What do you do when you feel like you always just have to “be okay” even when your not okay?

[Anonymous]

I might be crazy to admit this but sometimes I randomly think about my ex. He ghosted me and got with another girl, he made me believe I was worthless at one point. I wanted to be strong enough to never believe that about myself again so I did everything in my power to heal. I didn’t even accept him back when he asked for forgiveness over a year ago nor did I entertain a conversation. I tried to find love again but it never quite felt the same-the feeing of connection wasn't there with other men. But I guess I didn’t realize that the root of the problem wasn’t him. Because I started to wonder why I can’t stop reminiscing on my first love. And I’m realizing for the first time in years that even though he was the worst thing to ever happen to me, being around him was the last time I actually felt seen, or loved-even if it was just pretend. I tried to look for love in the “I’m right places”, through family or god. I prayed so much and I sometimes I feel like nobody’s listening because it seems like things just keep going wrong. It doesn’t feel like my family cares about me. I thought I could sustain that sense of strength for the rest of my life but I can’t help but wonder why I always just have to be okay? Why can’t I just not be okay and have somebody there? When I need somebody to love me it always HAS to be me. I always need to be my own person. But even though self love is what I truly believed god wanted me to learn from that heartbreak, my self love doesn’t seem like enough to break me away from wondering why is it so wrong for me to want somebody to care about me? For some reason this particular ex is the only one who I have this fantasy about, that we could have lasted and that I never would have started on the path to “sucking it up” whenever I felt unloved. It’s like a part of me always wished that I could live a lie because the truth is painful, especially when you wish it was different. I sometimes wish I could believe somebody loved me and it just be true

[melanieeeB]

Well it's okay to not be okay, let it out and maybe also have a conversation with your family and explain them how they make you feel
But also like yes it's okay to not be okay, let it all out, write a journal, feel your emotions for a while but don't stay there. Life does go on and you shouldn't beat yourself up, jsut cause you haven't found someone new yet, it's really not that important.
Also I find friends can be great people to be there for you when needed. So talk to your friends or try finding new good friendships

[Asker]

I try to talk to my family but whenever I mention why I feel this way they say I’m dwelling on the past but not acknowledging the hurt I went through with them. Like I’m always there for them and nobody would be there for me when I needed them. I’m getting ready to be evicted even though I allowed family members to stay with me constantly, I always paid the bills by myself, nobody checks on me to see how I feel or if I’m okay, when I date guys just don’t understand me, and my friends are there but they are too busy. I just feel like I get this lonely feeling and even though it’s weird I find it soothing to imagine my life where I would be happy and the guy I mentioned was the last time I felt happy right before he ghosted me. I feel like it’s just a fantasy to soothe my nerves because he did try to reconcile and I didn’t want to and I didn’t ever regret that decision. Just because I think about it doesn’t mean I would EVER try to make it reality I know it’s not a possibility. But I like to remember what “love” feels like it’s lacking so much in my life. And I think your right. I can’t stay here. I just feel like without my coping mechanisms for my depression I might sink even deeper into it. Like I feel so lonely sometimes even though I have people around it’s not enough. But I am listening I hear your advice and I think it does seem like the right way to handle things

[melnc]

Just because someone went through your life doesn't mean you stop living your life. If you can’t control the situation, control your effort. Work through it. Do your best. Control how you show up rather than trying to control the situation. Life is happening for you, not to you.

[Anonymous]

You do your best to cope till it all passes.