and THAT will help him bury the hatchet.

[globetrotter22]

@Alyssa_11 he’s in a bad predicament for sure. He didn’t say if any of his family members are planning on going. If they are then he needs to think of a different excuse.

But if I were him I would use this as an opportunity to email her directly, tell her congrats but also say he didn’t appreciate what she did to him. That will help him move on. That will help him bury the hatchet. That would be self respect.

[Flower7]

Don’t go. There is absolutely no reason for you to be there.

[Drumlin2001]

Steer well clear. If any one asks just say you don't give your time to negative influences on your life and they should ask her why.

[Anonymous]

why would this dumb girl send a wedding invitation to her ex? i'd say burn it, move forward. she's just showing off.

[Opinion Owner]

you also don't need an excuse. ignore.