Attending a wedding soon — I’m MoH and my ex is BM. Suggestions? (See details.)?

[Anonymous]

My ex and I have a long college sweetheart relationship, but we parted ways because of diverging career paths (and some really needless jealousy issues on his part since everyone knew I was 100% committed to him, but I’m in an industry that’s very male-dominant). His attitude was really confusing because he went into an industry that stroked his ego and allowed women to be flinging themselves at him all the time but I knew to trust him… he should have done the same….

Anyway, now this wedding. I’ve tried to wiggle my way out of it, but it’s our mutual best friend’s wedding so we’re “stuck”. Any good tips on how to avoid letting him make a scene?

P. S.: I’m on the fence about bringing a date. Everyone at this thing knows me and knows I’m single.

[OlderAndWiser]

You can't prevent him from making a scene but you don't need to respond to any craziness that might come from him. Take a date; it may discourage him from starting anything, and it sends the signal that you have moved on with your life.

[Asker]

That’s what my friend’s fiancée (the bride) said. She suggested to have someone with me in case I feel uncomfortable. She doesn’t want me to be alone. Everyone knows how the BM guy gets. He has a few drinks and starts talking smack about our past and how we should still be together and acts as though it was somehow my fault he gets crazy if a guy so much as looked in my direction. I’m really dreading seeing him. :(

[OlderAndWiser]

How soon is the wedding? The only way to avoid this is to not attend but that leaves the bride in the lurch and leaves her paying the price for your failed relationship; I'm sure that is not what you want.

[Asker]

Two weeks. She’s not really in the lurch. There are a zillion bridesmaids. I’m MoH because the groom has been my closest friend since college. I’ve already helped her with everything down to the gifts everyone gets as they leave.

[OlderAndWiser]

Is it important enough for you to miss the wedding and possibly creating some resentment by the bride?

[Asker]

She’s not a close personal friend. I’m friends with the groom.

If I miss the wedding I’m sure they’d both understand.

[Asker]

Would the groom be upset is the question — I’ve known him forever.

He probably wants to avoid a scene on his day, no?

[OtterMan68]

you can't control him, so I'd not go out of my way to try to stop him from doing anything as it may make both of you look bad. Just do your best to support the bride and groom and worry about your role as MoH. His behavior is not your problem nor you job

[Asker]

Yeah. I have no intention of trying to control him. He’s rather unhinged in his perspective — and loud about that perspective.

MoH hat has been on for months and there’s nothing more to worry about other than the day itself, which is in a couple of weeks. I’d just rather not be anywhere around him is what I mean. Perhaps an invisibility cloak. 😂

[HelpfulWoman]

no date, just focus on the friend and her day and give basic but civil responses if he talks to you, and excuse yourself if he tries to make a conversation anything longer

[Asker]

That’s the plan now. Hopefully that’s good enough!

[rosemilk]

i mean, just act civil. this is your friends day, so just focus on that.

[Asker]

Trying!!! It’s why I planned everything our way in advance that the bride could possibly need. She actually understands the situation in a way that my friend (the groom) seems to be ignoring or something because he’s close to me and to the BM.

Perhaps I wouldn’t be freaking out if the guy didn’t have a track record of making things unpleasant for me at events.

[rosemilk]

i get that. well at least it's only for the day, so just have to get through that day

[Asker]

Thanks. Yeah, I’m still worried, but I’m very confident that the bride has everything she needs for the big day — she looks awesome, I set her up with spa stuff, etc. so happy she’s marrying my BFF.

[RedInnocent69]

It seems your relationship was close enough that you should be fine. I wouldn’t go out of my way to bring a date - it’s about your friend, not you, or proving something to your ex - unless you’re already seeing someone, then absolutely. You never know, he might not bring anyone and the two of you hook up, or at least share a laugh.

[Asker]

Thanks. Yeah. I don’t want to go fishing for a date either. My best friend’s getting married — the girl is really nice and we had such fun planning everything. I just am not looking forward to the scene I know the guy will make.

[Asker]

I’m not trying to prove anything to anyone, I just want the guy to leave me in peace. The last few events he made a scene.

[In_Trance]

you're too old for this crap. look after your business and get on with it

[Asker]

Lol. That’s what I told the groom. We all went to college together, so it is what it is.

[strateguy632]

go to the wedding he won't make a scene at a wedding

[Asker]

I hope not. He always does. You want to come use that Jedi mind trick on him? Lol

[exitseven]

Dont have sex with this guy.

[Asker]

Hahaha. Definitely not. There isn’t enough alcohol in the world.